Amber Peat

[Ringsender2]

Just read an article about Amber Peat and found it so utterly saddening. Complete emotional abuse and so severe that she felt she only had one way to stop it continuing. Horrific.

And so sad to know that she is likely to be one of thousands of even tens of thousands of kids experiencing this inadequate and sadistic parenting.

Emotional abuse is now recognised as a crime between partners. It should have been something that raised flags with teachers (which it did) such that they felt they could get her some help. Is there a gap in child protection procedures, or was this another sad safeguarding failure?

This kind of neglect and emotional abuse is particularly hard to report as well, as a teacher or concerned adult. What can you say? They have too many chores? They don’t smile? They never have a happy memory.

I was looking to see if there was a thread on her earlier. Such a tragic story, her home life sounds very sad. Another woman seemingly putting the demands of a man ahead of her daughter. I hope they are thoroughly ashamed.

I had highly critical parents who basically used me as a free cleaner and child care provider. Lots of violence too and I was scared of my mother in particular. I relate hugely to the accounts of this poor girls life, the not wanting to go home after school. I remember how desperate and sad I felt and yes I considered suicide. So so sad. This story has really stayed with me. For a child of 13 to be so desperate and scared that they'd rather die than go home is just so desperately sad I can hardly find the words.

There was a bit in one of the articles describing the events of the evening Amber took her life saying that she'd tried to get her mother's attention but her mother closed the door on her and left her alone in the hallway. After that, the door slammed and the family didn't bother to go after her.

Just the thought of that poor little girl alone in that hallway and the agony she was going through inside haunts me. I had a hard time growing up, there was emotional and physical abuse. School holidays were hard as it was day after day of being told I was useless, stupid, smart ass, little bitch, c word at times and hit. One Easter holiday when I was 8 I nearly broke. At that age there's no where you can go and no one to tell...you've only got one home and your parents. Somehow, I managed to cling on to the idea that one day I'd be grown up and I'd live life on my own terms but I did consider hurting myself too. I can see how this happened and my heart breaks for her.

Her pictures look so sad, and she was such a pretty girl. God knows what she went through everyday of her life. And all over "taking some Cherryade without asking" FFS. For that, she was told she'd be hit by her stepfather, made to eat just sandwiches whilst her family enjoyed nice food, forced to clean out the cool box from the holiday and was taken to her step-grandmother's and forced to sit in a chair in a corner and have no one talked to her. Then when she was trying to talk to her mother she had the door slammed in her face while the rest of the family all went on as normal. After she left they buggered off to Tesco, did a food shop, had their dinner and didn't bother raising an alarm for 8 hours. By which time she was most likely dead.

The step-father comes across as a nasty piece of work certainly but the mother comes across as a psychopath. Totally void of all emotion.

I can't stop thinking about this poor child. RIP Amber, I really hope you are in a happier place.

carol and shady

I read the bit more information in the news yesterday. Heartbreaking.

I was also a child who was emotionally and physically abused. Singled out. Made to do chores. Treated differently to my siblings. Wanted to die. Tried to die many times. It shaped me as a person and the low self esteem and low confidence has never left me despite over achieving in every aspect of my adult life. I am so so sad about this story. I could have been her but just couldn't figure out a way to kill myself properly. I'm so glad my attempts all failed and were all pretty poor. I'm also upset that 30 years on schools and care organisations are still missing these children. I used to long for my teachers to notice.

Her parents sound absolutely awful.

The fact that they chose to use a photo of her looking sad and sullen on her missing poster is heartbreaking in itself. Almost as if to say, typical Amber, being difficult. Absolutely heartbreaking, rest in peace poor child.

The schools didn’t seem to miss it with Amber, that’s what makes it especially tragic. She actually ran away to school one night and was found by a caretaker, the parents refused to pick her up due to their dog being in labour . Whenever they staged intervention meetings or set up support with outside agencies, Amber’s mum would mysteriously take ill and have to leave the meeting or they’d up sticks and move. They moved 11 times in Amber’s short life. Even her biological father and grandparents weren’t informed of where they’d moved to. Any time the red flags were raised, Mum and partner disappeared with the kids.

I’ve been reading about poor Amber. Her pictures look so sad, the details of her life were even sadder. Apparently she had been banned from celebrating her most recent birthday. I can’t imagine doing that to anyone, let alone a child, ever. It breaks my heart that the poor little thing was already dead by the time her pathetic excuse for parents finally decided to bother reporting her missing.

All sorts of things are put in place for children like this as the school(s?) have shown during the inquest but it must be close to impossible to get to the bottom of any issues when families suddenly move on at a moments notice as they seemed to. I wonder how their other children are doing? I hope they’re ok or as ok as they can be now their sister is gone.

British law is inadequate for this type of crime.
Those bullies were responsible for her death and there punishment should reflect that fact.
Hopefully some proper justice will be administered by other means.

British law is inadequate for this type of crime

At the moment this is an inquest. Her mother and stepfather have not yet been charged with anything and remain innocent until proven guilty. If they are convicted of, say, manslaughter they will probably be facing a very long time in jail.

Hopefully some proper justice will be administered by other means

Please do not advocate mob justice. It is never a good idea.

So many alarm bells here that were ignored or not dealt with properly. The stepfather has a history of animal cruelty (left a pet rabbit to die) and has been in prison for tax evasion.

Like PP said it was very tragic the picture they put out when she was missing was her looking so sad.

School realised something was wrong and made the call to the MASH team who told the school to discuss it with the parents ! WTF !!

Again lack of correct recording of information and social workers sat behind desks and too afraid to challenge parents.

Serious Case Review due to be published after inquest.

Will be interesting to see whether any charges of abuse will be forthcoming for the parents.

This case has really got to me. She must have felt so unloved and unimportant to anyone.

It’s heartbreaking how they chose (as PP said) a sad and sullen looking photo for her missing poster, as if they wanted to show the world what she was ‘really like’ in their view.

What happens after the inquest - if the coroner finds the death was unlawful or triggered by someone (a parent), is a case built up and referred for prosecution?

If the verdict is unlawful killing it would usually lead to a police investigation to try and gather the evidence needed to charge someone - note that the inquest does not normally identify who is responsible for the unlawful killing. It is, of course, possible that a police investigation is already under way which could lead to a prosecution regardless of the inquest verdict.

Amber felt comfortable to tell her teacher what was going on but the system let her down.

This is heartbreaking and I am very angry that MASH workers failed to consider the risk when Amber disclosed abuse by a carer to think it was ok to advise teachers to discuss this with the parents !

A total lack of common sense by them and afraid of consequences if protocols of consent aren't adhered to.

Such a heartbreaking story. It’s all coming out now so people must’ve been aware?

Poor girl.

Her parents simply didn't give a shit about her. She apparently wrote letters to her Mum asking for things to go back to how they were and her Mum just laughed. I remember writing letters to my Mum and Dad to try to "make things right" and getting much the same response as this poor child did; mostly being self righteously ignored. 12 and 13 year olds can't "make things right" with adults. My Mum used to get me up to clean late at night too. There's so much being described here that reminds me of my own childhood. This girl and her life is of the most desperately sad things I have ever heard of.

Poor Amber. Her story is so sad. I couldn't understand why MASH advised discussion with the parents when Amber reported abuse from her parents - I have to do child safeguarding training for work and that is one of the things we are advised absolutely NOT to do!

@CarolDanvers

I agree with everything noted here.
The photo the parents choose was appalling and was indicative of their abusive natrue. As if they were holding Amber up to ridicule publicly-
You can tell from the picture Ambers difficult and sullen. We have to put this out so we’ll choose a shit photo so when Amber comes home she’s embarrassed and will know that we weren’t really concerned despite putting up the flyers. And also don’t look too hard, she’s just causing trouble as usual
They scapegoated that poor child and reading about how she was treated and what she endured brought tears to my eyes.

Amber has been failed. The 11 house moves her family made is enough to start an investigation.

I’m glad this has been posted about here because like the other posters I was once this poor girl (and still am inside). I was terrified to open my mouth or do the wrong thing because if I did the verbal abuse and punishments I’d get were awful. I was banished to my room for the whole of Christmas once because I dared point out to my stepdad that he’d eaten nearly my whole bar of chocolate which was a present. My head was shoved underwater because I had a bit of dirt on my neck. I was kicked and thrown out of the house because I annoyed my stepdad by not ‘carrying the hoover properly’. I phoned childline. I was belittled and laughed at and criticised endlessly. I started self harming at about 9, gave up eating at 16. Nobody noticed at home, but the hospital did. I wanted to die. Everything was so bleak. I had nobody.

Amanda’s story has really got me. Bless her heart. I can recognise how she felt from the look in her eyes. Those utter bastards. I hope she gets justice. But she should still be here. RIP poor girl.

Mother and stepfather are now claiming she lied about the reason she wore jogging bottoms to school and the punishments.

How low can these two stoop.

I read that her step-dad moved in and they got engaged after only a few weeks of dating. There are so many red flags with the family. I think it's very hard to believe either her mum or step-dad's versions of events. Poor girl.