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Original poster

Are we wrapping our kids in cotton wool?

70 replies

mumof2monsters · 05/06/2007 10:22

I heard on my local radio station today that in a survey of mothers most of them are reluctant to let their children play outside unsupervised.
I know when I was a child I regularly went out to play for hours before coming home for tea. There were no mobile phones and my parents did not really know exactly where I was or what I was doing.
I used to walk back from a friends house in the dark when I was a teenager and thought nothing of it.
Would I let my DS aged nearly 6 and DD aged nearly 4 play outside unsupervised by an adult? ...probably not. Why are things different today? There must have been sickos around when I was a child back in the 70s. I want my children to have independence and don't want them to feel they have no freedom but not sure i would be comfortable with them playing outside on their own.
What do other mums think?

OP posts:
totaleclipse · 05/06/2007 10:28

I feel exactly the same, we no wrap our kids in cotton wool, I have just started letting ds outside the garden gate to play but he has to stay in sight, he sometimes wonders down the alley at the side of our house, and I tell him off for not being in view, but I hate myself for it because I was gone for hours too at his age, its not that I am worried he will get lost or get up to no good, its weirdos I am worried about and older children bullying.

totaleclipse · 05/06/2007 10:28

we do...............not, we no.

saadia · 05/06/2007 10:32

Maybe we do, but we have to follow our instincts.

Original poster
mumof2monsters · 05/06/2007 10:39

Totally agree. Was speaking to someone recently who said that she was moving to the country as then her children could run around and play in the fields where they would be safe. I did think to myself that the country is not necessarily any safer. Sarah Payne was taken whilst playing in a field.
I am trying hard not to be clingy with my kids and let them have freedom but as they are still young I am happy with them to just play in the back garden where I can see them.

OP posts:
2mum · 05/06/2007 11:02

I do with my 2 but my 2 also have special needs. But even if they didnt i still wouldnt let them out alone until they were a lot older as id never forgive myself if anything happened.

BrothelSprouts · 05/06/2007 11:04

Depends on the area you live, surely?
When I lived in a village all the children played outside unsupervised from school age upwards.
Now we live in a town, that is unpractical and unsafe, so they are accompanied to the park or play at home or at the homes of their friends.

MamaMaiasaura · 05/06/2007 11:05

Perhaps if the parks werent full of broken glass, needles, pissed up teenagers etc parents would be more likely to let their children out to play.

MamaMaiasaura · 05/06/2007 11:06

Agree brothelsprouts. We are actually looking to more to a 'nicer' more child friendly area.

2mum · 05/06/2007 11:10

Another thing ive noticed is there were loads more children about when i was young, people have smaller families now so theres less kids to play with. Theres not many children about where i live. Things are a lot different to when i was young.

SSSandy2 · 05/06/2007 11:12

I prefer my dd wrapped up in cotton wool to found in a park in my neighbourhood with her throat slit which happened to an 8 year old a couple of weeks ago. Or stuffed into a suitcase and burnt alive in a park in another area of our town which happened to a 12 year old girl a couple of weeks ago too. Not to mention all the dc abducted and found raped and murdered which we keep hearing about all the time.

SaintGeorge · 05/06/2007 11:13

DS1 plays unsupervised outside and has done since he was 6. DS2 is 6 next week and I have promised him he can do the same from the summer holidays onwards.

We do have the advantage though of tenfoots (wide alleys for vehicle access at the rear of properties) which all the local kids use as play areas. Those drivers that do come down know that the kids are there and are extremely cautious.

At weekends I often don't see DS1 from 9am until 7pm as he is out playing. If he goes into a friends house, he rings me to let me know. He knows his boundaries and I trust him.

southeastastra · 05/06/2007 11:23

that applies to us here too 2mum. there are hardly any children compared to even 5 years ago. and the ones that are here are bussed away to private schools.

blimey sssandy where do you live? that's shocking

Flame · 05/06/2007 11:29

If I live somewhere quieter when the time comes (fast moving traffic and not a children playing kind of road right now) - I intend for mine to be like StG. DD is 4 and plays in the front garden at Psychomum's house, and will progress to the street with the others as she gets older.

DS is already a feral child - I tend to open the back door first thing in the morning, and he is outside for most of the day. Its safe out there, I am nearby (in the diningroom where the big window looks right out into the garden), but he just pootles along happily, yelling at me every now and then for food/drink (ok, so I need to keep on top of that otherwise he finds his own food/drink in the form of puddles n snails ).

expatinscotland · 05/06/2007 11:35

Again, the assumption is there that most Britons like in nice houses on quiet streets with friendly neighbours who all have big gardens.

We live in a pokey, 2 bed flat on the 2nd floor with no outdoor space (a car park) off a busy road.

It's hardly wrapping them up in cotton wool not to let the children play out there unsupervised.

We're lucky enough to be moving to a more isolated, family-friendly area.

But really, why bash people for not letting the kids out to play when the housing situation for so many is crap and yet the government keeps encouraging developers to cram in as many flats as possible?

expatinscotland · 05/06/2007 11:37

Also, MANY parents work outside the home. So Little Johnny and Janie are in school, daycare or after-school care all day.

They get home at 6PM, and it's dark outside by that time for many months of the year here.

Perfect time to go play outside.

I think this 'trend' which is currently being sold to people as 'you're just wrapping them up in cotton wool' is another ploy to mask the fact that it's getting so expensive for most people to live here, there's no time to let little Johnny out to play by the time you get him home and fed.

Flame · 05/06/2007 11:37

I think it was aimed at those living places where theoretically they could play outside

Backtobasics · 05/06/2007 11:39

I was talking about that the other day. I said that they don't build houses anymore with nice big gardens, they build pokey flats with no garden or very little gardens to try and get as much money as possible. It's sad isn't it.

mumblechum · 05/06/2007 11:40

OMG, where do you live, SSSAndy?

Our ds has played outside on the village green since he was 10. Although it's not visible from our house, there's always a gang of kids there and if one hurts themselves, the others will take them home to mum or whatever.

I think it's important for them to learn how to look after themselves and each other, but can appreciate there will be other parts of the country where it wouldn't be safe.

fireflyfairy2 · 05/06/2007 11:42

We live on a farm, way up a mile long lane.

I feel it is safe. There is only one house near us & that belongs to dh's uncles & aunt.

Outside my kids have swings, slide, trampoline, play house, bikes, ride on tractors, moby cars etc.. they have great fun & I can watch from the kitchen window or the french doors.

Ds is 2 & half & he loves to play outside, he tries to go out in his jammies on the morning & I have to stop him!

Dd sometimes plays outside, she prefers to play camogie against the wall of the barn, so quite often, although I can't see her, I can hear the ball banging off the side of the barn wall!

I had loads of freedom when growing up & I think it's important for my children that tey can roam as free & still be as safe as possible.

Stigaloid · 05/06/2007 11:54

It's all down to the media - Rupert Murdoch has a lot to answer to in terms sensationalising everything. Our media has become far too emotive and powerful and people are over-reacting to news by getting paranoid. There is no difference in terms of danger to children now as there was in the 70's it's just that people are more influenced by scrae mongering than ever before.

Look at the way people are reacting to the Madeline case - everyone seems to be taking it personally, people are scared to let their kids walk to school and businesses are withdrawing childcare services when in fact you are more likely to be hit by lightening twice, in the same spot, than to have a child abducted.

People are just over influenced by media and paranoia. It's a very sad state of affairs but when you see one parent being overly cautious and hear about things on the news you tend to err on the side of caution yourself. Result is a lot of kids who are over-protected and don't get to experience the world they way we could. I guess when you have so much information to hand via the news and the internet, you have too much information and it affects your decision making to the detriment of your kids.

when i was younger i was kicked out the house to go and play. You don't get that much these days and when you do see kids out on their own with their mates people accuse them of being feral or hoodies!

ekra · 05/06/2007 12:54

ITA Expat - I feel like everyone who is smugly saying they let their children out to play are living in the kind of set-up that they grew up in.

I'm sure, in most cases, how much freedom parents allow their children is based on where they live. I wish parents weren't always been beat on the head for doing the 'wrong' thing.

MamaMaiasaura · 05/06/2007 13:07

I wish we lived in a nicer area so ds could play out. I hate where we live. The older kids out are really not very nice. A 14 year old 3 doors down deliberately dropped a metal ramp on my neighbours 6 year old dd. A woman was attacked and left in road by teenagers last week. THe ones who were attacking my fence ending up being locked up for breaching bail conditions. So I dont let ds play out unless I am out there. It is a shitty area. The kids at his school play 'gangsters' and the women all swear at their kids with fags hanging out of their mouths. I dont care if I come across as a snob. When dp bought his house he didnt know we would be together etc. We are actively looking at moving.

southeastastra · 05/06/2007 13:08

it's a shame awen. probably alot of parents feel the same, so the lunatics have been allowed to take over (iykwim)

MamaMaiasaura · 05/06/2007 13:12

I do see what u mean but it isnt because we have allowed them to take over here imo. We live very close to a rough estate and tbh I think it is a lot to do with society. England has the highest problem with teenagers/yob culture. The parents of these kids offer no guidance or proper parentying etc and let their kids out at all hours and they drink and smoke dope. I am glad with the decision i have made for here but am looking forward to living somewhere with a nice park and green areas nearer our home. Letting him roam free here I believe would be dangerous and irresponsible. Not only with the inlfuences around here but very busyt main road.

MadamePlatypus · 05/06/2007 13:19

I think it probably depends on where you live. I live 20 minutes from where I was brought up. I wouldn't have been allowed to play on the street when I was 7, in the 1970's and I wouldn't allow a child to play on my street unsupervised now. In both cases the major concern would be traffic. We just played in each other's gardens.