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Original poster

Are we wrapping our kids in cotton wool?

70 replies

mumof2monsters · 05/06/2007 10:22

I heard on my local radio station today that in a survey of mothers most of them are reluctant to let their children play outside unsupervised.
I know when I was a child I regularly went out to play for hours before coming home for tea. There were no mobile phones and my parents did not really know exactly where I was or what I was doing.
I used to walk back from a friends house in the dark when I was a teenager and thought nothing of it.
Would I let my DS aged nearly 6 and DD aged nearly 4 play outside unsupervised by an adult? ...probably not. Why are things different today? There must have been sickos around when I was a child back in the 70s. I want my children to have independence and don't want them to feel they have no freedom but not sure i would be comfortable with them playing outside on their own.
What do other mums think?

OP posts:
mumblechum · 05/06/2007 13:35

Awen, come and live next door. Just gone on market, you'd love it and our kids could get broken arms falling out of trees together!

Where are you thinking of moving to?

southeastastra · 05/06/2007 13:47

in the not too distant future i do see areas supervised in parks etc set out for children to play safely. we're bringing in play rangers soon to the parks here. really they should have kept park keepers, cctv isn't that effective.

expatinscotland · 05/06/2007 13:48

EXACTLY, anwen! Tosh excuses for news like this all assume everyone lives in a nice house in a nice, safe area.

'Oh, society hasn't changed that much in 30 years.'

Bollocks!

For one, there're more cars on the road.

For two, 'there is no society' and 'me, me, me' has come home to roost.

PrincessPeaHead · 05/06/2007 13:52

we are very very rural, and it is v quiet on the roads around here (nearest road is actually more of a track)
my 3, 6, and 9 yr old all play outside with no supervision. have no idea where they are most of the time. only rule is that they mustn't lose or injure the 3yo, and stay within the grounds unless they tell me they are going eg to a neighbouring field.
9 year old is allowed to cycle out of the grounds, down the road one way towards a farm about 1/4 mile away, or into the village (hamlet) to a couple of houses or to the playground.
it definitely makes them more independent and sensible. they come back and tell me that they've built a hideout in a tree at the far end of a field and you can just SEE how proud and grown up they are feeling

diplodocus · 05/06/2007 13:53

It's certainly statistically true that kids are no more at risk from abduction / murder etc. than in the 70's (although this isn't the case for road accidents, which have increased). I think, in addition to Stigaloid's point about the media, another thing that has changed now is that if anything does happen to your child, the parents are automatically blamed and considered negligent by some sectors of society. I remember in the Soham murders people were saying that 2 11 year olds shouldn't have been allowed out together on their own!!! I think this sort of victim blaming must have an impact on how we behave, however subtle.

OrmIrian · 05/06/2007 13:57

I wrapped my DD in her duvet today as she's ill and home from school. Cotton wool would have been useless and very messy.

SueBaroo · 05/06/2007 13:58

Mine are all under 6 (just) and I don't let them out atm. There are kids that play in the street here, but the kids parks are awash with broken glass and drunken gobby teens.
We've got a garden, and we take them to a bigger park at weekends ourselves, and they have some friends visit and vice-versa.

Damn right I'm sheltering them. I think that's my job right now.

Anna8888 · 05/06/2007 14:13

There is absolutely nowhere our children can play outside unsupervised around us, in Paris. We live in a flat on the fourth floor and the roads outside are big and busy.

There are plenty of parks and playgrounds but children need to be accompanied at all times.

Most of this area was built up by the 1930s, so it's been like this for a long time...

The children complain at their lack of freedom but so do I. There is nothing we can do about it in the foreseeable future.

In what way is this parents' fault?

twinsetandpearls · 05/06/2007 14:18

There was a fascinating debate between Esther Rantzen and Anne ...(wife of vicar person quite posh who is always wheeled out to say someting contraversial about kids and does the odd thought of the day,)

I was closer to Anne as my dd is in no way wrapped up in cotton wool and I sometimes think other mums particulalry on here think I am to relaxed with her. My dd plays on her own outside her house all day, when we go camping she is allowed out of sight and at home she plays with her friends on the green.

I live in a normal town, infactit is dog rough here and most mumsnetters would rather drink themseleves sick on fruitshoot than live here but I do live in a nice part of my town and there are gardens, green areas and a sense of community.

SueBaroo · 05/06/2007 14:32

What did Anne Atkins say? I normally agree with her, but I have a feeling I might be slightly on the other side of things on this one.

twinsetandpearls · 05/06/2007 15:36

She said that the whole think had gotten out of perspective and that our children are in much more danger crossing the road ( as she said that I became very distracted and strated wondering is Anne Atkins Twiglett?)but we don't have mass hysteria about that.

Our kids are stifled and that we need to gice them space and let them have the freedom to make mistakes, she then recounted a story of how her son got lost when they were on holiday and it was a learning experience for him. Kids need controlled danger in their lives or they will search for danger via sex and drugs.

SueBaroo · 05/06/2007 15:41

Ah, well ok, I'm not disagreeing with her there. Operative word being 'controlled'.

It's like getting rid of those fantastic wrought iron slides that made your tummy go funny at the top of them. Replaced them with pissy little climbing frames with a two foot aluminium slide tacked on one side. Bollocks, that is.

OrmIrian · 05/06/2007 15:44

Normally I can't stand Ann Atkins . But this time I wholeheartedly agreed with her. Better not tell DH as he hates her passionately.

ViciousSquirrelSpotter · 05/06/2007 15:48

She told an alarming story about how her eight year old had got lost and had spent all afternoon working out how to get home and how very empowering that was for him.

Hmmm

twinsetandpearls · 05/06/2007 15:49

I thought the same as I normally don't agree with Anne Atkins but i thought she was the voice of good reason this morning.

Esther had a pop at her because the child got lost in the country side and the risks are different in the city but Anne Atkins but Anne does live in a city doesn;t s she, she said she did this morning, and this was a holiday incident.

twinsetandpearls · 05/06/2007 15:50

I thik she used to be in London and now is in Oxford.

ViciousSquirrelSpotter · 05/06/2007 16:10

I don't really see why the city is less safe than the countryside tbh. The city is ordered and has proper pavements and zebra crossings and people to help if the child gets into difficulties. The country has fields with holes to fall down, wild marauding insects and dung heaps, 4x4's and no personnel...

ZoeC · 05/06/2007 16:11

My dd1 has played out the front unsupervised since she was 3 and a half tbh, it is a cul-de-sac in a village though so I guess we are lucky in that respect, and she is sensible enough to obey my rules about how far she is allowed to go.

Dd2 is a different creature though and I am not at all sure when I will trust her to the same degree

SoMuchToBits · 05/06/2007 16:21

There are two reasons why I would be unwilling for my ds (aged 6) to play outside (other than in our garden) unsupervised.

One is that there is much more traffic on the roads than there used to be, and I don't think ds yet has enough road sense not to dash into the road if he was distracted by something.

The other is, that although child abductions etc are no more common than, say, 30 years ago, and we happen to live in a fairly safe, not particularly rough area, I do think society has changed. So that if ds got into any difficulties, I think people are less likely to come to his aid these days. People generally seem to look out for themselves rather than help others, and to avoid trouble by "not getting involved".

EricL · 05/06/2007 17:00

Mine play out fine. I would hate them to miss out on that stuff. We are in a modern estate with one entrance, cul-de-sacs, a 20mph limit and a load of other families.

It might be different if we lived elsewhere though like on a busy street.

They stay over at lots of families/friends houses too to make them as rounded and confident as poss.

SueBaroo · 05/06/2007 17:14

SoMuchToBits, that is a very good point about other people being unwilling to get involved.

MamaMaiasaura · 05/06/2007 17:18

mumblechum - thinking of Romsey, Hampshire atm. Nice catchment area and none too rough places. Would prefer as rural as possible tbh. Ds already broke his arm once so he can show yours how it done.. off a horse.

MummyPenguin · 05/06/2007 17:27

I had a conversation with DH the other day, in which he said he thinks that it's no more dangerous today than it was when we were growing up. There is a 10 and a half year age gap between us, but he thinks it was safe then (for him and me in our eras) and it is no more less safe now. I disagreed with him. I said society in general is much more dangerous nowadays than it was when we were kids. Today there are a lot more cases on the news and in the media about child abductions and murders. In recent years we've had Sarah Payne, Milly Dowler, Holly and Jessica and now Madeleine. That's only the ones I've brought to mind, and they are only the cases that got a lot of publicity. There are many many more cases that are relatively unheard of.

I know I'm over-protective, and for good reason. Sadly, we are just feeling more and more that our children aren't safe nowadays.

ViciousSquirrelSpotter · 05/06/2007 17:30

Our children are safer than they have ever been in history

Really they are

Chugnuts · 05/06/2007 17:58

I agree with Expat and Awen. Not every child lives in an area where it's safe to play outside alone. I'm not hugely concerned about paedophiles (although two have been convicted who lived only a few houses away) but it's the general environment which is unsafe. Our local 'park' is notorious for used syringes and broken beer bottles being left lying around. We are also not far from the main roads. Recently the police have been monitoring the speeding problem very closely. You can see the cars slow right down when they realise the police van is there. The following day the cars are back to driving well over the speed limit, despite the road being right next to schools and a park. Getting home ten minutes earlier is seen as being far more important than possibly killing a child with the car. There's too much of an 'I'm alright, Jack' mentality IMO.

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