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i'm a bit confused, so don't berate me...

1118 replies

mylittleimps · 20/05/2007 10:39

before all the usual crowd start slagging me off this is just my personal opinion and i am entitled to express how i feel. if you dont like it i dont care as i will not be telling any of you how to live your lives. I've read the very long thread and i'm confused, mainly about attitude in the UK, i've grown up thinking it's not acceptable to leave a young child alone and hence i would not be going on holiday and leaving my children alone. (and people i talk to in my town feel as i do) I cannot relate to it and got annoyed when a colleague of maddy's father said it's a situation every parent can relate to (what leaving your children out of view for an hour just so you can go and do something that could have been done in your apartment on the otherside of door to the rooms your children are sleeping). I find it hard to empathise with the parents (but saying that i recognise it is the most dreadful position to be in, not knowing who has your child/or where your child is), my heart however goes out to the little girl and i pray and hope that she comes out of this fine.
I don't understand why the press have made the practise of leaving toddlers alone acceptable - especially when there was a babysitting service. i don't understand why the family and friends of the parents just can't show a bit of humility (i only hear: "why isn't more being done", "why aren't the police doing more", "it's all very fine what the police are doing but it's not getting maddy back" and the colleague's statement above). if there had been a bit more gratitude being shown to the support they are getting rather than it's a done deal that they should be getting it i would feel more inclined to have some feelings for the parents. BUT why am i such a cold hearted cow and taking the enormous risk of posting this on MN? because of the facts (i'm not apportioning blame, I'm just stating the facts which make it difficult for me personally to have sympathy to their situation) - there was a babysitting service and it wasn't used, they chose to go out to dinner and not eat on the balcony, they earn extremely well and did not employ a nanny to take on holiday with them ,anything could have happended in half an hour/an hour between checks WITHIN the apartment (drowning,electricution,fire hitting head, 4 year olds are very independant and she might have woken and thought she'd go find mummy/daddy) the exit doors could not be seen from the restuarant. This is not the case that they turned their back for a second in a busy area and she was snatched, nor that they were also sleeping when it happened, that they did have a babysitter and it happened then.
in whatever situation a child is taken the perptrator is the worst kind of evil and it gives me great hope that there are good people out there that just want to help in whatever way they can (although i do worry about those that want to but cant really afford to and we are not talking about a poor family needing help are we)
i just get annoyed at the fact that they APPEAR to be seeing that they are entitled to all of this, when they should be showing they are extremely lucky to have such a caring and thoughful home nation.

when nothing happens to the child the mother/family get lynched in the press for what might happen when leaving their child home alone, if something does happen ,like the child going missing, the parents are vindicated from responsibility. like i said i'm confused.

OP posts:
bobsmum · 21/05/2007 17:37

I'm not bobbysmum07

bobbysmum07 · 21/05/2007 17:37

I haven't made an vile comments to my knowledge. Perhaps you could point one out in particular.

fireflyfairy2 · 21/05/2007 18:28

The post I made yesterday was justifiable in answer to the nasty post you left.

Yours has been deleted.

Mine hasn't.

Speaks volumes, wouldn't you say?

bobbysmum07 · 21/05/2007 18:37

I'm sure your post would be deleted if I asked for it to be.

I don't believe in censorship however.

bobbysmum07 · 21/05/2007 18:39

Besides, your post speaks volumes about your intelligence.

Leave it up, I say.

mumemma · 21/05/2007 18:49

bobbysmum07 - looking through the thread again, and I can remember the one that was deleted, I think your comments are pretty vile actually. You attacked the parents who have no right of reply on here. Fireflyfairy2 may have attacked you but at least you are here to defend yourself.

Everybody's entitled to an opinion but maybe you could have found a more eloquent way of expressing it.

bobbysmum07 · 21/05/2007 19:00

It depends what your definition of "attack" is. I certainly expressed concern over the "Fund" -- given that the public are being asked to contibute to it and it isn't at all clear where the money's going.

Moomin · 21/05/2007 19:10

agree that it's a shame you're not admitting to being a troll as the alternative is actually rather scary, esp as you say you're an owner of a children's nursery - are you as agresive and abrupt in RL? Fairyfyl's post to you wasn't in Standard English as such and I didn't see what she was replying to as it got deleted but I'm guessing it was pretty vile or MN wouldn't have deleted it. Read the rules of MN and you'll se that we generally try to respect one another's posts unless they become abusive or offensive or vile. Unless it's in the heat of the moment, posters who are as rude as you have been are regarded as trolls uless it's shown otherwise.

so you're not a troll. yikes.

bobbysmum07 · 21/05/2007 19:19

Are you saying that Fireflyfairy2's post to me wasn't nasty, vile or offensive?

Can you read?

bobbysmum07 · 21/05/2007 19:20

And you've no right to bring up what I do for a living in this thread. I haven't mentioned it on here and it isn't relevant.

toasted · 21/05/2007 20:13

mylittleimps i think you are wasting your time posting here, unless you are willing to agree that the parents were not at fault leaving 3 young children locked in a hotel room in a forgein country on there own then your opinions have no place here.

all you will come up againsed is people telling you that it is exactly the same thing as you leaving your child alone in the garden, you and me will know that at least in the garden you can check on them every 2 mins and hear there cries if they fall over but this seems to be a bit to confusing for some people on here to understand.

i dont know whats worse, the thought that so many people on mumsnet think that what the mcanns did is acceptable or the thought that they are all just playing up to this morbid circus.

what the mcanns did was parenting at close to its worse, leaving children alone in what was far from safe circumstanses just so that they could enjoy a quiet meal, i for one would much rather of had my dc with me even if it did mean dropped food and juice spilled all over the table.

i hope and pray that they do find her safe and well but lets face it whoever took her would of had a very good head start, while her parents were busy relaxing.

Moomin · 21/05/2007 20:14

I have no right? It's a public forum - if you don't want it mentioned don't tell anyone what you do. I'm just commenting that for someone who works so closely with people and who would presumably need a lot of tolerance and understanding of other people's parenting, you seem very judgemental.

and no I can't read - not your post at any rate but I'd love to know what it said, and therefore what it say about you. Fairyfly2 doesn't usually make such posts so it must have been worth it.

fortyplus · 21/05/2007 20:41

Whatever any of you post on here to criticise the Mc Canns, do you really not imagine that they won't have thought the same thing 1000 times?

And if their precious child isn't returned safely to them they will have a lifetime to give themselves hell over what might have been?

I don't agree with what they did - but I dare say there are aspects of my parenting which others would disagree with.

I have allowed my children to play in the little park next to my house since they were about 6. I believed that it was right to give them this freedom - many others would disagree. If they had been abducted then I would have been in the same position as the Mc Canns - knowing that my choice had contributed to the situation.

Why do so many of you want to glory in what this poor family is going through - the fact that you or I wouldn't have left the children alone is irrelevant.

Quattrocento · 21/05/2007 20:42

Can I just say something on this?

I joined a discussion on this issue. Before I knew it, It got totally horrible and personal. It was a frightful and actually quite frightening experience. Things got viciously nastily personal.

Thankfully, Mumsnet deleted the thread, but not before I had shed a bucket full of tears.

Please let's not all fall out. Some people think that the McCanns did wrong. Others think that it is grossly insensitive to say so at this time. Others think that the McCanns did nothing wrong. There really isn't going to be any reconciling these points of view.

corblimeymadam · 21/05/2007 20:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

bobbysmum07 · 21/05/2007 23:20

To be honest, Moomin, I'm not that fussed about the parents. I care more about the kids.

And yeah, it pisses me off when I see kids suffer because of the bad decisions their parents make. Judgemental? Maybe.

I don't know how anyone can defend what these people did to be honest. Whether they are now suffering or not, what they did is indefensible.

GiantSquirrelSpotter · 21/05/2007 23:30

You are a strange sad poster.

You have my pity.

fortyplus · 21/05/2007 23:31

By belgianbun on Mon 21-May-07 20:44:05
Great posts from fortyplus (thank you!)and quattrocento - can we just leave it there? There is nothing more to say.

PLEASE

halcyon · 21/05/2007 23:32

you know, i've read all this, and i don't often say anything because usually everyone has already said eveything useful by the time i get around to thinking of it, but in this instance, i just wanted to suggest that the reason people want to express these strong opinions of disapproval is not as much empty maliciousness, so much as it might be an, perhaps unconscious, attempt to distance themselves from the tragedy and reassure themselves that it is never going to happen to them by constructing an argument whereby the family at the centre of the tragedy are somehow responsible, by being careless or stupid or whatever, and in that way can make themselves feel safer.

I think it is a fairly typical human response to tragedy; we all want to believe that 'it' couldn't happen to us and so, by talking about it, by condemning those involved, we are keeping out the boogeyman. it is what is at the heart of any sort of gossip really, malicious or otherwise.

fortyplus · 21/05/2007 23:38

Right - I'm starting to think that the only way to get rid of this is to bump it to oblivion - is anyone else prepared to type CRAP until it gets to 1000 posts and no one else can add anything?

fortyplus · 21/05/2007 23:38

CRAP

fortyplus · 21/05/2007 23:38

CRAP

fortyplus · 21/05/2007 23:38

CRAP

fortyplus · 21/05/2007 23:38

CRAP

GiantSquirrelSpotter · 21/05/2007 23:43

LOL

I mean CRAP

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