I am so sick of all the rubber-necking that has been going on with regard to a recent and tragic news topic.

[Bubble99]

And all under the guise of 'concerned fellow-parent/s'

I met a mother at school today (never spoken to her before) who approached me and said ..'Have you heard about? What do you think about?' and the freak was almost smiling. It's as if this nightmare has become entertainment for some people.

There is a voyeuristic, collective sickness going on , safe under the umbrella of 'concerned parents.'

Yuk.

Does anyone have anything new to say?

It seems to be me are raking over old ground for the sake of it.

Live and let live - copyright Thomcat again.

MP - I know that hundreds of children go missing or are killed every year in Africa etc. I think the scale of that makes it harder to comprehend iykwim. But we can all identify with a family who are on holiday, planning their daughter's 4th birthday etc.

We all react differently. Maybe some people are more adept at compartmentalising or rationalising things. Maybe some are more sensitive (and that is not the word I am looking for really as I am not implying that others are IN-sensitive if they deal with it differently).

The fact that we all react differently and all have different thoughts, views and feelings on evry subject that ever comes up on MN is because we are all different. The world would be a very boring place if we were all the same. However - people's feelings should not be negated just because they are different to yours. Anyone who has been to couples counselling will have been told not to say "you always do this that or the other" but to say "I FEEL that you always do this that or the other" - because you cannot tell another person how to feel.

I would also point out that while the media coverage may be OTT in some views - the McCann family have professed themselves grateful for the media coverage keeping Madeleine in the forefront of people's minds. They are concerned that there hasn't been enough coverage in some countries (such as Spain where she might have been taken) and Madeleine's aunt has created a poster that can be downloaded on the Sky news website. They would like people to download it and forward it to everyone they know. This is something we can all do. It might not help - but then again it just might.

Sorry - the whole message wasn't directed at MP - just the 2nd paragraph!

And to be honest - while the constant references to organised paedophile gangs is horrible and sickening - I for one would rather know that this goes on. It sounds like something out of a novel or film. But - it may be real. Forewarned is forearmed in some respects.

Completely agree with your op Bubble. I haven't read whole thread ,so sorry if this already been said, but it reminds me of the whole Diana hysteria and vicarious grief seekers.

edam can i just say that firstly i have not taken part in any of the threads following 'developments' except to ask people to stop speculating. Secondly when i said i have been thinking about this little girl at night and it had kept me awake, i was in no way trying to put my feelings on a par with anything the family is going through. I wish i hadn't expressed myself here at all actually. I too find the self righteousness on both sides of the debate extremely insensitive and off putting.

MP you make a very good point about the children that go missing every year in other countries. This event has put the situation right into the forefront of my mind, as it has been so publicized here, and it is not because it is a nice middle class white child that i feel so bad about it, but probably more because it brings events right back home. If anyone could link to a way to help to stop child trafficking or child kidnapping i would be very keen to 'do something about it.'

the dogsbollox i totally agree.

I think it is to do with the news coverage and the fact that we have seen her on video. The incident disturbs us because it could so easily happen to us rather than the tragedies in the third world which we are more insulated from.

I prefer to be active in my support. I will be more impressed if you give some money to childline or oxfam if you want to help children in danger than if you squeeze out a tear in the playground.

I wasn't going to post again because I think my post last night made it clear how I felt.
But, bloody hell MP! I have to take issue with your suggestion that people are only concerned because she's a nice middle-class white girl! I have taken part in the 'sponsor a child' programme for the last couple of years so I'm upset by child poverty and children dying all over the world. I know you weren't refering to me specifically but that really was an unfounded sweeping statement which I find quite offensive.

no time to read whole thread, but totally agree, and find it really bizarre and just.........weird. I think it's oddly British as well.

I mean totally agree with thread title and op.

Why is difficult to understand why people feel empathy for this family even though we don't know them?

Is'nt that what people on mumsnet do every day in answering posts to people they don't know?

well obviously trice tho of course it really doesn't matter how impressed you are.
And an awful lot of posturing and amateur psychology going on on this thread.

ooooo good point sunflower. Ditto that.

ruty, was making a general point about over-involvement, nothing to do with you personally.

Empathy does not equal getting things out of proportion, IMO.

I just don't want to join in an "I am more sensitive and caring than you" competition. If you are that upset please do something about it.

Absolutely sunflower.
Also the idea that people feel more for her because she is middle class and white is so, so cynical. I honestly find that attitude disturbing as is the one that you have no "right" to have strong emotions and empathy over the McCann's plight. The immediacy of this story has particular impact bacause of the strong identificaton some of us have to the family and the whole "holiday" scenario - one of our worse fears as it were. This makes it no more tragic than deaths of children in other countries and I don't see any posters are implying that in their concern for finding Madeliene safe and well. The fact that other cases are, indeed wrongly, not as "newsworthy" is a completely seperate issue.

sunflower, exactly.

"I just don't want to join in an "I am more sensitive and caring than you" competition"

well yes, but there is another competition going on here too.

excellant posts morning paper and dogs bollox.

I wonder how much my reaction is based on the fact that I find seeing other people displaying emotion a bit worrying. I am more of a stiff upper lip type myself.

I do find the situation tragic and upsetting but I don't feel comfortable sharing it with all and sundry. My mum would call that "wallowing".

I agree with MP.

If it was a young single mum who had left her 3 children alone to go clubbing, would everyone still have the same empathy?

Or would they all be judging her for being so careless as to leave them?

Personally I think if it had been a single mum out clubbing, the 2 younger children would have been taken into care by now.

But, because these are the children of a 'respectable' couple then everything is different.

I do feel sympathy for them, but can't help thinking this world revolves on double standards.

Everyone is saying this goes beyond the fact that the children all under 5 were left alone, of course it doesn't, that's where it all started. If they hadn't been left alone no-one would have broken into the room and taken her.

It begs the question "have the children been left alone at home on ocassions?"

I've been trying to translate "wallowing in others' grief" to French. There is no such phrase but in a couple of paragraphs, you can explain the idea. To Turkish, not only is it impossible to translate, but any explanation sounds nonsense, because sadness as well as joy is meant to be lived together as a community in that part of the world.

Wow, what a horrible thread.