I am so sick of all the rubber-necking that has been going on with regard to a recent and tragic news topic.

[Bubble99]

And all under the guise of 'concerned fellow-parent/s'

I met a mother at school today (never spoken to her before) who approached me and said ..'Have you heard about? What do you think about?' and the freak was almost smiling. It's as if this nightmare has become entertainment for some people.

There is a voyeuristic, collective sickness going on , safe under the umbrella of 'concerned parents.'

Yuk.

Well said ELF

good post rhubarb. eloquently put.

a point i made early on in the other threads was that not everyone can write down their feelings well so they are open to misinterpration, and therefore criticism

the voice of reason at last (OP) I haven't read the rest of the thread but fgs how insulted would those poor people be if they knew others were feigning grief over something that is essentially a private matter

eeek...

QM. My OP concerned the apparent need for people to, IMO, salaciously identify with this event.

they (the press, media) are hardly not going to report it, are they? especially when you have loads of people who want nothing more than to read every, single last detail and can't get enough of it.

bubble it doesn't take a rocket scientist, i logged on active convos - here it was.

Google search it under the name of the child?

Nada.

Unlike previous threads started innocently and well-meaningly and ending up with links to horrific stories.

(and actually, to be fair, keeping the story in the press spotlight means the case is more likely to be kept active...)

I dont think anybody is feigning grief though.
We all react differently to things. Be it our upbrining, genetics or the level of hormones we have. However you explain it, people react differently.
I would never criticise those who dont cry at news reports etc, there is nothing wrong with that. But it is not the way my brain processes events like these. For some reason I get upset at reports, I cry at things (not just missing children, but reports on starving nations etc). It does not make me a freak. I just react to things differently. But my reaction is no better or worse than anybody elses.

Cant you tell I'm from the "live and let live and let everything be okay" school of life.

I agree with Bubble99 hence this being the first and only thread on this subject I have posted on. Of course it is a tragically sad and upsetting news story and I hope for the best outcome but I do not think all this disection of what has happened and what ifs and should haves is helpful for anyone.

Rhubarb that's exactly what i meant about mothers and anxiety.

When you have young children you can feel very raw and vulnerable and emotional, and a story like this can really shake you up. I think even a month ago i would have felt differently as my anxieties about my daughters health were a big part of my life, and things effect you differently depending on where you are in your own life - it's a personal thing, it's about you and how you deal with that anxiety.

Being effected by this is not wrong, it doesn't make you weak or silly, but the speculating and the endless discussion feeds into those feelings and heightens them, and why would anyone want to do that to themselves - or to each other?.

noddyholder - would you say the same thing about Maude?

Empathy. That is all it is. I can't explain why I feel sick to the stomach. Why I can't go to sleep without imagining her parents fears. Would it help if I said that I feel that way about any child I hear of being hurt?

I saw a naked dead baby lying in the gutter of a Chinese street in the Daily Mirror once. It spurred me to pour all my energies into working voluntary for a charity that worked with Chinese orphanages. Would I be criticised for following my heart in that way? Should I not pray for Maddy's family?

I have already said that at times I wish I didn't have these feelings. That I could switch off and just go to sleep and get on with things. But I have this gift/curse, call it what you will. I have too much empathy.

Everyone is different. Yes it is all over the Media but right now I'm sure Maddy's family don't mind as it ensures that people keep looking for her. But please don't criticise those things that you do not understand. Just be grateful that it is not you.

rhubarb - you are right about empathy. that i get. i also feel real pain at the thought of children - any child - starving or being abused or scratching for food on the streets or... whatever. i lay awake about it. its f'ing horrific. i certainly do not judge you or anyone else for empathy.

media, 'news', i take with a very big pinch of salt and a big dose of skepticism. some people nrelated to sases like this, genuinely care. the people who decide we must care this much (the ones who decide what we get to know and in what tone of voice, with what emphasis, in what detail, with what frequency) them, i am suspicious of, and unwilling to be guided by.

Rhubarb - I think your post pretty much sums up what is going on in many people's hearts and minds. Very heartfelt and eloquent and well thought out. Sorry, that sounds as if I'm marking an essay and I don't mean it to.

I think what some people (me for ome) find really distasteful is the deliberate dredging up of horror stories. In the absence of news, they speculate on really really terrifying possibiliites. And then they pop off for lunch and come back for more of the same. Knitting away at the foot of the Guillotine. Nodding wisely and conducting the investigation from afar and saying "have you heard" and "ooh, it must be terrible" and "see you tomorrow eh".

That is a strange thing to say Rhubarb unneccesary irrelevant and insensitive.I am frankly amazed that you are losing sleep maybe I am missing something?

Just be greatful its not you???????????

rhubarb...there was a hell of a lot of this stuff around maude imho.

and surely what you are describing is that it has tapped into your own grief/fears/anxieties about your life/children/parenting?

and her name is madeleine. just as james bulger was not referred to except in the media as jamie.

The debate isn't between people who have feelings and those who don't. It's about what name we give our feelings. And it matters because it's incorrect to call morbid curiosity and personal anxieties grief.

'But I have this gift/curse, call it what you will. I have too much empathy.'

you have big wounds?

Always beware the person who describes him or herself as sensitive.

Oh That comment about Maude.

We 'know' Maude's mum. We have all seen her posting on the forum.

None of us 'know' Madeleine's mum, & there is still some hope she will be found alive.

It's hard to put into words what I mean though.

nkf so true

Morbid curiosity = Rubber-necking, IMO.