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Original poster

I am so sick of all the rubber-necking that has been going on with regard to a recent and tragic news topic.

475 replies

Bubble99 · 09/05/2007 21:27

And all under the guise of 'concerned fellow-parent/s'

I met a mother at school today (never spoken to her before) who approached me and said ..'Have you heard about? What do you think about?' and the freak was almost smiling. It's as if this nightmare has become entertainment for some people.

There is a voyeuristic, collective sickness going on , safe under the umbrella of 'concerned parents.'

Yuk.

OP posts:
paulaplumpbottom · 10/05/2007 10:42

I think its sad that we live in a world where you are not allowed to express sadness for someone elses bad situation.

minkybiscuit · 10/05/2007 10:46

I have been slated at length for stating the clearly unacceptable stance that I would never leave my child unattended. But that IS where this started. It was preventable. I feel horribly upset for the family but worse, and I know, I will get slated again, I feel so angry for Madeleine.

I hope against hope they find her, I really do but I can't agree with relentlessly picking over the story - it's just...wrong.

wannaBeWhateverIWannaBe · 10/05/2007 10:48

Actually I think that mp makes a very valid point. I think that if the family had been unemployed, and from say, south London, and the parents had been out dealing drugs or drinking then the response would have been vastly different, both from the media and from the general public. And I think that is evident by the fact that on Saturday, two young children were found dead in a house in London and it was briefly mentioned on the news and there was a thread about it on here that had maybe 30 posts? And yet the posts on the various threads and sub threads about Madeleine Mccann are now into their thousands.

But I do think that a lot of the reason for that is that most people can relate to this family. Not to what they?re going through, but most people are on a similar level to them, i.e. they work for a living, go on family holidays, some people would feel comfortable leaving their children in a hotel room, and although some say they never would and have questioned why anyone would, on most levels, people can feel deep sympathy for them. Whereas the family of the drug dealers or the heavy drinkers, I think that most people on here could say with some certainty that they would never put their children into that kind of situation, so the predickament of the drug dealer whose child is abducted while they?re out getting their fix is seen as vastly different from that of the family whose child is snatched on holiday, most people wouldn?t even approve of the lifestyle of the drug dealer/alcoholic, and would question why children were allowed to live in such circumstances anyway, whereas there could be no doubt that the other family loved and cared for their children deeply.

LaBoheme · 10/05/2007 10:50

I remember reading a thread on MN about all the great things it had done for people as a support network. I think one poster who was severely depressed had other MN's visit her in her house and check on her to see how she was doing. I believe this actually changed her life for the better and gave her the confidence and strenth to go on. This help and compassion was from other posters she did not "know". Would certain people state that these helpful people were too showing signs of mental helth problems, wallowing, unhealthy interest, for wanting to help someone they identified with on an internet chat site? Or is that somehow "different".....

minkybiscuit · 10/05/2007 10:50

I feel deep sympathy for them - I just cant accept what they did was ok.

HerculesMorse · 10/05/2007 10:52

Me either MB, though I have been told to fuck off on another thread for daring to voice what a lot of people think.

minkybiscuit · 10/05/2007 10:53

But that's the nature of pack mentality. If you dont conform 100% they will turn on you! Sounds dramatic but that's the reality!

wannaBeWhateverIWannaBe · 10/05/2007 10:57

I risk being told to f* off now but ...

there was a user on another thread about this who said she had posted about having left her 7 year old at home on his own, and that she had been totally ridiculed for it and even threatened with social services.

I get the distinct impression that most people would frown upon someone who left their young children unsupervised, because of the "what if" senarios they might face, but I think that if one of those "what ifs" actually comes true, that unacceptable mentality is changed to one of sympathy and understanding because they have paid the ultimate price. ie it's wrong to do it, unless something actually goes wrong, in which case it's wrong to say it's wrong.

double standard IMO

ConnieDescending · 10/05/2007 10:59

This thread is the biggest load of faux-academic, self-indulgent and repetitive bickering crap that I have ever had the misfortune to read.

Whatever your stance of the situation, sniping and picking at each other is incredibly distasteful and disrespectful.

Let it go...........

paulaplumpbottom · 10/05/2007 11:03

I thought you weren't coming back

LaBoheme · 10/05/2007 11:05

and you've just joined it

ThisIsDavinaPleaseDoNotSwear · 10/05/2007 11:29

Does it really matter why some people have been badly affected by this and others haven't?

Is that really so important?

Surely the whole purpose of a forum like this is that you have a choice. If you want or need to post, you can. If you don't - walk away. It's simple.

My DH does not want to discuss this issue with me at all and has so far managed to avoid all news broadcasts etc. But it's not because he doesn't care about this little girl. He cares deeply and is infact so angry and horrified about the situation that he cannot bear to discuss it.

I feel differently and have welcomed the opportunity to discuss this with friends over the past week but neither of us have criticised the other.

I think its very disrepectful to judge or pick apart another persons feelings or point of view.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 10/05/2007 19:04

MP, I have to pick you up on your one-size-fits-all description of strength of emotions and personalities.

Its a model that just wont ever work, because we are all different. I find it incomprehensible that you think everyone should react the same, or they must have mental health problems.

Budababe - agree totally.

quadrophenia · 10/05/2007 19:13

hmmm did anyone see GMTV this morning..... kate garraway standing in front of a police van saying that she had seen increased activity in the short while she had stood there. Completely pointless, completely unecessary and completely infactual (if there is such a word). TBh i feel hugely disappointed that GMTV are doing this, she kept promising updates throughout the show but there was nothing to update, no reason at all for her to be there.

MrMariella · 10/05/2007 19:16

Bit surprised MP. Directing how peeps should respond, and may have mental health probs. if they exceed your 'deemed' level??

That isn't it, is it??

CaptainUnderpants · 10/05/2007 19:25

PARP !

LilyLoo · 10/05/2007 19:27

Sorry but surely this thread is just as bad as the other then isn't it. It has now become a thread to discuss those who don't agree that others should be able to talk about it. Therefore adding to the hype already surrounding this. Not really sure of the point of this tbh.

maisym · 10/05/2007 20:10

it's a story about parents & this is a parents website so this is why it's being discussed.Talking things through helps put things into perspective and to bring concerns into the common domain.

Aloha · 10/05/2007 20:11

I care about her. I wake up in the night and worry about her.

morningpaper · 10/05/2007 20:13

No I didn't say that anyone had mental health problems and I apologise if that's the impression I gave!

I meant to say that people who are finding themselves rather obsessed by this (and 1000's of posts suggests that this is happening) need to take care of their mental health. If you are lying awake thinking about this and crying and obsessed about it (which is what people have been posting) then that is not healthy or, frankly, very appropriate. Losing a sense of the boundaries between your own feelings and feelings of people in situations which are far removed from you is a sign of mental distress.

And my other point is that children go missing all the time. Check out any of the websites about missing children in the UK and abroad. The difference here (I hate to say it) is that the little girl in question is a pretty blonde girl with nice middle-class consultant and Doctor parents.

Aloha · 10/05/2007 20:15

I think it is nonsense to say you can't care about anyone you don't know. For gods sake, why on earth would I support charities such as the NSPCC, Save the children and the medical foundation for the victims of torture if I didn't care for anyone but me and mine. I do care. And I do lie awake and worry about her. So shoot me. I'm a sick fuck

hatrick · 10/05/2007 20:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

quietmouse · 10/05/2007 20:18

sorry but I object to this idea that the only reason Madeleine is cared about is because she is pretty, white and middle class

There are very many parents using MN. Not all of them are white and middle class.

People are making a lot of assumptions here.

And to suggest that people may have some mental issues is madness (excuse the pun) I care about this little girl. I can not and will not apologise for that. I do wake up in the night and look at my dd but the first thing I do is think about Madeleine and where she may be. I don't believe that makes me a 'freak' It just means I think about others, not just myself......

apeainapod · 10/05/2007 20:23

MP - you have a point - in the first part of your post anyway. Yet to decide on the latter comment.

I personally cannot watch anymore, I just pray that the little girl is found soon, safe and well.

The media are actually now making it a bit of a circus, following the parents with the twins, announcing that they are trying to lead a somewhat normal life for their sake - what being followed by cameras is normal now? Why the hell and what good does it do to show pictures of the poor mother in tears inside the church?

They need to focus on the evidence and the area NOT the parents having a private moment together.

morningpaper · 10/05/2007 20:23

Aloha I didn't say you were a sick fuck

Do you think that post was a rational and reasonable response?