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Original poster

follow from working mums threads, well someone was bound to do it!

223 replies

lucyellensmum · 06/04/2007 16:45

Xenia, i must be one of the lucky ones then because my DP doesnt find his DD hard work, any more than I do - he would love to be around more for her but someone has to shut the bank manager up. Yes it must have been a struggle to pay the hired help at such a young age - does that sound bitchy, then i guess it is - jealousy does that, but well, im Ms average with average house, average bills, average aspirations and i dont see anything wrong in that. I actually worked my arse off for my ordinariness and am proud of where i am. Penis envy maybe xenia - no, thats not nice LE behave - my god, id never be so rude to someone's face but this is a free forum. Our DD2 was unplanned and has turned our lives upside down, was just about to be reaping financial rewards for years of academic hard work so i wondered if i was going to feel resentful to my little one for changing my plans, i was this far from getting a horse, lifetime dream, but thats out of the window now for at least another five years i guess. But actually no, i just thank god for her every single day, every smile, every giggle and every cuddle - shes my little angel and i dont think i would have survived the past few years without her. So here we are, still stuck in our modest terrace in a crappy street in a rather trendy and fashionable seaside town and i am happier (and more knackered) than i have ever been. Xenia please do not take this as a personal attack on you, its not meant that way just putting my side of the coin across. I'm sure you realise you are quite lucky and i certainly recognise you may have had a pair of balls at one time but have worked them off to get where you are so much respect for that - but take it from me, your babies aren't babies for long - i worked when my dd1 was wee (16 yr now) and she was with my parents more than me, i regret it sooo much i can't tell you. I have another chance (thank god - again).

Anna - i know lots of people who work harder than investment bankers,(nurses, teachers, university lecturers (now there's a bunch who deserve their pay packets if ever there was one) or at least as hard with no where near the return, so its not just a matter of degree but maybe a matter of starting points. But its only money at the end of the day and people chose their careers for many different reasons. AGain, im just expressing my view point. And we are far from on the poverty line by the way so this bitter diatribe is not through jealousy just mindful that everyone has a different challenge.

OP posts:
ebenezer · 06/04/2007 21:49

Well, the whole WOHM v SAHM has been a very interesting thread, though I think i probably had a more interesting time being out with my kiddies this afternoon rather than glued to the computer!! Hopefully the one good thing to come out of this is that most of us realise that we're not extemists like Xenia or Anna. Most of us are not obsessive workers or obsessive stay at homers, we're just well balanced parents who enjoy our children and enjoy the other aspects of our lives too. We don't see becoming parents as a reason to dismiss, or give up, any other area of living. And we don't feel guilty about it either. I think the comment on the original thread which referred to the spiteful comments by some SAHMs was actually pretty accurate in some respects. The bottom line is, those of us who work outside the home are actually doing two jobs - we don't stop parenting just cos we have other things going on in our lives. And I think the sad fact is that some SAHMs DO find this threatening. It's as if they can only justify their position by convincing themselves that us WOHMs can't REALLY enjoy being with our children, and that our children can't possibly be as clever or as well adjusted or as sociable as theirs. Well, the fact is, they are! So please Anna and Xenia, stop spouting to us about how wonderful your lives are, it begins to sound a little like you are both protesting too much! It's not the likes of you who keep the economy running, schools and hospitals functioning etc - it's the likes of us ordingary mere mortals who hold down jobs and raise our children who you need to thank for that. And yes, no doubt you'll sneer at that Anna, because we're not all paid over inflated salaries to jet around the world, but actually some of us don't judge the importance of a job by the remuneration, but by what we're contributing to the lives of others.

Mamalennon · 06/04/2007 21:56

My DH is convinced there are certain fictional MNers invented to wind the rest of us up. These two certainly fall into that category. I'm a SAHM but reading sanctimonious stuff about my species makes me want to chuck it all in and get back to work.

I'm a SAHM because I can't be arsed to do it all.

ebenezer · 06/04/2007 22:03

Mamalennon- that's an honest answer. I might not agree with that for myself - but i can respect it. It's the SAHMs who invent all kinds of other reasons to justify not working that i can;t be arsed with!!

Original poster
lucyellensmum · 06/04/2007 22:23

Mammalennon, i have to agree with you to a certain extent too - work all day then come home and have to do the kiddies, im honestly not sure i could cope. Saying that, i do the odd shift at my old job, mostly to bail them out when they are stuck and also for a change of scenery etc and i have to admit that the change is often welcome but i wouldnt want a full time job untl dd starts school.

it was a lovely day today though wasnt it, we turfed our garden and did ssssssssssssss thats seeding to anyone who doesn't speak dd1 language

ebenezer i understand the two jobs bit too, did it with DD1.

OP posts:
ruty · 06/04/2007 22:29

'I think the comment on the original thread which referred to the spiteful comments by some SAHMs was actually pretty accurate in some respects. The bottom line is, those of us who work outside the home are actually doing two jobs - we don't stop parenting just cos we have other things going on in our lives. And I think the sad fact is that some SAHMs DO find this threatening.' So in what ways do they find it threatening ebeneezer? Because they are not capable of doing the same thing? Because they are not as clever/strong/determined as you? i find the smugness and sanctimonious attitude of some WOHM mothers here incredible. Anna is of course a rather unusual SAHM, and there were very few other SAHM attitudes represented on that thread. I am not responsible for anyone else's child, TBH i only care about my child, and i am doing what i think is right for him. A decision my husband and i made together and have taken a reduction in income together as a result. Everyone does what they think is right for them and their child. No one gets an easier option, which ever way they play it. So why on earth would i feel threatened if your child turns out well adjusted and happy ebeneezer? What a ridiculous thing to say.

Mamalennon · 06/04/2007 22:58

Uh oh, it's gonna kick off again.
Step AWAY from the thread ...

Original poster
lucyellensmum · 06/04/2007 23:05

oh but it is so much fun, go on, press a few more buttons i would but im too pissed to articulate it

OP posts:
TwoIfBySea · 06/04/2007 23:10

Well said Ruty!

I get sick and tired of being made to feel inadequate because I am a SAHM and not some superwoman doing everything. If being a SAHM was easy then WOHM wouldn't need to pay for childcare, that is the exhausting, draining part, and the most rewarding part, more than any job I had. My job has never given me the satisfaction that my life as a SAHM has and if all I am thought of is being a good mum to my two boys then that is fine for me (because I know there is more to me but hey, I could be thought of in worse terms!)

ebenezer · 06/04/2007 23:14

I don't know why they find it threatening ruty..... but there must be some reason why a lot of SAHMs feel they need to justify their position by claiming that being at home is better for their children.

Original poster
lucyellensmum · 06/04/2007 23:46

twoifbysea, i agree wholeheartedly, ive had some tough jobs in the past, intellectually, physically and emotionally challenging and i have to say, this mummy business is the toughest to date

OP posts:
saadia · 06/04/2007 23:51

I am going to stick my neck out and say that definitely in the pre-school years one-to-one care as opposed to nursery care is better for kids. I don't want to cause offence or make anyone uncomfortable about their choices and my intention is not to judge others, but I do believe that the attention that a very young child gets from a committed and loving adult is far superior to group care.

hunkermunker · 06/04/2007 23:51

I don't understand the OP. Or the rest of the thread, if I'm honest. What's the point of it?

mrsjohnsimnelcake · 06/04/2007 23:53

same old same old, HM, but not sure who is winning here!

Original poster
lucyellensmum · 06/04/2007 23:54

hunker, this is a follow on from another thread, i dont know how to do the link though but its called, another reason why mothers should work, or something like that - hic!

OP posts:
hunkermunker · 06/04/2007 23:55

Yep, read that thread (most of it, needed mouth-to-mouth by the end, but I think I got the gist). Even posted on it.

But this is just a ramble.

custy · 06/04/2007 23:57

i think its simply an 'outraged of Orpington' hunker.

quite frankly the whole think fucks me off.

presumes choice.

there are a whole lot of financially solvent people who can afford
a) staff
b) choice

and wht makes me properly piss myself intil i orgasm is the tenacity of these people to judge flagrently the rest of society based upon their very privalaged situations.

kiskidee · 06/04/2007 23:58

i am so glad this topic doesn't phase me.

not beetling off to go annoy someone in 'sleep'

[snurk]

kiskidee · 06/04/2007 23:59

shit. don't you hate it when you hit 'post' then see your typo?

now beetling off...

hunkermunker · 06/04/2007 23:59

Yep, agree. Choice

See thread in active convos re judgey folk, Custy

VeniVidiVickiQV · 07/04/2007 00:03

I cant get angry about this.

Am happy with my lot. Those that preach on either side clearly have issues with their "choices"/lot.

So there

mrsjohnsimnelcake · 07/04/2007 00:03

my problem i that I can't afford TO work...so will sahm until I can..
but that's the way my life works... who shall i have a go at?
pelpe who can afford to stay home, or people who can afford to work... don't really know Confused

hunkermunker · 07/04/2007 00:06

Everyone, MrsJS

VVV...

mrsjohnsimnelcake · 07/04/2007 00:06

oh, well, i do have to work, but will be funny shifts when dh can look after the kids... but i don't know if that makes me a part time SAHM or not-
and i need to know so i know who to have a go at becuase their life isn't like mine...

mrsjohnsimnelcake · 07/04/2007 00:09

ahhh feck off the lot of you, then.
all you bitches that atya home and don't contribute to society and just look a the style section all day so you can go clothes shopping- dress for the school run??!?
and all of you who go out to work and don't even know what your kids look like...

oh, i know, can we have a real go at people who work full time and semd their kids to boarding school? I think i'd like that one....ir even SAHM who send the kids to boarding school- even better.

custy · 07/04/2007 00:14

mrsjohn, if you arn't sending your kids to boarding school and you want to, your clearly not working hard enough - niht shifts etc.