I'm Jack Monroe. Ask me anything.

[MxJackMonroe]

Hi Mumsnet.

It seems every time I am in the news, a MN thread about all things transgender crops up. I didn't see the last one (yesterday?) as I don't come on here very often these days - people who eavesdrop etc etc. I was cooking in a tent in a muddy field all day, having a ball, not googling myself on the internet!

The thread was deleted - which was nothing to do with me, nor my lawyer. The day I call him about a MN thread is the day I pack everything in for good. So far only the Mail and Hopkins have had legal action taken against them, and both for quite serious statements. I'm not rich enough nor quite bothered enough to call him every time someone says mean words on the internets.

ANYWAY. Threads about me tend to get deleted. So here's a new one. Because there are clearly some questions that keep coming up, criticisms that I could answer, speculation I could clarify and untruths that could do with correction.

So I'm taking questions. I'm an adult and I take an awful lot of criticism and unkindness online, on the chin. I am pretty mentally stable right now, and feel this could be a constructive discussion.

In order to stop this descending into pandemonium, using general 'chair' rules, to start with I'll take one question from each user - if it's quiet and everything gets answered, feel free to add follow up questions.

It doesn't have to be about boobs, dresses, hormones. Literally ask me anything.

MN - please don't delete this thread. I think people have valid things to say and I'm here with my big girl/boy pants on to hear them.

Over to you.

Lesbians don't tend to question the sexuality of other lesbians.

I don't think that's true.

Ok, I get why you introduced yourself (fair enough). I will have to google you to find out more. I still don't understand why any of us have to have a label though. Why can't you say "I am Jack, I have written a cookbook". Are people that interested these days? I have never asked anybody in my life about their sexual preferences etc, perhaps I am naive on this subject. . Good luck to you anyway.

hunkermunker: What do you think of people who believe they should have been born blind/without legs, etc and want their bodies altered accordingly? What do you think about those who say they were born the wrong race? Is "wrong gender" different from these examples and, if so, why?

People alter their bodies a lot. They dye their hair. Lose weight. Gain weight. Get tattoos. Piercings. Lipo. Body build. Gender identity is complex and I think you are being deliberately provocative. I am not a psychiatrist not a medical doctor so I am not in a position to make pronouncements about what anyone else does with their bodies.

I have written extensively about my detachment from my breasts. I think they are messy, cumbersome, unwelcome. I couldn't breastfeed (I did express). I have no sexual feeling in them. I feel more confident without them. The reflection in the mirror looks like how I feel inside when my chest is flat. That doesn't make me a man. There are lots of flat chested women. But it is part of a more complex perception of self and identity and if I am entirely honest I don't have all the answers. I just know what feels right for me.

Robin...bisexuality is far more widely questioned. That is my experience anyway.

Also, am loving your posts on this thread

Hi Jack

Most of the questions I wanted to ask have already been asked, so mine's quite simple; what's for tea?

Ok I admit that I don't know what I'm talking about here as I am not gay / bi / queer. (yet.) But. Robins, I find myself wondering whether the determination to describe one's sexuality perfectly (or arguably, at all) is pandering unnecessarily to the notion that it is anyone else;s business whom I go to bed with.

A: "Fancy a shag?"
B "no, I'm a lesbian"
A "but you went to bed with a man once!" - hm I don't like how this converstaion is going. Why does B have to justify not shagging A?

What about this conversation:

A: fancy a shag?
B: no
A: why?
B: none of your business. (optional extra: Out of kindness I am going to tell you that I don't really fancy men but actually I don't have to tell you anything)

I feel like I much prefer that conversation!

^^ odd I couldn't agree more. I feel that all the labelling is very damaging.
I am biologically female, I have children and have a male partner, but I don't believe for one second that I should be solely defined by my genitalia. I work in a male-dominated profession, like to wear trousers, or a dress sometimes, sometimes even (gasp) makeup. But I don't think that makes me 'more' of a "woman" than a (stereotyping for brevity) butch lesbian who has a crew cut and wears only jeans and Tshirts. Nor am I 'less' of a "woman" than one who chooses dresses, elaborate hair and a face of slap. These are all valid choices. It all feels so anti-feminist in that gender presentation seems to be so important if we're going to slap labels on it all.
I am challenged by the term "non-binary" because I feel like it shouldn't need to exist - people ought to be able to present, dress, behave (including who they choose to have sex with) as they see fit. Where I am uncomfortable is in the loss of women-specific spaces, which I do feel need to exist as long as violence (particularly committed against women by men) remains problematic.
Sorry I don't have a gender question really! But any suggestions for persuading my self-reporting curry hating child to try eating curries?

You are quoted as saying> Once you start to deconstruct the absolutes of gender you realise you don’t have to have a cock to be a man, basically.

So we are back to the fundamentals of
What does it mean to be a man
What does it mean to feel like a woman
And does all it take is to self label, identify as such irrespective of biology
If the latter, and all labels are just that, why are you taking male hormones...Genuine question.

Also, looking at my trans debate MN bingo card, what is your opinion on the lady sticks/cotton ceiling claims I keep hearing about on here and what is your opinion on unisex bathrooms

Thank you for your reply.

I wasn't being deliberately provocative, I genuinely hoped you'd help me to understand why gender was different from the two examples I gave.

I'm sorry it evoked a defensive response.

bittapitta: "When I have my son, no matter how I am dressed, we both use the ladies" This is very telling. Why is that then Thanks for this thread by the way. Especially to those voicing very well why gender is a social construct used to oppress biological women and being "queer" or "trans" or whatever doesn't change that.

It's what he asks for. He is 6 years old and I'm not sure about sending him into a room full of grown men with their dicks out quite just yet. I don't know what the right age for that even is.

Another question...
Jack, what are you watching on Netflix?

Lesbians DO get judged and questioned on their sexuality by other lesbians. The term used upthread 'gold star' is one example. There's a lot of judgement about just how 'lesbian' someone is.

more - YY, agree bisexuality is more widely questioned. And thank you.

I am just talking from my experience.

kimmyschmidtssmile: If the latter, and all labels are just that, why are you taking male hormones...Genuine question.

Because I already have a high level of testosterone and taking it seems to have balanced me out mentally far better than any anti depressants ever did. Which may of course be a placebo effect. I have to be careful with it, as I have a crap heart and it can thicken the blood, and it is not a course of action that I recommend to anyone, it's not my place to.

MoreCrackThanHarlem: Another question... Jack, what are you watching on Netflix?

Sons of Anarchy.

Robins, I find myself wondering whether the determination to describe one's sexuality perfectly (or arguably, at all) is pandering unnecessarily to the notion that it is anyone else;s business whom I go to bed with.

I don't think it's describing your sexuality that is the problem. We live in a patriarchy where people think it's their business who women go to bed with. I doubt that, if we all ceased mentioning our sexuality, patriarchy would suddenly cease to exist.

In the mean time, using terms like 'lesbian' and 'bisexual' can be helpful, IMO.

Curry, always curry. Simple and delicious. I like mushroom rogan josh, kormas, jalfrezis, Nepalese curries, every kind of curry

I'm so hungry that I almost had a mouth orgasm reading that!

Ty for answering,..off to look in my since cupboard...

Thank you for replying. What is your opinion on the right to safe spaces. Apologies if you have already answered this.

If a lesbian is having sex with a man they're either not a lesbian, being raped or in denial about their sexuality. Lesbians don't have sex with men. Not even a little bit after having a pint or two.

Trans anything is harmful to lesbians full stop. I'm a mid-20s lesbian and I know so many women who've opted out of lesbianism into gender whatever and I've never heard an explation that wasn't based around bullshit stereotypes. Bullshit stereotypes making lesbians feel that they need to risk their lives (I know a FTT who nearly died from surgical complications; her life will never be the same) because they're butch.

If we're apparently redefining lesbian to include people who aren't women and have sex with men. Why give words definitions at all? Let's just all make up our own language.

I agree with empress surely it is more liberating to accept that "female" is a scientific body type, but that someone with that body type could live their life in all manner of wildly different ways?
This constant adding of categories actually feels very introspective and constraining. I am who I am, someone with a female body who cannot be pinned down by tastes or style etc because they tend to vary wildly over time and place anyway!!!

Totally with you on not wanting to send small boy into men's room full of "grown men with their dicks out".

What about if those men identify as women and come into the ladies? Do their dicks become female and unthreatening as a result?

At the end of this thread, I suspect I will still be asking "what is the difference between growing up dissatisfied with gender stereotyping and rejecting being expected to confirm to a certain "role" as a woman, and ending up as a feminist, and ending up as transgender or non-binary?"
This is such a good opportunity to give an answer to this question, which - in different ways- has been asked by many on this thread and others.

hunkermunker: Totally with you on not wanting to send small boy into men's room full of "grown men with their dicks out". What about if those men identify as women and come into the ladies? Do their dicks become female and unthreatening as a result?

Said dicks tend to be in the privacy of stalls rather than all lined up at urinals!