So is marriage the solution to all social evils?

[BrummieOnTheRun]

"...in the wake of a Tory report that says unmarried parents are driving a generation of children into crime and drug dependency...The Tories claim the rise in cohabitation and single parenthood is unleashing a social and economic crisis.
In an appeal to grassroots supporters, the party will this week put the promotion of marriage back at the heart of its agenda, warning of dire consequences if more couples are not encouraged to wed."

So is the solution marriage, or encouraging more household back into employment?
We married this year after 15 years of sinful co-habiting and I don't feel marriage makes a blind bit of difference to a good relationship. I see the lack of any working role models in these households as being the bigger issue.
But then I'm sure some of these kids are from single-parent households where the mother is killing herself with multiple jobs trying to make ends meet, so...???
Any opinions?
Full article here: /link{http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,2087-2496320,00.html}

here

see if that works!

You'll start a riot! These threads always degenerate into 'What-I-do-is-best-and-the-rest-of-you-are-crap'.
I believe that the best way to bring up children is in a committed relationship. dh & I were together 8 years before children and not at all bothered about marriage. We figured that we were choosing to bring children into the world - they didn't have any say in the matter - so for various reasons (including the legal benefits)we went down to the Registry Office and got married.
We've been together 21 years altogether and I'm sure that the piece of paper hasn't made any difference to whether we stayed together or not.
2 out of 3 marriages end in divorce, but 3 out of 4 unmarried couples split up before the children are 5 years old. Does the piece of paper make a difference? Who knows.

I think more than marriage being promoted we should be allowed some break from sooo many taxes, and then we wouldn't need to be working all the time to make ends meet and would have more time to spend with our children. It is not marriage what is needed just better and more accessible ($) quality of life.

Can't comment too rationally on this being a single parent. Dd is only 2.7 so I can't be sure she won't be driven into a life of crime but certainly my ex and I hope to teach her better than that. In fact I am studying at the moment and hope to end up a lawyer!

Nothing wrong with supporting marriage though, just hate villifying of single parents.

Have always enjoyed a good riot, fortyplus .

I certainly believe that encouraging parents (through tax breaks and benefits incentives) to stay together is critical...but agree that marriage as an institution doesn't make that much difference.

if only life were that simple then marriage could be made compulsory and we'd all live happily ever after

and what is this middle class fear scenario in that report..the rabble might leave the ghetto and enter a middle class neighbourhood

Message withdrawn

I'm not really too bothered if the tories think I'm responsible for the downfall of society tbh

it even mentions Victorian values in that report

do people really believe that everything was hunky dory when QV was on the throne?

well I was married for 20 years plus 3 years unmarried beforehand to exh

and have been living overt brush with dp for 7 years

haven't noticed that we have become criminals in this family

No, as Britney Spears has shown.

actually they are shooting themselves in the foot with this because having tried to appera modern and all embracing they are now effectively retracting and returning to the old dogma

yes, like Battera et al, another one here who has been with DP for eons - 22yrs in fact feck me, I am old

Carmenere

Yes, because marriage will stop the sex slave industry, drug dealing in our schools and domestic abuse.

I am married loved my wedding day but in retrospect sincerely suspect i'd still be with DH ahd I not bothered, but over 10000 pounds richer.

How many paragraphs can I type that end with a

Not sure but I'll just keep going

Couples who aren't married split up more often. Every study has shown that. Therefore if you think splits are bad for children you have to be pro marriage. Blair is considering given cohabitants the same rights as couples - to claim support and property from each other which will encourage more not to bother marrying I suppose.

Lots of those who aren't married drift into being together without a long term plan or publicly stated commitment so drift apart more easily. Given women seem to gravitate towards higher paid men, money grubbing little materialists that so many of them seem to be..., they are the ones who lose out on a break up because common law wives do not exist and have no rights to support or assets they do not own.

I don't see how living together and having children together and pooling finances is going to become more of a committment because you marry

Xenia you've got a point about break ups and common law wives but that is alaw issue, there should be more protection for common law wives in law.

I am going to PARP myself now coz ye cannae argue with a Xenia

The problem with reports like this is that they just lump everyone into one of two boxes, married or not.

They ignore the huge differences between the 16 year old mum who gets pregnant and lives with her boyfriend for a few months after their lo is born before he runs off and a couple who have lived together for several years and make a joint decision to conceive a child that they both want to raise together.

This thread has sort of made me question myself. I'm happily living with dp and our dd but would, for various reasons like to get married. I don't honestly think that it would mean that dd would be suddenly more likely to do well at school and less likely to take drugs . Nor do I particularly want to do anything if the Conservatives think it's a good idea. Nor do I want to feel like Peachy, that I've spent £xk on a wedding when although hopefully a lovely day would be had by all, our relationship would remain unchanged.

xenia, that is not established whether it is cause or effect. Maybe couples who aren't married or the sort of people who drift anyway, and therefore if you made them get married, would that really change their behavior? i suspect they would continue to drift. It isn't the marriage that makes them stay together, but that the type of people who get married were more likely to stay together anyway.

cd, true. I married for religious as well as other reasons. A lot of people have a religious conviction that they marry before God and stay married for life so they also fall in the category of married and staying together which will affect the figures too. A marriage is a very public statement, before the community and family - we promise, vow to be together for ever. Simply living together and then it just continuing by default is not such a commitment.

I don't think however that doling out big married people's tax allowances or higher benefits if people are married or whatever is likely to affect their behaviour. I suppose some countries have got their birth rate up by doling out a lot of money if you have more children so it may work. I don't know.

Marriage is an institution. I respect it. I think others do. It's nice, normal, historical. Living together just feels more kind of grubby, rough, not doing things properly

And church weddings cost nothing. No way anyone needs to spend £10k on a wedding. You should aim to spend more on pre marriage counselling/classes than you do on the wedding day as a good guide.

Our pre marriage counselling was free? Even if you are just planning to provide a simple meal for your guests (and lets face it, it is hardly that public a commitment if there are no guests) plus licence fee you'd end up paying more than I have ever seen for a pre-marriage course?

I think that you must have got ripped off for your pre-marriage course!