4 yr old with depression?!

[earlysbird]

because she didn't get into same school as nursery friends - parents causing it or can a 4 yr old really get depressed of her own accord??

here

No, DG, I do think dragging it through the press is wrong, and I wouldn't do it myself. I do think if the mother herself is depressed and they are dealing with a very unhappy child, it's not totally surprising that they have made what is IMO a poor decision, to try and force the issue by going to the press. I don't think it makes them devious manipulative weirdos though, I just think they are very upset and are hell-bent on trying to put right the mistake they made for their dd.

I wonder when 'friends' became this important at four??

I knew not a soul when I started school and it wasn't even discussed as something that I would think about, and I didn't...but I am on the -ahem- older side and didn't go to pre-school every day like many do now. Yes I know some little girls of four have established friendships but the reality of life is that sometimes we stay with the same groups of people and sometimes we move on. Children don't need to be 'protected' from this, it's life...

I just mean that this is an adult's issue being projected onto this child really.

yes, it is sad rather than devious or manipulative

I do feel sorry for them, don't get me wrong, but here we are in this modern situation I so loathe: the "I demand my rights without taking any responsibility" situation.

I am sorry for their distress, but that is the truth of the matter, I feel.

They were late w/the application.

If you're not fast, you're last.

Where did people get the idea that life is supposed to be fair?

No wonder so many are unhappy. F*cking get over yourselves and move on!

Sadly little Mollie doesn't seem able to "F*cking get over herself", expat. And with diagnosed clinical depression, her mother is struggling with it too. What a pity we can't all be as tough and invulnerable as you.

yes, I often tell my sobbing sensitive child to fucking get over herself at the playgroup. I mean, she has just turned 4, she should be able to cope with whatever life throws at her by now.

Oh, please! GS, I've been on anti-depressants now for 3 years. I'm still on hte max dose.

DD1 has learning difficulties. No telling where this will all lead, but she's been referred back to the paed.

I could spend my life wallowing about why this happened to me.

It'll make FA difference.

I have to look out for my childrens' best interest. Part of that is making sure I get applications and whatnot in on time, otherwise.

That is MY RESPONSIBILITY as a parent.

And there is a support network when we need help. DH regularly gets help from The Action Group, as he is learning disabled, w/job applications, training and the like. And me from SeeMe, a Scottish organisation for helping people w/mental illnesses like mine.

I don't expect people to feel sympathy for me b/c I cocked up my life or use my illness to manipulate the system.

Greensleeves, My dd (3) left her friends (and dog) behind in the UK to emigrate to oz in June. She may never see them again, and if she does she will barely remember who they are.

At night she would wake up crying for her friends, her dog and asking if she could go home now. "I like nanny's house mummy, but can we go home now and see dog & friends (obviously she used their names). Still now she asks if they can come and play. She spoke to one of them on the phone the other day and said 'come here and play and have fun'. The nights I had to lie in her bed as she cried through lonelyness and everything that goes with it. My heart was breaking. I did everything EVERYTHING in my power for her not to see how I felt, I'd hold in my grief and talk to her calmly and explain why they couldn't come and play. Then when she was asleep, I would go back to bed and cry, literally sob my heart out because she was so upset. So yes, I can understand how those parents feel, I have accepted that dd was/is like this because of me, because of choises I made. But I 'jollied' her along, still do. But I never let her see me cry over it, (because I still do) because that would just add to her upset. She was my priority, I had to keep up the act for her, to protect her, to help her.

How I wish I could turn around and say 'lets have them round for tea/picnic/playdate. Lets make sure we see them lots after school/at weekends. There are so many things these parents can do to ease the transistion for this poor little girl. One of them is NOT to turn their lives into a media free for all. If they think this will get her into the school, they are wrong, the school will just dig their heels in and I wouldn't be surprised if the school took her off the short list now.

They should have thought of the conscequences, they should have got the form in, in time, It's really not that hard. I put in the application form for dd's kindy a month ago, and she won't start for another year. I did it because I want her to go this Kindy. I did it because it is important for her to have some stability in her life now. I did it because, above everything else, I'm a mother who's daughter comes first.

there's nowt that can be done though if there are no places available

(sorry to hear about your depression greeny)

Heard them on the radio - fairly self pitying tbh. dd settled at Reception, having just turned 4, where she knew noone , had been in the country only a month and she is a sensitive little madam. It can be done, with a positive attitude.

imho the parents have done little to mitigate the issue and what is going to the press achieving apart from sensationalising the misery of their dd. How does that help ? At the end of the day they missed the application deadline for a popular school (not something they admitted on the radio btw) - sorry, but that is the way the system goes sometimes. I'm sure she is top of the waiting list for their preferred school now but by the time a place comes up she could have been happy and established at the alternative.

I agree with the last post but it seems that, if the mother is clinically depressed, she is unable to help her daughter effectively and is probably causing her daughter's problems.

It is more likely a child will suffer depression if the mother is depressed and not getting effective treatment (no way of knowing whether this is the case here).

I hope the GP is doing something practical to help this child who seems to need more that her mother is able to provide at the moment.

exactly, the GP needs to do something more holistic in my view, than just write a letter of support re the appeal. Obviously the mother's condition is being reflected in the child and if ever family therapy was needed it's now! GP could be referring them on for this, I hope he/she is.

I wonder whether this publicity will lead to social services looking at this family?

And whether this would be a good or bad thing.

Would have thought genuine depression on the part of the mother (let alone child) would have absolutely swung it at the second appeal.

puddle, I doubt SS would look at it tbh...would have to one hell of a lot worse than this nowadays for it to be considered "core business"......

lots and lots of people get no help unfortunately, that's why a GP could be such an important gateway for people into getting at least some form of help.

...how very interesting.........can see both sides of this argument.....

she should not be using a media circus........what happens if she gets in school now? the next set of parents whose child does;t get in will be rounding up the media again..and expecting it to go there way......

the problem is.....she got the form in late....she is now using everything she can to correct that oversight...if every parent did that..it would be bedlam and no-one would bother putting the forms in .....extreme..but i think this kind of thing has a knock on effect.

i was seriously depressed after having DS..but made damn sure that his form for school was in when it should be....couldn;t cope with the fall out if he had not got in...

i can see greeny's point of view..but also agree with what expat said.....

if the child is genuinely clinically depressed..how is having her paraded in front of all and sundry as some sort of pawn going to help?

Yes I don't think they can in all consciousness give her a place now

but maybe the family will get some support

I still think that someone in that family should have stopped the circus before it got to this stage and taught them how to accept and move on

why is it on the news?

I also think that if she really is depressed over this then she should be having counselling and getting help to deal with it instead of expecting the world to conform to her wishes.

When ds started Reception he was not put in the class where all his friends were. I did mention it to his nursery teachers before the summer hols and they said I could request a transfer but they thought he would be fine in his new class. So I decided to leave things as they were.

When he started Reception he was very unhappy and missed his friends and I knew that if he was with them he would be much happier and settle much more easily. At Parents Evening the teacher told me that even though he played with all the children, he always looked sad.

However I really thought that it would do him good to make new friends as well and learn to adjust to situations that are not always comfortable. He does seem happier now, and hopefully will get more settled.

Slightly less sensational reporting on the BBC website - and says the parents are happy with the school.

A four-year-old is suffering from depression because she cannot attend the same primary school as her nursery friends, according to her doctor.
Mollie Murphy from Sunderland struggles to sleep and vomits before lessons, so her parents are keeping her at home.

Sunderland Council said Mollie missed out on a place at East Herrington school because of a late application.

Her GP, Kevin Weaver, wrote to the local authority asking for a change of school, citing stress and depression.

'Backwards and forwards'

Mollie's mother, Victoria Anderson, said: "I thought how can a little girl suffer from that? It's an adult's problem and Mollie's only four. But he told me it does happen.

"There wasn't a thing wrong with her before. Her health was fine, but now she's backwards and forwards to the doctors."

Mollie's parents say they are happy with the standards of her current school - Farringdon Primary - but are keeping her at home for health reasons.

A council spokesman said and there were no free places at East Herrington school but the family could appeal to the Local Government Ombudsman

what a load of crapshyte

the principle - not anyones post

The Mail carefully omits any mention of the application being late !

"There wasn't a thing wrong with her before. Her health was fine, but now she's backwards and forwards to the doctors."

then i imagine it is the parents' reaction to this that has had an impact on their daughters health.......