4 yr old with depression?!

[earlysbird]

because she didn't get into same school as nursery friends - parents causing it or can a 4 yr old really get depressed of her own accord??

here

How do we know the parents are winding her up? I can't see any evidence of that in the article. They're just worried about her and upset for her, surely? They must feel terrible.

I agree with you in some respects greensleeves. I did everything I could to try to make my son feel better about his situation. I invested a lot of time and effort into it, but nothing worked until he himself worked his way out of his negative mindset.

DG I think there's a huge diff between 7 and 4. At 7 kids have their own independent lives at school. Preschool, their social life is almost entirely defined by the parent, they have very little social automony.

My 4yo is a frettin type too. If this happened to him I think it would upset him deeply. I feel very sorry for the parents actually, they cocked up a bit of the admin that goes with having a child in 21st century Britain (I am useless at it as well, I miss doctor's appts, lose book-bags and forget when half term is etc, managing all the paperwork for one small child is like being a bloody PA)and now they are having to watch their little girl suffering for it.

autonomy even

yes but they aren't helping either greensleves

you should have seen them on the news - they really were a picture of misery (and of course I do feel sorry for them)

they've made a mistake but now they owe it to their child to 'jolly her along' at her new school - instead, they are fighting a losing battle with the council who have said there are no places and they cannot just magic one out of the sky! I imagine she is high on the waiting list (because now they have medical priority due to the depression!) but until a place comes up, nowt can be done.

And as someone else said, I was moved from pillar to post aswell - no, it wasn't pleasant but it would have been a lot worse if I ever got the impression that I didn't have to go along with the situation.

I went to 11 schools in total

I think people are being a bit harsh though. Having to put a miserable, exhausted child through something she hates every day, coping with bedwetting and sleeplessness and tears - just awful. It's all very well to sit here and say the ought to 'jolly her along'. I'm sure they muct have tried.

True bakedpotato, although, sadly, I can look back and see that my son was always going to be prone to reacting badly to things like a move. I do think some children are more sensitive than others.

Nevertheless, I absolutely agree in this case that the parents must be contributing to their dd's difficulty accepting the situation. And fancy going to the press with the story! Who would believe the press would be interested in the first place, and what sort of message is it giving the child in the future about what you should do if you are foolish and make a mistake?

I agree with Greeny that a very sensitive child could certainly have real emotional difficulties over something like this and I'm sure that would be horrible for the parents to deal with...

however I do feel that their role is to robustly show her how fantastic they think her new school is, how lucky she is to have lovely teachers, how exciting it can be to make new friends etc etc etc......while acknowledging her upset at losing her previous friends. This stuff is the stuff of life and it's the parents job to show her how to cope. She's four, she can't know unless her parents teach her......

I also think that getting the school application in is not a normal part of parental admin like the book bags etc, which I am as bad at as can be, it's WAY more important than that and there is no way I would have got the form for my ds in late......circumstances differ I know but if the parents have a very sensitive child to whom her friends are THIS important then their duty and responsibility to their DD was to get that form in on time.

the mother is also being treated for stress and depression herself greeny

they even had the child INTERVIEWED on TV this morning - I mean ffs, a 4 yr old being asked why she doesn't like her school.

I do feel sorry for them having to deal with this all - really I do and I too hate all this sodding form filling crap and we are really really bad at it BUT I think it's all been taken a bit too far, that's all.

I don't think a four year old child needs to learn like this how unforgiving life can be. If she was mine I would fight tooth and claw to get the decision changed. Children as young as Mollie should learn the harder lessons of life in a gradual and managed way, not by being given a huge crushing disappointment out of the blue, and told "Tough luck - no form, no place". She's not much more than a toddler, fgs.

I do think you lot are being very harsh today

Yes, I would fight tooth and nail for my children.

But I would NEVER drag them into that fight and that is what they have done I'm afraid. Never, never, never.

Well, I am being treated for stress and depression too. So what? I think a lot of assumptions are being made about these parents.

I have a dd the same as your son Greensleeves and she would be devastated to not get into her school (I have a thread waffling at the mo on this kind of).

It took her about 6 months to settle at playgroup and she will now tentatively start doing new things if I say her friends are (ie dancing classes).

She is super sensitive and to say you can jolly her along is baloney, I am the biggest 'oh fgs get on with it and get a bloody grip' type there is, but she is different.

....although I do sort of agree about it being dragged through the press. I wouldn't do that, personally. But if they are desperate and they thought it might get the decision changed - people do strange things when they are depressed and worried about their children.

'if the parents have a very sensitive child to whom her friends are THIS important then their duty and responsibility to their DD was to get that form in on time'
Agree 100 per cent with this Sunnysideup

Greenselves said '

' Having to put a miserable, exhausted child through something she hates every day, coping with bedwetting and sleeplessness and tears - just awful. It's all very well to sit here and say the ought to 'jolly her along'. I'm sure they muct have tried. '

The parents AND the school have allowed it to get this far. I'm sure if the matter was dealt with swifly etc in the first couple of weeks then it wouldn't have got to this state.

Both my sons were the only ones from their playgroup that went to the school. I made sure that from early on I identfied who their mates were in class and had playdates etc and made sure that school was going to be exciting and fun.

Having been a child that hated being away from my Mum at that age I was going to make sure that my two didn't do the same.

I do blame the parents for this whether the child is sensitive or not this shoould not have got this far ar age 4.

There is a cicrle of misery bewteen the mother and daughter. Apply for a school in time, read the small print about nursery admissions into infant school and prepare for any disaapointment.

I feel sorry for the little girl due to how far it has gone but no sympathy for the mother.

Hmm. That statement works logically, but it's a very cold-hearted attitude IMO. Here's hoping none of you ever make a mistake that causes immense distress to a small child!

yes that's what I meant greeny (the mother being unhappy herself and perhaps not taking the correct decisions - I wasn't making out that she was 'less of a parent' - just that it makes me feel even more sorry for them)

But I have to disagree - and yes, I do think parents have a responsibility to 'jolly their children along' - and yes, it may not work but to drag this child into this fight, to let her hear about how you think this is dreadfully unfair etc. etc. and how she should have a place MUST contribute to the way the child is feeling. I can't see how you could think it wouldn't.

I'm not saying just tell the child to get on with it but I think you have a responsibility to your children not to let them believe that they are in the worst situation ever which is what they are doing.

Greensleeves, surely if you know your child is liable to react badly to a given situation, you would do your damndest to make sure it didn't happen? Why can't the parents just put their hands up, admit they cocked up and move on, rather than parading their poor child around like a performing seal?

I just think it's terribly sad.

My dd1 didn't get into the same nursery as her 'friends' so when she went to primary school she knew one person - we have lots of primary schools round here, so they were all divided up. I made a point of talking to other parents at their look around days in July and found out a couple of the other little girls names, we arranged a couple of play dates over the summer so she would know someone and although she was quiet and a bit shy before school, with school and our support she now loves it - has lots of friends who want to play with her.

Greensleeves, I empathise with you saying you would fight tooth and nail for your child but how can you think it is right that this issue has gone to the press and the innocent 4 yo you seek to protect is interviewed on television? Can't you see that is a gross over-reaction on the part of the parents?

What next? Will we have 3 yos on TV bemoaning the fact that they lost their teddy bear at the park and blaming the local council for failing to provide an automatci teddy bear return service?

It may be cold hearted but thats the reality that 4 yrs old do not get into the school that their fiends go to. It happens all over the country.

If the parenst got the form in correctly in the first place then perhaps a bit more sympathy .

I have a frined whos boy is very sentive and up until he went in recpetion would not leave her. Through friends etc she sought out other boys going in his class and had some playdaytes in the summer holidays befoire school started and it was n't such a big problem.

If the parents knew that they had an over sentive child ( which I'm not sure this little girl is ) then they had a a parental responsibilty to deal with school admission correctly and prepare her daugher accordingly for any disappointment.

I've just read my thread back!
I meant that it was sad that the parents are parading this little girl rouund, telling everyone who will listen that she can't go to school because she's not with her friends fgs.

They would be much better to spend their energy on getting her settled into the school that she did get into!
I noticed that she was wearing a school uniform on the TV this morning