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Leaving children 'home alone' - what do you think?

769 replies

KateMumsnet · 27/03/2015 09:31

Hello all

A parent is arrested for leaving their child alone every day, according to new research.

The law doesn't currently specify the age at which children can be left on their own - and charges in the last three months of last year involved children between the ages of three months and 14 years.

What do you think? How old were your DC when you left them 'home alone' - and would you like to see the age at which a child can be left unsupervised defined in law?

OP posts:
OddFodd · 28/03/2015 17:49

Back again :o

Legislation would be unworkable. If you live in a massive house and your 6YO child has an accident in the games room in the grounds, does that make you less culpable than a parent who lives in a 2 up/2 down who pops to the corner shop and their kid has an accident while they're out? It shouldn't do.

I do agree with you flower that children shouldn't be left alone for any period of time. And I wouldn't leave a 4-5 year old ever but sensible 7 year olds should be able to left for 5-10-20 minutes. They should be able to go to the postbox on their own if there's no road crossing. Or run an errand to a neighbour. So that, by the time they're in year 4/5/6, they're confident with making decisions so walking to school alone is just a natural extension of that. That's the way I believe a child learns. It may be different from yours but it's not wrong. I'm sure you're not arrogant enough to think that British culture is intrinsically better at evaluating risk than every other culture in the world.

Perhaps I feel so strongly about this because I live in a small town and I can't walk down the street without bumping into someone I know. I know (and DS knows) all our neighbours. It may feel very different if you live in an isolated or very transient community. Which is why you can't make hard and fast rules. I know that if DS ran out of the house shouting that there was water coming through the ceiling, my neighbours would be here in a second.

OddFodd · 28/03/2015 17:51

Length of time (ie several hours), not period!

2010Aussie · 28/03/2015 17:54

Crikey! I was going to London for the day on my own at 14. My parents weren't arrested.

Flowergirlmum · 28/03/2015 18:57

Odd- if you live in a mansion you've probably got a nanny. Problem solved.

Flowergirlmum · 28/03/2015 19:00

Should add Odd that your comment about "every other culture in the world" confuses me. Did you see the link someone posted up thread re the USA? Many states have a minimum legal age of 12 to be left alone.

As I child growing up I spent a lot of time in Scandinavia and their practices certainly didn't feature kids being left home alone.

OddFodd · 28/03/2015 19:22

Yes I did. And if you read that link properly, you'll see that there is one state that mandates a minimum age of 14. And the rest of them make recommendations/don't have an age/have an age of 8.

The Scandinavian people I know are like the Germans I know. and the Swiss. The children walk to school from the age of 5 or 6.

And no one is talking about leaving a 7-8 yo all day long except you Confused

sanfairyanne · 28/03/2015 19:22

if you look more closely and also read the comments, most states in usa dont have a legal minimum, but a recommended guideline.

sanfairyanne · 28/03/2015 19:23

xpost OddFodd

OddFodd · 28/03/2015 19:32

www.open.edu/openlearn/history-the-arts/history/different-cultures-different-childhoods
This is a really interesting article about childhood cultural expectations.

emkana · 28/03/2015 19:34

If you saw some of the ComicRelief films about children in Africa it makes all this seem slightly bizarre

Flowergirlmum · 28/03/2015 19:36

Maybe we should all base our parenting on Africa then!

Flowergirlmum · 28/03/2015 19:37

Odd- I've never mentioned leaving anyone all day. Not sure where you've got that from. I have issues with leaving 7 year olds alone for ANY length of time. I assume that most would appreciate that a full day was pushing their luck a bit.

OddFodd · 28/03/2015 19:45

Doh! Sorry, I was giving you the benefit of the doubt

Flowergirlmum · 28/03/2015 19:59

No Odd. I'm one of those weirdos who think young children should be supervised. Crazy I know.

DuelingFanjo · 28/03/2015 20:02

I was home alone aged around 11 but was 'alone' with two siblings, one of whom was older. We were also left wandering about in our small town a fair bit.

Flowergirlmum · 28/03/2015 20:02

By the way, there are 15 US states who make some legislation. The youngest those states legislate for is 8. The majority of those who legislate are for at least 12.

sanfairyanne · 28/03/2015 20:09

sigh

emkana · 28/03/2015 20:20

No we shouldn't base all our parenting on Africa but we should also not get paranoid. As plenty of people have said, I know my children, I know my circumstances, I can and will make my own judgement. The law takes care of genuine cases of neglect, no further legislation necessary.

Jackieharris · 28/03/2015 20:25

I know a 13 yo who has literally never crossed a road alone. Never been out on a bike themselves. Never been home alone.

Tbh I think that's a serious parenting fail.

cheminotte · 28/03/2015 21:06

8 sounds like a good age to me. Ds's school let's them leave without a parent from Y4 and the swimming pool says under 8s must be accompanied.

cheminotte · 28/03/2015 21:10

I went to middle school and walked there and back without parents. Only primary and secondary around here unfortunately. I think its about critical mass too. In Germany / Scandinavia the kids aren't walking home 'on their own' as they will be with all the other children. I'd be happy for DS to walk to school with a friend but that only works if the friend's parent is of the same opinion.

SewingAndCakes · 28/03/2015 21:13

OddFodd that OU page was really interesting. I'm glad my kids aren't living in Tonga!

It's making me wonder about the way many babies are cared for and the way some parents expect them to learn to self settle as soon as possible rather than comfort them or feed on demand - is that an early push towards independence and does this continue in later childhood? Just rambling here so feel free to ignore me Grin

emkana · 28/03/2015 21:25

On the contrary, I was very much into attachment parenting when they were small and am still very close to them, but I know them and trust them to do this

vdbfamily · 28/03/2015 21:40

I do think that one reason parents will not leave their kids is because they have not allowed them to learn to be independent. Kids have their packed lunches made for them and are then driven to school.They are met from school and not allowed out to play unsupervised. They are ferried around everywhere by car or sit inside glued to screens. Maybe it is different in more rural areas. Mine have always had to walk to school and are close in age(3.5 years between 3 of them) My youngest started school a week after her 4th birthday so by the age of 7 had had 3 years of supervised walking to school. By that stage they were all on bikes/scooters and would set off with me but get to school 5 minutes before me. I had a few months of this before I went to the head and said could they cycle in without me and she agreed that was fine(from keystage 2 is fine in our school, so from year 3). There is a busy main road to cross and it is risky as cars often drive through the pedestrian crossing when it is red but the one accident that did happen was when I was there with them and a car ploughed between my son and a friend of his, knocking the friend over. At that point I realised that providing they are safety conscious and sensible,you cannot prevent accidents whether you are there or not, so better to give them the skills and independence to manage without you.( they are also much more wary after that incident obviously)
Last night my 10 year old asked if he could go and buy bacon from the garage(across aforementioned road) He returned with a £3 packet without having taken advantage of an offer saying 2 for £4. I sent him straight back again to get a second packet for £1. He LOVES being allowed to go and also regularly meets his friends in the park to play football.He now takes his 8 year old sister with him to 'fetch the ball for us!!' My 12 year old cooked a meal for her and a friend the night before and regularly bakes cookies and cakes without me assisting. I am not sure what it is people think will happen to their kids when they are left home for a short while.

NaomiCole · 28/03/2015 22:47

Last weekend I sent my 8 year old DS to waitrose to get some milk and bread. The baby (2yrs) was asleep and we had nothing in the house. Waitrose is on the next block to us. I saw him across the road, had phoned the branch in advance to let them know, printed him a visual shopping list, given him the exact money and gave him an old mobile to call me when he was on the corner, ready to cross back over the road. He was fine and loved it =) today I left him and his 6 year old sister sat on the sofa watching octonauts while I popped to the shop with the baby to get milk; I was gone for maybe 15 minutes. They are both very sensible and well behaved kids (touch wood!) and we know all our neighbours. It may help that we live opposite the hospital too! I don't ever leave flo (6) on her own, she isn't ready, but Harry is ready at eight and together they're a strong and safe unit. (It's kinda scary to say it as I know people will judge me.)