Charlotte Wyatt to go into foster care

[ginmummy]

...because, according to the news, her seperated parents can't give her the care that she needs. It so sad, I want to cry. Poor, poor Charlotte, poor, poor parents.

Message deleted

Message withdrawn

When you say they should HAVE to be there, do you mean that they should just send her home to her parents whether they are able to care for her or not?

I'm sorry that I cannot respond to all your comments and questions, I would like to.
vvvqv. to my mind it is not a SN issue because it is about parental repsonsibilit. When i ws still teaching teh school I worked at had most of its intake from the local council flats over the road. there were a number of children taken into care and it was heartbreaking to see, always. the one that sticks in my mind the most is the mother who kept on having children when the new one came along the eldest one got put into care within a coule of months. She couldn't cope, she kept chosing to have more children because she didn't have to deal with the consequences. At no point did she have to shoulder the burdern of her decision making.
Those poor little buggers used to watch their mother come and pick some of their sibs up from school whilst they waited for the taxi to take them into foster care.
I say it is not about SN because it about taking responsibility and THINKING carefully about what you can and cannot cope with and do. It is very clear to me that the Wyatt's have not done this.

BATtytmumma, I reject your idea that their pregnancies were a mistake, it is generous of you to give them the benefit of the doubt. I think it is much more likely that it was a conscious decision but that, again, the long term consequences were not considered atall. What about all the other children. what about thier lives an how they have been affected by . their parents' decision making skills..

We have to look after this child and every other child whose parents cannot look after it, that is not an issue for me. I am very angry that it has got this far nevertheless.

Cat I'm sorry you've been through such a tough time, fingers crossed for you and your little one.

I got pregnant with ds3 when we were very aware of ds1's problems and needs. We didn't intend to have another child, but there you go. We knew he was at very high risk of being disabled himself, possibly severely (which made the first 18 months fun). In fact he's fine. What should we have done terminated him> He's a life. I wouldn't choose a terminatioon under any circumstances. It is incredibnly hard work having him as well as ds1 and ds2. Still think he deserved to be born.

I think if those if you who are coming out with the money and responsiibilities arguments ever end up having a child with SN (something no-one can prevent, it can happen to anyone, as someone said recently we're all just a car crash away) you are going to be horrified by your views.

Message withdrawn

I don't think 'cost ' does come into it , when these decisions are made, re resuscitation etc, it is usually 'quality of life', although quite frankly how that it ever decided is beyond me.

jimjams thanks for second post - really well put, what an awful situation , can you petition on behalf of a group of affected children - is uppose thatmenas forming some form of group. unfortunately rationing of resources has to go on , as money is not infinite , we might spare a htought for the people who have to do this, i find it hard enough to htink about, but this discussion is certainly stretching my brain today.

What would be your solution to this then kitty?

Message withdrawn

Are we sure they "decided" to have more children?

This is surely a most exceptional case. Charlotte was never expected to survive at all. The fact that she keeps on going, despite so many infections and set backs is astounding.
I think any kind of job is going to be tricky, when you are frequently called by the hospital being told that your child may die. Also, if Charlotte came home, it would not be possible for one parent to care for her alone as well as look after 3 other children.
In many ways, despite the separation, her parents are still fighting for her. They are saying we fought for her life but we can't cope alone or even together & asking for help.

Agree about the cost- here, no child who is HFA is allowed help, regardless of individual need,a s a cost absed thing (SS won't deal with)

PAH!

That doesn't affect how I see this chgild though, Is ee a child in need and if she can be helped, she should be

Giddy, I find that funny, the problem you have is merely that I do not think the same way as you and the majority of people on this thread , although I suspect I have more in I think you will find that it is ME who is outside the box.

I'm still amazed that you know so much about the decision-making processes the Wyatt's went through Kitty.

How do you know all the things you so confidently assert?

missed out that I have more in common with alot of people in RL

"fall on their shoulders". Seems like they have a lot on their shoulders.

Perhaps they did fight for her life without realisisng what the consequences of that would be. Perhaps she would have lived even if there was a DNR order. Perhaps in their circumstances it is impossible to see into the future, to tell what effect this appalling situation will have on you, your relationships and your mental health. Perhaps some things are impossible to plan for.

These are REAL people, not a case study. Have some compassion.

my aunt was born at ( i think) 33 weeks weighing 1lb 4 oz.

she was resuscitated 3 times, once by dipping her into peroxide (this was the 60's)

she has severe brain damage as well as the downs syndrome she would have had anyway, and is deaf.

There have been many many times when my grandparents question whether the Dr's were right in resuscitating her. they have questioned whether it would have been kinder, given her quality if life to have just let her go.

Both my grandparents are now dead, and my aunt lives in sheltered accomodation which she enjoys.
My grandparents did, at the time what they thought best for their baby. when your sitting lookign at a tiny baby your only thoughts are for the Dr's to do whatever is possible to keep her alive.

I don't get repsite because qite frankly i don't trust anyone else to care for my son properly. i thin as a SN parent you get so defensive of your children that letting go is harder than normal. (or atleast it is for me)

do you think my grandparents should have considered the fact that when my grandfather died aged 76 my aunt would have been cared for by the state? do you thin that they should not have continued with her care for that reason?

i know there will be people out there telling me that this is different but no, actually it isn't.
You cannot possibly plan for the rest of your child's life as. hopefully you wont be there to see it all.

I can relate to this story on so many levels that yes it is quite raw for me and yes i do have enormouse empathy for these parents.

my own knowledge of SN is more than mosts and yet i still cannot even begin to imagine what their lives must be like.

Caligula, I was talking about the lack of the decision making process. How do I know? well, I could ask you how do you know otherwise?

Message withdrawn

If my child was dying and I just wanted them to live, I'd probably fight to keep them alive and cross the other bridges when it came to it. One day at a time is how you live in crisis, you don't think about the future. I cannot believe that people have become so far removed from their own imaginations, that they can't take that into account.

Message withdrawn

Becky, yes, they have an enormous amount on their shoulders, they had that before they had 2 more children within 2 years, it's not the best thing to do to add to the already very burdensome yoke you have to wear. How do you know I have no compassion or what I am feeling?

Happymum, I'm not suprised at all, and certainly it is the only reaction I would have expected from some posters.

Message withdrawn

I don't know what you're feeling kitty. Only what you're writing. And I can't see much evidence of compassion in your words. Perhaps you just don't express your emotions very well.