Charlotte Wyatt to go into foster care

[ginmummy]

...because, according to the news, her seperated parents can't give her the care that she needs. It so sad, I want to cry. Poor, poor Charlotte, poor, poor parents.

(batty, and HFASD... trust me on that one ) as wella s many other disorders, psychiatric problems, behavioural disorders.... the list is endless

This is all so very sad. I think the Wyatts did absolutely the right thing in fighting for their baby's survival, how could they willingly let her die? I know if, God forbid, any child of mine was in that situation I would cling to their life however tenuous that link might be, all life is precious.

Now that the couple have split and are unable to look after Charlotte, which must have been a terribly painful decision for them to have to make, we must remember that Charlotte, and the family, are entitled to the same rights as anyone else who finds it impossible to cope - in any situation, regardless of what has happened in the past.

I know peachy. i think thats why im getting so angry.

i had a conversation recently who actualy said, to my face, that she gets annoyed with people who make excuses for their badly behaved children by saying they are autistic. they aren't autistic apparantly they just need a "good hideing"

The attitude being displayed here is astounding.
and they wonder why we have found a new board!!

i feel that way about the publicity thing because they fought so hard to keep their little girl. caligula said that they were campaigning for carers - which of course they need. But surely with enough publicity there would be a backlash against the local council and more services would be secured. i understand father is not able but with enough support i would like to hope that the mother would at least be able to care for her daughter some of the time.

Did the mother undergo the same level of required training in how to care for Charlotte? Just curious. I know the father did but, possibly the mother didn't as well as they were expecting the father to take the responsibility for Charlottoe's day to day care.

I think it is impossible, even for the most well organised adult to cover every eventuality. I never imagined, ever, ever, ever that my ex-H would have an affair, leave me & I would end up divorced. I thank God that I have two children without SN because I find them hard enough to deal with.
My parents are over 70 & my brother and sister are not in a position to look after my children. I worry constantly what would happen to my children if I should die.
However, when I had my children they were born into a financially secure, family environment. so how can you possibly predict the future?

The Wyatts are far from being the first family who have put an SN child up for fostering. I feel very sad for everyone concerned but to be honest I do not begrudge them my taxes or ever would. At the end of the day doctors & nurses exist to save lives & treat the sick and the welfare state is there to protect & help those who cannot help themselves. Surely this is a classic example of both institutions working at their best. They were never designed with economics in mind.

Batty, I know you are angry, rightly so, but please dont attribute the attitude and ignorance of one poster to all of us. I, and plenty of others here are just as angry, stunned and saddened by comments made.

There are very few people that think like Kitty on here, thankfully.

Poor family, I do hope that things improve for them. Am amazed at little Charlotte's resilience. I dont grudge her my taxes either.

What an utterly appalling situation.
There are really two separate issues.

One is that of a child with complex needs requiring an enormous amount of care.

The other is of a pair of adults who are obviously inadequate in so many ways.

Who or what rendered them inadequate is also a whole new question.

Nightmare.

No i know VVQV.

but its so frustrating that hours and hours that i have personally spent answering posts about SN not to mention the YEARS that people like Davros, Fio, Jimjams, socci have placed on MN and still we have attitudes like Kitty's

we really do just bang our head against a brick wall with some people.
and to think that she could think it had "nothing to do with SN"!

amazing

It doesn't and I stiil maintian that. AND I am perfectly willing to have a reasoned discussion with anyone here. Ranting and rudeness don't get anyone anywhere.

If it is Charlotte's very complex needs that have defeated her parents, then how can it have nothing to do with SN?

I haven't read all of this but enough to feel justified in answering.
After having 3 healthy children and relatively problem free pregnancies to find out that your 12 day old baby has a serious heart condition is nothing that you can prepare for.
Being told your child is going to die is the worst thing in the world. This happened to me at the end of July-fortunately dd4 proved the doctors wrong-but believe me it's very hard to deal with being told worst case scenario and then for it not to happen. The rollercoaster of emotions is horrendous,I had a wobbly and felt I couldn't cope. We were looking at p/t foster care to help us through it but this is not possible due the level of care dd4 needs-there is nobody suitable available.
Before all this happened I thought I knew how I would deal with a situation like this. Having to decide that you are not going to have your child resusitated is a very hard decision to make although we have been assured that we can change our decision at any time. I am now on AD's,referred for counselling and I still have doubts that I can cope with any of my children let alone a sick one.

CAT - I didn't know - my heart goes out to you .

I htink that Kitty is getting a rather hard time ...i think through all sorts of scenarios about how life might be if anyhting happens to my Dh or Los and though you cannot obviously predict how you might react given and set of circumstances it would seem fair that the Wyatts might have thought about how they would care for Charlotte in the long term while htey where fighting so hard for her not ot have DNR order. If all th eposters who say Kitty is wrong could just imagine they where in the wyatts psoition and were sat at home trying to come to terms wiht wether they fought the dnr order or not surely you would talk about " well if we get the order lifted and Charlotte lives , i guess at some time she may come home, do we feel we would cope with that ???" I know i would ...i shall get blasted for this but hey they went and had concieved another baby when they dangerously ill daughter was only 1 month old... that doe srahter lead me to think they are not great at the forward planning. By hte way didn't someone post they were very religous and that is why they fouhgt so hard and had so many children ...umm are they catholic ? if so a bit of amockery on hte religous arguement as they are now split ( and he has 3 kids from previous relationship) hardly strong catholics then .... oh go on shoot me now.

Her parents choose to have 2 more children, 2 more . Do you honestly think if you were really under the cosh you would burden youself further and that that would be a sensible and reasoned decision?
That's a really, really bad decision. How can you stand a fighting chance to look after a severly disabled child when you go and have 2 more children very quickly?
In an article I read the father was basically blaming the state for the fact that he couldn't look after his child. After all the money they have given his family and child he blaming lack of funding. The pot is not bottomless

I can, actually, completely understand the impulse to have more children because your heart is breaking due to the difficulties your eldest child has.

In fact, in having a DS2 and a DS3, I did something very similar myself (albeit my DS1's needs are very very much less complex).

So I can guess that if my DS3 also turns out to have special needs (which seems quite likely to be the case) that you'll be begrudging paying taxes for any treatment he has (assuming we ever get to the top of the sodding waiting lists, anyway)?

oh cat that is very sad and can only imagine how you feel ...but look at your wonderful post, while you baby was so poorly you obviously did htink very hard about how it would effect you and and your children and it sounds like you realise how hard it is going to be, i am not convinnced hte wyatts did that, they seemed at the time more ocncerned with publicity than the long term. you will cope , sending cyber hugs

I don't know if they are Catholic, ojnly religious and that is why they opposed the DNR thing.

At the point the next child was conceived I believe Charlotte ahd been given no cahnce of survival whatsoever and they were expecting to lose ehr at any moment? it's not necessarily the chice I'd make, but I can see why a couple in shock would make the choice they did.

Kitty- not trying to rant and rave, I just feel that teh reality of having a child with SN is vastly different from what peolpe think or expect no matter how well prepared theya re, and that the Wyatt's probably vastly underestimated the reality of the situation. I don't think that makes them evil though, just human.

mumydoc, get what you're saying but again- are any of us perfect? If he was suffering so badly with depression he attempted suicide, is it necessarily in the best interest of the kids for him to remain in the marriage? I know I considered lettinG Dh go manya time, and was constantly doing the sums of present loving wdad with mental healthy isues V stable home environment with no DAd; it's not an easy choice either way.

What it comes down to, for me, is that the parents actionsa re irrelevant towhether Charlotte deserves tax apyers money for care: she's a child in need and therefore she does.

I would imagine, mummydoc, that they expected to get as much help as they needed.

I think your comment on their religion is a pretty tenuous attribute to the argument that they are not devoted.

I know if my DD or DS was fighting a long arduous battle to live - I would be mostly taking one day at a time, and dealing with other things as and when they occurred. I applaud anyone who would have the foresight to do better than that in the same circumstances.

Kitty, please detail your reasons for saying that this is not an 'SN' issue.

CAT- I'm sorry you sound so brave

Dino- snap, DS1 has two brothers, 1 year between him and ds2, the youngest (3) ahs at the least speech and language issues.

kitty- having and SN child and getting (or not as is mroe likely) any help is a fullt ime job, honestly. We were told the only way we could get help for DS1 was to report him for child abusing ds2. , which we cannot caomes to terms with, he needs help for disability not blame for the consequences. It REALLY can drive you to suicidal thoughts, it really can. You see your child struggling, you can't fo everything you need, you feel inadequate, so you care less well- a vicious cycle.

it's not a bottomless pot indeed (used to work for charity HomeStart so wellaware), but when I looka round and see pointless enhancements schemes'/ statues tributing councilors etc I think- but what about the KIDS?

I also think that people are misreading Kitty's point of view. her posts don't read to me that she thinks people should not have SN children, or get help with them, and certainly not that they should be put away in institutions. I read quite the opposite into her posts.

for instance, apparently, someone posted, they have 7 children. I would say that it is quite irresponsible to have 7 children if you don't have a reasonable hope of being able to look after them even if something does happen to your partner.

that's not the same as saying that when things go wrong there should be supports to help you.

fair point about the religious aspect , also never said i don't think Charlotte shouldn't get the care she needs and personnally from what we have seen she may well be better off in foster care , i wonder once she is placed wiht a family how much father and mother will see off her / do for her. lets hope a nice stable loving family is found for. i just felt that Kitty does have a valid point , this couple have 7 children between them , he is unemployed , we don't know about the mother , lots of expensive training has been provided for him, you can bet lots of expensive equipement has been put in place . Kitty is right the pot is not bottomless and though Charlotte deserves a family , do her parents not have to take some responsibilty for the situation ? all the money spent means less to spread out to other families of SN kids who are very deserving . thinkof all the MNs who look after their SNs kids wihtout a break or help form ss.

Peachy, I'm glad that you know what I meant!

How old is your DS3 (sorry, thread crash here).

I have 3 children, the eldest is severely disabled (can;t bring myself to read the burden on taxpoayers comments, but he will be, for his entire life, party courtesy of cheap vaccinations I hasten to add).

I have 2 younger NT children. I wanted to know what it was like to see normal sibling relationships, and to know what "normal" parenting was like.

So shoot me.

I'm afraid kitty's remarks are some of the vilest I've read on here, and I haven't read them all.

We're talking about a life. Pure and simple. A life. Her life is just as worth as any NT child's.