Charlotte Wyatt to go into foster care

[ginmummy]

...because, according to the news, her seperated parents can't give her the care that she needs. It so sad, I want to cry. Poor, poor Charlotte, poor, poor parents.

i think i8 should parp myself and not return

You didnt upset me, I can understand your point, ofcopurse I can.

What i would say is trhat DS2 (who was conceived when Sam was 5 months , so befoew we knew of the autism) is an especiallyc aring a nd loving child, which I put down in part to him living in an SN househols. DS3 seems to be caring too, although obv unable to express at the mo.

My dad was the second yungest of 16, and he al;ways says he prefers large famillies, which i think is in some way similar? Of course Nan couldn't cope alone (she was disabled after his birth anyway, bed ridden for forty years) but the family dhared responsibilities and got by with love.

Even with my insight into what the Wyatts may be going through I don't feel able to judge.
If dd4 was my 1st would I have had more children? I don't know. Maybe. There are still times at the moment where I think about having another. With that comes all sorts of emotions including guilt. Almost as if I was trying to replace her(which I'm not). Even though she's still here you go through grief-for the "perfect" baby you thought you were going to have,for the life you know is going to change forever.
I have my own views on this case but I'm not prepared to air them in public. Perhaps somebody somewhere is thinking things like this about me?
Maybe I should stop reading this as it's upsetting me now.

CAt, its upsetting me as well.

yes, I agree with that.

Agree this isn't something that should be freely in the public domain. Wonder if her dad has tried to get his story out before it otherwise became public.

I have to say that my initial reaction when I saw the article was cynicism towards the parents. As someone said earlier on this thread, I think their behaviour during this whole sad debacle has been extremely questionable. I am always suspicious of people who air their "grief" through the press and do wonder about their true motives.

When they fought the hospital for Charlotte's right to live I did wonder how they would cope with such a severely disabled child. Its easy to be judgemental, not knowing what I would do in the same situation, but I remain cynical about the parents motives and extremely sad for the child.

Mumandlovingit, I am one of five children, one of whom with severe SNs. In my experience children accept the situation as it is, I don´t think any of us ever resented the fact or even consciously noticed that we had less attention than our sibling with SNs. This idea didn´t even occur to me until reading it on this forum.

IME and already mentioned by other posters, the medical profession may generally do a good job, but they are not all-knowing. They make mistakes about a child´s possible quality of life.

I take issue with people pointing out that the fact that the father has a criminal record makes him an incapable/less capable parent when it is not known what the record is for, and when he was convicted.

Kitty, I can kind of see where you are coming from, and the story you recounted about the family who's mother kept having more children whilst more continued to go into foster care must have been a very upsetting thing for you to see.

I dont, however, think it bears much of a comparison to this particular case though. The Wyatts have not had children removed from their care before Charlotte was born. There is no reason or information to suggest that the remaining two children will be removed from either parents care either. The question of care hangs solely on Charlotte. This indicates to me, that the parents are not utterly incapable or irresponsible. If that were the case, SS would be strongly considering removing all the children, surely? They arent.

So, to me, the issue boils down to the simple fact that Charlotte has special needs that cannot be accommodated properly between SS, The Wyatts, and the carer system. I dont think we could honestly deduce from what the media has said, who is at fault here from that.

Spurious comments and media reports about a criminal record, children from a previous relationship, and speculation on time spent visiting Charlotte in hospital, to me is absolutely nowhere near being condemning evidence against the Wyatts.

To the person that speculated that the people who disagree with Kittywitts were all from SN families - I beg to differ there.

Charleypops - you are more than entitled to have an opinion, and to disagree (I am with you 100% on that), but abusive posts such as yours are against the mumsnet ethos, and takes away the emphasis of the discussion and debate, IMO.

JimJams - I utterly agree with the last point of your post at 4.09pm

I should have said with regard to SS removing the other two children..."they havent, and no report has said that they plan to".

This is why I say this is a Special Needs issue.

That is a great post, VVV.

VV,thanks for such a considered and reasoned response. When you put it so eloquently and calmly I can quite see your point about it being seen as a special needs issue.

I respond particularly badly to ranters I'm afraid. I've always got time for posts like vv's

Me too

Yes fio, I agree. I am prone to ranting myself sometimes. The problems come, IMO when a topic is particularly sensitive to both parties for different reasons and with differing opinions. My huge bust-ups on MN have usually been of that nature, and I am not proud of any of them.

Absolutely Fio. Absolutely. There are one or two issues that I am highly sensitive about, and have made some rather emotional outbursts or rants about.

Unfortunately, when people post in such a manner they run the risk of not being taken seriously - this will only prove to frustrate and anger them further. I know! I have been there!

It is the same in any communication scenario - not just on MN.

I for one am totally gobsmacked by some of this...
and thanks for VVV for getting a positive reply!

hopefully some more compassionate posts will folow.

don't we just come here to rant tho'
it helps to diffuse the stress alot of th time

I haven't had a chance to read the whole thread so I'm sorry if I'm going over old ground. I have nothing but sympathy for this poor family. Whatever happened to Charlotte , the strains placed on the family would be too awful to contemplate.

I saw a cousin of my father's struggle to care for her son, he needed total 24/7 care 365, it half killer her, wrecked her marriage in the end and had a serious impact on family life. This was in the 60s and 70s, without even the paltry 'assistance' (and I use the term in in vaguest sense) given to families with SN nowerdays.

I also know how awful it can be to have to say, 'I can't cope with this' and hand over to the state. My mother has dementia, and needs 24/7 care. She is doubly incontinent, has to be fed, needs constant monitoring, cannot stand or walk, has to be lifted with a hoist. She hasn't had a clue who I am for the last 4 years and has little 'real' language left. Am I a 'bad' daughter? Whatever you think to that question, I simply could not cope with nursing my mother and looking after my two children. the reality of my situation was that there was no choice to make. Thankfully mum is in an amazing psychgeriatric unit.

I look at this case and think, 'there but for the grace of God go I'. If we have never been placed in the intolerable situation of deciding between two horrific choices, we should consider ourselves fortunate and have a little compassion for theose who have been dealt a shitty hand.