She sounds like the type of manipulative, abusive person that brings out the worst in even the most passive of people tbh, I've known a few people like that, male and female and amazing how even the nicest people are 'abusers' with them, even if they run like hell before they are driven to doing or saying anything untoward. They are the abusers but manage to convince the world that it is their victims that are the problem.
His exes word suggests that he is the victim here. There is no way this man woke up one day at forty (or whatever age he is) and suddenly became a violent abuser, people always have history. His wife says he was lovely, kind and generous, after two kids and several years with the man, she would know.
It would be interesting to see what all of his exes say vs all of her exes. That's where the truth lies.