Intensive mothers

[Xenia]

It seems pretty clear children benefit a lot if their mother has a good career and here is another piece of evidence of the damage housewives do to children:-

"Stay at home mothers are more likely to be unhappy than those who go out to work, according to new research.
Women who believe in "intensive parenting" are at risk of a range of mental illnesses including depression.

They think women are better parents than men, that mothering should be child centred and that children should be considered sacred and fulfilling.

This may put them in danger of suffering the 'parenthood paradox' where their ideology increases feelings of stress and guilt.

Psychologist Kathryn Rizzo, whose findings are published online in Springer's Journal of Child and Family Studies, said: "If intensive mothering is related to so many negative mental health outcomes, why do women do it?

"They may think that it makes them better mothers, so they are willing to sacrifice their own mental health to enhance their children's cognitive, social and emotional outcomes."
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She said parenting is a big task and requires a variety of skills and expertise. Many women rate the challenge as one of the most fulfilling experiences in life.

But some previous research has suggested it may be detrimental to mental health, with women reporting taking care of their children as more stressful than being at work.

So her team at the University of Mary Washington, Virginia, looked at whether intensive parenting in particular was linked to increased levels of stress, depression and lower life satisfaction among 181 mothers of children under five.

Using an online questionnaire, they found out to what extent the participants endorsed intensive parenting beliefs by measuring their responses to a series of statements.

These included "mothers are the most necessary and capable parent", "parents' happiness is derived primarily from their children" and "parents should always provide their children with stimulating activities that aid in their development".

Others were "parenting is more difficult than working" and "a parent should always sacrifice their needs for the needs of the child".

Overall, the women were satisfied with their lives but had moderate levels of stress and depression.

Almost one in four had symptoms of depression and these negative mental health outcomes were accounted for by their endorsement of intensive parenting attitudes.

When the level of family support was taken into account, those mothers who believed women are the essential parent were less satisfied with their lives. Those who believed that parenting is challenging were more stressed and depressed.

The researchers said overall, the women were satisfied with their lives but had moderate levels of stress and depression.

They added: "In reality, intensive parenting may have the opposite effect on children from what parents intend."

Earlier this year a study of more than 60,000 US mothers found 41 percent of those not in work experienced worry compared to 34 per cent of those employed.

And 28 per cent suffered depression, eleven per cent more than the others. Psychlogists fear the phenomenon is linked with feelings of isolation and a lack of fulfillment. "

www.telegraph.co.uk/health/healthnews/9381449/Stay-at-home-mothers-more-unhappy-than-those-who-work.html

More fool her.

lovechoc until the bills started piling up and she had to wait for an operation on the NHS....

I talk to people all the time. Sometimes hundreds of them at once. While my job might be filed under 'desk job' by people who just hear the title, in fact it involves travelling in trains planes and automobiles a significant proportion of the time, and meeting all sorts of people in all sorts of places.

Anyway, I'm pretty certain that nobody, not even Xenia, is saying that you have to try and do a job that you would find too stressful. Everyone should do what they feel comfortable doing, and nobody should put barriers in the way of others doing that. Barriers include spreading misinformation about jobs, of course.....There's plenty of jobs I can;t do because I don't have the specific qualifications or ability. Translator, for example. I'm shit at languages. I don't pretend that the work is dead boring though. The work might be fab - I don't know, but it might well be. It was certainly highly amusing the last time I was in Brussels listening to an EU commissioner being incredibly rude about - well, essentially the british - and being able to understand him because my french isn't that bad, but at the same time listening to the in-ear translation which was much more diplomatic.

Crumbs,I am exceedingly naive.I didnt realise that people thought certain jobs were rubbish jobs.I realised that things like doctors and lawyers were,but didnt realise all other jobs have their status too.
Agree that in brainwork jobs,men and women may be equally skilled.
So the feminists who want men and women to be equal,are they only talking about brainwork jobs?

xenia for someone who loves work so much WTF are you doing on here so much??

I haven't read the thread since the first few posts but in reference to the 'baking cakes' comment just now - I have an awesome brain. And I make awesome cakes. Just sayin'.

With plenty of money comes the responsibility, and not everyone wants that. Some people cannot handle the level of responsibility that comes with their well paid job. When things go wrong, the buck stops at you. You'll find many who have no interest in being 'at the top' because of this. Look at all the wankers big shot bankers who have been portrayed in the media for messing up big time...

bloody hell i am sick of being put down for daring to actually look after the children i brought into this world! i have nothing against mothers who work but why is it that it is deemed acceptable to have a pop at SAHM's? I hate myself for reading this shite and hate myself for feeling the need to post but how on earth am i damaging my kids by looking after them myself surely this is what mothers have done for millions of years? dear god i am glad i have had it pointed out to me what a terrible mother i am! who wants to come and tell my kids??

Xenia is talking about 'top jobs' and boardroom, isn't she? Women already do the vast majority of low paid low status jobs in the country, we know that. I hardly think it will advance anything if we spend our time agitating for parity in manual labour jobs as well. Why should we be trying to take an even bigger share of the lower paid jobs?

You were the person who raised the issue of jobs where physical strength is the key characteristic required for success. I hadn't thought about it till you brought it up but I'm really happy for men to carry on 'beating' women in those fields forever. I'm fussed about the areas where we can compete. Not those where we can't. It just so happens that Xenia's 'top jobs' are almost all in those areas where we can compete. So your digression was irrelevant, really.

I've never described myself as a feminist. There are significant issues on which I disagree fundamentally with the current feminist thinking.

None of these high flying business types could handle the level of responsibility they had, but were happy to take their salaries.

Mama I was actually going to ask her that aswell, but you've beaten me to it!

I am making reference to many jobs, not just the low paid ones, actually

the men in desk jobs,are they more competitve against women,then they are against men?

men can carry on having those desk jobs as far as I am concerned, it's menial boring work. being part of the rat race is not something I'd ever aspire to.

amill the men in desk jobs,are they more competitve against women,then they are against men? sometimes but most people are successful by being vvv good at what they do rather than competing with others in any obvious way.

lovec men can carry on having those desk jobs as far as I am concerned, it's menial boring work

do you have an expereince of this type of job? or are you just going on what you see in tv?

What would I prefer... A lifetime of memories of earning lots of dosh while someone else is there looking after my kids, or memories of my children growing up.. No brainier for me.

If it involves sitting at a computer all day, tap tap tapping away and pressing the 'print' button then no, I'd not be in a rush to compete with a man in this line of work. Or anything in the finance sector, tbh.

@Yoyo I think we can safely say No to that one.

I second that, mama.

I love being at home with children, in fact my youngest starts school in September and I'm a little sad about it, it will be the end of a really happy window in my life.

I know that I will then have to get a job and after seven years not working that's going to be difficult and I'll have to start at the bottom. I think it's been a price well worth paying though. I have never been very ambitious and am even less money hungry. I admit I'm quite lazy, but so what.

I'm glad you're happy with your life choices Xenia but you do seem a little blinkered to the fact that not everyone wants what you want. As for our kids, I'm sure they'll all do just fine.

kenndodd love your post

I don't take American studies seriously, anyway (going back to the OP). Can we have a study that is relevant to the UK and the upbringing of children, if you are going to have another bash at SAHMing.

Xenia using an American study to compare SAHMs with WOHMs isn't really relevant. 1 in 5 Americans suffer from MH disorders. Not the same can be said for the UK, I'm afraid. Different demographics.

@kendodd I'm sure you aren't lazy. :) I know what you mean about being sad when your youngest starts school but it will be the start of another equally happy window, I'm sure. :) It sounds as though you are a sensible and caring person and I'm sure you will do well at whatever you chose to do next.

lovechoc until the bills started piling up and she had to wait for an operation on the NHS.... because caring is so poorly rewarded, so denigrated only a women would do it?????

And that is the problem with capitalism.

Women and probably some men are being alienated from their nature in the same way that women are being alienated from nature and any natural desire to care for their children.

As Xenia pointed out, industry needs a different set of skills now, to renew itself and to open up new areas of investment and opportunity for profitability. so come on girls, the labour market needs you, put down your rolling pin and make for the office. You will be rewarded with long hours, an unemployed husband, no extra pennies and a whole shed load of mother guilt. Whoppeee, can't wait.

We are constantly hit with the line that "Its all gender stereotyping and you have been socialised" without actually realising that social change and consciousness is always shaped by and some way behind the changes in how we produce the means of subsistence. In times of war we are dragged from the kitchen, when we had a manufacturing industry creating the home comforts and new houses to rebuild after the war, we were shown the washing up, when capitalism re-invents and wants less manufacturing and more service industry type jobs( call centres etc...........) we are told to drop the baby. And guess what, we women have at every turn written the theory on socialisation and equality to fit with the demands made of us.

good point Mini.And now in the recession,more women than men are losing their jobs,cupcakes beckon?