Child guru says nurseries harm small children

[flashingnose]

oh dear

we all have to believe we are doing the right thing, otherwise we would go insane, my 2 dd's are now safely ensconsed in full time school, and have survived the "trauma" of pre school and part time use of the same childminder since 6 months of age. of course, when they turn in to tearwaway teenagers, I can look back on my decision to have a career, and be a mother and beat myself up about how "selfish" I was....

Sorry to re-divert the thread, I didn't have time to come on b4 now, and just thought I should answer a few people.

HRH - I skimread the articles - I definitely agree with the second - the man's main reponsibility in marriage is to love his wife. The first I didn't have time to read thoroughly but I think I agree with what its saying - the man shouldn't force the wife to do what he says, but the wife should still defer to his leadership.

Ruty - I've never noticed it being at odds with eachother and i read the Bible through lots of times.

Greensleeves - HRH is right, it's not just a helper, but also a companion - as God said its not good for a man to be alone (sorry I missed that bit out )

Crunchie - if my husband wanted me to work I would, and its not like you can't work - Proverbs 31 is about an excellent wife who also worked. But she worked from home, and I believe our home, marriage and family should be our priority.

Harpsichord - it is help meet, but still a help!

Uwila - actually theres a lot more scripture quotes but I didn't want to bore you

With the submission thing - I believe it means if Dh says lets do something, I respond 'OK' - genereally. Of course I can always suggest something else, but if he doesn't like it I go with what he says. (I'm still learning though!) If you marry a godly man then he will often do what you want even if he doesn't want to. And there's been lots of times I've gone against what I wanted and it turned out better.

OK so SAHP's are :
lazy
Sponging off their partners or state
Mindless
Boring

WOTHP are:
Selfish
Think of their children as accessories
Appalling
Very Material

Far as I can see the only one smelling of roses is Biddulph. Is he a parent?

Sorry I haven't read through this thread but I'm getting really sick of these gurus. They all bang on about SAHP or working parents as if we all had a blimmin choice! I am the breadwinner because I have the higher regular earnings potential & DH does the childcare along with a couple of days a week nursery for DS' social life. Sure in an ideal world I would love to be at home with a dp earning oodles to support us all but it's not the way it is and these so called studies only succeed in making parents feel guilty when they are just trying to do things the best way they can. GRRRR!

where has the god stuff come from?

Oh just read some of this thread and seems like I've walked in on some private argument. I'll be off again I think...

I think the point that women are vilified, no matter what parenting chices they make, is a fair one. It's one thing I learned early on as a mum, you have to develop tits of steel as there will always be a few people who make unsoliciated, rude comments about some aspect of your parenting. Paradoxically, my self esteem has gone through the roof; I make the choices that I know are the best for DS and I, and I burst with pride every day when I see what a sociable wee tike he is.

I'm not happy about the judgemental articles written in the press, but I do take studies by child clinical psychologists very seriously (as opposed to Gina Fiord or that Hogg woman).

I don't see it as a luxury that I stay at home with DS. I agree that until he is 3, FT external childcare is a no-no. I have just submitted my PhD and turned down a place a medical school. God, I miss the intellectual stimulation (and the lab gossip). We're skint. For me, I feel I'm doing the best thing for DS. It's not for everybody, but I'm very comfortable with my choice. I'm amused, rather than angry, that people openly comment that I'm wasting my life as an SAHM.

I had the same comments in the last 2 years I've been at home. Now I've gone back I'm getting "I could never leave my kids when they are so young" comments. They are 4 and almost 2! Not babes in arms. You just can't win whatever side of the fence you are on.

i'm with you bosscat - you do what works for you, just don't put other mums down for not doing the same

I agree with him.You can still work and look after your kids yourself just do night time and weekend work.It's not like you don't have a choice.They are soon at school then you can go out and work in the day.Why risk it?It's only a few short years of their life.Babies shouldn't be in a bloody nursery they need mum or dad.

What on earth must it be like to live in a world where you are convinced YOURS is the only right way to live. Where you are so insufferably smug you think YOUR choices are the ones everyone should be making.

it doesn't matter what choices you make - if they work, of course you feel smug and start to think that your way is the only way.

Not that I've ever thought that Open minded me

'I agree with him.You can still work and look after your kids yourself just do night time and weekend work'

That is not possible at all in some fields. Many, in fact. If you're a solicitor, for example, or a barrister or magistrate. A primary or secondary school teacher. A bank officer. A mortgage advisor.

Etc. Etc.

When do you sleep if you do nightime and weekend work? During the day. But that's when you look after the children. Mine have never slept more than a couple of hours at a time during the day. I've been working from home for the past 6 months, exactly that night-time and weekend work that sounds so ideal on paper and when prescribed to others. I'm going back to office work in two weeks' time. It doesn't work for all. Unless, of course, you're superwoman and can exist without sleep. Or do drugs or something.

Message withdrawn

"You can still work and look after your kids yourself just do night time and weekend work"

Hmmm.... so how do I get my students to turn up to those 2am tutorials?

Message withdrawn

I'm sure there are mortgage advisors who work nights and evenings, Orinoco, but the vast majority work days and have no option but to do so.

Ditto women who work in the court service, most office jobs, primary and secondary school teachers, university lecturers, classroom assistants, council workers, JobCentre employees, etc.

Do what evening and night-time work? And what about the other bits of your life - you know, sleep, friends, reading the odd book, watching Desperate Housewives, the non-parent non-work stuff (heaven knows I get little of it, before you jump down my throat, by the way)?

I work from home, as it happens, but my children aren't with me during my working hours. If they were, I could neither do my job nor look after them efficiently.

I live where there are a lot of call centres and a lot of women and mothers around here work very odd hours (the call centres are all 24hr).
So they juggle motherhood and working without using childcare. I tried it for a short period of time after my maternity leave was up - but found I was slogging away at night and having to look after ds whilst being knackered the next day! Was sooo tiring and I decided to give up work.
Have admiration for all you women who juggle working and motherhood (that includes all women working all hours! lol) Because it is bloody hard work.

What life, what w/serving my helpmeet, looking after my kids, AND working?

It is not a choice for many of us, Emily, tired or not.

FioFio, how dare you want sleep?