GARY SPEED has died, manager of Wales.

[PosiesOfPoinsettia]

Don't know anything else.
But condolences to his family.

Animation, I know you are just saying what you feel. But I don't think now's the time to articulate this. Believe me (as someone whose family has been affected by suicide) his wife and children and friends have a whole lifetime of fury, hurt, pain, guilt and bemusement to look forward to, and trying to find some peace and understanding as well. Do you think that if GS had been in remotely the frame of mind to appreciate that at the time, and to weigh up sensibly and dispassionately whether it would be selfish to do what he did, he would have?

This should be a condolance thread.

RIP Gary - thanks for all the wonderful years at Leeds xx

Aries - I agree that this thread is about condolences to the family. That is absolutely where my sympathies lies.

It's also very true that this family have a lifetime of hurt and guilt and bemusement ahead of them now. I have worked with such families and it can take a hell of a LONG time to come to terms with a loved one committing suicide.

Men commit suicide for a variety of reasons - sometimes it's depression, and sometimes it's act of ange rooted in hurt pride. That family will be looking for the causes for many years to come - and will more than likely blame themselves. Whether suicide was intended or not he is still reponsible for inflicting this pain on them - and it's OK that people may be angry at him for this. There's a pressure here to be only SAD for him when the reality here is far more complex.

I know nothing at all about football and even less aobut players and managers, but I am very saddened by this. DH and Ds1 are too, they usually sit and watch football focus together and it was on when i was in the rooma nd they were discussing Gary Speed and how well he was doing as Wales manager etc.

I know, Animation. It's very complex. I can't begin to understand how he could have begun to feel that bad and not sought help, and how he could have maintained such a show of being fine.

I wasn't having a go at you.

It's just...I don't know....so many people who didn't even know him seem to have loved him and are so hurt by this. You then think of his family, magnify it by a million and then you are starting to have an inkling of what they are going through. I can't bear it fot them :(

The news really shook DH.

Thoughts are with the family and friends.

RIP

we may get to know waht the problem was. Men find it difficult to admit to depression. Gary Speed was on tv on saturday. It was a great shock

I'm at my friends house now spending a few days with him for support and he spoke to GS on saturday about a golf match they were arranging and he said there was no indication anything was wrong with him.

Everyone is at a total loss as to why this has happened what has made a man who idolised his wife and children feel that this was the only way out?

My friend has also asked me to passon his thanks for all the condolence messages on here. still in total shock

Yes, my thoughts are with the family. How terrible for them

RIP Gary Speed. Still in shock. Absolute legend.

I saw a comment somewhere, could've been the BBC website, that said he appeared so happy at the moment. From experience I can say this is a warning sign. Someone who has tipped over the edge and decided to kill themselves feels like a weight has been lifted from their shoulders. For once you feel amazing, because in your head you have no worries any more. The stigma of mental illness must be consigned to the past.

I am guessing this had nothing to do with mental illness or depression, but that he was dealt a sudden devastating blow which he could not bear.

WTAF? Do you realise how crass and insensitive such speculation is? For God's sake, please respect the dignity of the family and the man himself.

I am just reminded of a friend who left us the same way, it has brought it all back.

I'm sorry for your loss. But please don't project that situation onto this one and start such speculation. It's distasteful and massively disrespectful.

percyfilth I take it you knew Gary did you to have come to that conclussion?????

Even Louise his wife doesn't know the reason behind it no-one does the only person that knows the reason is no longer with us.

As I have said before my very good friend was a very good friend of Garys and is still trying to work out why he done it. i'm sorry but I think people should show some respect and keep their own opinions and speculations to themselves it doesn't help anyone thats been affected and just causes more upset which I think is the last thing that is needed at this time.

I'll get off my soapbox now and go back to my friend

Why pick on me, there are plenty of other comments here already. I have not said anything disrespectful about Mr Speed.

percyfilth I'm not picking on you but like biwi said its sad that you have experianced this but the thing is don't you think if he was told something that devastating his wife would have known.

Like I have said before the only one who knows the truth is no longer with us and has left behind a family who he idolised and would do anything for.

They are now having to come to terms with the fact that there husband/father/son is no longer in their lives and they may never have the question they are all asking answered. why?

As well as this Louise has got to live with the image of finding her husband so my personal feelings is unless anyone knows the truth they should keep there speculations to themselves.

I actually think you ought to take your own advice then, tjacksonpfc - do you really think that with all your 'my very good friend was a friend of Gary's' and 'my friend said to pass on his whatever' and Louise this, Louise that, that you are keeping your opinions to yourself?

What possible reason could you have for airing private links with the family on a public forum/name dropping non stop, then lecturing everyone else to show respect?

"Even Louise his wife doesn't know the reason behind it no-one does the only person that knows the reason is no longer with us." You cannot possibly know that. I imagine that if his wife knows the reason why she's not likely to make that known for fear it all coming out in the press.

Feenie...well said!!

or on places like this.

FGS - I do wish all the pious twats would wind their neck in - PercyFilth didn't say anthing wrong. it's an internet forum.

'friend of a friend'

tjacksonpfc has quite a lot to say over on this thread too:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/in_the_news/1353009-Cant-stop-thinking-about-Gary-Speed

Is it really necessary to spell out the nature of some of the rumours, funny way of showing respect. What hypocrisy. I'm saying no more.