Absent fathers to be made into scape goats

[ivykaty44]

absent fathers

as a single mother who has lived without maintenence for periods of time and at times struggled to make ends meet I still think it is awful to suggest making a group of people stigmatised.

there are good NoneResidentParents and there are useless NRP, it isn't just absent fathers but sometimes absent mothers. What sort of country do we live in thuogh where we would want to stigmatise a whole group of people.

Better to keep the CSA free and make it work rather than the clerical mess it is at the moment.

wrongagain, you are providing for her. It isn't all about money. If you share custody like that then no, you don't need to give any extra I would imagine (cause it sounds like you split the cost of things anyway).

Your dh is obviously more interesting in giving his dd a happy life and being an actual dad.

Just wish all dads were like that!

I think it's great to encourage people to value their responsibilities, and to take pride in what they can give in supporting their families and children.
We all need a bit of encouragement, and actually I think PM's should do this more, and be more presidential - leadership is a skill which should be exercised to full effect - And not just shuffling the money round a bit.
But stupid to compare with drink drivers .. that's a completely different issue.
And as for stigmatising people for family breakdown - that's so old-fashioned and tory. I don't think he's onto a winner there. Appparently my grandparents wouldn't allow divorced people in the house - amazing - and they were so kind and lovely in many ways. If they were alive now they wouldn't see some of their great-grandchildren as my sister split up from her H - it was definitely for the best and she had little choice anyway. He should give her and the kids more support though, so I agree with some aspects.

I don't see some of DC's comments as particularly controversial - runaway fathers who take no financial or emotional responsibility towards their children should be criticised. You can't argue with this.

Fathers who are prevented from providing financial or emotional care are obviously not included in this group.

However, what frustrates me is the implicit assumption that a father's role is to only see their kids at weekends. This is blatant discrimination. If fathers are to be treated fairly, the assumption should always be that they have as much right to live with their kids as their exp's do.

So often I see MNer's assume that a father's right is weekends plus one weekday evening every other week (or somesuch).

Surely a father should have as much right to "residence" as a mother?

Thanks guys, I get a lot of open mouthed looks when I say we don't pay maintenance but its nice to know that we're not in the wrong! I could never be with a man that doesn't support his kids, if you create them then you move heaven and earth to support them not just financially but physically too. Any parent that will not support their children should be forced too. I just cannot understand why these parents cannot do that!

All this is a load of eyewash. Tory ideology of the (economic) family, juggled with Tory ideology of male privilege. So the father must fulfil his role of breadwinner, but the man must be allowed to sow wild oats. Mothers must not languuish on benefits, they must be made to get (another, paid) job in addition to domestic labour and childcare. So we end up with an uneasy compromise of 'stigmatising' with no effective action. Whose kids are in poverty? Why, ours. Do they go to Eton? Do you need to know anything else to see why it's this way?

I bought the domain name fecklessfathers.com many months ago.

Now, I am waiting. Just silently waiting and single-handedly raising my son while my morally bankrupt ex husband lives his jolly life in Thailand.

One day, possibly, will be named and shamed on it.

I am just waiting. Come on Cameron. Follow through with some legislation on this.

got to just say that some mothers do stop exes from seeing their children for silly reasons, its happened to dp many times and yes he pays regular maintenance, sees his children once a twice a week including over night stay.

Oh and she told him once that if he didn't see the his girls when she decided he would never see them again and she wanted him to phone in sick all the time to have them he nearly lost his job over it.

and she never answers the phone when he tries to ring to talk to her.

I'm just worried good dads will be lumped in with the bad and the mum can tell a pack of lies.

I do know there are many many crap dads out there though before anyone jumps on me.

also my eldest two children have a good dad who doesn't live with us, when we split things were dodgy, he didn't do much in the way of maintenance and seeing them but now in the last 3 years he has really improved and things are great.

But then I communicate with him about everything, then again I'm lucky and can do that.

I can see things from all sides i suppose

I think it should be illegal not to give financial support to a child.

So do I. Best point ever.

I wish it was illegal not to support your child.

My XP doesn't pay a penny in maintenance despite having thousands in the bank. He's a company director (it's his own company).

And CSA are hopeless. Absolutely hopeless. If an NRP is minded that way and has enough nous (doesn't have to be particularly clever, just clever enough) it's easy to avoid payment. There's a lot they can do but they don't do it..ime.

Maybe they should pass a law where they are forced to pay? I know you cant force the absent father to want to be their...but they should be made to pay.

My ex left me to bring up my disabled ds alone so it isnt so much about the money but not having a break...no one to share the load/stress/decisions

When I did try and get mainenance he attacked my house repeatidly for over 2 years (petrol bombs, screw drivers marks in door trying to get in) their is a court order in the country he lives for several years but he can afford to keep moving earning 100K a year...I lost my job due having to care 24/7 and struggle finacially daily and unable to give ds the life he deserves ...nice holidays...nice clothes...lots of social stuff and health stuff (speech and Language therapy to help him talk/communicate better) etc

It really does suck big time...so come on Con's you made loads of bad changes ...make some good ones now!!

Like I said before, if you don't pay your tax, or council tax, they have ways and means of making you pay. I fail to see how this is any different. If they can do that, they can do this!

Technically they (CSA) can do it portofino, but generally they don't unless you harry them continually.

I had a nightmare with them and only got anywhere because I wrote endless letters/calls to them and eventually contacted my MP from sheer desperation/frustration.

I know the thread has been very busy and I hadn't posted but as is always the case there is HUGE sadness when a perfectly fabulous parent is denied access to his child.

my friend said this
With no money to fight for access how can it be done. calls and letters never answered. i only got to See my youngest one last week because i found out she was in hospital and the ex had no choice! its frustrating beyond belief
David Cameron said that 'absent fathers who do not support their families should be treated like drink drivers'!!!! And the mothers who do not let the fathers who do see their children should be treated in the same manner!

I have no idea how to fix things at all but the way that it is messing up children on all sides of the issue should make it a priority surely.

their is no powers if the absent father goes abroad though!

I'm with Cameron. It shouldn't have anything to do with what the father's relationship to the mother is like, he should still love and support his kids no matter what.

How about if the mother makes the decision early on to have her baby knowing that the father won't be involved?

When I had my dd I knew there was a good chance her father wouldn't be involved but wanted my baby and was prepared to raise her on my own and support her financially as well. I wanted her dad to be involved but it was my decision to have her so I take full responsibility. I don't think you can scape goat men as its not always straight forward.

otherwise theoretically all men who donate sperm should be tarred with the same brush!!!

girliefriend: I agree, that was similar for me and so I don't feel the need to chase XP for maintenance as he lives in other country and doesn't see DS.

The problem is that there are so many different individual scenarios that you just can't legislate for all of them. All you can do is to make sure that all parents who want to be involved are, that they also share the responsibility and that no one is left impoverished.

It is too complicated to stigmatise. i would struggle with my 2 if totally on my own 100% of the time discipline-wise, regardless of money. DH really stabilising influence.
Not having that available to kids can't be good, but wouldn't want a wife beater anywhere near, and stigmatism hasnt stopped domestic violence.
Then there are the kids as pawns to punish the ex-partner by denying access scenarios, which are remarkably selfish. My cousin financially supports, but despite court orders is denied access. He has stopped fighting, because the fight was detrimental to his sons' emotional welfare.
He dooesn't deserved to be stigmatised, his ex does.
So I think Cameron is wrong on this.