New childcare study shows that....

[ladbrokegrove]

the under thress do best when looked after by their mums. Can't do links but it's front page Observer. I'll retreat without saying what I think about this one!

My ds2 is one of the 1000+ babies in this study! I'm not really going to comment on the findings, all I can say is that it is very thorough. We've had loads of questionnaires, visits, video-filming, assessments etc. When we moved 350 miles, they still came up to visit him to do the final visit last year.

Oooh, roisin, how did you get picked?

am happy for you Lacrimosa - wish I could give up too, but now I am divorced, fat chance.

I did have some bad nursery experiences, but the last one was very good (dd2 went there aged 6 weeks ).

The researchers were recruiting at our baby clinic, and loads of us got asked if we were prepared to participate. Most of ds2's little playmates from Oxfordshire were in the study too.

All I do want to say is it does not equate to a Mother & Baby survey - answer these 10 questions online, or something like that. It is a very, very thorough research project.

Not every woman can afford to stay at home with their children, whether she wants to or not. Downsizing - nice idea in principle, but for people who live in London (as we do), it's very often not possible to do that without moving away from family (in my case both sets of grandparents and DS's aunts, uncles and cousin), friends, etc. I'm very lucky, DS has family members look after him when I'm at work. We don't have a huge house (2-bed mid-terrace in need of work), nor do we have a lavish lifestyle (no holiday for four years, one second-hand car, etc). Yes, we could probably do without a few of the things we buy, but why should I pare my life right down to the bone when I can go to work?

I'm a better mum because I work - I have more patience with DS and more enthusiasm to do things with him on my days off. I don't do hugely long hours, though I do work four days a week, he's incredibly happy with his grandparents and staying at home 24/7 would make me want to bite my wrists open. That's my personal opinion, based on my personality and circumstances. I understand that other people don't share it.

Not at al relevant.... but You've gone all halloweeny Hunker!

I have! I started a thread about it late last night - will bump it

Another insult to SAHDs. Personally, as I had such severe PND after DD was born, I -the mother - would definitely not have been the best carer. He was. He is also learning disabled and does not have the earning potential I have.

Of course, parents like us never figure into studies like this.

Sexism is alive and well and living in the UK!

epis, you just have to be in the right place at the right time - see roisin's post at 1.57.

Good that Leach is arguing for better childcare. But she should be arguing for better support for parents who want to stay at home as well. And for a more positive attitude to parents who want to work.

As for sexism, no-one ever tries to lay a guilt-trip on dads for going out to work, do they? It's always the mums who are wrong.

Edam, exactly why I started the thread I did the other day. Dads are "allowed" by society to work long hours each week, but if mums work, they're evil baby-eating bitches.

Maybe we should take some direct action to make our point then by calling a national one-day strike of working mums. They'd soon notice we weren't bloody there and it would be a demonstration of our economic contribution to society.

Plus we'd get a day off to spend with our kids!

It's true. If women earned more then men the equation woudl reverse with more men staying home. If equal pay/rights were really achieved, the debate would be academic.

The wording is all very odd too "definitely less good"?? Erm, what does that mean exactly?

Erm, I mean until equal pay/rights are achieved the debate is academic..I think..that part of it anyway

QOQ - Q: "Oh wouldn't it be a lovely world if we could say catergorically that a parent always cares more for their child than anyone else does........."

Well, that's not what I said is it!! I said,

Q: "For the most part, I don't think anyone cares for a child quite the way their parent does."

So I didn't say 'categorically' did I?

And from my perspective it's not about how much time you actually spend on one to one interaction with them, playing games etc. It's the fact that you are there, at the drop of a hat, for whatever they need and the fact that they are in their home environment with their parent. That is what I feel is important in these early years. I'm not saying that a SAHM spends more time doing one to one activities and for me that isn't the point.

This is just my view though and it's what I feel is right for my children. Everyone else of course is perfectly entitled to their own view and lifestyle and I hope I'm not judging them for it.

agree with edam and HP, really irritates me that mummy should be there but it is often ok for daddy to work full-time!

Typical make working mothers feel bad stuff. Don't worry that often they have to work. Don't worry that perhaps they want to.

I always take surveys with a pinch of salt anyway. There are so many always coming out with different findings. There are too many VARIABLES. Everyones situation is different. We are not fecking sheep.

The perfect solution seems (to me) for the government to invest more in Childminders.

You've got a whole bunch of wonderful mothers/fathers who enjoy staying at home with their children whilst they are young and a whole bunch of parents who go out to work for varying hours and need good quality childcare.

Perhaps the government should offer better subsidies for childcare and made it more worthwhile for SAHPs to register as childminders.

I am taking 4 years out of work to be a SAHP and would happily look after one other child alongside my two.... but financially it would not be worth it. To make any kind of money from childminding, presumably, you'd need to take on 3 children and most SAHP's aren't interested in doing that.

I'm with Ladymuck.

My mother didn't work outside the house when we were small. She was miserable, frustrated and isolated - she's always said it was her choice but I was left with the very definite impression that having babies meant saying farewell to other bits of your life that some - not all - of us need. And I cannot in all honesty say she did a particularly good job of parenting either.

Hmm, I guess everyone's experience is different. My mother was fantastic - I remember getting picked up from school by her, going home and talking to her, her being there all through the holidays and my childhood was idyllic. The thought of nursery for babies and after school club for children fills me with horror tbh.

I guess a lot of what you value depends on how you were brought up yourself.

I agree GDG it does depend on your experience. My mum was always home for us when we got home from school, or when we were poorly. Throughout junior school I always came home for lunch every day as well. But in my village WOTH mums were unusual, and I felt sorry for their children. In a way I guess I just couldn't imagine doing anything differently.

My mum LOVED being a SAHM. She always had tons of friends who also had kids - now they're all grandmothers - and enjoyed doing stuff w/us. She kept an active social life and we had such a happy childhood - relaxed parents, parties and entertaining, people coming round all the time, etc.

I hate the notion of compartmentalised quality time. I think it's been invented to justify the demand that both adults in the house work outside the home as many hours as their employers can feasibly squeeze out of them. Yes it's lovely to imagine that 15 minutes a day of spending time doing something improving with your child is better than twelve hours of occasional chit-chat and activity, but I'm a bit sceptical about it. It strikes me as another of those burdens mothers are expected to carry - it's not good enough to spend time with your kids, it's got to be the right sort of time.

Children like you to be there so that they can ignore you ime. Then they get very annoyed when you've left the room to go onto Mumsnet as you assume your presence isn't required, and they come looking for you so that you can come and continue to be ignored by them in the same room!

I'm now being led away to be ignored...

OK, shoot me now: I'll admit something. If you told me that it was absolutely proved, beyond all reasonable doubt, that children needed their mothers at home with them every day for the first three years of their life, and that if that didn't happen they'd be slower at eye contact or whatever it was this study proved...

...I'd probably decide that hey, my kids would have to cope.

yup, me too

Phew!