I almost can't bear the state of my house.

[doggiesayswoof]

We have let it get into a real mess and it's steadily getting worse - we seem to be busy all the time (v unusual for me to be on MN because I always seem to be busy) yet we're not getting anywhere

DD and DS share a room which is a tip - toys get pushed to the sides every night hence nothing can be found

Bathroom and kitchen are dirty and cluttered - feels like they need scrubbed floor to ceiling day and we don't have time

Lounge is a tip - clothes drying, piles of unopened post

Our house is very small and we don't have room for decent storage

I vacuumed downstairs this morning and it already looks like it's not been done in a fortnight.

I hate this - I feel tense and stressed all the time and have spent ages with DH thinking about how to plan housework etc but it's the execution that lets us down

DH is SAHP and he is struggling (kids are small) - I cannot condemn him because I know I would be no better

I work FT and am permanently tired, come home every night to mess and laundry and DH really is trying

Have tried flylady and failed. Can't afford a cleaner.

Any hope?

can you start one room at a time?
There was some blokey on Oprah who suggested going around with a binliner, and just filling it - getting rid of some junk. Then go around with a bag for the charity shop and doing the same thing.
Do this for a week, and then re-assess.

I find sometimes that if you do one room, then it inspires me to do another. Maybe just do the lounge so that you have one tidy place. Start on a weekend morning - put some fantastic music on, and see how it goes.

How old are your dcs

I am in the same position doggie, but have no excuse at all as I don't currently work and all of my dc are at school.

I just cannot seem to do it and keep on top of it and I hate it.

Not sure what the answer is really.

Here's a plan

Take two days off work and hire a skip. Go through each room, one at a time and be UTTERLY RUTHLESS about decluttering. Anything that is usable, wash it and bag it up for charity. Anything that is too far gone, put it in the skip. Go through every drawer and cupboard.

Take all the curtains down at the start and stick them in for drycleaning at the start of the two days.

Clean thoroughly, including the skirting boards and shampoo the carpets

Buy a toy cupboard and a set of shelves for the DCs rooms and also some underbed zippy bags. Go through the toys and clothes and stuff with them, sorting them all out into three piles (Keep, charity shop and chuck)

Buy a clothes dryer so that you don't have piles of laundry anywhere but in the specific clothes drying corner.

Then when you've got on top of everything, get a system. Divide the labour. Get up half an hour earlier to do some housework. You can be in charge of the laundry and you can stick things in the washing machine before you go. When you get back, unpack the drier and put clothes that can be worn without ironing away, put the newly washed clothes and when you get back, unpack it and put it on the drier.

Have one golden rule. Leave every room scrupulously tidy and clean before you go to bed.

Once you get into the habit it is easy. Honest.

You need to concentrate on a small numbe rof rooms, let's say the living room and the kitchen.

The Pile of Mail and Notes Problem:

Buy a couple of those big card boxes from somewhere cheap like ikea. Every month or two you will need to look through the pile. Anything that is to be kept, put it in these boxes. Tuck boxes under a table or your bed.

Sort out STorage

This is your main problem and cannot be solved overnight. Ikea is my saviour. Have you got one near you? I know it's hellish but you need to put aside the odd evening or morning for ikea. Those hol tables are great. It's a side table, you take the lid off and you shove in scarves, gloves, bags, all those annoying things. Or you buy a little cupboard that doubles up as a table.
They did a little chest that the dds have in their bedroom - clothes can be laid on top or it can be a seat, and you chuck toys inside it.

I don't think rooms need scrubbed or washed or hoovered terribly often. The trick is to make the rooms reasonably uncluttered.

When the dds were little, we used to have big colourful plastic boxes in the living room and any books or toys could be chucked in them for a quick tidiness effect.

Not sure I have any advice but I really sympathise. We are the same. If its any consolation its not just you. I used to imagine all my friends were perfect stepford wives. Not true, they just cleaned up for visitors the same as I do!

The binbag thing sounds like a good idea though Purpleduck.

ooh Quatro, LOVE the idea of one room being scrupulously tidy at the end of each day

crikey. I think quatt's routine - especially her one rule - is mighty harsh. It would take half of my life.

it was his idea samja

Nah pointy, s'easy.

Oh another thing. TRAIN THE CHILDREN. They are never ever too young to be asked to put things away tidily when they have stopped playing with them, or trained to put clothes in the washing basket, or asked to set/clear the table. Do not pick up after them - make them pick up after themselves.

On the mail thing. I have an intray. I put all mail into the intray and deal with it on a monthly basis. I don't faff around opening every letter sent to me every day. Tedious in the extreme ...

Ditto what everyone else says, and take a couple of days off work to get rid of stuff. Maybe one of you do this while the other one takes the kids out. Once the house is tidy, tidy up at the end of each day. DH will also need to step up to it too. Once it's tidy in the first place, it shouldn't be too hard to maintain.

Thanks. Quattro your idea is fab - a bit daunting... something on that scale is what we need though.

You are right, we need to sort t he mess then get a system. ATM all we do is talk about systems and of course they don't work because you need a bit of order to begin with

DCs are 5 and 18mo. 18mo is destructo boy. 5yo DD is a magpie and has emotional meltdown (seriously) if we try to bin her collection of bus tickets or charity shop a couple of manky barbies.

Both DCs are v v messy - they are ours after all - but the new rule this week is we all clear the table together after meals and we all put our own clothes in the laundry basket. DD helped me fold some dry clothes the other day and was really good at it.

It is so important to me that they learn to tidy up after themselves and pitch in. But if you commit to that it takes so much longer than if you just do it yourself.

Any more thoughts would be v welcome. Must go and sit on the couch with DH - we are both a bit crestfallen after achieving nothing again today...

Focus on the kitchen & bathroom.

Go into the kitchen with some bin bags and just work as fast as possible for 20 mins - every cupboard, surface. Just go through the things.

Next clean out the fridge. Do the bins

Claen sink, bins, surfaces and floor with a bleach product. Wipe clean fridge

One hour max.

For the bathroom - clear the clutter. Bleach the loo, clean the bath, sink and floor. 30 mins and it will be done.

This may sound harsh but I am a bit bemused as to why your dp can not do a bit more around the house during the day.

Your dd must be at school? So he has one 18mo at home for several hours. Why can't he do a bit of laundry/cleaning etc.

I know it can be daunting and seem like a mammoth task but surely he could sort some of it out while you are working.

I am a SAHM of 3 and none of them are at school yet and I still manage to keep up with the basics and the house is usually pretty tidy by the time dh comes home from work. What exactly does your dh do all day?

Oh and my dc's are not angels- they create chaos and I really struggle to get them to tidy their toys. They will help with other stuff though.

Agree absolutely with those that have said to do a massive declutter.

Any chance you can book one or even 2 days off as annual leave and get childcare for you 18 month old? If not juggle him with your dh and cbeebies while your 5 year old is at school at really have a massive sort out.

I find it almost impossible to do much more than the "basics" on days that I am working. (I work shifts so when more "traditional" couples might have the weekend to get on top of stuff, we often don't. Like you I don't condemn my dh as he does his best on the days he is the sahp, as do I)

Also if you like buying stuff, then stop. We instigated a rule to try to only buy items to replace things that are being recycled/chucked.

If you do nothing else then try and do a massive clear out of toys before Christmas. If necessary buy you dd something she really wants before Christmas in exchange for getting rid of say 5-10 other items.

Also as someone else said get on top of the laundry. You or dh will probably have to do at least one load per day.

Also I try to do one "extra" job or two a day. e.g. wash bathroom floor.

thatsnotmymonster I only have one 22 month old at home with me on the days I don't work, but I do very little in the house (maybe an hour if she has a nap. We are out and about, park, toddler group etc. This isn't to criticise you btw, just to show we all have different priorities/motivation.

Trouble is, I then don't feel like doing it when it comes to the evening...

Also do you eat with the dcs? (in the evening I mean). We don't every day, maybe twice a week. However on the nights we do, I try and make something simple-ish for us all. It then makes a longer evening and you and your dh could get a lot done say 1.5 hours each of housework once dcs in bed. (not every night, just til you get on top of things)

So how it would work in our house is I would do it on a day I am not working, have pasta or something ready for 5.30pm. Once dcs are in bed then we try and get motivated. (doesn't always work)

I find clothes and shoes really hard to declutter.

I even bought under bed storage bags and they're still in their wrappers

What I did (when in a similar state to you a few years back) was to concentrate on just one thing at a time. I started by always making my bed every morning, and made sure I consciously felt proud of myself for having achieved that. Then I tackled the washing mountain, and tried to put a load on each day, and also iron/put away a load's worth each day (might have been previous day's load if it hadn't dried that day). Then a few weeks days later I added something else, but still making sure I made my bed and did a load of washing as well.

Another thing to try, is every time you walk into a room, deal with 5 things (put away in the right place, chuck away if it's rubbish) - it soon adds up to clear surfaces which in turn are easier to keep clear.

Also, I don't try and properly clean a whole room at a time, I pick a corner, or surface and do that, then the next time, do a different bit. Even five minutes gets quite a lot done.

I'd start on the lounge as that is presumably where you spend the most time? (apart from being asleep!)

Why is the post unopened - is it because you have not had time to open it or is it because you have no filing system to put the paperwork into once it is opened (if so, get something)? Put the kids to bed and get the paperwork sorted one evening. From then on, have a rule that the post must be opened and dealt with on the day of receipt. I am a SAHM (DCs aged 3 and 1) and I never have any paper lying around - I used to, but then I thought about how best to store all the crap and deal with post immediately. Might not work for you, but since I am SAHM, I open ALL post regardless of who it is addressed to and I deal with all of it, unless DH needs to do something personally, which is unusual.

Laundry - difficult if you have no tumble dryer I think. My brother lives alone in a 1 bed flat and he has actually got a tumble dryer in his lounge (hangs the hose out of the nearby window when in use). My system is to have a washing machine and a tumble dryer and only buy clothes that are washable and tumble dryable. That way, they never get scattered over the house.

I would ask DH to put cbeebies on for your 18mo whilst your 5yo is at school and you are at work and remain in the room with the toddler (hopefully transfixed by TV) and tackle that room. Most "dirt" can be cleaned by babywipes so he could clean and tidy that room whilst toddler watches TV.

Your DC's bedroom - surely there must be clothes and toys that have been outgrown? You need to chuck lots out before you can start organising the rest of it.

Another tip re getting storage stuff - make sure you can envisage exactly what you are going to put in it/where you are going to put the storage item before you buy it. Otherwise it will be unused.

If you are short of floorspace, consider putting up the odd shelf/hanging hooks so that you can get stuff off the floor.

I try and keep my kitchen, hall and lounge clean and tidy at all times. That way, if someone comes round, they are probably not going to see any mess/chaos I might have elsewhere.

know how you feel doggie, we live in a 2 bed flat with no storage. If I don't declutter on a regular basis the place quickly looks like a shit tip , so totally agree with everone's advice about throwing stuff out, and yes you do have to be ruthless.
and shrinkingviolet is right, once surfaces are clear it becomes easier.
As for DC's room, my 2 also share but I sorted all the toys thay didn't play with and gave them to charity, and then got loads of storage boxes from Ikea to keep their stuff tidy.

I have a tiny house. but I have loads of storage boxes etc.

In my living room I have a set of plastic storage drawers a bit like this we keep wii games and cntrollers in and magazines, dd1's school work etc. And my pc desk has in built storage, which obv is to hold all the pc stuff, but when it's not in use it all closes up and looks just like a cabinet, so all the ugly wires etc are hidden.

In my dining room I have a side unit which I keep all my dvds/cd's/videos in. On top of that are three leather style boxes which are used to keep paperwork in.

My kitchen was really well desgned by my dad to maximise storage despite it being ting.

In my bathroom I have a set of corner drawers and some really slim drawers that I keep all the crap in and a few towels. I also have a shelf to put things on.

In the bottom of me and DH's wardrobe I have more storage boxes in which we keep shoes/books/electrical appliances like hairdryers.

The dd's have 6 underbed storage boxes in their room, which they keep books/cd's/board games/puzzles etc in and a pop up room tidy with teddies in. The linen cuboard is the toy cuboard and I have shelves and toy boxes in there too.

everybody is giving you really good advice

definitely book a couple of days off work, hire the skip. would it be out of your budget to get one of those cleaning companys to do a 'blitz' kim and aggie style? i'm not sure how much they cost but someone on here got one within the last couple of weeks.

when you do get the house to an acceptable level its really a case of keeping on top of it, although the monotony of it drives me up the wall at times but thats when it can get out of hand so its easier to just do things as they need done.

You need to do the system for weekdays and then once at the weekend either both of you spend a morning or afternoon blitzing or take it in turns each weekend while the other takes the dc for the morning.

The system in the week

Get up pull back covers and open bedroom windowns for 20 mins leave bedroom to air.

Eat breakfast I always get more done when I eat breakfast.

Go to the living room open the window and concentrate on one thing at a time so first get any pots from room into kitchen then pick up any rubbish/paper from floor and throw away.
Put anything that needs to go upstairs in a basket at the bottom of the stairs.
Hoover.

Now spend 15 minutes in kitchen washing pots and surfaces.

Now go upstairs taking basket with you. Spray cleaning stuff in bath and pour some cleaner down loo.
Go into bedrooms make the beds and do the same as what you did in the living room for 15 minutes.

Finish bathroom sort a load of dirty washing go down put washing in and have a cuppa.

This should take no more than an hour each morning.

Then during the day do one big job like sort out a cupboard or do a basket of ironing give yourself a time limit though and don't stress if you don't finish it.

Other quick ideas are.

Sit at the bathroom door and fold clothes/match socks while dc are in bath.

Do a 15 minute blitz.

Find a song the dc like and have a mad tidy up for as long as the song is on.

Have a quick tidy round at night it always feels better coming down to a tidyish house.

HTH.

I am terribly bad at getting stuff done. Procrastination is my middle name

I agree with everyone on the whole declutter thing, but you sound as though you need something to keep you organised after the declutter.

Sit down with your DH and write out all the jobs that need doing everyday: put washload on, empty dishwasher etc, then write a list of all the jobs you need doing in a week: hoovering, dusting, mopping etc.

Get an A4 piece of paper (or bigger) and write out at the top:

Daily list
Empty dishwasher
Put washload on
Dry washing
Put washing away
etc

Then split the rest of the page up into the days of the week, and add 3 extra jobs for each day:

monday
Tidy hall
Sweep hall
Mop hard floors

tuesday
Clean bathroom
Hoover upstairs
Sort mail

Saturday/Sunday
Strip beds and wash sheets
Hoover downstairs
Do shopping

I hope this helps at all. You may also find that batch cooking at the weekends can drastically cut down work during the week