I almost can't bear the state of my house.

[doggiesayswoof]

We have let it get into a real mess and it's steadily getting worse - we seem to be busy all the time (v unusual for me to be on MN because I always seem to be busy) yet we're not getting anywhere

DD and DS share a room which is a tip - toys get pushed to the sides every night hence nothing can be found

Bathroom and kitchen are dirty and cluttered - feels like they need scrubbed floor to ceiling day and we don't have time

Lounge is a tip - clothes drying, piles of unopened post

Our house is very small and we don't have room for decent storage

I vacuumed downstairs this morning and it already looks like it's not been done in a fortnight.

I hate this - I feel tense and stressed all the time and have spent ages with DH thinking about how to plan housework etc but it's the execution that lets us down

DH is SAHP and he is struggling (kids are small) - I cannot condemn him because I know I would be no better

I work FT and am permanently tired, come home every night to mess and laundry and DH really is trying

Have tried flylady and failed. Can't afford a cleaner.

Any hope?

Oh and menu plan and have it delivered if you don't already as it is one less thing to stress about.

Catching up - I am at work and about to go into a meeting but will endeavour to come back later and read properly!

You are all lovely and the advice is fab.

I def need a combination of blitzing and then a decent system to keep it all ticking over.

Message withdrawn

I'm guessing comewhinewithme's morning tasks are for SAHPs? I'm assuming (nay, hoping) she doesn't do all that then go to work

I think DH needs to have a daily list of morning tasks - I am a firm believer in getting stuff done early because I hate that feeling of the day slipping away from you.

However... DH's morning atm revolves around taking DS and the dog for a walk and then giving DS a snack. I think this is a great start to the day and I totally approve of them all getting out of the house. In the morning rush DH has usually not had time to shave so he then tries to do that (with DS destroying stuff all around him).

This all means that DH is washing the breakfast dishes and tidying up at 10.30 or thereabouts (no dishwasher). So he is behind before he even starts.

DS is a bit difficult atm. He does not often amuse himself. If cbeebies is on, he wants to sit on your lap to watch it. If he has his crayons out, he wants you to draw with him. If DH goes to try and do some cleaning DS will almost always fall over or break something or draw on the walls - you get the idea.

DS does still have a nap most days so stuff can get done then - but it's an hour max, so lunch dishes washed, a couple of little tasks and he's up again.

That was to explain what DH does all day - in answer to thatsnotmymonster

How do you manage it with 3 at home? Do they stay out of mischief while you get on with stuff?

I know myself when I have DS on my own he really takes up 99% of your attention (it's easier when DD is there because she will entertain him)

DD was not like this as a toddler. She would play happily by herself while we got on with things.

doggie the reason i have to split the jobs into 3 each day is because although i only have 1 DD at home (2yr) and don't work, i also have 2 horses that live 12miles away and can only do them while DD is asleep. Having 3 jobs a day makes it managable, so even if i do them while DD has lunch or when she goes to bed they get done without taking much time out of my already busy day.

I SO sympathise!

Lots of really good advice here.

Just to say I lived in a tip for years when dd was young. Then we had to tidy up to sell the house and it took about 3 months to get rid of all the "toot" we didn't really need and to get to the bottom of the laundry pile etc, .

But when it was done, it was done and I feel so much better emotionally now living in a new decluttered home that we are makng sure doesn't get ina mess again.

It's worth all the really hard work to get that initial blitz done - be as ruthless as you can. Set yourself a target date to get things done (we had the date our house was going on the market - a great incentive!! but you could perhaps set it for New Year, or similar?). This really gets you focussed.

Look forward to seeing you post that you got it sorted.

I almost wish we were moving because I feel I need an external push to make me do it.

DH and I are both really good at planning - we come up with brilliant strategies, but we are SHIT at putting them into practice.

It was similar when DD was small (we were both working full time) then we got it sorted before DS was born. Then all went downhill fast again.

Actually the thing which has made the difference this time round is that DH & DS are at home all day creating mess . I think it's much easier when everybody is out of the house all day - no eating or trailing in mud or using the bathroom...

Yes I am a sahm dp works full time I also have 6 dc to look after the youngest is 6 months.

Sometimes it is hard and the house ends up in a tip which makes me feel like shit so I try to keep on top of it.

DD is 3 and also very demanding.

I think sometimes you have to just bite the bullet, and get on with it. I am very good at procrastinating, but i know that if i don't get off my arse and do it, reguardless of how knackered i am, it just won't get done.

In our house, DH works, i look after DD, do the housework and the horses. DH helps out when he can but realistically it is my job. It is hard to juggle everything, but i think most people are in the same situation. It is trial and error as to what works for you.

BTW my comments were really not meant as critical AT ALL.

I know how hard it is and how exhausting.

I think the trick with a very physical/destructive 18mo is to find things that you can engage him in whilst getting on with some tasks.

For example- playing hide and seek/peekaboo with him whilst cleaning bathroom

Get him involved- ask him to shove clothes into washing machine while you wash the dishes or sort out laundry.

My 18mo will help unload the dishwasher etc.

I know it's not easy but there will be ways round it if you use your imagination! Also do as others suggest and break it into bite size chunks so it is more manageable.

Also to the lady who had a 22mo (sorry I can't check back who you were or I'll lose all I've typed!) I think it's slightly different if you work pt/SAH pt as then you want to make the most of your quality time with your dc's. As I am at home all the time I see it that I HAVE to spend some time doing chores etc and some time doing the fun stuff with the dc's.

I will admit it's maybe easier for me as dd2 sleeps while the older 2 are at nursery and in the afternoon they play together and will happily sit and watch a dvd. However there was a time when they were all under 3 and at home all day...

Hi thatsnotmymonster, I'm the one with the 22 month old.

Actually, some of the tips on here have been useful for me. dd2 and I are about to go and wash the bathroom floor! (eeek). We hadn't got anything planned for this pm so are going to get on with it.

I have done an online shop while she slept.

I second the throw everything away approach then there is nothing left to tidy

Your priority has to be getting the kitchen and bathroom clean for hygiene and safetys sake.

Spray the sink and bath with cleaner and leave to work while the floor is swept.

Put lids on any bottles, toothpaste tubes, etc. replace toothbrushes and make sure there is loo roll and spares.

Change the towels.

Wipe out the sink, bath and toilet seats.

Mop the floor.

Bleach down the loo.

thatsnotmymonster I know you weren't criticising, no worries.

I sometimes wonder what he does all day too

But I would never say that, because when I have been at home with the DC I was just the same - the time just seems to go...

Makes me feel like shit too comewhinewithme.

I wasn't having a go at you, I hope you didn't think I was. I was just clarifying for the person who thought you did all your morning stuff before you left the house in the morning.

Actually it just makes me feel worse when I think about people with more to juggle still managing to keep on top of it. I know someone with 4 DCs, 2 of whom are pre-school, and her house is always lovely. And she does loads of stuff out of the house too.

I can't invite anyone to visit and DD doesn't have friends back because I couldn't have their parents seeing our house

Hi lollipop,

Glad you have found some things useful!! How did the floor go ?

It's difficult to find a happy medium- child time, you time and cleaning time!!

I realise I am on MN, watching Home and Away, while one dd sleeps and the older 2 colour in the kitchen.

I empty the dishwasher during the adverts and fill it again in the other ads, make a cuppa and chill.

After I will do a surface tidy, pack ds's swim stuff and drag them all off to the pool for his lesson and somehow I have to get some shopping in!!

Oh and another tip is if the bathroom needs cleaning I do it while they are having their bedtime bath- basically pop them all in the bath and clean the sink and toilet (I do the shower when I am in in the morning), then give the bath a quick spray and rinse when they get out!! Voila- clean bathroom!!

i think once you are on top of it it is easier to keep it going you need a weekend where you can tackle rooms and be ruthless this is what we had to do over the week i sorted through clothes toys etc what we didnt need any more went on free cycle to who ever could collect quickest that way its gone and you dont even have to remove it

get tubs for toys and keep enough to go in tubs or under bed storage rest if not played with free cycle

once the living room and kids room de cluttered can start on the other rooms once done so much easier to keep going i have tubs about so any clutter go in tubs not on surfaces end of week go through tubs and get rid of whats not needed then its organised clutter

i did find i had to be really ruthless though and just keep bagging and getting rid but was so worth it

once you get through the mound its so rewarding and then each day it feels so good to be able to keep on top of it i found when it was really bad the incentive to do it wasnt there so keep 1 full day to really blitz once you start you'll just keep going throw it on freecycle wave goodbye and look around you at the declutter lol

That's it - there is no incentive at the moment. I want it to change but it seems impossible. You don't see the benefit of spending half an hour tidying because it's still such a mess.

You just shrug your shoulders and have a glass of wine instead.

shrug + wine x 100,000 = my house

lol well give yourself one day get tubs etc before hand any toys that havent played with bag up ad move on rest in tub easily stacked and easily tidied away again as well

clothes unworn for a long time move it on ironing etc have a tub specified and one evening set out to do it that way any waiting to be ironed is stored away out of sight no clutter

once done it will be the most rewarding feeling every few months i go through toys clothes etc now and free cycle them to save myself allowing it to clutter im a bit of a horder and love doing it this way as with free cycle they will come collect as if it were down to me to remove i wouldnt do it lol

i did a bit of a challenge a few months ago with another mner who started a thread liek this. esentially every time we bumped into each other online, we each got a plastic bag and put 10 items in it for the charity shop/ bin, depending how ruthless we felt. she did much better, and used to put her bag straight into the car so that could drop it off when she next went out... (mine sort of got 'held' until i kept tripping over them and then all went to the charity shop in one go. a few days she even decided to fill a couple of bags as she had 'started' and got carried away

even when you are absolutely knackered - just hand dh a bag and say '10 items, go!' if you do it every night (it literally takes a minute if you do a real 'smash and grab' where you know you just have junk, slowly slowly, it does start to work.

we did have a huge move coming up, and in the end we got rid of about 50% of our belongings. literally - i know we did as i know how much stuff we shipped the last time we moved, and i know how much we shipped this time

with 3 dcs inc one with sn, we had totally let everything slide - general exhaustion and busy lives. this is no epeiphany story btw - i still struggle with clutter and junk but i do know that i can get it together when i can summon the energy.

this week i have the week of work, and was planning yet another round of organising/ getting rid.

i can 'meet' you for a 10 item challenge every day if you like?

doggie, i'm on mat leave at the minute but even when i do work there are things i make sure are done in the morning before we leave.

thats that the washing is hung out and the dishes are done/kitchen tidy.

also any dirty washing is in basket and no toys out. that way im coming home to a tidy house.

now that im on mat leave i still stick with this. it means that after ive left ds at school i dont faff about doing washing and dishes. and i can get stuck into windows/dusting/hoovering/mopping in that order.

its an idea for your dh to at least have the daily tasks done before he does the school run and then if he wants to spend the morning out of the house then he knows he can without thinking "oh the dishes need done"

btw i dont to all those jobs everyday. this is my general routine

monday: windows and dusting
tuesday: i study for OU course
wednesday: hoover and mop downstairs
thursday:hoover and mop upstairs

most of those dont take longer than an hour if youve kept on top of it. sometimes the sofas get hauled out and it takes a bit longer.

i change my beds on wednesday and i literally strip them as we get up and put new sheets on before we get dressed.

bathrooms i do it everyday, toilet gets a wipe round after every use. shower while im in it, bath after dcs bath, sink everytime its used. at night i squirt a bit of loo cleaner round the bowl and leave it overnight.

and i only do 3 washes a week.
monday: colours
wednesday: whites/lights
thursday: bedlinen and towels

thats for me and two dcs, when OH is home its usually four washes a week.

all washing is taken in in the evening and put in the dryer for 20 mins and then folded straight away and put away. ds1 is 4 and can put his own underwear and jammies away, i hang the other stuff as he cant reach.

once youve had a big clean it really wont be hard to keep on top of it. its just a metter of finding the routine that suits and sticking to it.

madwoman - you're on! I don't get on MN every day (if I did I fear the house would be even worse ) but I'm up for it.

What do we do - start a new thread?

I could see that this might work for me - picking a room and then going round really quickly straight after the DC are in bed.

Bubblagirl - your system sounds really good. Do your DCs know that you are getting rid of toys? Or do you just do it secretly? My DD gets really genuinely upset if we try and give any of her toys to charity...