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Original poster

If you are a 'shoes off' household, do you/how do you get guests to comply without being rude?

174 replies

Gemzooks · 07/10/2008 11:17

We always take our shoes off and wear slippers at home. lived in Russia and Kazakhstan where that is the norm and got used to it, now it seems gross to come in and tread in all the dirt from outside.

However, how do we manage with guests? As most people aren't used to it? Do you just bite your lip and ignore it, or just provide slippers in a rather obvious way?/ have loads of outdoor shoes in the hall (the passive-aggressive approach)

any tips appreciated!

OP posts:
Gettingbiggernow · 08/10/2008 13:28

All I know is that it is more important for guests to feel comfortable in my house than it is for me to insist upon shoes off. Just because DH & I don't wear shoes in our house doesn't mean that guests have to remove theirs as a matter of course. The dirt/germs thing is negligible.

Acceptedly, in the case of white carpets, newborns in the house or Riven's little miss, who may be on the floor, it would be rude for the guest not to offer to remove their shoes in those circumstances.

blinks · 08/10/2008 13:32

i look thinner with shoes on

TheCrackFox · 08/10/2008 13:46

I have never been to someones house and been offered slippers. I must be mixing in the wrong circles. TBH I would think that offering slippers is beyond weird.

MrsThierryHenry · 08/10/2008 14:26

I still don't get why some posters think it's such a big deal to ask people to take their shoes off. I think THAT's weird.

Out of interest, what do people in snowy parts of the country do when it's winter?

Kif · 08/10/2008 14:27

when I was househunting, one owner cleared her throat twice and pointed to the 'no shoes please' sign she'd put up. I slipped my heels off, but the poor agent had these fidly lace up smart shoes. I'd finished the viewing, and he was still on one leg fiddling with a stubborn knot (beetroot with embarassment).

I initially presumed they were struggling to rent the place out due to it overlooking a building site... but perhaps they just pissed off all the viewers!

belgo · 08/10/2008 14:32

kif - in hospital surgery departments they give people those plastic covers to put over their shoes to keep the department clean, perhaps that house owner needs to get some of those

Kif · 08/10/2008 14:34

it was a 1 bedroom flat FFS!

If the agent had had more balls he could have suggested we craned our necks and conducted the viewing from the front door mat!

belgo · 08/10/2008 14:35

I'm assuming you didn't make an offer Kif?

Kif · 08/10/2008 14:52

I asked them if they could remove some of the furniture to make space for the cot - they said 'we prefer not to' - and I remembered my personal rule about renting from amateur landlords with emotional ties to their property...

it was wildly overpriced for the size - and would have been really noisy and dusty with the building site, They'd already dropped their price once and I suspect reality would have forced another reduction before they found a tenant,

hauschkahels · 08/10/2008 18:50

Why is it rude to ask a visitor to remove their shoes?

We don't have shoes in our home EVER & I would never leave my shoes on in some ones home! House rules........

Just like I would not let anyone smoke.

Once a friend walked in dog poo to my hall rug, she had followed me in & forgotten to take her shoes off- that proves my point- sorry NO shoes EVER!!!

SaintRiven · 08/10/2008 19:51

yeah, we've had the dog poo thing. And spent ages working out by stride length where the next patch would be throughout the whole farking house.

blithedance · 08/10/2008 20:29

I mentioned this to DH and tried to work out whether it is a class thing, a north-south thing, a town-country thing...

He suggests because we and both families nearly all live in older houses with wood floors/lino/bulletproof old carpets, it's never been an issue.

Am I right that a lot of the "shoes off" camp are in more modern houses where the builders tend to run cream carpets right up to the front door - so really it does show every footprint?

I have just looked up Penelope Leach (to me the voice of reason) on baby hygiene. Now OK this is an old, pre-MRSA book now.

She puts it that toilet hygiene (i.e.handwashing, contact with actual excreta such as in a park) and food hygiene (sterilising, food storage) should be maintained to a very high standard, but more or less anything else (bits of paper from the waste paper bin, toys from the floor) is unlikely to be a breeding ground for bacteria and baby's immune system should be able to cope. That sounds feasible to me.

SaintRiven · 08/10/2008 20:32

nope. Am in 120 year old Victorian house.
And am common.

blithedance · 08/10/2008 20:35

The solution!

hauschkahels · 08/10/2008 20:51

Nope here! House is Edwardian, have wood floors downstairs apart from a few rugs- & am common !

procrastinatingparent · 08/10/2008 21:07

I think it is a class thing (but then being a foreigner I think everything in Britain is about class).

Fitted carpets were certainly at one point the mark of lower middle classdom, and trying to keep them clean by insisting shoes are removed implies that you are doing your own cleaning and want to save yourself work - again, a mark of the lower socio-economic groups. In scantily heated upper-middle and upper class houses it is too darn cold to have to take off your shoes.

Just a theory. Of course now that wooden floors and rugs are everywhere, this may not stand scrutiny. But IME the higher the social class, the more likely one is to keep one's shoes on.

NB we are firmly in the middle of the middle classes, and we keep shoes on, but being brought up abroad I think we are just confused.

MrsMattie · 08/10/2008 21:10

It's not an issue for us as we don't have any carpets, so not fussed. II don't particularly mind being asked to remove shoes - I respect that people have different standards an d rules in their homes - but I wouldn't have the bottle to ask people myself!

BloodAndMutts · 08/10/2008 21:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hauschkahels · 08/10/2008 21:14

I agree, it's an anal thing! But, I'm not , still make everyone take them off!

zazen · 08/10/2008 23:45

It can be a religious thing also

sophiebbb · 08/10/2008 23:56

We have laminate downstairs and carpet on the stairs and first floor (ie bedrooms). The carpet is new and a fawn colour.

Outdoor shoes are fine downstairs because the laminate is dead easy to clean. However if people are going upstairs for any reason I do tell them to take their shoes off for two reasons - I like my carpets to both BE clean and to LOOK clean!!! I think that is a reasonable request.

SaintRiven · 09/10/2008 07:50

anal and religious. Don't care. wearing shoes indoors is disgusting.
so ner

AbbeyA · 09/10/2008 08:10

I think it is more important for your guests to feel comfortable.
I get children to take them off because they are not aware of the state of their shoes. I leave it to adults to choose what they do, if they have been out walking in the mud they always take them off anyway.
Friendship is more important than the state of your carpet.

SaintRiven · 09/10/2008 08:14

why is it more imortant for guests than householders?
For those who put guests needs first? Would you allow them to smoke?
And my firneds are quite happy to take shoes off. Its just the in-laws who weren't.

AbbeyA · 09/10/2008 08:19

I know a woman who wouldn't let her grandchildren beyond the kitchen!! So sad IMO.
I don't let people smoke in my house but I don't see it as the same. I would prefer the whole world not to smoke but I only have control over my house.
I might ask people to take their shoes off, but life is too short to get upset if they aren't happy with it. I think I would rather see my PIL with shoes on than not see them.