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Housekeeping

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Original poster

If you are a 'shoes off' household, do you/how do you get guests to comply without being rude?

174 replies

Gemzooks · 07/10/2008 11:17

We always take our shoes off and wear slippers at home. lived in Russia and Kazakhstan where that is the norm and got used to it, now it seems gross to come in and tread in all the dirt from outside.

However, how do we manage with guests? As most people aren't used to it? Do you just bite your lip and ignore it, or just provide slippers in a rather obvious way?/ have loads of outdoor shoes in the hall (the passive-aggressive approach)

any tips appreciated!

OP posts:

Libra1975 · 08/10/2008 11:29

Gettingbiggernow - thanks for that but in all those cases I would presume the guest would say, would you mind if I didn't and I would say of course not (because to say TAKE YOUR SHOES OFF NOW would be rude).
Communication with a smile, that's all that is needed So you see I really don't understand why it's rude to at least ask.

The Japanese have the tradition of taking their outdoor shoes off because their floors were traditionally covered with matting and they also slept on the floor.

Also I am not sure how many english homes actually have cold stone floors nowadays.

BloodAndMutts · 08/10/2008 11:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SaintRiven · 08/10/2008 11:35

surely its rude for a guest to wear shoes in your house when you don't want them too? Or is it ok for guests to be rude?

GooseyLoosey · 08/10/2008 12:05

BloodandMutts - actually I agree that it is no more or less rude coming from a child than me and do not really find it "cute" but: (a) I think that as its my house I should infact be less craven and bound by convention and tell people myself so I kind of grateful that ds does it; and (b) not sure I really subscribe to the idea of children being precocious because they address adults as peers. Yes ds does need to learn to be polite and we do teach him this, but he does not need to learn not to express his opinions to adults or to be as timid about things as I can at times be.

claireybee · 08/10/2008 12:05

I don't wear shoes indoors but that's more a comfort thing. I don't ask people to take them off but most people seem to anyway. I don't know if it is because they see our shoes in the hall/us in socks or whether they just do anyway.

In our last house I was a bit more paranoid about dirt because the landlord had seen fit to put a pale cream carpet throughout and it showed EVERYTHING and was really difficult to clean, most people did see the carpet and take their shoes off but if they didn't I just gritted my teeth-now I have a delightful brown swirly number I don't worry!

Horton · 08/10/2008 12:11

I would be horrified to be handed a pair of slippers that had been worn by God knows who! My crazy MiL borrowed my slippers one day when she was at my house, without asking, and I thought it was weird beyond belief. Obviously I'd have lent them to her if she'd asked or possibly offered her a pair of warm socks (easier to wash than slippers) but I thought it was really peculiar to just take someone else's clothes without asking. If I'd been her I'd have put my own shoes back on if my feet were cold.

We often take our shoes off in the house but don't have any kind of rules about it and I don't mind if guests take their shoes off or leave them on. Up to them. I do rather hate having to take my shoes off in other people's houses, though, as I have terrible circulation and permanently cold feet and you can't really carry slippers round with you on the off chance someone might not want you to wear shoes in their house. Obviously if my shoes were actually muddy, I'd take them off anyway.

belgo · 08/10/2008 12:14

horton - I've been offered gross slippers to wear in other people's houses - I'd much rather go barefoot and have cold feet!

I want guests in my house to feel comfortable and at ease, and asking them to remove their shoes I think would make many people feel uncofortable.

Horton · 08/10/2008 12:18

That is absolutely rank, belgo! Yuk. I would take the cold feet option, too.

My crazy SiL makes her boyfriend take his shoes off at the door and change into slippers. Then he has a separate pair of slippers for upstairs and a further one for the kitchen. It must drive him bonkers. Oddly, she is quite okay about other people wearing shoes in the house (at least, she's never asked us to take ours off, although I usually do anyway).

zazen · 08/10/2008 12:20

I have clean new socks at the door for guests.
we never wear shoes as we live in the city and there's puke and shit on the streets from addicts, so what you say is not true for everyone expat
Dog owners strangely enough use pooper scoopers so it's not like \Paris!! Must be the 150 fines they get for fouling.

If a guest keeps coming into the hall without taking their shoes off usually Dd will say 'take your shoes off'
and then I say there are new socks there for you!

if they still don't take them off i never invite them into my home again - simple - we meet outside.

(TBH, I've only ever had a bad guest once and he pee'd on the seat of the loo and the floor under the loo and didn't wipe it up!!!) He's totally banned. Absolutely. In fact I've sort of gone off him as a friend as well, as he's just too selfish, dismissive and wrapped up in himself!

belgo · 08/10/2008 12:20

seperate slippers throughout the house is very odd

Horton · 08/10/2008 12:24

I think peeing on the floor is in a totally different league to walking on floors in shoes! I mean, walking on the floor in your shoes is actually completely normal behaviour whereas peeing on the floor is only normal if you are less than three years old. Or a dog.

Those of you who are worried about germs on shoes, how do you get round the fact that you need to touch your shoes to get them off your feet? Or do you keep anti-bac spray by the door, too?

Belgo, I think she probably has a slight tendency to both OCD cleaning and control freakery. But yes, very odd.

MadamePlatypus · 08/10/2008 12:33

"I have no problem removing my shoes but I have verrucas at the moment!"

Could there be a Mumsnet etiquette guide and could this be a suggested response? Please?

(Re: taking shoes off, we don't wear shoes in the house because we have a teeny weeny house and it only takes a few steps to trample leaves and mud across the entire ground floor. However, we have wooden floors so just wipe up behind visitors wearing shoes as necessary. Obviously when they have left. Not as they are walking along.)

SaintRiven · 08/10/2008 12:36

don't touch the soles Horton for while they 'look' clean, to me they are as dirty as a pavement (which is where they have been) and you wouldn't want to sit or eat your dinner off even a clean looking pavement.
Why would someone want to wear shoes in doors anyhow. Seems very freaky to me.

MrsThierryHenry · 08/10/2008 12:37

I used to live in Eastern Europe, so I know where you're coming from, OP! It's the norm there to take one's shoes off indoors; it amazes me how touchy people get over something so insignificant.

We've bought some lovely, cosy slippers from Sainsbury's - only about £3 each. They're also washable! We offer them to guests, saying 'would you mind taking your shoes off, we have these gorgeously comfy slippers for you - they're like wearing pillows on your feet!' So far everyone's cheerfully said yes.

If we were to have a party, though, I think we'd just turn a blind eye and clean the floors afterwards!

SharpMolarBear · 08/10/2008 12:38

I have never been offered socks/slippers at someone else's house - is that a southern thing?
I just take my shoes off and hope I don't have any holes in my socks!
I can take my shoes off without touching them with my hands! Plus you don't tend to have to touch the soles of your shoes to remove them anyway

Horton · 08/10/2008 12:42

Do you know, it's so long since I wore any posh girly shoes that it literally never occurred to me that it would be possible to take them off without touching them. I live in boots at the moment.

SaintRiven · 08/10/2008 12:46

I wear boots. Unlace them and push them off with the back. Don't need to touch the sole, why would you?
My summer shoes are crocs. They just kick off.

VintageGardenia · 08/10/2008 12:55

Bonkers.

I would never ever ever ever ever ever amen ask someone to take off their shoes on coming into my house, it's most inhospitable.

If someone asked me I would be amazed but would do as I was asked and trot about in my socks or their slippers looking very silly indeed, especially if I were wearing my lovely new high heeled boots and skirt. Privately I would think they were bonkers and rude but outwardly I would do a gleaming and gracious smile and they would never know!

Horton · 08/10/2008 13:05

It just wouldn't occur to me not to use my hands to take off my boots. It's easier. I am probably a filthy slattern but it also wouldn't occur to me to worry about the germs. I am fairly healthy, btw, and don't get ill any more often than anyone else I know.

LynetteScavo · 08/10/2008 13:15

I would never have a no shoes rule downstairs, but I do upstairs.(but then I dont have carpet downstairs - well none that isn't about to be replaced)

Most children who come to tea automatically take off their shoes imediately.

I don't always take off my shoes when I visit - and then realise half way across the living room that I should - especially if I' visiting someone who lives in a newbuild with a baby.

I have read on mumsnet before, that taking shoes off indoors (or not) is linked to class, in this country.

LynetteScavo · 08/10/2008 13:16

Obviously we're posh

MadamePlatypus · 08/10/2008 13:23

Of course the other side of this is where to people stand on running around bare foot outside? Do you then have to put socks on to come inside or wash your feet at the door?

SaintRiven · 08/10/2008 13:26

shoes are just outside things to me, not 'part of an outfit'.
Well, final thing for me is, my house, my rules. If people don't like it they don't have to visit (except the respite carers, therapists etc)
Do people wear their coats about indoors too?

SaintRiven · 08/10/2008 13:27

I wouldn't let my kids be barefoot in our garden. Its covered in chicken poo. yuck. Mind you, they are teenagers now and dd2 can't walk and never will so her feet are pristine. She doesn't have shoes.

Original poster

Gemzooks · 08/10/2008 13:28

I think it's the very middle swathe that takes shoes off. or those with cream carpets.

my parents lived in the MIddle East for years, which is why they took shoes off, and DH's mother is just very very clean and tidy and can't handle the dirt aspect, hey presto we meet and marry and both prefer a shoe free house.

again I must say it's more the spit/dogshit/grime going on floors near a young child that tips me over into asking..

OP posts:

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