I am really really really sick of my friend

[shesaneatfreak]

Shes been making sly digs about my house for ages, and today she outright said she didn't want a drink because there were no clean cups in the cupboard. They were on the side pilled up waiting to be washed I was going to rinse it out, there were 2 with mould on them but obviously I would give her a non mouldy recent one which I would rinse. Her dds cardigain dropped on my floor and she made a big show of shaking crumbs off it - just got I dont hoover as much as her, there is no need to be nasty about it. not sure how to deal with her now, am very hurt and angry.

[elmoandella]

maybe some spring cleaning would cleanse her mind and soul of jumk and mould also.

[wannaBe]

my house is chaos (am undomestic goddess as well) and I am not depressed. I'm just not domestically minded.

I don't have mouldy cups though.

[solidgoldbrass]

I'm with the OP, sometimes a cup gets put under the sofa or something and forgotten about till it's grown a life-form or two (much more so in warm, wet weather btw). I don't like housework either, don't see the point of it so do very little. Too many women are enslaved by worry about other people thinking they don't spend enough time in domestic servitude as it is. Though I wouldn't be that keen to eat or drink in a house with all-singing all-dancing cockroaches or awful smells, admittedly.

[SNoraWotzThat]

If you know she is a clean freak and is coming round, you should make her feel more welcome in your home if she is your friend and have some clean cups and no crumbs on the floor. If you are this annoyed you can't value her values very much. It is not much to ask.

[SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore]

yes thats what my mums does. it eats all the sunflower seeds then sticks his head in the bowl and sworls it about so that all the rest of the stuiff goes flying. everytime i hoover it goes to the bottom of its cage and has a sand bath throwing sand everywhere. bloody thing. i honestly dont know how mum keeps her house clean. she also has two dogs and two cats. no mouldy cups, though i must admit i leave cups whereever they land and might not always notice them when it comes to washing up time. although i drink an inordinate amount of coffee so when i run out of cups i go on a mug hunt.

[shesaneatfreak]

a bit of dirts good for the immune system. as long as you throw some bleach and fabreeze around every so often then its fine. everyone gets so bothered about cleaning, i just didnt think my friend would judge me for it. no the cups arent nice but its one of those things, when i noticed them i moved them and put them beside the sink with boiling water in them.

[nancy75]

sorry, why does a cup get put UNDER a sofa? i just dont understand!
btw i am not enslaved by worry over what other people think i just like to be clean.

[wannaBe]

but the ops said, "Shes been making sly digs about my house for ages,". So this is obviously about more than just a couple of mouldy cups.

[shesaneatfreak]

thanks sgb. i hate nasty smells too, i have a plug in in every room and use fabrezze everyday - its great

[SoupDragon]

"why does a cup get put UNDER a sofa"

Easy, they roll there, get shoved there by a small child... What's not to understand???

[elmoandella]

why dont you just buy some cheap disposible cups then if your so blooming lazy about these mugs.

or better yet. have one specific mug just for her.

wash it everytime she uses it. so next time it's ready and waiting for her.

perhaps a cheeky clean freak one

[wannaBe]

what kind of bird is it?

Mine has a grill between the bottom of its cage and the wood chip I put in there so mercyfully he can't flick that all over the place as well.

I have to time cleaning his cake out for when he's out of it otherwise he'd make a god awful mess.

[kittywise]

Yuk

I'm with your friend

[LittleBella]

I think febreeze is a nasty smell

[muggglewump]

I knew someone who had a revolting house. She was nice enough but her house used to upset and annoy me. It was truly filthy, mould in the fridge even and nothing was ever clean, even the kids and their clothes.
She wasn't depressed, just lazy and seemingly not bothered by it. I helped her tidy loads of times, even did the ironing a few times but nothing ever changed

[QuintessentialShadows]

I had friends like the OP. Funny lovely bubbly girls who hated cleaning. They would move into an immaculate flat, a few months down the line it was a filthy pigsty, and they would moan unhappily "How come you have a clean flat and we dont, it is unfair." sobbety sob.
I never had anything to drink at their house either. I would bring a can of diet coke on my way, and drink that! No need to be rude about other peoples hygiene and habbits. It is entirely your business, and not your friends. And honestly, if she was a good friend, she would try figure out what is going on in your life atm that you keep it this way. Do you need help, support? A hand with the hovering if you are struggling. I wouldnt say ditch her. But have a word with her, tell her you are hurt and upset.

[Trafficcone]

EEeuw tidy your house and apologise to your friend! I've had friends like that in the past and I now won't take my kids to really dirty houses and mould is REALLY scummy!

[Slouchy]

Quint: think you have mixed up your threads.

Giving a hand with the hovering belongs on the levitation thread, not this one!!

[SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore]

blue and gold macaw, my dad wanted a cockatoo but the breeder he was buying from had foot and beak disease infecting his birds and it got too upsetting for my dad as all his chicks kept dying, so he settled on a macaw. hand reared.

the breeder used to mind the bird for them when they went on holdiday but then he went and got himself arrested for smuggling eggs so i have to do it. i guess since i am the only one not afraid of it ill inherit when they are unable to look after it which should be fun since dh despises it

[shesaneatfreak]

wannabe heres the things shes commented on -

the cups today
the skid marks in toilet
the brushing crumbs thing (my ds had a cookie what did she expect?)

those are the more outright comments, previously shes said things like

ooh its so hard to find a good mop these days isnt it? (while staring at my kitchen floor)

and when my ds got his sticky fingers on my curtains she tried to reccomend a local laundrette who do curtains well...why the hell would I want my curtains laundered? they are dark so nothing shows up and its not like im going to lick them

and i caught her wiping some dust from a photo frame once

[Brangelina]

Febreeze and air fresheners are really unhealthy and quite toxic. Open a window woman! I'm a registered slattern myself and have never had mouldy cups. I'd also be horrified about accepting a drink at your place if I only saw you rinsing out a mug. What's wrong with a bit of soap? Much less toxic than febreeze any day!!!!

[elmoandella]

well your cups were mouldy which means they've been lying for over a week. and note that it was plural cups, not just one.

skid marks is disgusting. i'm by no means a clean freak. but i do make a point of checking for those if someone turns up unexpectantly. all you do is take a trip yourself before they do. it literally takes a quick swipe with the brush.

and as for the cardi. even if someones house is immacualte you would still shake a cardi you dropped. your just being over sensitive on that one

[blithedance]

That's life, we all either have the super-clean friend or the super-messy friend, I suspect I'm both to different people. If she is a real friend she is probably trying to be kind. If not then better off meeting on neutral territory.

I confess, I regularly discover a mouldy teapot since it's used so infrequently I always forget about it. Last time my mum visited I did notice she made tea in the cups this time....And cleaned the kitchen from top to bottom...oh dear.

[Brangelina]

I also had a friend who made comments about my floors. TBH they were pretty grim at times, but then I had stupid white tiles that were dirt magnets.

I'm not fussed about the big things like floors and carpets, but I do try to keep a minimum level of hygiene in the things I have to eat from. Also if I know someone is coming round I get rid of skidmarks or anything untoward in the loo. All it takes is literally 30 seconds.

[solidgoldbrass]

Admittedly if I am expecting anyone I tidy up, might hoover, wash up etc. But unexpected guests can just put up with it. People have occaisonally suggested that my messy house is a sign of some profound mental health issues, but I have a) lots of stuff and b) better things to do.