Stay at home Mums - Money

[sahmhe]

I’m a sahm and have been since our child was born. She is now 10 and is Home Educated.

I just wondered if anyone in similar position receives any money for themselves. I get bill money but doesn’t leave much for anything else. I just hate asking for extra money to get a haircut or a few clothes.

Sounds bloody awful

so you literally have to ask for anything and everything?!

Will your daughter be going to school for secondary so you can get some financial independence from this twat?

Wait, what? Are you asking you husband for this money? If you are having to ask and ‘hate asking’ there is something wrong.

God, this is sad.

I'm a SAHM. We have a joint account and we budget each month for bills and savings and then the rest is split 50/50 for personal spending.

when i was a SAHM we just had a joint account. Didn't have to ask for anything.

The thing with being a SAHM is, it either works or it doesn't. And yours doesn't does it?

I’m in the same situation and don’t have to ask for anything. I have full access to the joint bank account. We discuss big purchases like over £100 but otherwise he doesn’t care. Obvs he’d bothered if I started running up debts but I don’t.

Invoice him for the childcare of his children

This is why I'm not a SAHM.

Your husband's money is family money. You should have complete access to it.

Years ago when I stayed home for a year after birth of each DC I just used what was in joint account to buy things for me and kids as well as bills. When I went back to work I bought my own things again. Your DH sounds financially abusive if you have to ask for money.

DH always paid me a "salary". I had a decent amount, probably the equivalent of working 3 days a week, then money for groceries etc on top of that. He covered all the household bills.

DCs are young adults now, and I’ve had periods of being a SAHM, working full time and working part time. DH has always earned considerably more than me, even when I work full time.

All of earnings are paid in to a joint account. We then transfer a set amount to a joint bills account so all our direct debits are covered, with a little extra that adds up to cover emergencies.

We have our own accounts which we transfer money to so we have exactly the same amount for personal spending money.

We have always done this, even when I was a SAHM. DH realises that he could never have done his job and worked his way up the career ladder without me being at home.

I wouldn’t think twice about spending extra from our joint account on a haircut or similar if needed. Similarly DH might spend extra on a sporting event or something, but any really big purchase we’d talk about first.

I was a SAHM for 18 months after DD was born and then worked minimally until she went to pre-school/school and still work part time. We have a joint account and both buy whatever we need. Neither of us would waste money and like a bargain but equally we want the other to be happy so would always support purchases that enriched our lives. I haven't asked anyone else for money since I got a job at 13. Marriage means we are a team and money is ours to share. Why don't you have joint finances?

Joint account and we try not to veto each others’ purchases and try to run anything bigish past each other to see if we need to delay a pay cycle or two - last one for me was an online cart with $200 of clothes and I did wait for the next paycheque since he had something else scheduled to come out.

Why are you asking for money? You should have free access to the same pool of money as your spouse.

I was a SAHM for several years and then returned part time.

The money we earn is family money, it goes into a joint account and is used for reasonable expenses, if there's anything more expensive or frivolous then we discuss.

If we had different spending habits or money was tight I think we'd have joint account for all family spends then each get the same budget for personal spends.

You are facilitating your dh going to work (and probably doing less housework and admin), he could not live that lifestyle without your sacrifice, the money is as much yours as his.

What do you think you are teaching your daughter when you have to ask and accept scrappy handouts from her father @sahmhe

Can I ask if you are married OP? Are you at least financially protected by marriage in case you split or anything happens to him?

Have a joint account and a card? Why ask for anything? Unless you're in a country that has no way for you to get things without cash?

I was a SAHM until my DC started school. I had full and free access to all our bank accounts.

I wouldn't have agreed to be a SAHM under any other conditions.

Go get yourself a job, you are in a very vulnerable position.

It sounds shit. Why oh why would anyone be a SAHM in this day and age.

Well I bloody loved it!! But then again I had free reign over the family finances!

I think this depends on whether he can afford to give you more?

It doesn’t in terms of how they arrange finances and logistics

Presumably though you’ve got enough money to go round. It could be that she’s being financially abused but also it could be that things are tight on a single salary.

OP I think you have your answer
there are plenty of ways of fairly allowing access to family money when one person is working full time raising and educating the child of the couple

I would only add that the person who is not earning should have a pension fund set up, also from the joint finances

I have access to all bank accounts and spend as much of my husbands earnings (our money) as I want to.