De cluttering - help!

[soupyspoon]

I live with a hoarder and its very difficult to throw things away. I have some hoarding tendencies, usually because I like to go back to things (clothes/shoes/bags usually) later, some years later and re discover things

Sods law every time Ive got rid of things, a few months later I'll find out I wanted it or need it, then need to rebuy

But I would like to make a start on books, DVDS and CDs

I dont know where to start

The charity shops dont seem to take stuff, we have hundreds of these things.

I know that if I say Im going to sell them, they'll sit there for years and years more, I dont have the head space to do all that.

Apart from the car we dont even have CD players in the house now

But I also still feel grieved about a record collection that got lost in a house move aobut 20 years ago, Im still upset about how many original 60s LPs and rare 12 inches I lost, but then I dont have record player either so dont know the relevance of that.

Where do you start with this sort of thing, particularly with someone who is going to argue about every little thing

We have tons and tons of ordnance survey maps, and the 'Lonely Planet' and 'Rough Guide' books to nearly virtually every country in the world. All way out of date now of course

None of this would work at all, he simply doesnt care or isnt bothered that someone would have to sort through this, a 'big box' is simply not enough for his stuff, the entire loft is filled to the brim with his stuff that I wont allow in the house, boxes and boxes and shelves and shelves of it.

And actually I thought you were going to say 'if he is becoming a problem buy a really useful box and put him in there'!!!

Im slightly tongue in cheek about that to be honest, the boot has a 'essential car bits' box in it and I tend to sort it out every year but it doesnt get any smaller, some quite big things in it like Mr Muscle spray, blue roll, spare bulbs in a box, need to have a look at the other bits

I think that may be beyond the scope of Really Useful Boxes .. well depending on how flexible he is
Sounds so stressful for you. I would proceed to doing everything by stealth. He may just keep buying and bringing it in.. but without him going to therapy/gp/being on board there's not much else you can do about his behaviour. Hopefully you can declutter faster than he reclutters!

I have a feeling I did put all my music on a hard drive somewhere probably about 15 years ago, I couldnt tell you where that computer now is and Ive bagged up the CDs now, no going back

Thing is if I did something like that it would take me so long it would just lead to paralysis again

''Get a big box'' ? I don't think people fully understand these situations ?!

My house became such a clutter fest when I was depressed and grieving. Two years of crap just sitting without a place. I set myself a one week task. One room per day.

I started in the corner furthest away from the door. Had a bag for stuff to bin, bag for stuff to donate, bag for stuff I'm not sure about. I went through drawers and everytime I didn't have a set decision on something, it went into the maybe bag, I'd deal with that another time. The point was to just get through it all, like a ripple effect lifting everything in the room. By the time I got to the door, the bin bag went straight to the tip. Donate bag straight to the charity shop. The maybe bag into the kitchen cupboard as that would be my last room.

Try to break each thing down if that sounds too much. One day, only sort through the clothes. Keep, donate, bin. Day 2, only find stuff for the bin and take to the tip as soon as you're finished. Day 3, paper work from one drawer/desk. Same idea, pile it into bin or 'decide later.'

The best thing I would suggest is to take before and after photos. It's such a dopamine hit. Seeing the literal difference. Everything must have a home, everything must have breathing space. Decision fatigue used to stop me before I even started. But you sound like you're ready, which is how I felt. So maybe just do definites for now, the thing that will make an immediate difference. Then filter through the stuff that takes any thought, last.

Even keep this thread going, let us know what you've done each day. We'll cheer you on.

I had never heard of the 27 fling boogie or whatever it's called, but I did it tonight in the cupboard under the bathroom sink and it has made me feel so good I'm going to do it again tomorrow!

I really appreciate many of the tips and suggestions on this thread so far and am going to keep an eye on it in the hopes it will grow as some of us get stuck in. I've been putting off my (desparately needed) declutter for years 😳 but am determined to make this year the year I finally get my rear into gear and do it.

Someone mentioned a 'charity bin' or similar upthread - can I ask what that is? I don't drive and live alone, so a big part of my procrastination has been worrying that when I start clearing stuff out I'll be stuck with it in the middle of the rooms because I can't shift a lot of it very easily. But I can envisage taking a small bag of donations each time I go shopping and dropping it off at a charity shop. What puts me off though is possibly being told they don't want or need donations at the moment and then I'm stuck with whatever I've carried before I even start trying to get my shopping home. First world problem I know, but my mobility isn't brilliant at times due to health issues. I thought, if some charity shops have bins you can just empty things into without risking being turned away, that would be really encouraging for me. But I don't think I've ever seen that anywhere. Except our local shop a few hundred yards up the road has a clothes and shoes one outside that you can just turn up and chuck stuff into, which is really handy, and I often use that. But I've got all sorts to declutter that isn't clothes/shoes.

Anyway, sorry for rambling on, and best of luck to everyone contemplating or starting their own declutter 🤞

i just wanted to say good for you OP - I think you’re doing brilliantly. The hardest bit is getting started. It sounds like you’re dealing with quite a tricky situation with your partner too.
i had to clear an elderly relative’s hoarder house earlier this year and it was a grim experience. I had to get a specialist clearing and cleaning company in as it was far too overwhelming for me to deal with on my own.
Any progress you are making is valuable.
I was going to suggest World of Books and Music Magpie but I can see others have got there before me.
Keep going and plan a reward for yourself at the end (an experience like a meal out/champagne , not buying more stuff!)

Im definitely going to update because I need to keep the momentum going

It will be hard because in terms of visuals, the house wont look any different, so I dont have a sort of before and after motivation to keep me going. Its inside drawers and cupboards that all this stuff is mostly, or behind doors where you cant see it.

The charity bins are usually in supermarket carparks, usually in the deepest darkest depth of the car parks!!

But, if you got a laundry bag that you can lift, full of stuff, put it in the charity or bin bag first inside the laundry bag, you could get on the bus or whatever (or od you have a shopping trolley, you can fit a lot in there) and drop it off before going shopping

Or cab?

Yes, well thats going to be my problem, if I see space in the drawers and cupboards Im going to want to fill it up again.with nice things...!!!

Sorry I haven't read the whole thread, but I have a parent who hoards and I also struggle to get rid of things myself. For me, I find the following things help to successfully declutter.

1. Book a collection with Anglo doorstep collections - it's a charity collection service, you leave your things on the doorstep and they collect it on the date you book. The date gives you a deadline to work towards, and no need to drive to charity shops.

1. Mindset. It takes me so long to sell things and they sit there taking up both literal space and headspace. Even if they sell, I only make a few quid yet spend hours photographing and listing. Would I work a job for that sort of pay? I often think unless it's going to make me more than £5 I won't bother, and it goes to charity - then I'm happy that someone less fortunate than me will benefit from it and it hasn't gone to waste.

1. Declutter when you're angry. It's much easier to get rid of things when you're mad!

1. Start with areas that make the biggest difference, so you see progress quicker. For example I always start with visible surfaces in the rooms I'm in the most - the kitchen table. Once it's clear I feel loads better. If I start with a drawer in the bedroom, that once cleared I see no difference, I'm less motivated to continue.

1. Mindset again. Everything you keep adds responsibility and stress - finding a place for it, keeping it clean and tidy, having to put it away, or it's sat out causing visual stress. Only keep things you truly value. Things are just that. If your house burned down tomorrow, what would you grab and take out with you? None of the rest matters. It's replaceable. Your headspace matters.

Also on a journey with this. I do remember listening to something about decluttering that said “it’s all going to end up in landfill eventually” which is kind of horrifying but also helped me to realise that actually, even if someone else is able to get more use out of it, eventually, it will end up in landfill. I always try my best to ensure I’m not just chucking stuff in the bin for the sake of it, but keep that quote in the back of my mind to put it in perspective.

Another helpful tip I’ve heard (from Dana K. White) is, ‘start with the trash’. Maybe DVDs are a step too far at this point but there could be many, many other items that can easily be disposed of without much resistance. This then gets some momentum going.

I have also set a new rule for me and kids:

EVERYTHING MUST HAVE A HOME!

All their toys and belongings must have a set place they keep it. If they get something new and there's nowhere to keep it, then they have to get rid of something else to make space for it, or they can't keep it. It makes it easier to keep things tidy and has started to reduce the amount of stuff that just gets plonked on the side or shoved in cupboards.

It also means it's much easier to tidy up because you know where everything goes.

Yes theres been some good tips on here, I did scan the CDs yesterday and in all it took 2 hours, for 30 quid!!! Plus Ive still got to get the parcel up to the shop

I was exhausted.

I will try the same with the books.

But other types of selling, no, Im not doing that, I usually get rid of clothes at the charity or the charity bins, I never sell stuff on vinted or whatever, I would spend my life meausring, cataloguing, photographing, packaging and running to the post office, exhausting, when I just want it out the house.

Today 2 perfumes in the bin, one I dont wear anymore and one had gone off

I see a scarf also on the back of a door, that can go, I havent worn it in years.

Your motivation will be the joy of opening a cupboard or drawer and picking out what you want without raking. You will hopefully also get a sense of relief from knowing the job is done and you have achieved something.

Some great suggestions for transporting stuff there, thank you! And I know what you mean by charity bins now, there are some in my nearest Morrisons car park. I know one takes small electrical items because I've used that a few times over the years, and they definitely have one for clothes/shoes although I tend to use the one outside my local shop for that because it's handier. I've got a lot of other sorts of items to clear out too though, so I will have to look into collection services like Anglo mentioned upthread.

Hope you feel like you're winning today, OP!

So far today I've taken rubbish out to the bins (mostly from the bit of bathroom decluttering I did last night), stripped the leftovers of a chicken I roasted yesterday and done all washing up etc (I read something about "shining your sink" on another housekeeping thread), and taken my Christmas decs down and put them away for another year. I don't know what has come over me, but I like it! It's motivating to see my living room back to normal, that's the only room I Xmas up each year and it's generally pretty tidy anyway. My biggest problems aren't general tidiness because I'm good at that, luckily. The chaos is mostly shoved away in every single cupboard in the place, and there are a fair few. So, while I do have some visible areas that need a bit of a going over, mostly for me it's the dreaded cupboard/wardrobes space that I need to get to grips with 😱

Edited to add : just seen the posts above, and I gather we have the same problem @soupyspoon !

I so do sympathise but I can’t help OP as I’m the opposite . I want to get rid of everything. I like empty drawers. Books have to line up properly otherwise they’re gone. Used to love it when my kids grew out of their clothes so I could get rid of them.
My issue stemmed from my FIL dying and we had to clear his house as he’d kept everything. It was so awful having to clear 60 years of someone else’s memories. But they were exactly that, his memories.
I don’t want my kids to have to do the same so I throw everything away.

I second this. We massively reduced our bookshelves a couple of years back as we realised we weren’t going to read much of the stuff again. Although I only got a few cents for some of the books, I viewed it as a free clearance. In our case (Germany), the parcel service even came and collected the heavy boxes free of charge.

I ended up doing about three swipes of the bookcases in the end as each box of books gone reduced the overwhelm.

Honestly, chuck the stuff out. Trust me, I would do this. 'Rare items' are seldom as rare as you think. 'Stuff that'll fetch a good few bob' (late FIL) won't fetch any bob at all. Load up the car and head for your local recycling centre.

For anyone struggling with nostalgia, taking a photo can help. You can keep them in a dedicated album on your phone.

Coins that are no longer legal tender what do you do with them

I have five 1pound coins, I think they're no longer legal

chuck them?

No, banks and some big post offices will still exchange for the new pounds you can get to one

You're doing really well, OP. Just keep going, that's all you have to do. It doesn't have to be perfect.

I used to be in a great group on here for decluttering one thing a day; it was really helpful and supportive. Might be worth a look?

I understand that there is an emotional attachment to money but if you wouldn’t be concerned (as you shouldn’t be) about throwing away a book or CD worth £5, I really wouldn’t let yourself get sidetracked by trying to keep these and convert them