DH has complained that he doesn't want his dinner on the table when he gets in from work!

[Dragonbutter]

He says he i'm a bit too prompt.
He gets in at 6.30pm and the kids have usually already eaten. I'm usually starving, but want to eat with him so try to have dinner timed for 6.30pm.
But he wants me to time it for a bit later.
IHBU?

We generally eat all together at about 6.30 when DH comes home from work. DH doesn't really like it and would prefer to eat later but now our children are older (8 and 4) we feel it is important to eat together as a family. Also, I can't stand spending more time in the kitchen than I absolutely have to and I get very grumpy and mutinous if I cook for the children, then do the whole clean up operation and then cook again later for him (and inevitably clean after that too) so the deal is: If he wants to eat later he has to cook it and clean up. So although he doesn't like it he understands why we eat earlier. That way we are totally done and dusted in the kitchen by 7.30 and we can relax for the evening.
PS ... I don't think it is good for you to eat too late anyway ... going to bed on a full stomach can't be can it?

Desi - good

So what about the eating together as a family thing? Doesn't anybody do that anymore? (I'm really sounding like i've time travelled from 1975 now)

I enjoy that bit where we all talk about our day over the meal. It's usually the first chance i get to hear what DS1 has been up to at nursery. He usually just tells me he's been fighting. But by the evening he's got lots of stories. I like it.

we eat at nine
like cod

Thanks Ghosty. Nice of you to show up.

Dragonbutter - have you considered an earlier bedtime for children?

Personally I don't think it is a good idea for children to be playing when DH comes home if it disrupts bedtime.

DH could help get them to bed for 7.30pm - presumably he has days off when he can see them more?

I personally needed kids in bed at a decent time when they were small. Sometimes my DH didn't see them because they were in bed when he came home in the evening, but he saw them on days off and looked after them when I wasa working.

If he wants to eat later then let him do the stories and bedtime a bit earlier

I think it's good to do that once or twice a week, dragon. Children like a certain amount of routine, so perhaps pick your days. Maybe Wednesday and Sunday, we'll all sit around the table together.

But children and working husbands don't need it every day of the week.

Food should be fun. Buffet food for the other days is fun and creative ... and the children can get involved, too!

fuck me

let him get his own tea

Aaah, Pointy, y'see that was the reaction i'd expected. but no.
Do you think this thread would get a different reaction from the daytime mumsnetters?
Anyone up for an experiment?

am amazed by all this

it's funny getting a glimpse of other families

so, me and the kids always eat together and I would never change that, it's part of family life for me. dh gets home at random times and I never plan round him coming home. if he needs a meal, I leave food and he can re heat it as he wants. sometimes he arrives at serving up time, then he eats with us, or else he can do his own thing, no way I would take responsibility for it

I don't quite understand why, if he wants to eat later on, he isn't just preparing his own meal? my responsiblity for house/child stuff is shared from the minute dh gets home, well that's how I see it, dh might see things differently but tough

erm, I'd've thought this was more of a daytime response.

I mean, maybe you've got time to fanny about all evening making various lovely meals and sipping apperitifs and doing lord knows what but its name is not work. Maybe I've cocked up My Wonderful Life big time. But I'm just not seeing a match with reality here.

(And dragon, you sound lovely. I am feeling ratty. Apologies)

I am lovely

Mon, Tues & Fri nights I work, so that leaves us with Weds & Thurs. DP gets home at 6.15 and usually ends up cutting the swede up (as I can't cut a whole one ) and dishes up. We usually eat at 7:30, as does Tom (who has a highly irregular routine which needs changing). I have great plans to send Tom for school dinners when he starts school (if they are still free here in Scotland).

I will eat at anytime, lol.

I'd just be thankful someone was bothering to cook me a meal at all. Not mithering about 'not when I'm just in the door, dear'

do you have swede every ngiht?

No really he's not mithering. A lot of days he actually cycles 12 miles to work and then 12 miles home again (probably should have mentioned this earlier) and so part of the reason he isn't ready for dinner is that post-exercise thing where you lose your appetite. And he isn't 'demanding' i give him a dinner at any specific time. He just mentioned it very tactfully. I told him i'd run it past mumsnet, so i could call him an outrageous cheeky bastard but actually he's got a lot of supporters here i see.
Also, I hate reheated food so prefer my dinner freshly cooked. I'm not sure he's that bothered tbh. Will try out some other approaches til we find a routine that suits us both.
(how very civil)

ROFL at 'swede every night'

Bump

My children eat about 5 - any later and they will have started on the furniture. DH gets home about 6. Unless one of us is going out we never eat earlier than about 7.30 or 8. I like to enjoy my evening meal rather than rush it.

I don't consider cleaning up after our dinner too much of a chore. It's usually only 2 plates and a few dishes.

when I work (3 days) girls eat at 5ish, I sit with them and have a cup of tea and ask about school etc

they go to bed at 7pm, we eat at 7.15ish, dh finishes off preparing dinner while I do stories

the other 4 days, we all eat together at 5.30pm, dh gets in at 5ish

for you I would suggest:

children eat at 5ish, you can sit with them and ask about their day etc, you clear up kitchen, do baths, get them in pj's

dh comes in, he does stories, while you warm up your dinners

you sit down and eat when children are in bed

leave the dishes for the morning OR dh sorts it out

then you can do your mosaics/filing

I would bring forward bedtimes, if your dh gets in at 6.30pm, can they go to bed at say 7.30pm?

then you can eat earlier

kids eat at 4.30 (i know early but they get in from school at 3.15 and beg for snacks so now I feed them earlier)

they have a snack after their bath at about 6 (toast)

dh and I do stories together then one of us cooks again

we eat at 8.30 ish

dh does all clearing up

similar to me enid

we are always right

[smug]

in the evening I don't have anything good like mosaics to do , I have packed lunches and washing

so after dinner I sit and read the paper for 30 mins and then do jobs for 30 mins or so

then watch a bit of tv, bed at 10ish

life is a thriller

We eat with the children at weekends and 2-3 times a week( around 6pm) Neither DH or I like to eat early, but feel it is important to eat as afamily. DC always are better behaved at the table and eat more if we all sit down together.

2-3 nights a week Dh and I eat later, normally a meal I know DC would not eat. We cook together in the kitchen( by that I mean He stands and chats to me while I cook) and he clears up.

That way we make our nights time for us, and we often chat much more on those nights than when we eat with the children and do our own thing later in the evening.

Btw when we eat at weekends our main meal is lunchtime so we can have tea for the DC and put them to bed and then have tv snack later on.

I think you just have to work on a compromise that works for your family.