Are there any reformed “messy people” on here? How did you overcome it?

[LilMagpie]

I’m so ashamed and embarrassed about my house I’m sat here in tears. My siblings came over and commented on the state of it. I just don’t understand why I’m so incapable of keeping on top of it. I don’t consider myself to be lazy in other areas of my life like work or parenting but for some reason I just put off housework and it quickly becomes overwhelming. As much as I understand the concept of “tidy as you go” I’ll do it for a short while after blitzing the house but can never seem to make it stick as a habit. I hate living like this, I feel constant shame and rarely have people over. I have two 5 year olds so it’s particularly bad right now during the summer holidays. I’m not striving for perfect but I feel like how we live right now isn’t good enough. My husband does a lot around the house and with the kids when he’s off but also works full time whereas I’m part time so it’s mostly my domain and I suck at it.
Does anyone have any tips? I’m mostly interested in hearing from those who have had similar struggles and overcome them.
Please no nasty comments, you can’t judge me harder than I’m judging myself right now, I’m really looking for advice rather than opinions on how I live.
Thank you

For emotional attachment to items, one trick I’ve heard is to take a photo of the item. That way you still have the memory but it’s not cluttering up your home.

I am not sentimental, so this is not something I struggle with. I will happily throw out anything and everything.

I am a messy person. Left to my own devices my house would be a tip. My DH is obsessively tidy, so I try to make an effort to keep him happy. In fairness, he doesn’t complain too much but I know our home is nicer without crap all over the place.

Yes and no I don’t

I just don’t have the time for all
that. I make everyone - DH and 2 teens - tidy up once a week here the day before my wonderful cleaner comes.
It’s the best money I spend all week. It’s all hands on deck.

Does no one else in your house help with anything?

Having read that long list, I do all that too except I only do bathroom sinks twice a week. I have full time job. If you do 25 mins twice a day and a bit more at the weekend this is possible. It’s not possible if you have mess or clutter everywhere or if you procrastinate and dawdle, which I guess is what the OP is asking about. Eg emptying and wiping the fridge would take one 25 min block only.

The key, as everyone has said really, is mess. If surfaces are tidy it takes seconds to wipe them. But it takes hours to sort and tidy clutter. If you can tackle the second - with professional help if need be - the actual cleaning is easy

I've got a lot better! I'd still want 20 mins notice if anyone was coming over, but I reckon that's all it would take to get ship-shape. It would have been more like 2 hours a few years ago!

I Marie-Kondoed to start with. That was so much fun! Over a few days I got rid of a whole lot of stuff. It's kind of 'freeing' mentally. It's much easier to be tidy when everything has it's own place because you know where to put it back when you get round to it at some point. When you have so much stuff that it doesn't have a designated home, that's a problem. Get rid of everything you don't love (or is actually useful!). Pretend you're moving to a house half the size of your current place, and be draconian.

My biggest tip is to rotate the kids toys. First, have a declutter of them. Then get some big storage boxes to be kept in the garage or shed, or loft, on under your bed, or in a lockable cupboard, and have 80% of the toys go in there. Swap a few out every weekend. It keeps them fresh and interesting, the children don't feel overwhelmed and they can't get everything out at once and spread it all around. When you or they are ill and they need distracting you can get something out that they haven't had in a few weeks and it's much more likely to be played with longer than if they have free reign with everything.

When you have fair less stuff you can start to make other improvements, but that's 100% the first step.

WOW, can I live in your house!

Does the weekly not take forever? I feel that would be my whole weekend gone?

I have a messy job and I always factor in 15 mins to tidy up and make the place look fantastic at the end. Why have I never thought to do this at home!!?! Doh!

semi- reformed messy person here. I have a very tidy husband and mess stresses him out so I adjusted (he did too) We have a cleaner who comes once a week. It has to be tidy before she cleans. it is forced, it isn’t enjoyable getting tidy but the house being lovely is payment. You get used to the routine, it becomes normal.

my biggest challenge is waste… I hate throwing out good stuff I don’t want like toys… nobody wants second hand toys these days. Clothes recycling is almost always full where I live.

if you have 5 year olds though, I would be realistic about how messy the place will be. They are a messy age and they will get better as they get older. Once the toys were gone I noticed a massive difference.

Just popping back up to say I'm 3 weeks in with the reminders app and it's actually pretty effective still. Again, need to see if it's still working in 6 months or a year, but signs so far are good.

My house is looking tidier than it has in years on a regular basis currently. It had previously been in "can get it visitor ready downstairs in under 10 minutes" which was in itself a massive improvement on how messy I had been.

Love these ideas

20 minutes blitzing before bed every day.

@OnlyWayOutIsThrough the point about building in tidying time is so important and I totally relate as a early years teacher. I always tell the children that playing has 3 steps: getting out the toys, playing with the toys and tidying them away. They know them are the rules! They understand the why of it as well. I digress, but absolutely I know that if I am baking, I have to build in time to clearing away everything or making tea,, drinking tea, put cup in dishwasher. Lots of things around the house are a 3 step process, but lots of people don’t think about it like that.

@BertieBottsI was on the original Marie Kondo thread on here (with you, I think). She changed my life, it truly was magic.

Ah, probably! I remember a thread on here, and I defo bought the book right back when it originally came out and everyone went mad over it.

It 100% changed the way I thought about so many things.

How is it going Op?

Are you and your siblings close and you trust that they love and care for you, so if they made the comment - it was out of concern rather than mean?

I’ve managed to since keep the downstairs somewhat under control and ‘visitor ready as long as I have 20 minutes notice’. But still drowning in mess upstairs and constantly behind on washing 😒 I did do a big declutter of my room though, I’ll probably need to repeat it another couple of times. I started a new job which is great but gives me extra things to juggle, but our aim is once we have our finances a bit more under control (had a couple of unexpected and expensive bills lately) then we’ll look to getting a cleaner as others have suggested.

Yea the sibling relationship is generally good, we are close. But the comment was more of a teasing one so I did take it to heart although I didn’t show it at the time. I know if they knew I was upset by it they would be horrified. I also know if I told them I was struggling they would drop everything to help me, but I am still to ashamed of all my doom piles to ask for help 🫣 although I am seriously thinking of paying a professional to help me who I then never have to look in the eye again lol

Someone on the Christmas threads has divided their house into areas, one for each weekend until Christmas, and they are going to declutter a little bit each weekend. Then the house is great for Christmas.

I think the deadline is quite a good motivator.

Ooh i like this!

Op I am so like you.
Am wondering about getting tested for ADHD.
Am late 40’s.

Hair bands and tweezers!