Are there any reformed “messy people” on here? How did you overcome it?

[LilMagpie]

I’m so ashamed and embarrassed about my house I’m sat here in tears. My siblings came over and commented on the state of it. I just don’t understand why I’m so incapable of keeping on top of it. I don’t consider myself to be lazy in other areas of my life like work or parenting but for some reason I just put off housework and it quickly becomes overwhelming. As much as I understand the concept of “tidy as you go” I’ll do it for a short while after blitzing the house but can never seem to make it stick as a habit. I hate living like this, I feel constant shame and rarely have people over. I have two 5 year olds so it’s particularly bad right now during the summer holidays. I’m not striving for perfect but I feel like how we live right now isn’t good enough. My husband does a lot around the house and with the kids when he’s off but also works full time whereas I’m part time so it’s mostly my domain and I suck at it.
Does anyone have any tips? I’m mostly interested in hearing from those who have had similar struggles and overcome them.
Please no nasty comments, you can’t judge me harder than I’m judging myself right now, I’m really looking for advice rather than opinions on how I live.
Thank you

I used to hoard things which weren’t even of sentimental value to me, but that had been loved by my grandparents, I felt I should keep them. My mum had to remind me, those aren’t my memories, it isn’t sad or disrespectful to get rid of them.

Following

Yes me. To be honest my kids getting older and them not trashing the place in my wake was what helped.

Yeah this is me. I downloaded an app called Finch. It weirdly helps me keep on top of everything

Following for tips because I'm horribly messy.

One thing that worked for me is to do an hour a day of proper cleaning when the kids are in bed. I get a posh kombucha or herbal tea and put a good podcast on and just get whatever done that's bugging me most, I quite often fold/iron laundry or clean the kitchen or bathrooms. I actually really enjoy it as kind of me-time, plus it feels so nice in the morning to come down to properly clean floors or kitchen or whatever.

The Organised Mum Method worked for me, I recommend it to everyone! It's a cleaning schedule but also has a declutter version. I loosely followed the plans (there are free printouts) and I also paid for the TOMM Rocks podcast things for a while. She's like a personal trainer talking you through a tidy/clean.
I don't follow the plan much anymore but it has transformed my life. Everything has a home and now my home is good enough for unexpected visits!

Getting rid of stuff was incredibly helpful. I did a thorough Marie Kondo and it kept the mess under control for about three years.

I don't think I will ever be reformed, but my tip is to look for the cleaning/tidying influencers who are also naturally messy people!

A Slob Comes Clean helped me, the podcast first, she is very rambly so I just stuck it on while cleaning - this genuinely works for me. Then I bought her books (How to manage your home/decluttering at the speed of life) and when you get past the basics of that, Clutterbug. But I find Clutterbug is too confusing starting out and too much like every other organising thing. It's good once you've got past the basics (The basics are - get rid of some alarming percentage of your stuff, and understand what things actually need to be prioritised to be done every day no matter what).

For everything which doesn't need to happen every day but I have absolutely no sense of how urgently it's overdue, I use an app called Tody. Took me a couple of false starts with this - I put too many things in it and then became overwhelmed. My tip is just to delete everything that becomes so overdue it's stressful. If you're not doing it anyway it doesn't help having it shout at you in an app.

I also did the Marie Kondo process (well, some of it, I never quite finished it) a few years ago when that was a big thing - if you do this I recommend getting the original book and reading it properly. A lot of people know the gist of Marie Kondo but don't actually get the nuances of it, and I found they were incredibly helpful.

It helped me a lot with the sentimental aspect of decluttering, and with some of the practical aspects too.

Two things have really helped me. I think one is from fly lady but I can’t remember - it’s doing a room reset - so de junking the living room for example and putting it back to just the furniture and the decorative stuff (cushions and ornaments or whatever) that are supposed to be there. This should be really quick when you get going. Mine goes like this - scoop up the crap the DDs have left in there and put it by their doors. Then arrange the cushions and make the room look nice. If it’s needed grab a sponge from the kitchen and wipe the coffee tables and then vacuum with the Dyson stick takes moments. Then that’s all. i can do this super quick in the living rooms and bedrooms. Kitchen and bathrooms take longer but little and often is best.

the other one is just getting rid of stuff all the bloody time. In our house white bin liners are only for chazza donations. There is usually one on the go all the time and whoever is going that way drops it off. The big chazza is right next to the tip it’s v handy.

I am AuDHD which contributes hugely to my struggles with housekeeping. But I suppose some of the techniques I rely on could be equally as effective for anyone. Things that have made a big difference to my home are:

1. Having regular, ruthless clear outs. I had got into quite a state, so I had a big clear out. Then I had another about 2 months later and found I still had things that could be got rid of. And another 2 months after that. I think I'm on the 5th clear out now, and I just took another 3 bags to the charity shop. I have become more ruthless as time has gone on.

1. Everything needs a home. If there isn't an intuitive, easy-to-access home for an items it will become clutter and you won't put it away. If it doesn't have a home and you can't find it one, get rid of it.

1. Tidy up time every hour. My kids are messy like me. Every hour, on the hour, we have a tidy up. Anything they are currently using - as in literally using, not "I'm going to use it again in 10 mins" - gets put away. That way, there's only ever an hour's worth of mess to tidy.

1. Little rubbish bags for meal prep. Whenever I'm cooking, I keep two little bags on the worktop - one for recycling and one for compostable waste - and put all my rubbish and veg peelings straight into those.

1. Put dirty dishes straight into the dishwasher. Do not leave dishes scattered all over the kitchen. If the dishwasher is running and you can't reload it yet, clear the plates of food debris and then stack them all neatly next to the dishwasher.

1. The Organised Mum Method. I use this app for cleaning. It is so helpful. It's customisable and it keeps a checklist of cleaning tasks to do daily, weekly, monthly etc. I have discovered that actually I quite like cleaning, I just hate tidying! Except cleaning the bathroom which I loathe so DH does that.

1. Do at least one load of laundry every single day.

I have just started listening to the Decluttering Untangled with Heather Tingle podcast and am enjoying it...I hope to be reformed soon!

One tip from her...start with zoning (e.g. keep all your stationery together etc), you can do quick wins (bin rubbish) but it takes away some of the decision making for this stage.

Have the house you want, and be realistic. Do you actually have time to crochet? If you really want to - put it in your calendar.

Reformed person here, and echoing much of what's been said above - getting rid of stuff was the biggest and most life-changing thing I've ever done. I did Marie Kondo, don't feel you have to follow it slavishly but it really helped. Still got too much stuff in some areas, especially crafts but I'm working on it.

Things that help me - finding stuff I had forgotten I owned. If I didn't know it was there, wouldn't have known where to look for it and haven't needed it in the last twelve months, why am I keeping it? It can be donated.

Clothes, if there are things I never choose then there's usually a reason (too tight, uncomfortable, doesn't go with anything) - donate it.
Memories are in your head, not in things. If you love it, keep it; if not, let someone else enjoy it - giving something away doesn't mean you don't love the giver or that you'll forget them.
Does the thing/item of clothing/whatever make you feel happy? If it actually makes you feel guilty, irritated or frustrated - donate it.

I never realised how much visual clutter was affecting my mood. It's a bit of a cycle; you feel low, you're not motivated to tidy up, you buy stuff to make yourself feel better, the place is cluttered and it makes you feel low etc.

Something I read recently " if it isn't 'hell, yes' then it's 'hell, no' " - in other words if you see something you want, unless you really love it don't buy it.

I used to have a terrible habit of scooping up untidy areas into a carrier bag when people were coming, so I could 'sort it out later'. Months later I'd be searching for important documents and then find the carrier bag ...

Don't buy extra storage, it's not the answer. You can't organise clutter.

Now my house is so tidy, I have bought a robot vacuum - I could never have done this before with so much stuff around. Like others, I now love space more than stuff, it's taken a while to reach this point but the more you do the stronger your decluttering senses become. Good luck on your journey (and next time your siblings are rude about your home, invite them to come and help you!)

I have ADHD and it is a big problem.I am still messy but I can make a room look presentable pretty quickly. I use Flylady's Room Rescue, 15 minutes to company ready and weekly Home Blessing techniques. The best of these, that transformed my life is Room Rescue.

Room Rescue - set a timer for 5 minutes and tidy as much as you can in 5 mins. Start with the biggest eyesores - hang up coats and bags, pair shoes, chuck left over takeaway or food wrappers, newspapers, junk mail. Empty bin. Toys in toy basket. Make the bed, change towels etc. Whatever most needs doing - do as much as possible in 5 minutes. That's all. The room looks unbelievably better. Do it again next day. After a few days, you are cleaning by the third minute, because stuff is already put away. Have a small basket where you put stray stuff belonging to each person in the home.

15 mins to company ready: Pick an area of the house you'd most like to invite others into - living space or kitchen. Do a 5 minute room rescue. Then a 5 minute clean - hoover or mop the visible bits of floor, wipe surfaces, dirty dishes in dishwasher or sink of hot soapy water. Then 5 minutes creating focal points that draw the eye away from any residual mess. Maybe flowers on an otherwise cleared table. Or a cosy sofa with plumped cushions and draped throws, with a lit lamp on a table nearby, a photo or art book or interesting object.

Weekly home blessing - 1 hour once a week - all the family join in. 10 mins in each room - strip and remake beds, empty all bins, put all floordrobe clothes away or in laundry. Stick a washload on. Declutter kitchen table and worktops. Clean and polish in each room, hoover and or mop all visible bits of flooring. Put lively music on while you work - you can nominate a small DC to be DJ, and end the hour with a small treat - fresh brewed coffee in the garden or whatever you all fancy.

My two tips are

1. no double handling. If something is in your hands, put it where it goes. If you are taking off your knickers, they go in the basket. If you pick up a Barbie, it goes in the box.

2. money that you have spent is gone. If you are moving a lasagne dish so you can open the microwave but you don’t want to throw it out because it was £23, then that’s ridiculous. You are not going to get that £23 back by keeping the dish.

This was my peak moment. Moving the dish.

I feel for you. I was (am) the same re the disloyalty. That’s where I take the photos and thank ‘the thing’ before letting it go - to charity or in the bin/the skip/to the tip.

It’s so hard when you attach memories and emotions to things. But the memories and love are your loyalty; the thing was incidental. Good luck x

Lots of great tips on this thread. Mine might seem a little silly but it has helped me so much this past year, my house has never been this clean/tidy!

There is a website called 'wheel of names' and I basically put my to do list into that and then spin the wheel and do whatever task it lands on.

I do this for deep cleaning/decluttering, where I'll list individual tasks/areas such as 'wash all windows' or 'clear out pan cupboard'.

I also use it for everyday cleaning and I'll just list all of the rooms in the house and clean in the order it gives me.

It really helps when I cannot get myself to start, or don't know where to start.

Please read "How to Keep House While Drowning". I found it life changing.

@stargazer02 - That is a genius idea to play a ‘tidying’ song. 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

Im waaaay past that stage, but @LilMagpie … this is definitely something to introduce to your DCs as they’re the perfect age to start!

Meanwhile, I feel your pain. Moving from an old beamed cottage to a sleek modern house has helped me a) declutter in the first place, and b)try and maintain the ‘sleekness’ of my modern space. I’m definitely a work in progress…

PS I know podcasts etc are more popular these days, but do read (or listen to ) Marie Kondo ‘Magic Art of Tidying’. It’s a short book but has some great systems for organising your life.

Yes! For me it was all about developing the right habits (personal to you) / habit stacking. I also recognise that a tidy house helps my wellbeing and recognise that keeping on top of my house is true self care!

its not natural for me to tidy up as I go along so I factor in five minutes at the end. I like ti set 10 minute timers and tidy as it keeps me really focused. The worst version of me is chaotic and could spend ten minutes moving things around so I make sure I focus on one thing at a time if in this mode eg just sort the living room.

like others have said, it’s much easier to keep a tidy house clean / tidy. Everything needs a home and you need to be quite ruthless in what you will keep. I know people that plan diary time for bigger tasks eg garden or deep cleaning (this would work for me as if I got a better offer I’d be off!)

I have ADHD, and getting diagnosed and accepting that I find keeping the house clean and tidy and setting up strategies to help me was a huge step. My house isn't tidy like a naturally tidy person's yet, but it's so much better than it used to be.

Things that helped were:

Putting more responsibility on other people
I had been a SAHM and when I went back to work, the division of labour didn't get rearranged, so I was struggling with too much to do. We now have a housework list based on the organised mum method and a quick meeting each week to look at what's coming up in the week/month ahead and to divide up our time fairly.

Learning to clean and tidy
I subscribe to the organised mum method and get audio guides that talk me through each task, which keeps me focused and teaches me what to do. I also try to arrange things by ease of use, especially if I'm trying to form a new habit - I currently have some silver that needs polishing on the kitchen windowsill with the polish next to it so that I do a bit little and often. Once it no longer feels like an insurmountable task, they will be able to go back into the cupboards.

Decluttering.
I have a small house with too many people, and this year I took a week off work in the spring to declutter downstairs, and a week in the summer for upstairs. By the end, everything either had a place, or a plan for a place with a task list to work through. So I need to buy some more storage, to find a buyer for an unwanted piece of furniture etc, but I deal with one of those longer term tasks every week, so they aren't just getting forgotten.

Doing a daily and weekly reset and making that sense of clean house feel like a treat.
Every evening, we make the house nice and cosy, use nicely scented products, have candles/soft lighting/nice music/make the bed etc and then I can sit down with a relaxing drink and actually enjoy the atmosphere and do something fun. On Thursday night/Friday morning, I make sure the house is really nice to come to for the weekend, and I buy myself flowers. I spend more on cleaning products that make cleaning feel like a sensory pleasure.

Have nice things to listen to while doing housework.
A good playlist, a gripping audiobook or podcast, or being talked through a task by Gemma on the organised mum tomm rocks app. If I am doing housework with headphones on, I'm doing non-interruptible work, so DH is default parent, making a sandwich/cup of tea/watching TV or whatever people want to do in the room can wait half an hour until I've finished, and if you need my time and company, you join in with the cleaning. This is probably more of a hard and fast rule if you have ADHD and are very distractible.

For me, outcome-targets (clear a drawer) are very demotivating. I like process-targets (tidy drawers for 30 minutes). I use the Forest app on my phone with a podcast or music playing, so I don’t do something else, and commit to at least 25 minutes proper sorting or cleaning per day. At the weekends often 2 hours in 30 minute blocks. When my time is up I stop.

A) you’d be amazed how quick some tasks are, the dishwasher takes me less than 5 minutes and B) I know it’s not going to drag on all day being awful so don’t mind starting. In a typical evening DH clears the table and does the dishwasher after dinner while I might clean one set of windows, tidy the sitting room and hoover, and clean one loo. Or just spend 25 minutes sorting through my pants drawer. Every day this adds up so much, if you keep at it 🙂

Try the ‘27 item fling’ (think it is from Flylady) to get a quick start and especially good if you struggle with decisions or procrastination (like I do quite a lot). Get a bin bag, go round your home and quickly put 27 items that you no longer need, then just get rid. I know it’s wasteful but it gets you started, is great for endorphins and later on you can do the more moral three containers - throw away/put away/ give away.

Then, spend 15 minutes per day working through each area. Flylady is great for this as is The Organised Mum. I listen to Tomm Rocks while decluttering. It helps a lot with motivation and concentration. Also Remi Clogg on YouTube. There is lots out there.

Once you have declutterred, do a 10 minute tidy every day (clutter stop). Set a timer so you get an end point. Focus on the areas that bother you the most first.

Don’t beat yourself about it. You are working on it and it will get better. It’s hard with two five year olds.

Declutter, be ruthless about it.

Organise some decent storage

Put things away

Thanks, this is helpful