Are there any reformed “messy people” on here? How did you overcome it?

[LilMagpie]

I’m so ashamed and embarrassed about my house I’m sat here in tears. My siblings came over and commented on the state of it. I just don’t understand why I’m so incapable of keeping on top of it. I don’t consider myself to be lazy in other areas of my life like work or parenting but for some reason I just put off housework and it quickly becomes overwhelming. As much as I understand the concept of “tidy as you go” I’ll do it for a short while after blitzing the house but can never seem to make it stick as a habit. I hate living like this, I feel constant shame and rarely have people over. I have two 5 year olds so it’s particularly bad right now during the summer holidays. I’m not striving for perfect but I feel like how we live right now isn’t good enough. My husband does a lot around the house and with the kids when he’s off but also works full time whereas I’m part time so it’s mostly my domain and I suck at it.
Does anyone have any tips? I’m mostly interested in hearing from those who have had similar struggles and overcome them.
Please no nasty comments, you can’t judge me harder than I’m judging myself right now, I’m really looking for advice rather than opinions on how I live.
Thank you

Lots of very good tips on here. My best tip is simple:- stop buying more stuff you don't need. There are so many shops now with "things you never knew you needed or wanted" Flying Tiger is one, Ale Hop, and the rest. Even B&M, Home Bargains etc. Full of land fill plastic stuff. I know they also sell useful items. But more thought before you get to the checkout is useful here.

You know what helps me get going is watching a decluttering programme. Sort your life out or big house clear out on channel 5 - that one has more problematic houses I think it’s better actually. Make a nice drink and settle down and watch it. You will be eye rolling at what they dither about keeping then the reveals look amazing and that gets me out of my funk.
i have all the advice but my dining room and every cupboard in my house need de junking right now. Dp better watch out 😂

dh Is messy. Well he can be if he is let loose. I used to get massive piles of his stuff and put it on top of his work station. It was unacceptable to me to wade through his shit to live. We worked out systems and over time he’s better.

LESS STUFF

everything has a place and everything in its place

at the end of the day I clear all the sides down. Scoop
everying ip and put it away. Inevitably not everything gets put away as we go. this means that everyday the house starts fresh in the morning.

wake up- make beds. Get dressed. Put clothes away.
bedtime- undress put clothes away.

The trouble for me is that I like stuff more than I like space!

My house definitely still gets messy but it's loads better than it used to be.

1. Declutter as much as possible. I don't have huge sentimental feelings towards stuff so didn't have that barrier but would often cling onto stuff just in case it came in useful one day. A book called How to Manage your House by Dana White was really useful in deciding what to get rid of.

1. Before bedtime our Alexa announces tidy up time and plays pop music for 5 minutes. We all rush around tidying up as much stuff as we can before the music stops. It's amazing how much 4 people can do in 5 mins. My kids are 8 and 11 now but we've been doing this for 5 years.

1. I'm autistic and don't "see" dirt and mess. I have a routine of what things I clean on what days and have reminders on my phone.

I’m also messy and hate it.

I’ve spent a lot of time, energy and money buying storage and organisational boxes etc, and devices to streamline things and make domestic chores easier etc.

I have had a bit of an epiphany lately though….

All this time I’ve been trying to buy things and have a house set up which will basically keep its itself clean.

This isn’t possible.

To have a tidy organised house takes time. There are no shortcuts.

I realised this when measuring up for a new washing basket for the utility room that would enable the clothes to be sorted, save space, and also have space to store shoes at the side of it so they weren’t always lying around at the back door.

I realised that I could buy it….but it wasn’t going to pick up all the discarded shoes at the back door. I needed to do that.

It’s a sobering though to realise that it just simolt
takes manual effort, but I think it’s going to help me. I’m starting to realise that this manual effort is “just something that needs to be done”, rather than to resent doing it because I feel the place should just be naturally tidy.

For example this morning while waiting for kettle to boil I put dishes from the drying rack away in the cupboard. Previously I would have just gazed out the window while waiting, then been irritated by the stack of dishes all day.

In terms of cleaning, I tend to think of it in three layers.

1. tidy
2. surface clean
3. deeper clean

On a day to day level I try to do one and two. I go through each room with a box and either put things away or put it in the box to go to another room. I then go through the house and wipe over and/or hoover the surfaces that really need going over (I.e. the dusty windowsill or bitty hall carpet). It’s quick but gives the impression that the house is under control even if the cupboards are a bit messy.

In terms of clutter, you need to methodically go through your cupboards and start letting go of things you don’t use or need. Make it a habit. Do it every day. Just a drawer or a shelf. Take it all out. Give the shelf a wipe over. Put back what you definitely use. Remove what you don’t. Stuff you’re unsure of. Put in another cupboard to come back to at a later date.

This is what I’m doing. I’m selling stuff too so progress is slow but the bank balance is going up. One thing I’m also doing is a shopping ban other than essential things. Sometimes I look in the wardrobe and see something I haven’t worn in a while and make a decision on it there and then.

Also, each day just do something. It doesn’t matter what or if it’s in any logical order just do SOMETHING. So if you did the bathroom cabinet yesterday and the drawer in the kitchen looks messy, do that next.

Don’t overthink it.

Reformed messy person who hasn’t read all the replies. Things that helped me:

1. my kids got older
2. I throw shit out. All the time.
3. I keep lists of things that need doing and when
4. everyone in the family does their bit

Best tip is start reducing the amount of stuff you have. Less stuff = less stuff to tidy.

I used to think this. But actually I do like having space to use/see my stuff.

I will never be a minimalist. I find that look a bit stressful. I feel more comfortable with more stuff compared to less, I like to have options and I enjoy visual abundance, but since I discovered Dana and her "clutter threshold" and container concept I've definitely got a much better idea of how much stuff I really enjoy having and it's not as close to "as much stuff as I can possibly cram in the house" as I thought 😅

Thank you for this, I just had a go with wheel of names and it’s great!

Another "not reformed but getting better" person, and basically the same tips as everyone else:

1. Clear out regularly. Once a year at least.
2. Pay a cleaner because it then compels me to tidy before the cleaner gets here.
3. Containers where things accumulate makes it look less bad (i.e. I have a basket on the coffee table where there are pens and the remotes and a nail file and and and, and a little bowl on my bedside table that jewellery can accumulate in til it fills up and I put it all back in the jewellery box.
4. Somewhat counter-intuitively, multiples of things I have a particular tendency not to put back in the right place. The ones for me are hairbrushes and scissors. I have a hairbrush within a couple of paces of every mirror and a pair of scissors in pretty much every room. Because that way putting it away is a small job not a big job and gets done.

And then my latest edition, is somewhat bonkersly, an app called "Finch". There's a weird baby bird and basically you can set a recurring to do list with whatever frequency you want (so I have got morning dishes and evening dishes every day, but then mowing the lawn only every two weeks). I am not sure how effective the gamification aspect is but having a reminder to do all this stuff every day is quite helpful. It also strongly encourages you to do nice to yourself things as well. So I have added wearing jewellery every day for example, as I know that makes me feel good and I want to do it more. I haven't been using it long so it may not be effective long term but it is helping so far.

Wow I’m so touched by everyone who took the time to write such kind and helpful replies, thank you! I read every single one. I will definitely be checking out the various apps and podcasts etc!
I actually did the Marie Kondo method when I was pregnant with my twins, but have accumulated 5 years of junk since then 🤦🏼‍♀️ I should watch the show again to motivate me.

I feel better today. I blitzed the whole downstairs of my house yesterday whilst the boys were out so at least it’s less embarrassing for visitors (in the short term at least). I guess the shame from my siblings was a powerful motivator in the end! Just need to address the several doom piles and stuffed drawers/cupboards upstairs now 😬

I really do appreciate all of the replies, they truly helped me feel less alone and gave me hope that change is possible 🙂

Another sorta-ish recovered messy person here. Loads of folks have said stuff I agree with, so this may be a bit repetitive buuuut:

Being ruthless about how much Stuff is in the house, and recognising that Stuff removal is an ongoing process, at least once a fortnight for me and then a big spring and autumn blitz.

Be aware of when you're being sentimental about Stuff, especially around things that don't seem to have a specific emotional draw (birthday cards are obvious but getting sentimental over a phone cable??).

I love a clean, clear tidy house in the same way I love how I feel after a hair colour + cut; I try to use my pleasure as motivation to Get Shit Done. This also includes making myself feel like I deserve a clean, clear tidy house and not to live in chaos like a sad worm.

Being verrrrrrrry intentional about what I buy and bring into the house. Likewise, doing the research and spending money on something which is really properly beautiful / well-made / will last, rather than impulse buying any old thing because it's cheap.

And a cleaner. I hate deep cleaning and I'm not great at it (very bad eyesight but that's not an excuse). So I'd rather pay money for someone to do that part of it properly.

Do not buy more/new/different storage.
The more you have the more you'll use, it takes time but less stuff=less time tidying said stuff!
Think about a handbag, the bigger it is the more stuff you put in it-just in case. However take a tiny bag and you only take out exactly what you need.

This advice is good if you already have a reasonable amount of storage, but when I actually put time and effort into decluttering, I realised that my problem was in fact largely down to inadequate storage.

The box of muddled up photos became a tidy album that I can look through; the repurposed card box box beside my bed was replaced with an actual bedside table with place to store the things I need; the piles of shoes in daily use got a shoe rack, DD got a sewing desk rather than using the dining room table multiple times a week and the bicycles leaning against the kitchen wall are mounted on the wall so that I can actually mop the floor.

You could follow the Organised Mum method - she’s on Instagram. Basically there’s stage 1 and stage 2 jobs. The idea is you do 45 mins - effectively a room a day plus loos/ dishwasher and putting on a wash every day.
then once a week you do a deep dive of one room. Once you’ve done it for about 5 - 6 weeks it really keeps you on top of everything with no need to do anything at weekend.

I think this is fine as part of the decluttering process to buy things with a specific purpose.

The problem is when rather than decluttering, you think "Look at that pile of assorted shoes/photos/outgrown toys/coats/sewing projects and mops - I need more boxes to put all that stuff in." Then all your doom piles become doom boxes and shelves and cupboards instead.

What works for me is setting a timer on my phone twice a day for 20 minutes and I do a power clean. I don't stop for twenty minutes, ignore text messages and distractions. This works as I don't dawdle. When the timer goes off I stop what I am doing and have a coffee. I do this once on the morning before work and then once on an evening and it is amazing how much you can get done. I include washing, changing beds and tidying in this and I have a clean house.

Look up minimalists too and Joshua Becker

Cleaning

Every day:
Clean toilet
Wipe bathroom sink round
All washing up is done and kitchen wiped down before I sit down for some time before bed
I do a load of laundry on a day to keep on top of it
Every sat or sun depending on what we are doing:
Dust all windowsills, units etc.
All bedding stripped, washed and out to dry
Clean bedding for all of us
Thorough hoover throughout home
Full clean of bathroom (wash tiles down, bath, taps, shower, sink, toilet and in the bits that get grimy like the sides of toilets at the bottom, replace bathroom bin bag)
Full kitchen clean (tiles, toaster crumbs binned and toaster & kettle wiped down, cupboard doors and kickboards wiped over with kitchen cleaner, draining board cleaned)
Mop throughout (only carpets in bedroom)
All mirrors are cleaned
Bin is cleaned with bin spray
All towels that have been used in week on a hot wash and in tumble to dry
Monthly:
Clean fridge out, take shelves etc all out and use fairy liquid and hot water, clean the inside.
Shower curtain goes on a short hot cycle, I hang it back up to dry
Wash our runner in the hallway
All skirting boards washed down with zoflora & warm water (check your paint if using zoflora etc as can damage)
Insides of windows if they need it
Every 8 weeks
Window cleaner comes for the outside
Take the car for a good inside and out clean
Descale the kettle
Wipe cupboards out if they need it (little spills of sauce etc)
Full oven clean
Once a year, I have somebody in to clean the sofa and bedroom carpets.

My house is suffering ATM op because I have lost my energy but I find a good rule is just having 30 mins a day in the most heavily used rooms to pick stuff off the floor and clear the horizontal surfaces.

If you can afford a cleaner then please get one and ask them to focus on the kitchen and bathroom and hall and landings.

If not, then spend 30 mins at night cleaning kitchen in between cooking dinner, and clean one element of bathroom a day.

One load of laundry a day.

TOMM is quite helpful!

Good luck 💐

Me too op! I think I might have undiagnosed ADHD if I’m honest .
I don’t know what the answer is.

Can I ask, you do all of this yourself? And do you have a full time job?