I've let my room get so bad again

[Yoyomelon]

Hi guys,

Back in March I posted the following thread https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/housekeeping/5292833-my-dirty-room-is-my-dark-secret
I was in a bad place and had let my wardrobe room get horrifically messy (I prioritise my kids room/shared spaces so rest of house has always been fine).
The compassion I recieved from mumsnetters was unbelievable and it helped me tackle my room and honestly changed my life. I started running again, lost weight and started really feeling human after feeling so not myself for so long. However after some hectic weeks in work and back to back sickness the room (and my life) have gotten out of control again. I'm trying not to shame spiral but I'm so annoyed at myself for letting it get so bad again and for just letting everything else go aswel. I was on week 9 of c25k and now il have to go back to the start and have been binge eating again so prob put back on all the weight i lost (afraid to weigh myself). Anyway I guess I'm posting this to try make myself accountable and also get advice on how to avoid these messy relapses.

You’ve done it before and you’ll do it again! 💪🏼

This is the room. I can't even really get into it it's such a state.

(((HUG)))

Making a lasting change is hard!

Go now & do something in YOUR room, even if it's just putting any dirty washing in a washing basket!

Report back xx

Checking in again with our Monica!

You've done it before @Yoyomelon and it's going to be easier this time as it's not very long since the last time. You've got this x

btw you'll not be back to scratch on c25k. Start conservatively but you may well find yourself skipping to week 4 or 6 no bother.

I thought it was going to be much worse than that. That’s only a couple of hours work if that.

You'll still have some residual fitness from C25k so you probably don't have to go back to the very start. Even if you just start on week 2 instead of week 1. There are loads of lapsed, returning C25kers out there. If you do start from the very start, you still have the psychological advantage that you know you can do it.

Room wise- I've got three of those, and they're worse than yours. Lapsed so many times. ADHD facebook reels and the same creators podcast (Rich and Rox- Late Bloomers) make me feel better. I haven't sought a diagnosis but their stories resonate. Also Dana K White's aslobcomesclean. She's so kind.

I'm just back from weekend away, am tired but going to take the advice of somebody on your original thread and set a 15min timer to go at one of my doom rooms.

Good luck, massive solidarity to you OP

Thanks guys, the photo isn't the full picture because those drawers are again stuffed full of a mixture of dirty and clean clothes so il need to empty every drawer and wash everything. I don't know why I let like that again its like when one thing slips the whole thing goes downhill. I did start sorting out some laundry but I'd promised my daughter that I'd watch a movie so il go back to it after she goes to bed. I can do it, I did it before and that time it was years of damage this is only a few weeks. It's just frustrating that I can't seem to maintain a normal level of tidy

I was also expecting to be much worse! Half an hour a day for the next week and you’ll be sorted.

Maybe start by going for a run, that may make you feel energised to start sorting a bit, one drawer at a time. It’s suny and windy here and washing can be done quickly if you have a quick wash cycle. You will soon be on top of things again. Don’t beat yourself up, you’ve proved you can do it before. Good luck.

Did the 15 minutes. You can't even tell I've done anything but oh well that's 15 minutes I would have spent on the sofa doomscrolling facebook so no loss.

First thing is - dont be so bloody hard on yourself - life has a nasty habit of getting in the way of plans

And new habits take a while to become ingrained

You know you can get back in there and clear it out, you did it before

I really would suggest that when you can put the time and energy into it, once it's cleared - you declutter. If it dont fit - get rid. If you hate it - get rid. Never worn it - get rid

I have to do this myself every few months. I was so proud of my nice neat drawers with everything folded, my lovely tidy wardrobe with everything hung so neat on their matching clothe hangers. Then I started buying and suddenly, I too was guilty of shoving it all in where it fitted - and the pile on the bottom of the wardrobe started to grow again

Just last month I went through the wardrobe and I was ruthless. A lot of stuff I had kept from 20/30 years ago Ive finally let go. Even the stuff I had vac packed away ( because Im scared I will get fat again ) - I got rid

And yes, as is typical that was the week when I had to breath in and wriggle into a pair of trousers that had fitted nicely last summer. But hey ho, thown out all my bigger sizes - no option but to look at what Im eating and reign it in again so the clothes I have fit again , and its a lot easier to shift 3 or 4lb then a stone

You do know it takes the average person at least 3 attempts before they complete a C25K? :) You haven't failed, you are just taking a break. When you feel like you can go back to it, you won't be starting from scratch, the work you have done has raised your fitness levels , it will be easier

I do my best to get my steps in every day, some days I dont. Some weeks it may only be 2 or 3 days - but 2 or 3 days is better then 0 days . Im a lot fitter then I was 2 years ago

Us women are just too hard on ourselves. We need to be kinder to ourselves and focus on the positives. You are looking at knocking this on the head after just a few weeks - last time it was years of mess - that's a bloody win right there

OK that's as much as I can do tonight. I have a ton of laundry to battle tomorrow but there is light at the end of the tunnel. (Yes that is a random broken TV in there that my husband thinks he can fix and won't get rid of sigh)
Even though I only decluttered back in March honestly there is loads to get rid of again because I had dropped from an 18-20 to a size 16 so a lot of the bigger clothes I had no longer fit me. I will tackle that task soon.
It's crazy how taking care of my space/eating well/exercising makes me feel so great but somehow I can still so quickly fall into binge eating/living in a messy space/doing no exercise even though it makes me feel like crap.
I will set my alarm and get up before work tomorrow to do a c25k (I'm going to see if I can manage it from week 3). Thanks so much for the words of support I'm feeling positive for the first time in a few weeks, I know I can get back into a healthier mindset and healthier habits ❤️

@Yoyomelon
Noticing it needs done and taking action is not a setback. It shows you are aware that habits are hard to break but you're persevering. Keep going.🙂

Do you use the table that is in the room? If not, would you consider taking it out and putting washing baskets/bags there instead. That might help keep clean and worn clothes separate.

You have lots of storage available but I would be inclined to remove the top two shelves and put a hanging rod/rail up instead. Easier to access tops without having to move everything else on the shelf.
Lower shelf would still be useful but it might help keep clothes organised.

I think we talked about ADHD before - did you think about seeking an assessment?

The others are absolutely right that it will be much easier to get into C25K and you might not need to go all the way back to week 1. In fact I would try picking up where you left off and if it's too much just complete as much as you can and then the next workout time go back one rather than forward one and repeat until you get to one you can actually complete fully, and continue from there.

Get the A Slob Comes Clean podcasts on while you sort the laundry too - I find that one so brilliant as she makes it so simple to keep on top of clutter. Mind you I haven't been getting stuff out as easily as I was before we moved house and it's been nearly a year D: it is so true the way one thing slips and it makes everything else precarious as well, almost like a house of cards sometimes.

That's looking better already.

Does your husband have an office space? Or any space of his own? The broken telly that he is so attached to can go in there, if so. If not, give him a week then you're taking it to the tip.

There's two broken TVs under the stairs and one in the spare bedroom. My husband the hoarder.

Well done on the weight loss and the 25k. You're already in a much better place.

I've got to clear out my wardrobes. You're making me jealous now.

@MagnoliaTreeBlossom yknow I actually don't use it. It's a dressing table there's a mirror when you lift up the top part but I've always done my makeup standing up in the taller mirror. I'm going to get rid of that tomorrow and put the washing baskets in there. Great idea.
@BertieBotts I've suspected in the past that maybe i have ADHD but I think maybe I'm just looking for an easy answer to explain away all the "bad" parts of myself. I have not looked into getting a diagnosis and don't plan to.
@PickAChew that TV has been in the spare room for a year but we had guests staying 2 weeks ago so I moved it into my space but I think I will get my husband to put it in the shed its very annoying.

Thanks so much guys.

No shame op. It happens to the best of us (ok some high and mighty people it doesn't happen to but we wont go there).
Decluttering is the answer. The less stuff you have the less stuff to tidy. Clothing banks, charity shops, heck even throw stuff straight in the bin guilt free if needs be. Every time you feel overwhelmed just try and grab one item to get rid of. You got this!!!

I haven't read your previous thread but I wondered if you have enough space for all your clothes. Could you get rid of some? If you're mixing dirty and clean clothes you need a better system. Do you have a washer and dryer at home? We have a laundry basket in each bedroom and one in the utility room. I put a load through each morning, transfer it to the dryer later then fold and put away just before bed. Generally alternate between darks and lights. Marie Kondo's way of folding and placing clothes in drawers so you can see them all is very helpful.

Thanks @Lovelyview there is hanging wardrobe space all along the right side.so there is plenty of room, when I'm in a good space mentally I have a similar system and can easily keep on top of the laundry etc. The problem is when I have a bad few days i let it get messy, the dirty clothes stay on the floor initially then when we are expecting a visitor (eg if my daughter has a last minute playdate or something) i panic out of shame of someone seeing the room and shove all the clothes on the floor into the drawers and wardrobe to make it look tidy if someone opens the door. Then I hate myself for it and the mess grows from there until it feels insurmountable. I feel deep shame about even my husband or child seeing behind the door.
I can get on top of this again I'm about 70% there, I'd just love to find a way to not fall back into bad habits at the first hurdle.

Good news is I got up and did c25k this morning and am showered and dressed so I'm feeling positive today.

It's great that you're feeling motivated 🙂 Do you have a laundry basket in that room? It needs to be easier to put clothes in the basket than on the floor.

There isn't currently a laundry basket in there but I think you are right I need a fool proof system. On the advice if another commenter I'm going to move out the dressing table that I never use and put a basket in that space hopefully that might set me up with success

This advice I was given was for practising a musical instrument but it would work just as well for tidying up:

Say to yourself ‘I will just do ten minutes practice/ tidying or whatever.
Ten minutes sounds perfectly bearable but one ends up doing longer.

OP this room is one of the private parts of the house. Drum into your daughter that your rooms are strictly out of bounds for playdates. I think the shame you feel is out of all proportion to the size of the problem - the shame is the big problem rather than the clothes themselves.

Moving the washing basket is a great idea. Another might be to instigate a "landing strip" for clean piles. Put them in the bottom of a wardrobe or something so they are not on the floor. Could make it more difficult to a really put them away properly though.

@Maladie my daughter is 5, I have told her that my wardrobe room is private but it could easily happen that another child or even adult could enter the room thinking its the bathroom.

But you are correct the shame is the bigger problem really as that's what paralyses me from facing the problem sooner. The rest of the house mostly looks very clean and tidy so when people who visit and say "your house is so nice" i feel like such an imposter when I have a rubbish tip in a room upstairs.