I've let my room get so bad again

[Yoyomelon]

Hi guys,

Back in March I posted the following thread https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/housekeeping/5292833-my-dirty-room-is-my-dark-secret
I was in a bad place and had let my wardrobe room get horrifically messy (I prioritise my kids room/shared spaces so rest of house has always been fine).
The compassion I recieved from mumsnetters was unbelievable and it helped me tackle my room and honestly changed my life. I started running again, lost weight and started really feeling human after feeling so not myself for so long. However after some hectic weeks in work and back to back sickness the room (and my life) have gotten out of control again. I'm trying not to shame spiral but I'm so annoyed at myself for letting it get so bad again and for just letting everything else go aswel. I was on week 9 of c25k and now il have to go back to the start and have been binge eating again so prob put back on all the weight i lost (afraid to weigh myself). Anyway I guess I'm posting this to try make myself accountable and also get advice on how to avoid these messy relapses.

Tidy away the bottles, glasses and bin bag. That will have an impact and only take a moment.

It really does sound like a Monica cupboard!

OK but I think those are worries that loom larger than they need to in your mind. You could challenge them if/when you are ready.

It's amazing what a mindset shift can do i just tidied up some more during a work call and moved out the TV and dressing table. (My daughter is going to use it for drawing and to store her Crayons and markers)
I have 2 more baskets of laundry to do plus floors and mirrors need to be cleaned but already it looks much better and my brain feels so much calmer.... its hard to understand why I was felt so trapped the last 3 weeks instead of just taking action. Old habits are very hard to break.
Again thanks so much for all the advice and support.

I thought I had attached the image with last post but apparently not.

Honestly its so hard i use to really struggle until I got rid of a significant amount of stuff. Stick some music on get some black bags throw away what no longer fits and stuff your never going to wear again then make a pile of clean clothes your keeping, folding as you go along and a pile of stuff that needs to be washed.

I've suspected in the past that maybe i have ADHD but I think maybe I'm just looking for an easy answer to explain away all the "bad" parts of myself. I have not looked into getting a diagnosis and don't plan to.

OK. You don't have to answer if you don't want to, so please don't take this as a pushy question - but I'm curious about this. What does it mean for it to be an "easy answer"? For me, my diagnosis has been helpful because I can approach things in a way of trying to understand why I struggle with certain things from an ADHD angle. It doesn't mean that I stop working on them or looking for solutions, and nothing has been "easily" fixed, it just means that I can let go of some of the guilt about why a lot of standard suggestions don't work well for me, and it's also allowed me to look for solutions which DO work for me by connecting with other people who have ADHD and learning about what works for them. I did not start medication for about 7 years after diagnosis and I still gained these benefits without that, although medication has helped me again on top of that - it seems to be the final piece for me which keeps enough of the "house of cards" standing that I don't completely backslide even on bad days. I definitely do still slide a little bit, but my life does not completely unravel. That was the devastating pattern I always struggled with so much and what I can see is upsetting for you. I think it is very hard on us to constantly live in cycles of that happening because it is so discouraging and the more it happens it seems to cement the negative self-view we have even to the point it can become dehabilitating.

I still don't feel I have "normal" functioning but I do function much better than I did ~10 years ago, before my diagnosis. I don't feel that medication has changed me as a person, and the reason I was happy to try it out is that it is very temporary in effect - it is out of your body within a few hours (no trace at all by a couple of days later).

One thing I would suggest is that I know a lot of people worry about stigma or shame or "labelling" - but there is a flip side to this which is where you can end up labelling yourself as "bad" or "lazy" or (my personal one) "useless" whereas at least "ADHD" is (or can grow to be) a more neutral one. There is a HUGE self-acceptance part there and for me that is key.

I will drop the subject if you don't respond to this and only comment if I have more specific practical tips for the house/patterns. But forgive me if you come back in several months and I forget again. ❤️

My suggestions…

Prioritize your running and exercise regimen - you’ll always feel better than if you don’t! Consider taking up yoga - very calming and great for winding down and maintaining flexibility and mental perspective.

Yes, get rid of the dressing table. All you need is a mirror and maybe a shelf or a dedicated cosmetics drawer nearby. But your husband needs to deal with the broken TV. Give him 2 weeks or it goes.

You need a lot of hooks behind the door to hang ‘rewearable’ clothes, so they don’t get mixed up with the clean stuff.

Once you washed everything, instead of putting them all back, sort between definitely keep, maybe get rid off, and this can go. Revisit the maybe pile after a month.

@BertieBotts thanks so much for your compassion and for explaining how the diagnosis has helped you. I suppose I always thought I outwardly appear to function fine so there was no need to go looking for a diagnosis, 90% of my house is tidy, I am punctual (because i will set a ton of reminders), i do quite well at being organised in work etc but I do struggle to stay on top of things in a way that other people don't (or at least it appears that way to me) I think you make some really valuable points in that a diagnosis could help me view myself in a kinder way so It's definitely something I will consider and for the record I will never take offence if you offer this lovely advice again when (undoubtedly) I'm back in a bad place again in a few months ❤️

i panic out of shame of someone seeing the room and shove all the clothes on the floor into the drawers and wardrobe to make it look tidy if someone opens the door

Here is an easy "golden rule": clothes must never, ever go from the floor back into the drawers or wardrobe.
When you need to get it looking tidy quickly, everything on the floor goes straight into laundry baskets (because 90% certainty it now needs washing if it has been kicking around on the floor).
Buy two or even three more matching laundry baskets online tonight, so you have room in them to clear a huge pile from the floor.

Say the rule out loud to fix it in your head and remember it: clothes never, ever go from the floor back into drawers/wardrobe.

Second step is to tackle how stuff gets onto the floor.
Is it when you are trying on several different outfits to choose one, and just drop the ones you don't wear? If so, tell yourself you don't want to create more work for yourself with unnecessary laundry so put them back in the wardrobe / drawers.
Is it because freshly done laundry doesn't get put away immediately? If so, consider a "temporary" drawer - fresh laundry goes in there pending you putting it away properly. When the temporary drawer is full, you have to stop whatever else you are doing and put it all away properly.
Never let clean clothes get onto the floor.

I was like this with laundry - I bought one of those “dark” “lights” “whites” laundry bags and it’s so so helpful - because it’s already sorted and you don’t ever have a huge pile - so not over whelming

"Amazon.co.uk : laundry basket 3 compartments" https://www.amazon.co.uk/s?k=laundry+basket+3+compartments&crid=2INUWPVAYXLPE&sprefix=laundry+basket%2Caps%2C119&ref=nb_sb_ss_mvt-t11-ranker_6_14

My daughter has the treble one. She's very organised. Wish I'd had one back in the day.

"You need a lot of hooks behind the door to hang ‘rewearable’ clothes, so they don’t get mixed up with the clean stuff."

Or one of these:

m.youtube.com/shorts/9AbvmlLHcaQ

You can do it! It's just a blip. Doesn't help that it's hot and that saps energy away from doing anything.

Is that a pig on the second from top shelf by the window? He looks jolly! Maybe focus on getting to him and just folding up one thing at a time, whenever you're going past. Sounds bizarre, but I have a talking goldfish toy that I squeeze every day when I've tidied a thing or two. It says whatever and it makes me smile! I also have a mental list of five things to achieve each day such as emptying the dishwasher, putting dog toys in a basket, even having a shower.

Don't look at the whole thing. Just pick a little section and have a go for five minutes and leave it. Don't let it be overwhelming.

You've got this!!

The updated photo looks great, and I'm glad the redundant dressing table is now in use elsewhere for art materials. The clear floorspace makes a big difference and the room will function better for you.

Acknowledging it will not always be tidy is a positive and realistic approach. Just remember the feeling of satisfaction and accomplishment from doing this reorganisation and repeat as required. 🙂