Filthy house… I need advice/help

[Zombieof3]

Hi everyone!

I am a mum of three kids aged 7, 8 and 12, I have a SO who works long hours and is very rarely home and when he is home, he’s too exhausted to do much.

I’ve not long woken up and I already feel overwhelmed. My house looks and feels absolutely filthy. The carpet needs a good clean, all I can smell is the cat litter box which is cleaned regularly but still absolutely stinks. The kitchen is a bomb site. There is bags of dirty clothes everywhere waiting to go in the wash, there are flies and dishes everywhere. The floors need a good scrub.

thankfully it is mainly downstairs, I just don’t know where to start. It’s honestly a health hazard and I’m just going to have to get on with doing it but it’s burning me out all the time as I work forty hours a week, and every single weekend the house is in a tip from things building up in the week, I only have so much time and I feel like every waking minute is spent on cleaning this shithold. Sorry for the language.

Commiserations op, you've got one more kid than me, add cats and no help from oh... Yeah it's a lot!

Practically today, cat litter and dishes. Do the kids help? Can you start them with chores if not? I appreciate it is painful at the start 😬

Chuck the litter tray and get a stainless steel or self cleaning one.

Thank you, it feels like it tbh. I feel like it’s a full time job but I only have very limited time.

im going to prioritise dishes, litter and laundry and get the kids to help out. They will help out, very reluctantly but they will do it 😂

Cat litter trays need cleaning every day. I used to have a few on rotation. After cleaning I put them outside.

Break it down. It's doable. Choose a room, I'd say kitchen? Get the binbags, rubber gloves and cleaning fluids and set your phone timer to 1 hour.

Then come back and post. You will already feel better.

Designate certain jobs to each child depending on their ability. The eldest is old enough to strip and remake the beds with one of the others every week (or whenever), and the other is old enough to use the hoover in the bedrooms afterwards. They are responsible for tidying their own rooms. Incorporate a 5 minute tidy up from everyone at bedtime, ie pots into kitchen, clothes hung up or in laundry basket, school bags sorted for morning. Five minutes each equals nearly half an hour tidying every single night and will make a huge difference.

For today, throw out all rubbish, wash litter tray, wash pots/wipe down kitchen while washer is on. Get kids to put stuff away while you are doing that, then quickly run hoover over that empty floor. Leave bathroom for today - do the easier jobs so it looks less daunting tomorrow.

Absolutely this. Once you start it will feel worse for the first section of the hour but it's totally doable.

Their waste is cleaned every time they use it, I then empty a litter tray every other day. I have four litter trays on the go at the moment xx

Thank you so much everyone and especially not making me feel absolutely awful about myself, I’m so embarrassed, I’m going to have my coffee and set an hour timer and do kitchen first xx

Your kids are old enough to help. I’d start with the kitchen. Once a week, I fill the sink with water and bleach and wipe down all of the worktops, tiles and cupboard/drawer fronts and table. I know it’s space dependent, but I have absolutely nothing on the worktops which makes it easy to keep clean.

I would be emptying and bleaching that litter tray too.

Short term pain in tidying today for long term gain. It’s ok and you can do it. Once it’s tidier, you try to find some little routines that make life easier. Things we do that help keep on top of it all once it’s tidy again:

Kitchen clean by the end of the night if possible - everything in the dishwasher or washed up, dishwasher running overnight and doesn’t get unpacked until there’s time while cooking dinner the next night

Dining table mess (because there is always so much!) at least piled tidily by bedtime even if it can’t be cleared

Everyone has a washing basket, even if it’s a £5 one, to keep dirty clothes. Kids are now old enough to put their own clothes away when they are clean

Maybe kids get pocket money for making sure their bedrooms are ok, school bags and shoes are put in one place when they get home etc?

The one thought that helped me a lot of accepting if I want a tidy house I need to put a bit of effort in, because no one else is going to do it. So I put some music on when I tidy and clean, tell myself I’ve got an hour or so to blitz then I can do something more fun, and accepting that this is time spent to make me feel better (with a tidy house) rather than wasted oh my god I’m tidying and I hate it time.

Build in a few little changes over time and you will slowly get into a routine that helps. Small steps at a time.

Don’t leave dishes out beyond a day, always make sure that they are dealt with in the day. I’m not perfect, often find a glass or a mug somewhere that I have forgotten but if you have dishes out and flies then you have an issue.

Have you got a dishwasher? Can you get one?

Cat litter tray needs daily cleaning, My cat prefers ultra clumping, it’s great, non smelly, really easy to clean. Daily Use a nappy bag/poo bag to pick up turds then a small kids shovel to remove the crusty bits, add new then deep clean by throwing away entire content every couple of days.

1. put kids in charge of tidying their stuff and monetise if needed! My nieces get their allowance based on chores done.
2. cat box: do you use clumping litter? i use sanicat oxygen clumping and it seems to keep the cat smell under control. Try to scoop it daily and change weekly. (can the kids do this too?).
3. sort laundry and aim to process it in batches - do you have a dryer? you can do all the stuff that can do the dryer after the hang up stuff? if stuff is not high priority then it can wait.
4. floors - hoover then run a mop over with somthing that smells nice - cif floor orchid is nice? or use some floor wipes on a flat mop for speed.
5. Get partner to pay for a cleaner :-)
6. I have 1 cat and 1 husband and that sometimes seems lots of work.... sending solidarity hugs....

1. floors - hoover then run a mop over with somthing that smells nice - cif floor orchid is nice? or use some floor wipes on a flat mop for speed.

Oh yes, I put zoflora in the steam mop and that can make an instant change. Also that foam stuff you spray on the carpet to smell nice. I know not everyone likes the smell of these things but it’s better than nothing in an emergency.

Start a new rule that dirty plates etc go straight into dishwasher. If I have plates hanging around going crusty I pause the dishwasher for 30 .intes to help soak them.

Make sure all the washing up is done every night even if the dishwasher isn't full. Dh can empty it when he gets up in the morning if he is up first. That's,what my dh does as is up before everyone else.

Definitely give the kids jobs each.

Be careful with zoflora as it's toxic to cats and dogs when wet (or if it gets re-wet ie rain/paws or spilt water bowls). Citronella is highly toxic to cats and can kill. Check all disinfectants/air freshners first.

I think it's all about tidying as you go.
I have two children and two dogs which constantly make a mess!!
I put cups,plates etc straight into the dishwasher once used, this happens all throughout the day until when it's full it goes on.
Same with wiping surfaces, every time I have made something that creates a mess-clean it, a five minute wipe is better than a big mess all over the work surfaces that is dried on etc.
I read a quote saying- if you see a job that only takes five minutes do it there and then.
Each bedroom-get a wash basket and once almost full that person brings it to be washed-do it there and then..
Before bed clear cups and rubbish away, if possible put them in the dishwasher
Kids need to pick up dirty clothes and put in baskets and tidy any toys away before bedtime.

Re cleaning litter trays, have you tried clumping clay cat litter?

The pee hardens the clay into a blob in a few hours that you can use a dog poo bag to lift out and bin (don't lift too soon as it's squishy, you need to leave a while til solid)

You use a poo bag to lift out the poo too as soon as he goes. Keeps the house not smelling.

That leaves a tray that just needs some more fresh litter poured in.

Empty and clean the tray once a week. I use boiling water to scald. I have a second tray which I pour the litter into while cleaning the first tray so I always have one in use and one spare. As well as another one that my cat doesn't use but vet says have one pet cat plus another one.

The litter I use is £3 odds in B&M. It's the best clumping clay I have found to date. It's called Stayfresh.

That's one less problem to deal with.

Better that than accidents behind the couch...

For the other things, I'd suggest a chore list on a whiteboard. Tick off when done. Some kind of reward. Everyone does something.

Solidarity from another owner of a messy house. I take my eye off the ball for two ~~weeks~~ minutes and the place is a riot. Dishes, bins overflowing, litter trays need done, the works. I've made a to do list and dished out chores for my two kids. Now i just need to finish my coffee and get a move on.

Why have you got 4 litter trays? How many cats do you have?
Get the kids involved they can keep their own space tidy and put washing in their baskets.
Wash up every night without fail better still run the dishwasher. You can leave it to drain then put it away in the morning while the kettle is boiling.
I’ve got a cordless hoover it’s the best thing I’ve ever bought. And a spray mop for the floor.
There are no shortcuts imho just have to do it.

Four litter trays? How many cats do you have? Try covered litter trays with wood litter. It helps with the smell.

Always start with the kitchen and don't go to bed until the kitchen is clean and tidy. There's nothing worse than (well of course there is) than coming down to a messy kitchen. Then the bathroom and hall and stairs. At least when you come in it will look presentable. Open all of the windows and let some fresh air in. Takele one floor at a time.

Little and often, I find is the best way to keep on top. I think they key is don't see the whole house as one task that has to be done all in one go. Break it down into manageable chunks.

Start off by picking a room. Then pick a corner/area of that room that looks worst to you. Clear and clean that corner/area and keep it clear. Then choose another corner/area of the same room, and clear that. But also give the first area a clean up too. If area one took you 20 minutes to clear/clean to start with, you'll probably be able to maintain it in 5 minutes. Then you can choose and move on and clear/clean area two. Repeat this, starting with area one, then area two, etc until the whole room is clear. As long as you keep on top of the already-cleared areas, it makes the whole task so much easier, quicker and more pleasant. Then go on to the next room and start the process again.

Eventually you will have the whole house under control, and once it's cleared and cleaned, it's much easier to keep on top of.

My mum had a mantra which she instilled in me, and I live by it! "Don't put it down, put it away".

I started following Fly Lady a few years ago, and from what I remember, she advised doing five minute blocks of activity. And she said to identify "hot spots" which are the areas of the house that are known to get messy/dirty, and overlooked. At least once a day, I'd stand at the bottom of the stairs and shout "HOT SPOTS", and everyone knew they had to go to their designated hot spot and clear it. Worked a treat.

Good luck OP. Like others have said small manageable blocks are the way forward. I normally do a block of something I hate (normally decluttering!) then have a sit down with a cup of tea for 30 mins before going again.

I try to build little routines in the morning and evenings. So whilst making my morning cup of tea I will empty our dishwasher, every time i go to the toilet I will see if the sink needs a quick wipe and in the evenings I will have a quick 15 min tidy before bed.

Definitely get your DC involved going forwards. Even the littlest should be able to get a load of washing in a bag and put it in, even if you have to add the detergent and turn the machine on.

Go round first with a bin bag and be absolutely savage with chucking things away, clothes that are dirty and you don't wear, chuck them, dishes that are just sitting there and will take you more than 10 minutes to clean, chuck them, you've got too much to do to be spending long periods of time on things you won't actually miss.

Going forwards, every weekend take a bin bag round and fill it with stuff you don't actually need/use- you'll find you stay on top of things more.

I could probably do with taking my own advice here, my house is actually really clean atm but gets too messy too easily due to the scale of toys and bottles of sauces/oils etc that don't fit in the cupboards.

Good luck OP.

Your biggest enemy is clutter a tidy house needs minimal effort to get it reasonably clean
bag all laundry up in one place and work through it

declutter your kitchen get a dishwasher you haven’t already got one

a few cat trays empty wash and leave outside replace with another