Hoarders Anonymous. Thread #8. We Are Keeping On Keeping On. Fighting The Cluttered Fight.

[Solo]

We are a group of likeminded householders who are leading somewhat challenging lives; be that living with too much 'stuff' that we find difficult to deal with, houses that are falling apart (mine is), health issues within the family unit, wider family, or ourselves (me too) that means sorting out our households is challenging to say the least. So...

You are all welcome to join us for support, adding your ideas to help others out, storage ideas, and even tips on actually getting those items out of the house which sounds so simple when you say it, but this part can be so very difficult; we are often attached emotionally to our 'things', afraid of letting things go just in case we need them.

Encouragement and support abound here in our band of clutterbugs. We never ever criticise anyone! We even try not to criticise ourselves as it's not helpful to anyone, but this can be very difficult to achieve.

If you are feeling overwhelmed by clutter, mess, disorganization and generally don't know where to start. If you can't be bothered, but really do want to be bothered. If you think you are a bit lazy, or if you just need to see your highs and lows and everything in between on the screen here, join us, and we will help you. We'll virtually high-five your achievements - small or large, and virtually hug you when the need arises. If you want a hug, just ask because we are here for you, here for one another because we get it. The art of washing up is sometimes our great achievement of the day, but it's still an achievement

Some helpful links. They aren't for everyone, but have a look if you fancy:

• Help For Hoarders by Jasmine Harman (the author/producer of the BBC1 documentaries My Hoarder Mum and Me and Britain's Biggest Hoarders)
• The FlyLady Cleaning Method by Marla Cilley
• The Organised Mum Method by Gemma Bray
• The KonMari Method by Marie Kondo
• A Slob Comes Clean by Dana K. White
• The Getting Things Done Method by David Allen

And a LINK-#7

I'm not sure if The Flylady link is working, but if not, you know what to search for.

Welcome to thread #8 of Hoarders Anonymous. Thread #8. We Are Keeping On Keeping On. Fighting The Cluttered Fight (and winning, one small step at a time).

Good news on the certificate @Elleherd ! Hope you aren't too tired today after the late finish!

Thank you for all the hoarding info @BlueSummerBaby; I wish both my parents would take more notice of stuff like this, they spent years blaming each other for the family home being a tip, then when they split up and had separate homes it became very clear that they are both hoarders DM is very immobile now and her home desperately needs a good clearout, but she still claims to 'never have time' (she's retired, and has lived there four years!) - she doesn't seem to see that her quality of life would be immeasurably better if she didn't have piles of crap everywhere affecting her ability to move about, it's already caused her to have a couple of falls

@BlackeyedSusan I'm exhausted too - not sure if something is catching up with me or just the DC are generally bloody exhausting, but honestly, I ache and ache most of the time! I hope you're feeling better now?

I don't know if I'm a hoarder or just lazy. I thought it was my ex. Whenever I'd look around at the mess, it was all the ex's stuff, but there is non of the ex's stuff here now and the house is a massive tip.🙁

I got a promotion a few months ago and having to do a lot of extra work in my own time since so the house is getting worse.

Honestly @TalkToTheHand123 , if you're too busy to tidy then I doubt it's you being lazy!! The issue with my DM is that she's long retired, has no time commitments and still never found/ finds time to do any decluttering or cleaning she blamed her previous home for the untidiness - said it was too difficult to put up shelves/ there was a lack of cupboard space/ the kitchen was too small, etc etc. We all helped her move house for a fresh start, the new house has bigger rooms but is much less maintenance; she could have designed it how she wanted, bought suitable furniture etc. She didn't even throw stuff out before moving - said she'd do it whilst unpacking - guess what, never happened, she still has loads of boxes!!

DP is working this weekend, doing long shifts as work has been unexpectedly busy, he does get paid overtime but obviously it's very tiring. However I'm at home with the DC and very little money (mostly living off my redundancy pay still!), keeping the house clean, doing all the shopping, cooking, washing etc... and today he had a go at me for taking the DC on a day out and using 'his money' to do it it's a once a year event that they really enjoy, I packed them snacks and drinks etc to avoid spending much there, but just couldn't afford the actual tickets. I appreciate that he's tired but I can't see what I'm doing wrong as such, he knows I'm not getting paid for a good few weeks and full time childcare for two would be a LOT more expensive! To be honest I just tend to avoid him now when he gets home to reduce the risk of getting snapped at, I find some cleaning that needs doing whilst he sits and watches TV, at least he can't moan about me cleaning...

Aww @KittyTalbot sorry to hear that. Hope things calm down for you.
I do find time to watch tv and be on my phone so I can't really say I don't have time to tidy. I'm trying to get in a better routine so I make time and have the energy to make inroads.

Sunday was another exhausting paid work day and yet again had to bring unfinished work back to complete. 🙄Everything takes longer at the moment. Hoping lower temperatures might reduce limbs swelling so easily.

It feels appropriate to bold this, at this moment: Everyone I know is out of energy at the moment, basically pushing through making themselves do things and exhausted. Despite being sunny it's been an exhausting summer for many. I don't have the answers, but think it may be worth mentioning it.

Yesterday made it to the big storage unit, and three and a half sacks and an electrical item gone as a result, and another box of stuff picked out to go. (Electrical stuff is in vehicle still, as e-waste container was full, but rest has physically gone.)
Might have been more if the urge to clean as I go didn't keep compulsively rearing it's head.It makes me feel better, more in control, and less depressed by the situation I've created, including when I come back to it each time, but would save time and energy and be much more efficient if I didn't do it.

What I'm achieving isn't bad, and I need to keep being positive about it as progress, but because of the size of the issue, it's only nibbling the edges really, which is scary, because finances and time (and possibly health) are running out..

@TalkToTheHand123 It is very easy to see others as being the reason for stuff everywhere. It's part of coming to terms with actually regardless of what they're doing, we may also have a problem we're not facing.
It's probably not just laziness, whatever it is, that's holding you back from getting on top of things.
Down time is important too, but I can only say it's near impossible to gain control over homes if things don't have places, and don't get put back in them.
And, the more stuff there is, the harder it is for that to happen.
As you know definition of hoarding, isn't what it looks like, it's how much turmoil getting rid of 'stuff'' causes. Some of us avoid testing it out by instinctively hiding behind 'not enough time/energy etc, some genuinely don't have enough, but also aren't finding out how attached they are to the 'stuff' because of that.

@KittyTalbot If your Mum's reached immobility stage, I'm afraid the energy to sort out, and clear out, even if she wanted to, is probably not going to come now, no matter how sensible it would be. Least ways, not doing it alone. 😕

Ouch to DH's behaviour! 🙄I don't want to make assumptions, but if they are his children, then he should be spending his money on them! You aren't doing anything wrong, even if they aren't his biologically. What the hell is the point of slaving away at anything if those around us are living leanly and without, while we hoard our money? It's a really sad attitude, but I also realize there may be financial issues, especially with him being currently the 'only' one earning, that scare him and it might not be meanness. But it still sounds like your household contribution and your Dc's enjoyment of life, aren't being properly valued.
Pick your moments, but please don't let cleaning to avoid being snapped at. become your normal. Been there, done that. It wont lead to greater happiness, just devalue everything further.😶

Well said Elle.

Went up to mums to garden yesterday.
Ds did a fantastic job cleaning the sink and pulled up weeds.
DD weeded a lot of the front garden.
Brambles across pathways were pulled up.
Fruit was picked before Erin.
I slept about 12 hours last night and am still not at the functioning awake stage at nearly 4pm. Couldn't get to sleep as I itched badly and body hurt from gardening (Either insect bites or psoriasis)

Today should be processing this fruit.

For me I think a lot of it is lack of energy but a little not being able to decide whwre it goes and the mental fatigue of working out where it should go and just finding it so boring. I'm not too bad once I get started, jist starting is the main issue.

Ah @Elleherd, that's a great sentiment you added in bold well done on more decluttering by the way! I had a charity shop collection today, half a dozen binbags of stuff gone to be fair, some of it was DP's friend's - he moved to Spain with minimum baggage and left us some bits 'we might find useful'. Needless to say, we didn't find them useful!

DM is pretty much immobile now but could still go through boxes (and of course, could have done them at any point in the last ten years ) with help from someone sitting with her; I just really wish she would either have a good sort out, or admit that if the things are boxed up and she hasn't needed/ looked at them for donkeys years, they might as well go to the charity shop anyway.

DP was in a mood again when he got home earlier, seemed ok at first then snapped at me for watching a home improvement programme because 'you can't do refurbishments like that, you'd be rubbish, you never even paint anything!' I was a bit shocked as it's true that I never paint anything, but as I pointed out, it's because he prefers to do the painting as he just moans that other people don't do it his preferred way plus he very rarely does any painting anyway, maybe once every two years! So it was a complete non-argument, but he clearly felt the need to pick at me about something... I went off to put the washing away instead...

The DC had a massive fight earlier too, I left them alone together for five minutes and came back to find them hitting, screaming etc... lots of 'he started it!' 'No, HE started it!' and DS1 had an absolute meltdown. I still have no clear idea what went on but am thoroughly bloody fed up with both of them, I was so stressed about it that I felt light headed, and even now I feel like I've been beaten up - my whole body is tense and achey.

There's definitely some mental fatigue going on too @TalkToTheHand123, I'm absolutely at the end of my tether finding places for everything to go in and then finding the energy to actually put them there!!

Kitty you're doing nothing wrong, he's financially abusive. And probably a whole lot of other types of abusive too. Avoiding him until you can LTB sounds like a sensible course of action.

TalkToTheHand you can have a hoard but not be a hoarder ie have hoarding disorder. Maybe you have hoarding tendencies only or maybe the hoard has accumulated because you're disorganised. There could be lots of reasons.
If you're suffering from lack of time maybe going more minimalist with possessions would help. If you've had a promotion did you also get a pay rise? Maybe spend some on a cleaner if you did. You've got extra work load but still the same number of hours in the day, something has to give so maybe now is the time to outsource the cleaning. I'd pick their brain for ideas to organise the home better too. You don't have to implement them if you disagree, but I bet a cleaner would have some interesting perspectives on what to change or improve or declutter to make things run more smoothly, once they've worked in your home for a bit.
I'm always asking people who come in here what they would change and I've had some good ideas.

Congratulations on the electricals decluttering Elleherd.

I bought some crates to corral loose things together so things look neater.

Thanks for the advice. I'm too ashamed to get a cleaner with the current state of the house and want to be able to do it myself. I need to keep remembering to just focus on small areas at a time to keep me motivated. Hopefully I can catch up with priority work soon as should have some time over the next few days.

Yesterday was small amount of garden clear up, half a sack out, and a full compost bin. But mainly spent getting a troublesome curtain rail working, and then getting curtains up, which is very time consuming and no easy thing with a grabber and a pole from several feet below.
So far this morning's been finally finding dedicates wash and catching up with it all. Have had lunch and run out of excuses not to go to big storage unit.

Of course this morning I promptly get informed surveyor and project manager have returned from their summer holidays and want access and to discuss what's happening!

@KittyTalbot You'd be in a difficult position right now with both parents at the ages and stages they are, never mind them hoarding on top, your own house to struggle with, and Dc'1 with additional difficulties, never mind them just being siblings. Plus living off shrinking redundancy pay while waiting to start your new job. That alone is a lot to be dealing with.
It's easy to lose sight of how much you're carrying.

It strikes me that your DP seems good at largesse when it comes to helping out his friends regardless of how it affects the household, and not bad at looking after himself if he gets injured, whilst ignoring you struggling if you do.
It's not unusual, but does need attention. If we allow ourselves to be treated as less important, it does re-enforce the idea in their heads that it's actual fact, not their twattery writ large. I hope it's just you being pragmatic and keeping your powder dry for when you're ready to deal with it.

Whatever the situation is, please make sure you're doing somethings for you. Just for you, to raise and hold your spirits. We loose ourselves and sense of self quite easily when everyone else is taking chunks all the time.

@BlueSummerBaby Enjoy the results of making things tidier. Bit of organization always helps.🙂

Didn't get round to processing fruit until yesterday. It went in the freezer at 3am. Ds was up til 3am so not settled down until after that. I have 10 bags of stewed plums in the freezer.

Last two days have been trying to tackle the big storage unit. Progress is being made but it's all horribly slow, and I am struggling, I think partly because it can't just go out when I've decided to let go.
I'm discovering having boxes of things sitting waiting to go fills me with self doubt and discomfort. Some sort of challenge to decisiveness.
Pretty much every attempted solution to that has failed so far, so I'm trying to just tough it out, but oddly it's making me feel nauseous!
Possibly fear of making wrong decisions?

But, a wooden drying rack's gone out, one box of stuff successfully given away, another being collected v.soon.
A charity collection is booked and so far nine boxes and a black sack are sorted to go, but probably need going through and repacking after realizing I've put some things in that aren't accepted, and I've not separated others correctly.
Some instructions only came to light after completing the booking, 🙄which made me re-read everything more carefully, and realize I'd missed one of the not taken by them lists.

@BlackeyedSusan Well done with the middle of the night fruit preparation and freezing! That's a lot of stewed plums.

@KittyTalbot I forgot to say further up; congratulations on getting the bin bags out regardless of how much was who's. It's all progress and space created.

Bloody hell. Five hours on shopping and a load of laundry. Three shops. Tetrising the car boot. Packing it up and carrying it up two flights of stairs. Some of it is wiped and put away. Some is still in a bag. Lots is on the stairs pantry. Guess what I am doing tomorrow?!?

Stuff all. Back is sore.

Ok. More plums have been stewed. And I am going for a nap.

@BlackeyedSusan Sounds hard going. Same issue here with household tasks taking up so much time and using up too many spoons.
Well done on keeping at things regardless. Anything particular you'll be using all the stewed plums for?

It was clearing up, cleaning, and launderette here yesterday too.
Big fridge clear out and scrub out after discovering carer's stash of abandoned to good to go food behind other things. 🙄That and some recycling out.
Pretty much took bedroom to pieces to thoroughly clean it, and started on bathroom.
Today's going to be a huge churn trying to minimize and organize what's come back here into the center of the rooms again, as the surveyor and contract supervisor are coming tomorrow and want access to all walls again. A pain but hopefully a sign that things are moving again.

I have been digging into the latest declutter course I purchased. It's giving a video every hour during the week it runs, which you can access for free and some of them are specifically aimed at people dealing with ADHD, so I thought I'd share that because I know some of you have it.

The other course I saw from Simple Happy Zen is more about sorting out your entire life, not just decluttering. It's also more expensive, around £100 so I'm not going to be signing up for that one at the moment because I already have two others to work on. Although it does look good, digging into the mental side of things to change your mindset.

I've slacked off a bit with cleaning and tidying this week due to family stuff. So today I'm just resetting back to base level.

@BlackeyedSusan I love a stewed plum, but it sounds like that's been a lot of work for you on top of everything else!! Hope today has been productive too!

@TalkToTheHand123 I'd really like to get a cleaner, but apart from the cost, good ones seem to be in short supply in our area now I'm (more or less) on top of the house, it would really help me to get someone to deep clean the kitchen and bathroom every week. Sadly not going to happen whilst I can't justify the cost! And honestly, it took me having regular time off work to get on top of everything - did a massive declutter as per TOMM - there is absolutely no shame in saying something is too much for you. Even now, I struggle with thinking the house isn't tidy enough for visitors; I'm really paranoid about having people over, very rarely do it. I think it's partly because being clean and tidy really doesn't come easily/ naturally to me and partly because our house was such a tip when I was small, my parents never invited people over - it must have rubbed off on me. Old habits die hard, eh?!

Thank you for the kind words @Elleherd, they were much appreciated I hope all is going well with the storage unit clearout? At one point I seriously considered getting one - it was mainly the cost that put me off - but now I realise that I would only have filled it full of 'stuff' that I don't really need but would have bought because I had somewhere to put it...

£100 for a declutter course is pricey @BlueSummerBaby!! The ADHD one sounds useful though?

Back at work on Wednesday, starting to panic a bit that all the good habits I fully intended to put in place over the summer holidays haven't actually happened I mean the house is reasonably tidy but apart from that, nothing much has improved! And I'm starting to worry about starting a new job too. Aaaarrgghhhh.

I hope you can keep up the house when you're back at work Kitty. I sometimes used to take a day off to reset if it has gotten in top of me too. Funnily enough I've not had to do that since splitting with my ex, who was an extremely messy expletive.
I think the Simple Happy Zen course is more expensive because it's not just a declutter course, it's a Fix Your Entire Life course lasting 20 weeks. She even says in the blurb don't buy it if you're just wanting to declutter.
The other course I'm doing seems to cover every aspect of decluttering, so it's not just for ADHD, but I noticed about 5 sessions saying they're specifically designed for helping people with ADHD and I swear half the people on this thread has mentioned they've got it, so I thought people might want to sign up just to watch those ones. It doesn't cost anything so long as you can be available on the right day. Apparently you get 24hrs to view each session then it's removed from access unless you've paid, which I have. There's a schedule of the sessions, so you could easily just watch the ADHD ones if you wanted and ignore the rest, you'd just need a spare hour on the relevant days to watch.

I intend to watch it all! I'm quite excited to see if it can help alter my mindset a bit and stop me hanging onto stuff and acquiring more stuff. I'm doing quite well by myself I suppose but feel I could do with a little nudge. There's literally a session per hour for about 12hrs, for 5 days. And two sessions at once. So 24 sessions and you can't watch both at the same time IYSWIM. I'm glad I've paid for permanent access because I don't think I'd do well with that level of intensity even if I had 12hrs a day to watch, I don't think I'd be able to take it all in. And I do want to watch it all (which since the sessions are doubled up I suppose that would mean being awake 24hrs for 5days! Which is obviously impossible haha 😆) so I'll probably just spend months watching it all one session a day or something and hopefully some of the information will stick in my mind and be helpful.

Hello all! How are you all doing? I've read a few posts, but I can't get through everything. You all seem to be busy - so well done . Even I've done a bit! But only a bit!

I threw away my favourite (cracked) mug. That should have been a small, easy thing to do, but it sat there for ages while I pondered over what I could do with it...pen pot, Mooncup soaker mug for Dd...
I went through 4 carrier bags of 'stuff' from my school days (I left school in 1980), lots of other stuff besides, as well as some of Dd's old school books - more to do.
I went through a big box of photos twice and threw away half a dozen that you couldn't even see and a couple of blurry ones from nearly 40 years ago. There are many to go through, still. I have my exH's photos too, with some of his family in them. He's deceased, but I'm considering knocking on the door of one of my exSILs to hand them over. I don't want to post them in case they've moved. The worst thing was lifting the box to find evidence of moths, and that my wool carpet disappeared up the Dyson! Not that I've been able to vacuum much of it yet, but I can't imagine there'll be much carpet left when I get around to it.
Sorted a box of sewing stuff that I acquired - buttons, safety pins, needles, etc.
Bath and sink cleaned.
My laundry is kept on top of, and my washing up is always done.
I sprayed my cooker top last night with Flash, and have given it a cursory wipe, but I need to do that properly before I cook tonight.
I also vacuumed some of the dust in my porch.

Vacuumed Dm's stairs and cleaned her bathroom, which she had told me she'd cleaned! Well!!

I might have done some other stuff, but I can't recall.

Well done @Solo! You say only a bit, but lot's of that's the harder stuff to deal with, as well as your laundry's kept on top off and your washing up always done. Moths are a bugger and it's the season they appear here. I don't like killing things, but they do get it.

Definition's of clean may vary...😂

First chance to try and breathe here after a week of things going wrong.
Started of ok, then went downhill fast.
Got everything into middle of rooms again for them to look at walls on Monday, and internal and some external work started Tuesday. Everything's a horrible dusty mess everywhere.
Financial situation's dire as vehicle's effectively off the road. It drives, but am worried it may blow up completely if I push it. Lots of issues on what to do about it, but meantime lots has come to a halt.
Neighbors are kicking off about chicken wire fence, and building dust.
They've started pulling the fence away from the posts, claiming it's 'falling off.' Been trying to sort it and do basic garden maintenance, but keep having to stop and go in to avoid further open hostility. Landlords are unbearably useless.

Launderette happened yesterday, along with trying to catch up unfinished paid work from Friday. (still more to do) Ds prepared to drive me until lunchtime, so trying to figure out how to use that opportunity well, and go from there.

Sunday ended up being two more filthy shelves in damaged storage units cleaned up, and several boxes moved from there to big out of town unit, (but now waiting for me to be able to get back up there and them into place) and a couple of needed things being brought back, so mainly churning which wasn't what I wanted, but options very limited as in the end Ds didn't get started until late and needed to get fuel, and be done two hours later.

Yesterday disapeared mainly to WFH while waiting for contractors who didn't turn up. Did manage to thoroughly scrub the shower curtain and the bath in the evening. The latter's a double sided sword as the surface enamel is degrading and scrubbing it can't be helping, but I need it clean...

Contractors haven't turned up again this morning. Supposed to be in early and gone by 12.00 as I have to limp vehicle into work and manage to park it..
Traffic and parking is currently insane thanks to the rail strike, which I suspect is why 'my' contractors are awol, but end result is not getting much done here.

Had a productive couple of days clearing the loft. An insane amount of it (2 car loads to recycling) was pillows, towels duvets, bedding etc passed on to us from MIL, stuff that was lightly used but still! There was also a car load of empty cardboard boxes from appliances that had got shoved up there 😬.

Hi all spent about 10mins tidying in the living room. Haven't really done anything for a few weeks.

@hididdlyho It's amazing how much stuff collects quietly when you aren't watching! Well done.

@TalkToTheHand123 10 mins is better than no mins, Maybe see if you can grab another 10 mins today?

Launderette's happened here, and I have paid work later today.
Yesterday took vehicle (carefully) to main storage unit and collected 10 boxes of stuff that I'm trying to out, and three boxes of someone else's who's decided they want to (finally) take it.

All in vehicle for the moment, but some of it is hopefully going to someone tomorrow, and the rest will hopefully get picked up by charity collection on Tuesday. Fingers crossed.

Have to get things sorted for contractors restarting on Monday. (TBF they offered to restart Friday when the trains started running again, but I had to be at work, and we've spread out again while they weren't coming in and out.)