Hoarders Anonymous. Thread #8. We Are Keeping On Keeping On. Fighting The Cluttered Fight.

[Solo]

We are a group of likeminded householders who are leading somewhat challenging lives; be that living with too much 'stuff' that we find difficult to deal with, houses that are falling apart (mine is), health issues within the family unit, wider family, or ourselves (me too) that means sorting out our households is challenging to say the least. So...

You are all welcome to join us for support, adding your ideas to help others out, storage ideas, and even tips on actually getting those items out of the house which sounds so simple when you say it, but this part can be so very difficult; we are often attached emotionally to our 'things', afraid of letting things go just in case we need them.

Encouragement and support abound here in our band of clutterbugs. We never ever criticise anyone! We even try not to criticise ourselves as it's not helpful to anyone, but this can be very difficult to achieve.

If you are feeling overwhelmed by clutter, mess, disorganization and generally don't know where to start. If you can't be bothered, but really do want to be bothered. If you think you are a bit lazy, or if you just need to see your highs and lows and everything in between on the screen here, join us, and we will help you. We'll virtually high-five your achievements - small or large, and virtually hug you when the need arises. If you want a hug, just ask because we are here for you, here for one another because we get it. The art of washing up is sometimes our great achievement of the day, but it's still an achievement

Some helpful links. They aren't for everyone, but have a look if you fancy:

• Help For Hoarders by Jasmine Harman (the author/producer of the BBC1 documentaries My Hoarder Mum and Me and Britain's Biggest Hoarders)
• The FlyLady Cleaning Method by Marla Cilley
• The Organised Mum Method by Gemma Bray
• The KonMari Method by Marie Kondo
• A Slob Comes Clean by Dana K. White
• The Getting Things Done Method by David Allen

And a LINK-#7

I'm not sure if The Flylady link is working, but if not, you know what to search for.

Welcome to thread #8 of Hoarders Anonymous. Thread #8. We Are Keeping On Keeping On. Fighting The Cluttered Fight (and winning, one small step at a time).

@Talltreesbythelake They wont temporally decant tenants, only rehouse permanently. (or evict for non compliance) Our MP backs the buildings being sold to private developers and the majority of social housing tenants being relocated onto rough estates in he poor affordable end of the area.

Our flat is one of three nominated as access points for all as there's no rear access to any, and we where told therefore we had to leave and would be reallocated elsewhere, but no choice for us, just wherever they chose to put us. I refused and have dug our heels in to remain in situ.

It sounds a nightmare, I hope you eventually get things straight. You are being everything to everyone at the minute.

@Talltreesbythelake I am stretched too thin definitely, but hoping it will all pay off when we're still here and the renters bill comes in. (why they are having to do the work, as we've successfully fought being just disposable cash cows for their land banking plans)
Time will tell, but it's felt like all options over it all where a gamble, but while this was a harder one in some ways, it's the one I properly understand the odds on and how to play the long game. Ultimately it's about ensuring we're able to stay together as a family and aren't precariously housed in whatever conditions they choose for us.

Yesterday was loads of cleaning including out front which might lower the neighbors complaints. Lots of blokes standing around head scratching about the windows and the amount of damage done to frames, so still got boards for now.
Bigger bosses hopefully coming today to make decisions.

Cleaned all parts of now dismantled kitchen cupboards, and all curtain poles, tracks, wires and blinds, and sorting out a lot of garden stuff that had to be ripped up to make way for contractors stuff, before it rains again and makes things harder. We're exchanging dust for mud currently. Which will teach me to whinge about dust.

Trying to figure out how to give our set of big old, faded, but otherwise good and practical set of curtains, a new lease of life. They work well but just look very tired having faded into slightly sickly tones. 😬
Think dying therm's unlikely to work well because of the color combination and the amount of dye stripper needed to lower it would be prohibitively expensive...
Wondering if I could cover them with very cheap fabric, but that's still a fairly expensive solution given other competing needs...

King size bed sheets from Asda sewn to the front!

Tuesday went a walk with ds and bought him lunch. (His love language) Picked some elderflowers. Fell asleep with exhaustion before using elderflowers.
Wednesday : set up bowls of elderflower champagne to soak.
Yesterday: washed lots of bottles, sieved mixture and bottled up 22 bottles of elderflower champagne mix.
Today: need to evenly distribute mixture and top up with water as I made it double strength. Just need a little get fizz and not too alcoholic!

I have also done washing up, washing, taking kids here there and everywhere, endured meltdowns, emailed and rung school, folded washing, shopped, taken ds shopping, looked after dc at dad's house to keep routine going, topped up kids dinner money. Sadly I have done very little cleaning. I should be doing that now!

Bathroom cleaning part one. Vigorous plunging of bath plughole and scrubbing the drain with a tooth brush. Finally caught the blockage and fished it out. It's evaded me at least twice so far!

Disability kicked in and come for a rest before going back for round two.

Sheets is a thought... 22 bottles! 😮wow, well done! 'Burping' that lot will keep you busy! 😄Also well done on general Dc maintenance and keeping it all together, as well as bathroom part 1.

Windows (and an awful lot of filler!) have temporarily gone back in (yesterday) until they are finished on the whole blocks works and need to get some machinery out again, but smaller items and scaffolding will still be coming through generally. We have a chance to do various things here before the next wave of works affect us, hopefully, and an agreement we can partially refurnish a couple of rooms for comfort as long as we can have them clear with 48hours notice.
Lots more cleaning up after contractors has gone on, and accounts brought up to date, but little else achieved, and this morning spent prepping for paid work this afternoon, that I'm heading to now.

Good luck Elle, hope it went well.

Two bath mats finally clean enough.
Scrubbed in the bath with scrubbing brush.
Soaked , scrubbed a lot more, taking forever to rinse. Shower and scrubbing brush again. They've been walked on when my arms have given up. Stood in the spinner to drain, walked on some more to squeeze out more water and finally spun in the spinner. I have learnt to fold them up and lay them at the bottom of the spinner so I didn't have to spend ages trying to get it to balance. They will be serviceable for Ds's shower later.

Bath and basin have been cleaned a couple of times during the process.

The plus side, you get to keep a downstairs flat. They could stick you somewhere with a dodgy lift. They don't particularly care.

Yep. I've kept this place standing and been a cash cow all this time and they refused tenants right to buy when there where enough of us to take it on, because they thought they could make huge profits from land banking it then forcing us out, even though they acquired all of it free and have spent very little over time, and made big profits. So care or not, it's more than their turn to shoulder some responsibility for their choices.

Well done with employing whatever works and getting bath mats to serviceable, and a well cleaned bath and basin out of it. 😀

Survived work but have destroyed what was left of me getting broken down vehicle home. 😥Am taking tonight off!
Have so much planned for next few days, chasing parts or vehicle fixing was not part of them. But, I should know better than to think I can expect life to run to plan.🙄

Was washing up at 1.45 last night. Dysregulated teen brought home late.

Urrggghhh. <- yawn.

Last couple of days has gone to vehicle fixing, and wall and window surround painting. Mobile again, and the place feels so much better, which is a win.
The later will get damaged when they take the windows out again. It's a little bit slap dash, but it makes such a difference to not be looking at blue expanding foam and mortar everywhere, and trying to call it a home. It's transformed it out of looking like a building site.

Also trying to get the phone cables etc pinned back up instead of al over the floor which sounds much easier than it's turning out to be.
Just finished cleaning up and washing brushes and rollers out.
Rest of today is refuel vehicle, launderette, more painting, trying to sort out insurance claim, and whatever else might get fitted in, if all goes well.

@BlackeyedSusan Hope you can squeeze a nap in somewhere.

Hello, can I join you?

I’m new to MN and just posted on housekeeping looking for cleaning tips for my house that is feeling less than fresh at the moment.. and I saw this group and thought ‘Hurray, this sound like my people!’

I feel like Im like in a constant state of battling mess/clutter/grim overdue cleaning tasks in my house.

I generally do the daily stuff, but I have doom piles and various areas that I wouldn’t want visitors to see 🫣 every now and then the regaled cleaning falls by the wayside and I have to ‘dig out’ my whole house. I sometimes feel quite ashamed of the state my house gets in and avoid people coming over when it’s like that.

Ive just been to my parents for the weekend and helped my mam clear out her bedroom/ wardrobe (12 bin bags for tip/charity) . She had things in there from 20+ years ago and I was able to support her to let go of things and be a general cheerleader , then took stuff to charity for her straight away and got dad to take other stuff into.. so she wasn’t left with bags and bags (which is what happens when I do this in my house). She was delighted and really motivated. It was so nice to see her feeling so relieved and happy.

it does beg the question… why can I easily do this for her and not for me? Do I need someone to come and do this alongside me for it to work?

im rambling, as im exited to have found a place to say all this.

To add… we are a household of ADHD/ASD , my ADHD really impacts my ability to keep the house in order. I hoard because I struggle to see/address stuff, and don’t always have planning/follow though to get it out of the house even if I want to… rather than being particularly attached to the mounds of items in my doom piles.

Not a surprise. So many here are ND or disabled or have disabled family etc.

I have my food tins in the living room as I can not see them in the kitchen and they just go off. Need to reorganise. And adapt to autism.

When I put in a new kitchen (in my dreams) I will need a larder cupboard those thin ones that pull out and you can see what you have got. Food went in the corner cupboard years ago. Lost mobility a bit and it's really not accessible at all anymore because it's stuffed full and all out of date.

@BlackeyedSusan hi 👋 Thanks for your response.

I have been lucky to have a new kitchen fitted this year, very timely as we have been managing with barely functioning / mouldy one for the 10 years we have lived here.

I tried my best to make it as functional as possible when planning /buying it ( eg the pull out pantry thingies etc) , and have found it helps so much to have a more functional set up!

I have a very small utility space now with my washer and a drier (Joy of my adult life, beloved tumble dryer!) and having dedicated aged laundry space has helped battle the mess too.

I’ve noticed my cupboard are getting Chaotic again after a few months of keeping them really tidy when the kitchen was shiny and new.

I don’t have mobility difficulties but I realise my ADHD (newly diagnosed/ life long chaos and self criticism for being messy/disorganised) means I just forget things are there if I can’t see them. So I have lots of things on the counters so they are in sight and I see them daily to prompt me.
But this means it’s harder to clear the benches and it feels messy.

it’s a really hard balance isn’t it?!

Autistic: forget things are there if I can't see them.

it’s been months and months. Just caught up with the thread. My work is always so busy and I am just barely keeping up with the minimum required to keep life ticking over and we seem to keep acquiring and nothing ever leaves so you can imagine the outcome.

Dreadful to read about all your ordeals Elleherd. It doesn’t sound as though the end is in sight yet so I’m sending you strength & patience to get through the stress and chaos. Have your neighbours have collected their boxes?

Well done to everyone making progress, it all counts! I am going to set a time for 10minutes and do something to improve the kitchen.

@Elleherd yay to little wins of making home feel like home and being mobile again. You are amazing.

@Sameclutternewname 👋 all progress is progress, little bits here are helping me.

@Ricoletti as @BlackeyedSusan says, there are lots of us here with challenges (our own or family, or both) - welcome!

I’m not diagnosed but I totally relate to the ‘forget things are there, if I can’t see them’ challenge - and it’s why almost every surface has things on it and I end up ashamed at what goes to waste in cupboards (and the fridge) and creating doom piles.

In terms of how much easier other people’s stuff is - I had to clear hoarding parent’s house last year and it was hard but easier than my own stuff. But also a bit motivating to not leave that for my DC.

I have been embracing the Take Your House Back course this year (3 decluttering experts). I find a deadline helps - for trades coming in or people staying over. I still feel I can only have family over though.

By looking, even when I don’t have time to declutter, I can start to re familiarise myself, build lists of things that I will declutter at my next opportunity and sometimes I need to sit with the decision to feel ready to declutter something.

I'm nearly family visit ready. I used yo really panic in case my parents were passing and wanted to pop in. I think I would be ok as living room is not too bad now. Kitchen is still a bit of a horror although slight improvement, so I would just keep them out of there if possible.

Gss man coming on Thursday so hopefully this will help motivate to do a bit more soon.

Yesterday, was another coat of paint, equipment cleaned, part of a fence fixed, and three big bags of greenery cut back, and cables eventually pinned.

@Ricoletti Hi and welcome. You're starting from a good vantage point if you're not emotionally attached to the stuff and have already identified you don't do so well with being left with bags and bags of stuff to take out. Identifying what the actual follow up, planning issues there are, might be helpful.
I note that my adult Ds (ND) will throw great energy into a thing but has never planned or taken into account, clearing up afterwards, and is exhausted and resentful when that moment comes, (despite it always being there!) and it has a major effect on his feelings of competency and if things are worth doing in his mind.
Re leaving everything where it can be seen to remember it's existence and to deal with it,: It's horribly common, and suggests a need for visual reminders and propping up difficulties in executive functioning.
For me that looks like planning lists on dry wipe boards, so the things I forget and have put on the 'back burner' are on there daily, even when I'm too busy to deal with them, or tbh ignoring them for whatever reason.
The situation here is so stupid, interwoven, and complicated, that without lists and this thread, I would have drowned way back.

@BlackeyedSusan Don't know if this would help (recognize I'm a bit extreme) but my system is adding colored dots on the front of tins and packets that signal what month and year a thing's expiring. I stick them on as I put away and rotate what's coming up to date to the front, so when I open the cupboard doors I can see at a glance what needs eating sooner. (It isn't fail safe if you have others who then turn the cans so you can't see the dots...)

@Sameclutternewname Strength and patience much welcomed. Wish I could send you time and

@Elleherd thank you for your thoughtful response. It might sound bizzare but I’ve never actually thought about the issues with clean up and ‘ending’ big tasks like taking stuff to tip etc. so your message turned a bit of a lightbulb on for me… I never plan for the end or clean up… and it does feel overwhelming and make me resentful that I’ve put so much effort into sorting things out knot to be left with another stage of work to get it out of the house!

hadnt really thought about I this way. But this is often what causes mess and doom pile build up for me.
example- there has been an empty massive stakka box , a bunch of broken coat hangers, a bag for charity and 2 pictures in frames on my upstairs landing for weeks now.

I evicted them from a cupboard. every time I walk past them I want to throw them away but my brain cycles though the barriers- too big for wheely bin/ seems too small a pile to warrant a tip run/ I’ve noticed them when really busy or at bed time so tired …. It’s exhausting doing this mental reasoning everyone i see them!

Im taking from this that I need to factor in the end bit more carefully (or even at all!) or ask for help with the end bit… instead of just planning and doin the bit that gives my brain the ‘dopamine hit’ - starting the project/ deciding what stays/ seeing the empty cupboard!

im newly diagnosed and i am learning so much about my brain and why i operate the way i do.

I thought i was messy, lazy and disorganised with no follow though. I realise now this is just how my brain operates and I need to find strategies!

@Ricoletti I am finding that it’s better to do two small tip runs than fall into the trap of having stuff hanging around that then accumulates stuff on top of it/around it. I hope little and often is practical for you (my local one is a 15 minute drive and I’m fortunate I have a car and a supportive DH - who often helps me by creating a deadline).

I relate to the mental reasoning and have had crippling recycling guilt but I do find there’s more I can recycle now than ever before.

ricoletti I'd use whatever social media or apps you have to put a quick message up with a pic advertising your pictures and box cheaply (free just seems to get you messed around IME). It only takes a minute if you don't faff over it. Then put a "free, please take" label on them and leave outside on a sunny day. If you still have them in a few days, arrange to take the box to the tip because it's big and bulky and you'll feel so much better once it's out of your home. I appreciate the tip appointment may not be as soon as you'd hope. So the broken hangers can go in the wheelybin to get rid of them quicker, cram them down the sides just before collection day so they don't take up all the space you need for bin bags. The pictures if you want can go to either the tip or break them down for the wheelybin by pulling apart the frame so it's just pieces of wood/plastic and easily fits. The rest of the picture can go into the kerbside recycling collection, front glass into glass bottles etc recycling, picture print itself into paper recycling and backing piece into card recycling unless it's made of indeterminate material then smash up and bin.

I've done kitchen improvement. New worktop and nails in the walls to hang mop, broom etc for tidiness, no more messy pile in the corner. Two boxes of unwanted stuff disposed of, then used to hold more wanted things and two boxes plus contents removed to elsewhere where they belong.