Decluttering Thread 6 - hit those targets before New Year!

[Pigtailsandall]

So the last thread got filled up and I think I seem to have taken it on myself to start a new one every time, lol! I hope everyone finds us because I'm too lazy to tag everyone, but here's few who spring to mind. It also doesn't let me add some people, for some reason

@realfastfoodie
@IndianSummer78
@stealthninjamum
@cornedbeef451
@EllieQ
@Gassylady
@IncessantNameChanger

@nordicmom
@Vinorosso74

Now it's the last push until the holidays to get it all out and done (before new cr*p comes in)

But @IncessantNameChanger (and everyone who struggles with what to do with stuff) - the pain is real! It genuinely felt good to just go on a charity shop rampage and put as much stuff as I could find in a bag. Some of those things had been waiting for ages for me to olio or think of other things.

I do think all this decluttering is changing my attitude also. I’m still resisting a lot of bargains / sales, and I got rid of a big toy (someone wanted it for a refugee family) which I would otherwise have kept for DC2 - but she won’t want it for 2 years, so why take up the space?

I think I'm going to sell half of 7-8 things as I have pulled them out now. I will wait and sell the summer bits as I sort summer clothes some more, but I going to leave the rest of the summer bits until the end of March.

I think your all right and it's time to just get rid of the majority of it. I will sort that out and give it to the clothing bank team tomorrow. Luckily they also sort it into age bundles

Outs for the last few days:

Cat chaise-longue bed sold
Coat to charity
Knife block binned

Total 223

It's the kids' birthdays coming up so that will be more stuff in that we don't need 🙄.

I need to set aside some time to go through all my DD's old clothes that haven't yet sold on eBay so I can put things aside for my SIL as she has a little girl due in 3 months. It's so hard to find time though with a hectic job, 2 small kids and a house renovation 😕.

Well done on making a decision IncessantNameChanger it is very difficult to get the balance right sometimes. I’m another that likes to think about the “best” place/way to dispose of things. I think I’ve said before I donate most stuff but do sell via eBay items that I think are a bit niche for charity shops or will fetch more than £10. This will include the mountain of Lego that we are having another go at sorting through. My kids have never had tons of clothes and happy to just donate those that have wear left in them once outgrown. Lucky that we don’t need the money so any sales are a bonus.

thanks @IncessantNameChanger , hopefully the form will arrive soon and we can get on with the process.

cant remember who sorry, but I loved the Amazon ‘just in case’ idea, brilliant 👏

work again today, mil still here….

223

To add to the conversation about whether or not to sell, I think for me the best way of 'making' money is to buy less stuff. To not buy duplicates of things I need quickly e.g. batteries/DIY tools etc etc because I can find what I need straight away. And that's all so much easier to do when everything is clutter free, organised and tidy. Because of that I've started to sell less and less because the time and freedom from clutter is just so much more valuable that the few pounds here and there.

That being said, I did put a DVD box set up for sale today! Total contradiction I know. I saw the same one had gone for a decent amount recently so let's see what happens.

Toss told me to do the sideboard the other day but I only had time to do the top. Today went through the drawers and cupboard bits which had toys and games in. Probably got rid of about 12 which has made a big dent, and also went through the DVDs. Found it hard to get rid of some because they bring back such good memories, even though we never put DVDs on so might come back to them in a few weeks, but set aside about 15 for the charity shop.

Now have a growing pile of stuff I need to get out the house urgently this week, especially before DD sees some of what I popped in the bags today

Went to the shops in town today by myself (first time since baby arrived in April!) and instead of buying things because I liked them I was very mindful about whether it was something we ordered I needed, and decided I wouldn't make any rash purchases but I'd start a 'would like' list instead. I'll revisit my 'would like' list in a couple of weeks to see if I still feel the same or need the things. I didn't buy anything today except a cappuccino. Felt quite good! Decluttering has definitely changed my outlook on 'stuff' and clothing.

Took a large bag of bric a brac to the charity shop, too. Also felt good! Didn't count the individual items, probably about 20-30 ISH though I reckon. Will count it as one though as it was one bag.

YTD 292

Finished up a tube of cooling leg gel. Total is 1866

@LivingInaBuildingSite - what’s the Amazon just in case idea? I think I missed that

Well done @IncessantNameChanger, hopefully your plan takes some burden from you. I agree @daffodil2023 and @KCSIE - more than half the battle is buying less, and being able to find what you already have!

That sounds like a fantastic decision @IncessantNameChanger .

I’m feeling a bit low and asking ‘why do I bother?’ A couple of weeks ago I found three big boxes of paintings, school work, photos and I’ve been sorting them. I’ve been avoiding this job for years. Yesterday I bought an A3 wallet that has 40 pages so so I slid in some of dd2s schoolwork which was progress.

i then tried to get dc to go through the actual paintings they’d done. Dd1 said she didn’t particularly want any of them - but as she saw them did say remark that she could remember having an obsession with perfect circles etc and seemed quite interested in them. Dd2 just started tearing up everything and being really destructive even hitting me. Am I wrong not letting her tear up photos of herself? She doesn’t want any in the house.

I suppose this must be normal for parents of autistic children but I’m wondering why I am wasting my time with this. This is the last really difficult area for me and I wish I could throw it all away. I think I assumed they’d look back on this stuff fondly.

Anyway I have about 15 pictures to throw away (so far) and 3 sewing projects that dd1 did.im going to have a break on this even though my sitting room is unusable because of it.

Two bar stools left us yesterday. £40 in. Hoorah.

decision made that pram will go to charity shop. Need to take it tomorrow.

That sounds very hard @stealthninjamum especially DD2 having such a bad reaction to seeing the artwork and photos. I’m not a parent of an autistic child, so my advice probably isn’t worth much, but I think you were right not to let her destroy the photos - they belong to you, not just her. I know you wanted to deal with the artwork, but perhaps you could box up DD2’s stuff to review at a later date if it distresses her so much?

Yesterday I took a bag of DD’s old clothes to the charity shop, which had been bagged up a few weeks ago and waiting to leave the house. Also went through another storage box of toys with DD and have six things to go to the charity shop - three bulky toys and three sets of smaller toys (Peppa Pig, Octonauts etc).

This marks an achievement as we have a six-space kallax shelving unit for toys, but it has always been overflowing with two extra boxes piled in front. I’m happy to report that the toys now all fit into the six shelves apart from one Lego kit on the top, and it’s likely that I can empty two more boxes (containing Brio trains and mega blocks), so the overflowing soft toy storage could be contained once that’s done.

I’m not planning to sell anything, apart from a few items that I know will bring in more than a few pounds - I decided that the stress/ time taken to sell clothes or toys was not worth the cash that I’d get. My priority is getting stuff out of the house as soon as I can once I’ve decided to declutter it.

Thanks @ellieq I felt awful going against her wishes but I’d rather give the dc their memory boxes and school stuff when they leave home and they can throw it away then if they still want to. I do want to deal with this stuff now because I’m sure I’ve been on these threads for about 7 or 8 years and the Room of Doom has always been the worst room. I just want to finish.

Well done on organising the toys - and getting your dd to help. That must feel so satisfying.

Hugs @stealthninjamum I know this is extremely controversial but over the last few weeks I have imagined that dds diagnosis was a person, I punch it in the face. As you know, there are good days and bad days. On anther day she might cope better. I'd agree just box all of hers up and leave it for another time.

You have done so well. It's sorted, dd has thinned. Don't let one aspect at the end set you back.

At times I feel hopeless, but if we give up where do we go? Backwards? I don't want to go back to three years ago. Even you just maintain we are going forward

Thanks @IncessantNameChanger I think I get sad because I have done so much for my dc - as all parents do - and dd2 seems to think her life is shit, and she’ll look at a photo of her and tell me she was unhappy and she has had a horrible life, which isn’t true. I feel like I’ve wasted my life and given up my career on an unappreciative, gaslighting child. Dd2 has a gift at art too and so some of the things she wants to go are amazing.

im still using an app to give me 3 or 4 daily organisation / decluttering tasks. Today’s is to clear up the window ledges. I love this because I love having clear surfaces and they have got a bit cluttered recently.

I feel for you @stealthninjamum. All teenagers are ungrateful narcissists at times I think, but the problem is that yours have more challenges and also you have made more sacrifices because you love them and they need it. Sometimes I feel like telling my ungrateful toddler who has had a lot of health issues exactly what we have given up for him…. So I sympathise.

I agree with your approach, by the way. At the end of the day the memory boxes are yours and you can decide how and when to share with your DC at a later date.

@stealthninjamum I gave up my senior programmer job to be gaslight and talked to like a moron at various schools. I was abused physically and mentally by my mum as a child ( my hoarding trama story's start). And my NT ds( ha! He so not NT) was telling me a few years ago about his "abusive" childhood. I wished I could play out my mum kicking me age 4 while I lay in a ball on the floor for him to see what abuse is. It's certainly not not having a five bed house, a iPhone and tennis courts at home.

Basically he was unbearably unlikeable age 11-16. He is OK now but still lacking empathy and full of himself. He definitely has what was aspie type ASD. He has lots of lovely qualities ( he is always hugging me and telling me he loves me at random times)

Luckily my second ds is a angel of perfection ( with sen too) so I know it's not me. I don't have favourites and never would. But I do find comfort that one of them is a decent human. At age 16 my eldest did start coming around to being a good human. These secondary school years are very hard. If ss would have offered I would handed him over from year 8 until he left school.

Sending love to you all. I’m sorry it’s been so so hard. Quite frankly, you are all super women….

It's the difference between being the parent and being the person Stealthninja. They're your babies and you're going to miss who they were at this or that age, maybe want mementos of each stage. They don't have that attachment to their past selves though, it wouldn't be healthy if they did. They grow up, move forward and leave past self behind.

DD 1 having mild interest in something doesn't mean she wants to keep it. You know how frustrated you are by a cluttered home, you wouldn't want that for DD in the future. It's good that she can let go of stuff.

I don't know what's behind DD 2 reaction but I can see it's not helpful, for whatever reason, for her to be faced with these things. She's grown up, moved forward and left that phase behind. I say, let her. What's the point of having a row over it?

Nothing wrong with you wanting to keep some, but why don't you choose what bits you like best, making a photo book for yourself and acknowledgeing you're keeping it for yourself and not for them. They don't want it, one of them has told you with words and the other has told you with actions.

Today's out is a too small jumper that's starting to bobble anyway. Total is 1867

The Amazon thing someone said upthread - things they want to keep just in case they have on a wishlist with Amazon who can deliver in 24 hours. But it was written better with more tongue in cheek.

work today again. MIL still here… finding it v hard coming in from a 12 hour shift having got up early to full on MIL and DH being loud and go go go.

223

Thanks - it was me asking. It’s a good point actually - what would it take to replace something quickly. I definitely keep things that are pennies to replace if needed ever…

A kettle and yet more packaging gone today, plus a bucket of plastic tat from the toy boxes (magazine bits mostly).

@stealthninjamum my sympathies. My autistic DD hates having photos taken most of the time and we respect that, but then also believes I favour my other children as I have more photos of them.
@IncessantNameChanger my DD is hitting the early hormonal stage which I think is contributing to her increased anxiety and bouts of not nice behaviour where she is struggling with emotions and so on, it makes me worry about the upcoming teenage years.

Something happened at school (main stream) last week that was just another reminder of how their education can be a right battle if you have someone who doesn’t follow the one plan and triggers your child (child then doing something ‘unacceptable’). Have requested a meeting to set things straight I hope.

anyway, I’m so pleased with the progress I have made in just over a month although I don’t see the difference yet on the surface (clothes cupboards etc are less crammed though so putting washing away is easier).

Out since last update:
Charity shop 45
Donation 20
Worn out shoes
Bath toys x 4
Paperwork 2
Picture frame x 2 (to family member)
Out of date sauce
Ripped item of clothing

Total is up to 857

I tend to donate most of our clothes at the moment, I know someone who gives them directly to refugees and those in need so I like knowing it is directly going to people rather than charity shops where I’m not sure if they will sell it or bin it. I do hang on to some of the more expensive items though with the intention of selling it (not yet started this).

I have pulled up some clothes but decided they can sit in piles until I feel happier about it. I'm worried about dds height now. I think she has put on weight but kicking myself I haven't tracked her weight much. All my kids are very thin. Dd isn't skinny but she is underweight. As my eldest could past himself as a inpatient on a anorexia ward it's hard to see normal. Me and dh are both fat.

Anyway it's all sorted, piled up. I need dd to help me decide what she wants to keep. Even if she does fit into 7-8 I have tonnes of it.

All the summer bits have been sorted. She has one carrier bag to grow into now. I have finally, absolutely nailed her enormous stash. I know what to do next. Just not ready quite yet to do it. Had an urge to buy her 8-9 leggings but will only do that once we have zero that fit