We are messy people. Help me to change!

[WhereAreWeNow]

Just that really! Our house is a tip.

DH has ADHD which means he's a hoarder and quite scatty and messy. He does a bit but he doesn't pull his weight.

DD (13) has about 5 billion books and finds it hard letting go of her old things (toys and books) and she does sod all to help around the house.

I have too much stuff (clothes and shoes) and the house is quite small. I work full time and do nearly all of the cooking, cleaning, food shopping etc. But I'm really not on top of the cleaning bit. Or the cooking actually but that's another story!

So the house is cluttered and messy and therefore also a bit dirty because it's impossible to clean properly when there's so much stuff everywhere.

It's really getting me down. It feels a bit overwhelming and impossible. I've been reading up on TOMM and I've told DH and DD we're going to try it.

Can anyone please hold my hand/give me a good talking to and tell me:
—Where to begin tackling the mountains of clutter?
—How to get DD and DH to do their bit?

Thanks!

We've actually done quite well today. Decluttered a corner of the kitchen. Hoovered downstairs. Did a load of washing first thing (laundry was never my problem though... I've always been on top of the laundry and dishes). We've been doing the 'take something with you every time you leave a room'.
I think just having DH on board with getting rid of stuff will be a massive help.
I've found a car boot sale nearby and was wondering about doing that. Or is it more hassle than it's worth? I've never been to one so I don't know how easy it is to sell stuff.
I'm thinking of booking a slot at the local tip (you have to book for some reason) on Sunday and then just trying to fill the car with as much crap as we can find between now and then.

I do really like the idea of emptying a room/cupboard/surface and only putting back the stuff you really want but I do find it a bit daunting. I might have to do my wardrobe one drawer at a time or there's a risk I'll be buried by a clothes avalanche!

Another good declutter tip is put to one side the things you love and use. Then chuck everything else. Harsh but feels good!

Meant to say, it works becuse you focuson what you are keeping not what you are chucking, so there are far fewer decisions to be made.

Thanks so much for all your tips. DH and I have been really attacking the clutter. We've done 1 trip to the local tip and taken 3 bags of clothes from my wardrobe to the charity shop. We've reclaimed a whole load of surface space in the kitchen, we've cleared out 13 years worth of crappy broken toys from a drawer under the sofa, and I've been doing lots of cleaning.

I've yet to get DD involved but just getting her to agree to let me chuck the toys feels like a breakthrough.

Now we just need to keep the momentum going...

My rules basically are
Less stuff
More shelves
More storage
I'm obsessive about this and have spent a fortune on storage but everything EVERYTHING having a home means I'm at a tolerable level of tidiness despite being a natural slattern. My house is small so I had to change my ways.

Set a timer for 5 or 10 mins and see how much you can do per room before the timer goes off. It won't make a huge difference if the place is really messy but I find that it helps just to take the edge off without me having to psych myself up to do a big clean and tidy. I find short bursts much easier which motivates me to do more.

Also my husband and kids have adhd and they work much better with direct simple instructions. E.g. I will tell my daughter she needs to put all the craft things back in the box when she's finished or to sweep the floor or take the dishes out of the dishwasher and stack them on the side for me to put away. Just one specific task at a time. I don't give them a choice either, they have to help out in a small way otherwise they don't get privileges like time on the ipad or will have to deduct a fee from their pocket money to pay for the cleaner (me haha) to do their chores. They soon help out when it has consequences for them. Its not fair for you to do it all.

Is there a lower level than slob lady? 😒
A lot of what she said resonated with me but I think I need a short "access course" to get be ready to start slob lady.

Woah. That's amazing. Well done.

If you buy slob lady's book it has her 28 day plan in the back. This took me way way way way longer than 28 days (I think I am still somewhere in the last week and it's been months) but it's a useful starting point. It's written with little comments to read each day. I just read them when I thought to look at the book rather than actually every day for 28 days.

Car boots can be fun but you'll probably make £60-150. If that's ok for you then go for it. If you would rather just get the stuff out then take it to the tip. Car boots can be stressful too if you don't want people rummaging before you're ready. And you might come back with more junk

Well Done OP. We found that the more we did the more we wanted to do as we could start seeing the changes and the benefits! DH found it easy as most of the stuff wasn't his anyway so he would have thrown everything out given the chance! I spent my child free day cleaning and tidying my sons room....again. He has ADHD. He's very untidy but loves the room once it's organised and quite often does it himself. I think he finds it calming. We bought several storage boxes and a label maker when we had a major clear out a few months ago so everything has a place. Makes tidying easier

OP I feel you, our place is so cluttered and even though we've massively decluttered the lounge I'm currently sat in amongst loads of clutter in here. It's mainly toys from the children's bedroom but they never want to get rid of things even though they find it overwhelming to tidy. I'm really not sure where to go from here it's good to hear you made it to the tip!

I also wanted to say well done!

I agree that the trick is to try and keep the momentum going. Remember that setting a timer for 10 minutes a day really does make a big difference. Doing the washing up every day makes a huge difference. Small changes to the way you perceive cleaning up.

Another good book is Unfuck Your Habitat. She is very non-judgemental about how people get in messes but her method revolves around 20/10s. That means 20 minutes of cleaning followed by 10 minute break.

Realistically, even the most busy person can spare 20 minutes twice a day to clean our home. But, I do think making cleaning a daily habit rather than something we do sporadically is the difference between people with a clean house and people in a mess.

Here is the Unfuck your habitat website: www.unfuckyourhabitat.com/

For more car boot info look at this - it's definitely some people's idea of a fun day out and some people's idea of hell! Maybe see what you think DD would make of the experience

www.reddit.com/r/britishproblems/comments/wu7e80/getting_up_at_4am_on_a_sunday_to_go_do_a_bootsale/

Thanks. I can guess what DD's reaction would be to getting up at 4am 🤣

Well done on your progress so far OP. Going forward I would recommend focusing on one room first, probably the kitchen because we are generally less emotional about spatulas that we are clothes etc!

You will need to be a little bit ruthless. Empty every cupboard and drawer in turn and keep only the things you genuinely need and use. Everything needs to have a place, preferably in a cupboard and a sensible place to live. So the casserole dish you use every week in the winter needs to be more accessible than the fish poacher (which personally I’d bin) you use once a year. Use sensible organisers for things. Eg I have command hooks on the back of my utensil drawer to hang measuring spoons so I can find them easily. And I have command hooks on the back of the cupboard door under the sink to hang the dishcloth and tea towel so they aren’t out on the side. Food eg, spices, baking things, condiments etc are stored together in baskets in cupboards.

Don’t have excess supplies of food. Keep what you need and use frequently. Have a shopping list stuck on the fridge with a pen and add things when they are running low.

I’d make a rough meal plan. We just have a list of what we’re eating that week, not day specific and shop for what you need so you shouldn’t end up buying stuff you end up storing and then chucking away.

Once all this is in place, have a plan to keep on top of it. We have a dishwasher so we load up during the day. It’s run every evening and emptied first thing in the morning. After dinner, DCs each have a job. One clears and cleans the table and the other empties the bins whilst I load the dishwasher and wipe the sides. This way the kitchen is clean and tidy every night before bed.

Once you have the kitchen sorted and on top of, use a similar strategy to move to the next room.

The trouble with car boot sales is that you go with the best of intentions (in my case yesterday it was specifically to look for storage boxes), and come home with a large lead crystal fruit bowl you have no room for because it was only £1.
😂

Well done @WhereAreWeNow we were messy people too. It really was because we had too much stuff and had outgrown our house too. I did a massive declutter before we moved (nothing like do I really want to pack this and then find a new home for it at the other end to make you ruthless). Once I had finished clearing out I enjoyed living that so much more in the last few months we were there. I could put items away in cupboards because they weren't full of crap any more. Clearing a lot of stuff out of your house will make a massive difference to you.

I can also identify with not wanting people to visit because of the mess. That was me for a long time too.

@anibendod thank you so much for that Better is Good video from A Slob Comes Clean, I watch/read her a lot but somehow missed this. It really struck a chord.

Here’s the link again for anyone who doesn’t want to scroll back

m.youtube.com/watch?v=PzQHcGmkxkM

TOMM has released a series of "rock the housework" podcasts. There's a selection of 5 for free on Spotify, and the full range is avaliable for a monthly subscription of £3.60 on patreon. This week's "drop" is 5 clutter busters to be done in 5x30 mins, there's also a 30 min disco declutter.

I'm increasingly wondering if I have ADHD (inattentive) as the more I find out about it in women, the more I wonder how the heck everyone wrote my biography. Having Gemma talk through how to clean in 5-30 mins takes so many of those draining micro decisions out of the equation and it's so much easier having a gentle voice telling you what to do for a few minutes at a time. It works well with Dana K White's "better" philosophy.

In the 3 months since I started, the house is feeling more managable. We're at the end of the holidays and while it is Not Perfect, I'm also not knee deep and feeling like I need a whole week to restore some sense of order which feels like a bloody miracle.

I've taken a bag of stuff to the charity shop everyday this week (not that you'd notice.... I'm wondering just how much crap I could bin before there was any visible impact on the clutter in the house!).
I've managed to stick to TOMM all week too.
A few rows with DH because his enthusiasm for helping me petered out after a couple of days and he's back to just creating more mess and clutter and not clearing up after himself.
A few tears from DD today trying to get to grips with her room BUT we managed to get a couple of bags of rubbish out of her room and it's looking much better.
We also went to IKEA and bought a few storage boxes and bags. I managed to resist buying tonnes of the usual tat that I buy in the marketplace area. I picked up pretty tea light holders and put them back down remembering that I've got tea light holders and I never use them. That felt like a big change in attitude. I'm beginning to see that the mess problem is linked to a shopping problem. I need to stop buying stuff!
Oh and I sold a couple of things on Vinted and Facebook.
I've been watching the Minimalist Mom and Dana White YouTube videos.
So, an exhausting but good week. Please tell me it gets easier!

Good work OP! Keep going!

I've had an ok week in that my older 2 have been back at school and nursery, so I've had a chance to do the basic stuff while they've been out and I just have the baby at home. Before they got home this evening the kitchen surfaces were quite clear and wiped, hall tidy, floors were hoovered downstairs and living room table/sofa was clear. It's not going to be on the cover of Good Housekeeping but if felt like a good start to the weekend.

I've not managed much decluttering except 2 prams and a bag of kids shoes from the garage which have gone to charity. I've got quite a lot to go into the loft over the weekend while DH is here to help.

I'm going to try my best to raise children that are tidier than DH and me. With the eldest (6yo) I've started to regularly get him involved, just pointing out what he has left behind at his backside and what he should do with it. He's a sweet and helpful wee guy, so it's been quite good so far. The 4yo diva DD has been less successful, and the baby is currently into everything, emptying cupboards and trailing crumbs all over the house... It's a work in progress.

Have you read her blog?

It's been going for 13 years and is very honest. Start at day one - she kept staring, getting stuck, starting again, doing more etc etc.

www.aslobcomesclean.com/2009/08/here-we-go/