Clearing parents' house when they pass

[Soffana]

I was just wondering if anyone else is dreading the task of clearing the parents house after they pass.

My dad died a few year ago and my mother lives by herself in my childhood home. The house is filled with stuff. A lot of it valuable, but who knows what as it is mixed with clutter.

Articles, old magazines, broken toys. But also lot of china and linen from my grandparents' houses.

She is trying to declutter but ends up just moving piles. And also - I will not tell her to get rid of stuff just to make my life easier when she dies!

How do you feel about this?

(English is not my first language so I am sorry about my mistakes.)

I'm doing my big declutter now whilst my kids are still small.

We are (fingers crossed) moving to a flat and I am determined to only keep what will comfortably fit. No garage, loft or cupboards.

I've been watching 'Minimal Mom' on YouTube and she is a genius. She has taught me that everything I own requires some mental energy.

I would estimate that I have taken five van loads to charity (lots of furniture) and around four to the tip. And I wouldn't have said we were more cluttered than anyone else I know.

It's actually scary to think how much precious space we give over to stuff we don't like, don't use and don't really want. All because it 'cost money' 'hasn't been used much' 'we might need it one day and 'it is sentimental.'

All the lovely memories I have are in my head - I don't need a houseful of things to remind me I love my kids and the joy they have brought me.

I refuse to keep anything out of guilt anymore - I don't want to be held hostage by inanimate objects anymore!

My parents are in the process of sorting POA for me in advance of their ageing years. I've told them to write down anything important and put it in their safe. If the info I need (funeral, items to pass on etc) isn't covered in the will or written about in the safe then I will just assume they are happy for it to go.

They aren't hoarders in the traditional sense, but they keep a LOT of stuff and assign sentimentality to the most random of shit (eg they still have the cast from my brothers broken ankle!).

My parents downsized a few years before my mother died. They was great for their declutter. But a lot of stuff came to me and is now my clutter! Some stuff doesn't last, it perishes. So sell or donate whilst it is still useful!

I have to say that I have found the process unmanageable, I have been clearing for over three years now with no end in sight! I live in our family home, my brother left home and left nearly all his things, dad became ill and mum cared for him for years while not having time to do other things, so items were put in boxes and carrier bags and filed away.
My grandparents passed and lots of things came into our house and a lock-up. Mum kept every receipt, even cashpoint ones, every bank statement etc. It wasn't chaotic or a mess but stuff was everywhere. Dad passed and mum became ill and I cared for her while working full time, the owner wanted the lock-up back so yet more boxes came in, I could not throw anything out as mum would get too upset and say that they were her things- and to be fair they were.
Mum passed three years ago and before that the landlord wanted the loft cleared, a huge project as it was solid with things squashed into every corner. A lot of things in the house are random, Some junk mail, ornaments, memorabilia, lots of new items that were brought as presents and then mislaid, thousands of photos etc. I have already mistakenly thrown away a drawing by Joshua Reynolds so am trying to go through everything carefully,
I am still really just living out of my bedroom and hardly using the rest of the house and find the whole process very upsetting, I sort through photos and memories and always end up in tears!
This sounds like it is a big house, it is a small three bedroom house but every space was filled, even under chairs and tables, I have done endless trips to charity shops, second hand bookshops and a lot of stuff into skips. There are many possibly historic and reasonably valuable objects which people say I should put on ebay but I don't do ebay and do not have the time.
Lots of very old items and family things but there is no one to pass them on to or to ask about them, but it would feel so wrong to throw them away.
I have pretty much given up now, there is no point in making the house nice now as it is rented and just me so it will probably stay as a 70's - 80's relic, there are simply not enough hours in the week to do it.