Help, tell me to start de-cluttering. I have black bags, I have a cloth skip

[NearlyAHoarder]

I can't face it. I've been watching videos about hoarders all morning and I need to tackle this. The floor all around my wardrobe is just covered up with boxes and bags and other things that won't fit in the wardrobe. I'm a single parent, work ft, I would like to have this tackled before I go back to work or it will hang over me for another year getting worse.

My kitchen is tidy. But for some reason my room is a mess. Part of the problem is that there's not enough space for my things. But then, some people would manage to fit a man and his stuff in to a room this big and have it be tidy??!!!!
It's such a big job. I don't dislike any of my clothes. I do have more than I need though. I feel a bit cross that my house is so small and I'm forced in to the position of having to throw out things that other people with a bigger house and bedroom could keep.
My friend told me to do 90 minutes everyday for 3 days, starting today, and then when I go in to tackle it on 3rd Jan, it'll be a less daunting task.
I'm sorry if it seems like this is a pointless thread. I just have tried all my usual methods of motivation and I'm still in bed thinking about it.
Right, I need to get dressed so that I can run in and out to the skip.

That's a great start 👍🏻

My view is that rail isnt helping. It is sort of too visual for me and can easily make the room look busy if you see what I mean.?
Normally id sort the stuff and then get storage that fits but i think in your case, its the storage thats a fault here. Its not effective and is making your life harder.
If you cant get a new wardrobe or other storage at mo... id put shelves above the rail. I would then get huge clear boxes or label boxes and stack them in a pleasing way. I would roll ,like marie kondo method things as i find it gives you so.much more space.
I would put aside a temp capsule wardrobe of clothes you want to wear the next few days so that you are not digging around for things. Hang these items on door kmob on bag or something? And then work with the rest.
I think that it is easy to get overwhelmed as there is so much going on when de cluttering, i have just done a loft, its taken 5 days. I think that it comes in waves were you think you are getting no where so your energy and enthusiasim can naturally dip.. take a break, visualise your goal, then go again !
I sometimes listen to you tube organizational or de cluttering videos when doing it to keep me inspired.
I have also got sticky label s and a label maker which i will use to keep things organised ( well as much as poss) !
Good luck ,you got this !

Filled another few bags today. Spent 90s minutes on my room today too. I sorted through t-shirts, vests, tops, ''PE'' gear as I still call my tracksuit bottoms/yoga pants. Tomorrow I will start on books which will be difficult. With books you haven't read, it's hard to know whether to keep them or pass them on, and the same goes for books you read and enjoyed. But I'm going to spend 90 minutes tomorrow too. I have a big plastic bag with a zip (a duvet came in it) and I'm going to put books in that. Books are something I feel bad throwing out.

@PermanentTemporary having a skip in the garden is really helping me, if I were worrying about the normal recycling /refuse company collecting all of these bags I'd be stressed. Also, giving it 90 minutes per day meant it has still felt like a nice lazy day but after two days already I feel I've made progress and I'm not dreading giving it 90 minutes tomorrow!

90 minutes while listening to a few good podcasts was quite do-able.

Sounds really impressive.

Whats going to happen with the skip - is it going to be collected?

Yes, I can still fit more in it so in a day or two I'll ring them to come and pick it up. It's about 68 euro. Don't judge! I know it's landfill ......

I've been watching a lot of those hoarder programmes with Stelios (Can't spell his surname) and it's true I think, you're spot on, one's bedroom is a place that nobody can (reasonably) berate you for having in disarray. It's your private space and you're allowed to be messy in your own room. But then it becomes like you don't deserve tidiness in your space.

It must be really hard trying to decide what to do with your late husband's things. Especially if your DC might ask about the things later. Take photos of it all. That's what Stelios advised somebody to do.

I don't mean to be all drama llama making out that I'm in the same league as some of the people on the hoarder next door show but I did leave an abusive man with a rucksack in 2007, and I had nothing when I started again. I do think I need to remind myself that if if I urgently need something, I can order it on Amazon Prime and if I do that early, it could arrive the next day. Whatever I might need, I can do without it for one day. There's nothing so urgent that you have to have it the same day you realise you need it.

Being aware of this as I cleared helped me.

Tomorrow I want to do books and that will be very hard.

Big losses always seem to be at the root of hoarding. And books carry double, triple meaning so yes, they're hard. Having said that, I'm actually better at getting rid of books than I used to be. I don't think you'd believe it if you saw my shelves... but at least they're not double depth stacked any more. Good luck with it.

The thing i really struggle with is bedlinen and towels. I once got 8 ancient towels into the car to go to the tip... and they stayed there, and eventually I brought them back in again.

You could try adding a wall-mounted rail above your other rail to use that wasted space. £25 from Amazon or Wayfair.

www.amazon.co.uk/SONGMICS-Wall-Mounted-Industrial-Space-Saving-HSR67BK02/dp/B0822GZ5TH/?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

Probably too late but (ecofreak here)... instead of binning decent condition clothes you could put a notice on Facebook... at least my local facebook this would work. I know people who would turn up for bin bags full of "size 10-14 clothes in variable but mostly wearable condition". Heck I'd turn up & take the unwanted items to charity shop for you.

Watching with interest and for inspiring 'after' photos.

Come on OP you can do this! 👍💪

I don't have a car so I need a lot of warm coats and jumpers in the winter

I don't have a car and I don't need lots of warm coats and jumpers in the winter I'm the same age as you OP! You need one smart/going out winter coat, one waterproof and that's it! You could maybe have a smarter waterproof jacket too. About 4 jumpers is loads! One on, one in the cupboard and two in the wash!

I think perhaps you misunderstand how hoarding occurs - it doesn't manifest overnight it creeps up on you

I have primarily ocd with some hoarding tendencies too. It's more complicated than just getting rid of stuff!

Even the tv shows that I've seen seem to "get" that and don't ONLY declutter but address the emotional issues around how the hoarding occurred.

Bear in mind also the production companies choose the worst examples as they make for a good final reveal.

How do you FEEL about getting rid of stuff? How does the thought of no longer owning it feel?

It's really not as simple as "just get rid" because if you don't understand and address the underlying cause you'll just end up replacing the items you've thrown out

I think I want a nice tidy clean home BUT when it is I feel anxious and out of sorts.

One of the reasons I have been able to identify is because in my abusive childhood home it was ALWAYS spotlessly clean and tidy - because if it wasn't my mum would get a battering! So there's an element of rebellion against that and also a weird reassurance that my home is no longer a place of control and abuse

We also had no spare money growing up and most of my adult life I was on a tight budget so I couldn't risk throwing out something I may need in the future

Im now disabled and on benefits but also doing relatively ok financially yet I'm still v reluctant to chuck things that to my mind are still useful

That's 2 elements I've yet to identify and tackle others

but I did leave an abusive man with a rucksack in 2007, and I had nothing when I started again.

I knew there'd be a root issue that at least partly explained it

Again the examples used in tv shows are going to be the more extreme - as they make for better tv

Hoarding is actually a very common issue but rarely to the extent that is shown on these tv shows.

I genuinely wish you luck with it but I would caution against pushing yourself too hard emotionally especially if you've no support! I find it hard to deal with and I have a cpn and a therapist and I'm on meds!

It's not uncommon for hoarders to THINK they've done well as they've physically got rid of stuff only to come unstuck Mh wise later as the impact then hits them.

I'm not saying not to do it I'm saying to bear in mind how it's making you feel and maybe get some support for that side of things as it'll make it easier for you long term

If you’ve not worn/used it in the last 12 months you Chuck it.
Do one thing at a time so you don’t get overload. Do one wardrobe, set of drawers etc at a time.

Don't make life harder trying to sell stuff or donate.

If you need it out for your health then it just goes on the bin. One job and gone.

Hey OP, great job so far!

I decluttered my clothes and bedroom in January last year, and honestly, this year has been fantastic. Having less stuff, and a space for everything, means it is so easy to clean. 15 mins on a Sunday night is the most I have ever spent putting it back into order. I don’t regret a single thing I threw out, I don’t even remember most of them!

(I’m not this January I’m doing my study, which is a mess of paper and decorations and books and who knows what else).

But lessons I learnt from last year -

• invest in storage solutions. I bought an extra chest of drawers and a blanket box, as I realised SOME of the mess was down to inadequate storage. In your case, I think this is a big issue. I’d be looking for a tall wardrobe to make the most of your high ceilings. And doors on it, to cut the visual clutter.
• visual clutter looks worse than it is. I got rid of my rail and a lot of decorative (or functional) items on top of chest of drawers. The lack visual clutter is very soothing.
• I reminded myself that if I made a mistake in throwing something out, I could buy another one pretty easily.
• sentimental clothes - I allowed myself one very small box of sentimental clothes and that’s it. The rest I took photographs of, and I haven’t thought of again.
• inspirational clothes - I allowed myself ONE super skinny outfit, and got rid of the rest, on the basis that fashions will change and I won’t want to wear those colours/styles later. Ditto with clothes one size up.
• I asked myself if I LOVED the top, or just liked it/wore it. If I didn’t love it, why keep it? I deserve to love and look great in everything I wear. Have less but better quality and look better in it. Don’t have any ‘old clothes’. Have nice ones.
• the momentum is great - GET STARTED! Seeing clear spaces will spur you on to keep going
• pod casts or audiobooks are your friend and make an initially boring job interesting.
• Finally, if on the fence, have one ‘maybe’ box you put in the garage/loft with a use by date of 3 Jan 2023. If you haven’t remembered to open it to take something out by that date next year, the whole box can go without being opened. I just donated mine yesterday. I didn’t open it once.

Good luck!

'one smart/going out winter coat, one waterproof'

I don't agree. Which I guess is why my house is full of stuff.

I feel like I need one hi viz waterproof for cycling, one specialist waterproof for longer distance hiking, a 'town' waterproof that's a bit more smart to wear but not so hot that i'll stifle in the milder weather, a smart warm coat for going out to parties, theatres etc, and a practical coat that will do everything else on the really cold days and which I can wear the hi viz over. I'm not going to wear my smart warm dry clean only coat to cycle to work or put the bins out. I also have a skiing jacket which is different again.

definatly partly due to a lack of actual wardrobe space.

What i'd do is probably get some big "bags for life" and firstly just sort stuff into them -

ie 1 is just handbags etc
2 is gym type clothes/swimmers etc
3 is jeans
Then at least items that are similar are together to then be sorted on another day. Would remove the stuff off the floor a bit.
I have my jeans on a long hanging "shelves" from ikea that goes at end of my wardrobe rail. Jumpers in a big box at top of wardrobe as only wear part of the year.

@PermanentTemporary

'one smart/going out winter coat, one waterproof'

I don't agree. Which I guess is why my house is full of stuff.

I feel like I need one hi viz waterproof for cycling, one specialist waterproof for longer distance hiking, a 'town' waterproof that's a bit more smart to wear but not so hot that i'll stifle in the milder weather, a smart warm coat for going out to parties, theatres etc, and a practical coat that will do everything else on the really cold days and which I can wear the hi viz over. I'm not going to wear my smart warm dry clean only coat to cycle to work or put the bins out. I also have a skiing jacket which is different again.

That is a LOT of coats

Running and cycling yes, but surely then just a smart coat and a general every day coat?!

@PermanentTemporary

'one smart/going out winter coat, one waterproof'

I don't agree. Which I guess is why my house is full of stuff.

I feel like I need one hi viz waterproof for cycling, one specialist waterproof for longer distance hiking, a 'town' waterproof that's a bit more smart to wear but not so hot that i'll stifle in the milder weather, a smart warm coat for going out to parties, theatres etc, and a practical coat that will do everything else on the really cold days and which I can wear the hi viz over. I'm not going to wear my smart warm dry clean only coat to cycle to work or put the bins out. I also have a skiing jacket which is different again.

Surely you just need a waterproof and a fleece for hiking? And as for hi vis, I always just use a tabbard over whatever I'm wearing. They fold up and go in the pocket of your jacket.

No need for a town waterproof! Wear a nice jacket and have an umbrella! In town, you're not walking out in the open for long enough to worry.

Skiing things need to be stored in the attic or shed in proper bags or boxes.

Photos later honestly. Thank you everybody for allowing me to hold myself accountable and keep going. This does help!

My bedroom is nearly done.

It's a side of the room I hadn't photographed but yesterday's 90 minutes was spent on books in my bedroom. All along my window sill I had books so yesterday I took them off, sorted them cleaned the window sill and the window and got a shock, the dirt, where does it come from. How does dirt get in under a row of books

Also, I have plastic boxes under my bed with pyjamas and sheets etc and I sorted through them and threw out some. This won't show in a photo! But I feeeeeel it.

I never did put all my clothes on to my bed but when the clutter around the wardrobe was dealt with, I did turn all the hangers to face the same way so as I was doing that, I did throw out things.

Threw out about 5 pairs of shoes. Some belts. Bras. A bag of jeans. A few jumpers. A couple of dresses. One dressing gown as I have two.

Today's 90 minutes is for books downstairs. I need to do books in the sitting room and kitchen. This is going to make me sound like I have a real problem, but ages ago my good friend was about to throw out all of her college books. She did sociology. Something that I might like to do one day. That or philosophy. We were both in our 40s at the time. I'm 51 now. She wanted the space more than she wanted her old college books. My house is the same size as hers but with one person fewer living in it. So I'm going to take the sociology books off the shelves downstairs and put them in the attic. I also put Christmas jumpers and some size 14 clothes in the attic. That's all. I'm not simply moving my hoard up in to the attic. I'll take a photo of the skip to prove this!

Next weekend I have to start on under the stairs. Really scared of under the stairs. That is very scary. Especially as I have not seen the deeds of my house since shortly after I moved in 8 years ago and I am nearly scared to tidy up because I am telling myself ''they're in there somewhere' but what if they're not

I have about 12 coats btw and they are all quite different. 4 wool coats some fitted, all in different colours, rust, wine, bottle green. I do have a duffle coat I never ever wear, that's going.

After ''under the stairs'' I have to do the airing cupboard.

@PermanentTemporary I have so many sheets it's confusing me. My bed is a king size but I'm sure my mother gave me 'normal' size fitted sheets when I moved in. They're all in there. I'm 51 and there are towels that were given to my m&d for their wedding in my airing cupboard. I never use then because it'd be like drying yourself off with cardboard!

You are doing so well. I totally get the feeling of space in a box even if it's not visible. (Any chance of amalgamating and getting rid of a box?) The feeling of liberation once you clear 'under the stairs' is immense, I remember that.

In your honour I'm throwing out an ancient towelling dressing gown I've worn once in ten years, and eyeing up the three hats I acquired last year and the lamp they are sitting on. God I have a lot of 'might come in handy' crap.

I have to say the chances of the sociology books being the right ones for a course now are zero. Just saying.

@SpringDaisies wow, respect for keeping it nice all year.

My fear is that i'll get to March and think hmm, not looking so ordered anymore.

But I'm determined not to buy much this year. This time last year I said that but it felt like a sacrifice to not buy anything new.

This year I think I get it. This year I think I feel I have so much. I think I can get on more the no-buy-2022 more willingly. I need to get back to getting a buzz out of saving. I used to get a buzz from saving when I was saving for my house. I need to get back to that.

I have ordered two baskets for toiletries to put on top of my chest of drawers as that frees up another drawer. That's all I've ordered. No more.

I know the furniture in my house is not that great. But I have to just make do for now,.

@PermanentTemporary

I have to say the chances of the sociology books being the right ones for a course now are zero. Just saying.

You are right. :-( Everything to do with diversity, gender identity, it's all moved on so much in the last 15 years or so.