Housewives/husbands... How do you fill your day?

[Cantcook842]

Morning. I have been a sahm for 7 years. First 4 year's were fine as I was looking after my young children. For the last 3 years my children are all at school now so I am a housewife. I love it and hate it in equal measure.

If you are a housewife/husband, what do your days and your week consist of?

My mum was a housewife my whole life, my dad also retired for most of it. So firstly they had each other. But they always had a routine each week. A shopping day. A day out. Seeing relatives say. A cleaning day. A gardening day. etc. It worked well for them.

I am all of a drift. I have no routine at all. I take my children to school and then I am basically waiting /counting down the 6 hours until I can go back and get them. I am on my own for the duration of that time. I do not have other people to go out anywhere with. I enjoy going out, but it's not fun on your own. If I go somewhere it's a quick dart around and then home again.

I clean the house ( but who wants to do that for 6 hours a day), I watch TV and I read. That's it all day every day. My mother in law has sat in her chair and watched cookery programmes all day every day for the 20 years I've known her. I don't want to be like that. I'm only in my 30s.

I have mobility issues so cannot do any gardening or heavy lifting. We dont have a lot of money so I can't go out spending lots of cash. I'm just existing.

Have you considered online courses? One thing I'm super keen to do if I had the time is to do a coding course (free code camp is one I like). It's nice to learn something new, there's a sense of achievement and if you really take to it, you could even develop a skill to use as a part time job at some point. It also seems like it's worth doing something where you'll see real life humans - maybe volunteering or an in-person class?

We dont have a lot of money so I can't go out spending lots of cash. I'm just existing.

Possibly it's because you have mobility issues, but why not work, you don't enjoy it at home now and don't have much money, life is too short to just exist, why dont you look for something that fulfils you more, and hopefully brings some money in? Not necessarily a career, but a few hours a week in a shop will make you appreciate the time at home more.

Sorry I know I'm that annoying poster missing the point of the thread, but yes I couldn't be home all day every day either, much more to do out there for me, especially as I need money for it lol.

Join the PTA? Loads to keep you busy with that plus a built in social connection with other mums who likely also have some free time in the day.

I'm back at work now, but when I was a SAHM I would do cleaning, batch cooking,meal planning, home improvement/maintenance, gardening, budgeting and finances, planning for Christmas/birthdays holidays, running family errands, grocery shopping and I volunteered for an afternoon a week in the DCs school.

Why not try and get a part-time job that fits in the school hours? Something like a TA can be hugely rewarding not massive pay but then if you're not earning anything now it will be a step up. I was a stay at home mum but once my children were both at school I found it very easy to slip into a routine of nothing so went back to work.

If you don't want to work then Id definitely look at doing course of some description and learning a trade. Proofreading, legal/medical secretary, virtual PA - having whole days with nothing to do sounds appealing but soon gets very boring and your life can feel very empty

I can't work now due to dd's disability (she only goes to school very part time) but I find things to do otherwise the drudgery would drive me mad. Online courses- many are free, voluntary work, paid online surveys, MNing and so on. It fills the day rightly in amongst the stuff that has to be done.

Oh op this sounds depressing and no way to live.

How bad is your mobility?

I’m going to guess that you’re snacking more than you’d like to, out of boredom?

Volunteer!!!
Look for a local job… if you can take children to school, could you join a local parenting FB network… always people advertising for people to collect their children from nursery etc.

I can't work at the moment because we have no one to help with childcare, can't pay for child care and my husband has 70% worldwide travel (pre covid) with his job, with very little notice. So he is not able to be here to help cover school holidays, sickness, inset days etc if I was at work during the day.
I don't want to work at night /weekends as this is my busy time at home, ferrying kids to after school clubs, seeing family, seeing my husband etc.

I would like to learn some new skills /volunteer but I have lost all of my confidence. I spent the afternoon yesterday searching for work at home jobs as that could be my solution, and I had a reason/excuse as to why I couldn't do each one because I have no faith in my ability to do anything!! I didnt have a career before children, just worked in a call centre. But I do have a degree in criminology

Well loss of confidence is a whole other issue and sounds like that's actually the root of the problem.

You really do just have to push yourself to get out there and take opportunity of what's on offer.

Something voluntary like the PTA would be a good place to start. Not much pressure because you're not getting paid but something to occupy you and a way to connect with other people.

Take the first step.

@Cantcook842

I can't work at the moment because we have no one to help with childcare, can't pay for child care and my husband has 70% worldwide travel (pre covid) with his job, with very little notice. So he is not able to be here to help cover school holidays, sickness, inset days etc if I was at work during the day. I don't want to work at night /weekends as this is my busy time at home, ferrying kids to after school clubs, seeing family, seeing my husband etc.

I would like to learn some new skills /volunteer but I have lost all of my confidence. I spent the afternoon yesterday searching for work at home jobs as that could be my solution, and I had a reason/excuse as to why I couldn't do each one because I have no faith in my ability to do anything!! I didnt have a career before children, just worked in a call centre. But I do have a degree in criminology

I’m a single parent op What do you think we do?

Come on - where there’s a will there’s a way

I think you’ll be very surprised at the validation earning some of your own money will give you. I took 6-8 years out to have our children and didn’t really think income defined me but omg, the improvements in my self esteem, confidence etc once I started working for money again were immediate and VERY noticeable. It actually shocked me.

Even just a few hours in the day engaged in something outside your home / current set up will help. Start small .

Could you do a school friendly job like be a dinner lady- they're often advertised and it's only a couple of hours middle of the day - there are also loads of jobs in hospitality and they're desperate for staff so may be flexible .

A gym routine? Classes?

I’ve got into baking and sewing. I find its quite therapeutic sometimes and you can create projects to aim for like recovering a cushion or something to make your home nicer

OP, volunteer! . It is. brilliant way to learn new skills, get your confidence back, and contribute. You need something you can occasionally cancel at short notice by the sound of it so pick your role carefully, and make that clear from the start (lots of people volunteer in this sort of situation).

I volunteer for a national museum and pre-covid was also a reader in schools. I've just gone back to the former and am loving it - and some of the roles I do can be cancelled at the last minute - because they are the icing on the cake or other people are also on shift. Others (where I am supporting someone, say), can't. I haven't gone back into school yet as I don't want that level of commitment right now, the children come to expect you and count on you.

I really recommend doing something that gets you out of the house talking to other people, for a decent sized organization that offers good training and support (I've been trained on dementia and disability awareness, asbestos handling, safeguarding, security etc, as well as lots of role and subject specific stuff). Then in a few years, when you are in a position to work, you will have some skills, confidence, something to talk about at interview, and perhaps will have tried out several different roles and seen the inside of organisations.

If you don't need the money from a job then volunteering would be better than wfh as it sounds like you are a bit lonely at home and would like to get out. Plus with volunteering it is not so much pressure as a job. If you build your confidence and skills volunteering and maybe do some courses you will then be in a better position to get a job when the dc are a little older.

OP I am also a SAHM, my youngest is in year 1 now.

I have only just started to feel that I may be able to work or volunteer, now that covid bubbles are (fingers crossed) a thing of the past and I don't have to fear the phone ringing and suddenly having a child at home isolating for 10 days.

Honestly I love having that time in the day, to clean, cook and get errands done. I dont feel lonely or bored! But I do feel that I need to do something for me, for my own benefit, to invest in my future. I worry that I have spent so much time supporting the family that when the kids are all independent I am going to be stuck.

I think volunteering sounds like the perfect first step. And perhaps online courses? Good luck in whatever you choose!

I know there aren't great swathes of them, but school hours term time jobs do exist - lunch room assistant, admin jobs (not even school based)

French lessons once a week. A group exercise class run at a local community college for adults as well.

Volunteering. Learn a new craft, language, musical instrument. Loads of free online courses on somewhere like Coursera.

I also think volunteering or a part time job would be your best bet.

Are you crafty? You could make things to sell online.

Hello @Cantcook842: with a degree in criminology, you are obviously a capable person

You might find that volunteering gives you a way into work/builds your confidence

What would you ideally like to do, and can you take steps to progress that as it might be a few years if you need to either train or get experience, by which time your kids will be a little more independent

In your 30s you are definitely too young for a life of day time tv

Re flexible jobs: eBay buying & selling, making things to sell on Etsy, or freelance writing might all be options to consider… more and more jobs are WFH and flexible

Do you want to do something using your degree? I’d suggest that vs low paying jobs

I can understand how you feel, OP. Just being stuck at home on maternity leave drove me insane. I couldn’t wait to get back to work, when DD was 4 months old.
Childcare isn’t the problem you seem to think- all of us widowed/divorced/single parents manage it somehow, as we have to work to support our DC.
I think as PPs say, that your biggest problem is confidence. You are a graduate, you shouldn’t have to consider low paid jobs, and a graduate salary should certainly cover a childminder or after school club.
Start with any activity you like that will get you out of the house, meeting people, building social confidence. Work up from there - volunteering, part time work, then when you feel up to it, a full time job.
The best time for being at home is when you retire, OP, because then all your friends are retired too! You aren’t stuck at home as a lonely housewife while the rest of your age group are all out at work. You can have a ball with your mates any day of the week.

People don't generally give graduate jobs to people who graduated years ago and have never actually worked in a graduate job, though, when they are competing against fresh graduates with relevent work/volunteering/internship experience and recent references. I know so many highly qualified women who are working in low paid jobs in schools, shops and call centres because those are the only people who will employ them. Having said that, many of them have eventually managed to retrain in other areas, but it's a pretty long process if the family finances can't easily support more education.

In your position I'd look for something school based. Either join the PTA or volunteer to listen to the kids read. Or get a job as a lunchtime assistant or something.