Housewives/husbands... How do you fill your day?

[Cantcook842]

Morning. I have been a sahm for 7 years. First 4 year's were fine as I was looking after my young children. For the last 3 years my children are all at school now so I am a housewife. I love it and hate it in equal measure.

If you are a housewife/husband, what do your days and your week consist of?

My mum was a housewife my whole life, my dad also retired for most of it. So firstly they had each other. But they always had a routine each week. A shopping day. A day out. Seeing relatives say. A cleaning day. A gardening day. etc. It worked well for them.

I am all of a drift. I have no routine at all. I take my children to school and then I am basically waiting /counting down the 6 hours until I can go back and get them. I am on my own for the duration of that time. I do not have other people to go out anywhere with. I enjoy going out, but it's not fun on your own. If I go somewhere it's a quick dart around and then home again.

I clean the house ( but who wants to do that for 6 hours a day), I watch TV and I read. That's it all day every day. My mother in law has sat in her chair and watched cookery programmes all day every day for the 20 years I've known her. I don't want to be like that. I'm only in my 30s.

I have mobility issues so cannot do any gardening or heavy lifting. We dont have a lot of money so I can't go out spending lots of cash. I'm just existing.

Is there a local historical society you could join or volunteer to help out at a local historical place of interest. As for walking around museums no one will ever pay you a bit of notice. Have you ever commented on someone walking around a gallery on their own? Grab the bull by the horns and this week just do that and next week look for a volunteer role. You could visit the elderly or does your own mobility issues have a support group where you could support others with similar difficulties?
Also some places around here have women's groups who meet in the morning/ writers groups/ book clubs ..l could go on. The local library is often a place where you can get information and perhaps they have groups meeting there.
When l was a SAHM l did one hour of housework each morning flying around so my whole day wasn't taken up. Cooking was later.
Can you decide to come back here and let us know when you have signed up to one thing? That will lead to another.

There are term time jobs.

Charity shops will let you do term time work.

There's loads of other volunteering.

Start a small business?

Go to museums! There are plenty of people on their own during the day.

Go to a cafe with a book.

Find a hill and walk up it.

Take up a hobby- photography, cycling, genealogy...

I've been a SAHM for 14 years. I run, walk, do a weekly exercise class, I'm doing a degree with the OU (PT so about 20 hours of study per week), I garden, shop, cook, do housework, see friends, read, occasionally watch TV, listen to podcasts/the radio, and my two DC are at two schools, with different schedules, so ferrying them around takes up quite a bit of time. I could probably work PT now, particularly as DH is currently WFH and not travelling, but in Nov all that will change and then there's the school holidays, which if I had to pay for childcare would wipe out my salary.

there are term time jobs

That are as rare as hens teeth and that huge numbers of women are absolutely desparate for. And the op would still be in trouble if her kids were sick or had an inset day or whatever

Get a job where you control the hours. You sound thoughtful. Would becoming a counsellor suit you?

OP, as I said I volunteer in a museum (two sites). We have LOADS of visitors on their own and one of the lovely things about my role is I get to talk to them! I also visit museums on my own and love it, one of the best things to do alone I reckon - please try it - your confidence will come back and you will start to relax and enjoy yourself. I know the feeling of being swallowed up by family - start taking some small joy-filled steps now , and see where you end up .

@Cantcook842 I hear you but there are jobs you can do from home surely? And everyone, if they have kids, has to arrange childcare if they want to work. All I'm saying is, nothing is impossible. And surely anything's better than your current situation?

@MrsKDB

I think you’ll be very surprised at the validation earning some of your own money will give you. I took 6-8 years out to have our children and didn’t really think income defined me but omg, the improvements in my self esteem, confidence etc once I started working for money again were immediate and VERY noticeable. It actually shocked me.

Even just a few hours in the day engaged in something outside your home / current set up will help. Start small .

This is me, too! I feel so much better in general now that I work and bring in my own salary. I had to go back to work for financial reasons but actually, the main reason was my sanity and feeling of well-being. It’s a struggle but it’s worth it.

I also think a museum is a perfect place to wander round on your own!

OP I would start by scheduling in something every day that you positively enjoy. Brainstorm a list and JFDI. Grab back a bit of yourself, even if it feels a bit silly to start with.

Lunch time supervisor might suit you. It would give structure to your day and I doubt you'd need to work INSETs. Sure sometimes your children may be ill but that applies to all working people everywhere.

Volunteer.
Charities are crying out for volunteers at the moment. I am recently retired and I am struggling with it at the moment. I am looking around at what options are available. I do have a garden so spend a lot of time in it. Yesterday I spent hours cleaning out the greenhouse and cutting back plants could you manage that? Some charities have gardening as a ‘job’ for people with learning difficulties. Our local hospice has a bookshop and I have inquired about helping there. They will have you for two hours, mornings, afternoons, you can pick a day as they need the help. Books, CDs and jigsaws. Do you like jigsaws? In a town nearby one lady goes in to do jigsaws to later sell in the charity. She has a table in the corner can chat to the other assistants sometimes and some customers sit and do a bit with her so she chats to them ...this is how I found out. What about a children’s charity’s? Food banks they are asking for help my friend goes once a week. Could you look around for a charity that gives Senior Citizens a meal and a chat? There is one at our church and most go for the company and would love someone to talk to. Salvation Army love to have volunteers for feeding people. My friend goes once a week. She has a different religion they don't ask her to join just love her help and she looks after her grandchildren if they are off school she just lets them know.

I suggest you walk around your high street take a notebook and pen and stop for a coffee and write down what charity shops are there. Then research on line and see what you would like to support.
Museums often have volunteers, again most are happy to have someone for a couple of hours. Is there a NT property near you as they take volunteers and you learn about the history.
Have a look in the library as there used to be books on volunteering and libraries are reliant on volunteers themselves.

Try doing one thing a week and gain your confidence back. Can you do any crafts or would you like to learn one? The coffee shop at our museum has a knit and natter group.
Go and do something for YOU!

Another one recommending volunteering here.
Charity shop sector - (I'm a fan of bookshops, myself) is a great place to start. I do 4-8 hours a week. For me, it's led to a blog, and that gives focus to everything I do - reading, visiting museums, internet surfing, campaigns like Secondhand September, coaxing guest posts out of other local organisations - everything turns into potential blog material.

Studying - I don't know if you have good adult education colleges where you are, but these can be a great resource. Over the last few years I've done a couple of A levels and although Covid has closed a lot to all but Zoom classes, I'll be going back when I can. If you don't have good facilities like that to hand, online courses. And get out of the house to study - take your laptop to the library, put on some earbuds/headphones, create a physical space that is yours and away from the house.

I think you might benefit from a bit more routine and structure in the time the children are at school. Could you try a weekly plan like the suggestions below for a month and see how you feel? If you structure it like a job or timetable, you have no choice but to follow, eg apart from thr regular tasks of drop off/pick up, 30 mins daily tidying/cleaning etc...

Monday - work on online course for one - two hours.
Tuesday - volunteer eg charity shop, Homestart, in school for reading, Befriend someone with Help the Aged etc...
Wednesday - hobby, ideally with others eg gardening, walking club if mobility allows, reading group. Just get out somewhere for a few hours.
Thursday - visit local museums, go shopping, to a cafe go to a library etc..., by yourself or invite a friend.
Friday - home day - invite other SAHM mum friends round once a month? Coffee morning?

Once, you have done that for a while, you might be able to build on it naturally and push out of comfort zone even more. Structure will help, i think. Best wishes.

If you like history then there are free online courses or maybe even look at something like a degree (part time, distant, funded by S Loan which you may never earn enough to pay back, so essentially free - depending on your circumstances).

If you want to earn a bit of money but are scared about a formal job, then online surveys (e.g. QMee) can be a away to make a bit of spending money without taking up too much time. I do them on the side for about 30-60mins each evening while watching telly and get about £75-100 per month. Other suggestions on the £10 a day threads in Money matters.

Volunteering one morning a week might also be a way to help build workplace confidence?

Going to museums are a great place to practice going somewhere on your own because there will be others doing the same thing and it's a 'quiet' activity. Honestly, the first time will be scary but there more oyu do it, the easier it gets. Before long, it won't be any big deal and you will have opened up the world for yourself. Take a book or magazine, so you can stop for a coffee and have something to read.

@Cantcook842
How are you getting on? Maybe try one thing per week just for you that you enjoy to begin with. Use this thread for accountability, if it helps. I am rooting for you. 💪

In my area (London) they were recently advertising for prison visitors. This is an official (voluntary) post to help oversee prison conditions and feed back to authorities as an independent observer. With your background it would be ideal. Can you look for something like that?

Plenty of jobs within school hours at schools

My husband works away so I have no help out with school hours

I work part time

9.15 to 1.30 at a school

Have you even tried to get a job that fits round school hours.?

Also you could use your wage to pay for childcare.?

I used to work for £10 a day as my whole wage went on nursery fees but it kept me employable, and kept me busy so it was worth it.

Sitting around a house for 6 hours a day doing nothing is wasting your life away.

My mother in law cooks, bakes, sews, knits, walks, reads, does yoga and pilates, and is learning a musical instrument (through YouTube videos).

She really enjoys her own company, while it sounds like you don't. I would look at volunteering opportunities near you, it will help give you a routine, social interaction and build up your confidence again.

Get a job op during school hours OP. If you're bored and having money difficulties then it's a no brainer.