Hoarder's Anonymous, Part 6

[Solo]

Well, here we are embarking upon part 6 of our epic journey of sorting out our homes.

We are a varied group of likeminded householders that are leading somewhat challenging lives; be that living with too much 'stuff' that we find difficult to deal with, houses that are falling apart (mine included), health issues within the family unit, wider family, or ourselves that makes sorting out our households challenging, to say the least. So...

Anyone and everyone is welcome to join us for support, adding their own ideas to help others out, storage ideas, even tips on actually getting those items out of the house which sounds so simple when you say it. Encouragement abounds here, and we do not criticise. EVER! We even try not to criticise ourselves as it's not helpful to anyone.
If you are feeling overwhelmed, don't know where to start, can't be bothered but really do want to be bothered...think you are lazy, just need to see it in print here...we'll help. We'll virtually fist bump your achievements - small or large, and virtually hug you when the need arises, and if you want a hug, just ask because we are here for you. Here for one another because we get it - the highs and the lows, the art of washing up is sometimes our great achievement of the day, but it's still an achievement.

Welcome to thread #6 of Hoarders Anonymous - Carrying On Sorting It Out

HERE

I've got some laundry on. My groceries arrived yesterday (thankfully).

I put out quite a few extra bits for recycling this morning, I managed to squash them into the bin.

Honestly I'm just aiming for tiny little wins at the moment.

Anything I'm managing to get done is good enough at the moment. I'm going through an overwhelmed phase.

CherryMargo I'm doing FlyLady too but haven't got as far as the menu planning yet. Your system sounds very organized.

My advice for selling is don't bother with time wasters. Just answer the people with sensible questions or who want to arrange a day/time to view/collect it. Don't bother replying to those who didn't bother to read the information in the ad, those who make arrangements then don't show up, those making stupidly low offers etc, and don't hold anything for anyone. If it's Sunday and someone wants to collect Tuesday say yes, but if someone else asks to collect Sunday/Monday then you sell to them and tell Tuesday's people it's gone now. You don't owe anyone anything, if they found a newer/better/more local one they'd cancel on you easily enough.

Miaowse I used to work in retail so I avoid food waste by rotating my stock! Anything new gets added to the back of the fridge/ cupboard/freezer. Anything going out of date goes right at the front of a shelf with the box faced to clearly show what's inside. I find it really helps with looking in the fridge/freezer/cupboard and wondering what to eat.

ElleHerd so sorry you're having a tough time. I can sympathize with the confusion caused by a serious amount of stress. The good news is as life settles down the confusion improves. I'm another who doesn't understand your specialists advice and thinks they are nuts. I understand from the perspective of your brain is a muscle, use it or lose it (hence advice to rely on memory and don't make lists?) But if you're so overwhelmed you've ceased to function properly that theory really isn't going to apply. Hope you can get back on track soon, sounds like you've made a good start.

DownUdderer you're doing really well to keep going when you're feeling overwhelmed.

TalkToTheHand I'm loosely doing FlyLady (on the Fledgling thread here not the website) and one of the most helpful things for me has been establishing a morning and evening routine. For me that's not just about getting washed and dressed. Incorporating daily household tasks into the routine means I automatically keep on top of them without thinking about it.

In the evening I fold dry laundry and put away, clear anything from the coffee table that shouldn't be there and put it away, general tidy up, eat my evening meal and do all the days washing up, shower and meditate. I allow about 2hrs for this stuff.

In the morning once washed and dressed with hair and makeup done, I water plants, put washing up away, put on a load of laundry if there is one and hang it out after breakfast, empty bins if necessary. This takes around 1 1/2 hrs.

ToastFairy I see a lot of posts like this on the forum. I see the situation differently. I say you're the parent and that gives you the right to make decisions about what's best for your DC and the household, your decision trumps theirs. If you've been respectful and asked who something belongs to and nobody claims ownership then it's your decision what to do with it and it's not wrong to declutter it if that's what you decide is best. I don't think acting like this is cruel or disrespectful, it teaches your DC to look after their stuff, tidy up after themselves and pay attention to you when you speak instead of automatically huffing at you. Respect goes both ways and should come from them too. If they constantly mess up your tidy home to disastrous results that's disrespectful.

I'm a long way off being sorted, still bringing stuff in but I'm still decluttering too.

Well done in sorting out the flooding Solo. Do take care of yourself though too.

Well I slid back in and straight back out in terms of updating!

Lots of maintaining, but all that's intentionally gone out is eight bags of garden. Hurt myself badly cutting it down bit by bit, and it barely touched the surface, but I still can't move properly or sleep from pain.

Unintentionally, having gathered together and organized everything I use for a specialized part of my occupation, it appears that 'an other' then left it somewhere outside to be taken in the process of keeping vehicle sorted.

Am struggling with feelings over accidentally de cluttering what was needed, (and some sentimental value) especially as it's a slap in the face to how good life would be if things were all together and organized! Went through questioning if I should just accept it as another sign that all should go and I shouldn't be trying to rebuild a living and should give up. Decided I need to just get on with replacing it and pray its a sensible investment.

Partial medical review, lead to that department sending GP a letter suggesting strong physical evidence to suggest things being psychological may be very wrong.

Sorted out the majority of a particular bit of horrible paperwork and the money I and others were owed is now in an account, and I just need to do the last bit in order to get redistributing what isn't mine.

The only way I was able to do it was using all those 'banned' systems.

Really struggled to disobey the order over no lists and systems, but now know I need to actively kick back and disobey because it just makes me completely useless from one minute to the next. I'm getting viably worse, not better.

One storage unit has halved access alongside major rent increase. Very worried they all will soon.

Put far too much info out there on AIBU to a poster struggling with husbands hoarding but it a) made me think about the whole bloody thing properly again and b) found what just might be a useful book?

www.hachette.co.uk/titles/satwant-singh/overcoming-hoarding/9781472120052/ Satwant Singh is a genuine long term front line UK HD worker.

Link to what you can read for free that might give you some idea:

www.google.co.uk/books/edition/Overcoming_Hoarding/2YtvCQAAQBAJ?hl=en&gbpv=1&dq=Overcoming+Hoarding++by+Satwant+Singh%09++by+Margaret+Hooper%09++by+Colin+Jones&printsec=frontcover

BlueSummerBaby about to respond to your DM.

Lot of work, but only resulted in one carrier bag of recycling out, but it's a (re)start.

Thanks for the advise BSB. I keep meaning to, maybe one day!

Been cutting the grass and weeding as it was a nice day so a little less embarrassing when viewing the garden.

Pssed off with the neighbours who I share an archway with. They put all their gear on their side so I couldn't put anything on my side or get bins or anything big through. Now they have it totally blocked and they've got the cheek to put a new gate on their side which opens outward. A**holes!

They have an extra fence but up in their garden for a hot tub enclosure so I've started to push the overgrowing ivy (from their side) over it. Does this make me a b*tch? 🤔

House still a tip, hopefully make some inroads tomorrow.

We’ll done on everyone’s progress !
I just noticed I haven’t been in here for ages .
DS had his trip with MIL on halfterm then his predictive A-level grade exams and he just got his exam results and then his predictive grades back and we’re so proud of him ! he got A* in all 4 subjects ! No hopefully has a good chance of a place at one of his top 2 provided he gets the same in the actual exams next year as well .
DD has also been having end of year exams and they've gone really well as far as I know .
We’ve finished registering to and booking open days / tours of all 6 senior schools we are considering for her . DH just went on one yesterday I didn’t I’ve been under the weather . He really liked it and after my research so do I . I think itll be our no 1 from now on . We have met a few times with the new landscaper and signed a contract and paid a deposit so it’s hopefully going ahead but we’ll need to finalise details still before work starts . Apparently it’ll take a few weeks to do , it’s quite extensive and there’ll be a lot of trees and plants coming in . Hoping the results will be nice ! We emptied and I went through the big storage cupboard in the garage but still need to do the same to the utility room under sink one and then decide how to store what I’ve kept . Got rid of lots, about 60 items . DH has finished changing a part into his motorcycle, washed it and taken pictures so hopefully he can soon sell it , he was just researching how to best do it . Don’t think he’ll bother with EBay this time . I can’t wait, it should bring in a few thousand and free up a good amount of space . We put a stack of old storage boxes on Olio ,I seem to remember they went in a few minutes . We’ve decluttered a bunch of other stuff steadily too then went away for my birthday weekend without kids last week ( and sent kids and Dog to MIL) hence didn’t get anything done that weekend . Now am trying to catch up but I’m feeling sick with a cold . just doing the daily housework let alone admin and shopping etc is more than I can handle atm . We’ve had a crazy busy few weeks and they’ll continue for now with one damn app and commitment after another although also several nice birthday meals out for me luckily before I felt I’ll . Tomorrow poor DS has his driving theory test many people I’ve heard of recently have failed a new video section of so FX DS passes on first go . Otherwise might be a wait until the next chance . We recently also booked a villa to go see my family in the holidays and organised the dog boarding now need to book the flights and pray they won’t be cancelled . A bunch of end of term stuff ahead for both kids still DD only has next week left DS the following too . Am
exhausted as always but trying to plod along and delegate I’ve send Dzh to many things with me guilt free after years of doing most of this stuff . Weekend away ( well we really only had the one full day ) was great !really needed that we never do it but now that MIL was fine with both kids and the dog we will do it again ! Im thinking in the fall .
I hope I’ll soon feel better and I’ll have energy to finish the utility room and garage stuff .now need to head to bed but since I can sleep in the morning (ds has a driving lesson but he’ll deal with it himself and DH will get up ) I’ll read my very good book a bit i want to finish …

Well done to all the people making progress!

Very little of that here. Some things happening in other areas of my life are taking up all my headspace.

Laundry and dishes are largely under control and I’ve tried a few new recipes which always cheers me up. I’m doing some very loose meal planning and I think it is helping with variety and reducing food waste.

TalkToTheHand123 If the ivy's coming from their side I think it's quite reasonable to push it back.

Nordicmom well done on the de cluttering front and hope your busy life gets more breaks.

Miaowse Life's really unhelpful at cluttering itself up metaphorically. Quiet fingers crossed for you that it's all survivable stuff.
Maintaining good habits would be counted as progress here!

Small amount more greenery cut down and gone, but it's growing faster than it's going.
Am drifting quite badly (with everything) at the moment, but lots of medical and other issues going on, and permanently tired, and struggling to get back into making lists and ordered thinking.

Did buy the book I linked to. Slightly disapointed by the 1st 1/4, but tbf it's all stuff I already know about the subject. Have deliberately paused having lightly read the start of the next part (over excited at possibility of discovering helpful exercises!) which includes practical exercises and found myself thinking most of it is so against everything that feels helpful, however I did spot something that might be, so decided I need to pause and put myself into a better frame of mind and re-approach post my initial reaction, and more prepared to wade through treacle.

Thanks Elleherd. I totally agree. They've even seen me push it back to their side but take no notice. I'm just trying to cause as much nuisance as I can and hoping it covers their hot tub as much as possible. They just don't care.

I managed to fill up 4 or 5 bin bags. Not much to notice but quite good for me. I just seem to need to make sure I've had plenty of sleep previously to be motivated.

Hopefully I can keep chipping away at it regularly.

@BlueSummerBaby thank you very much for your advice on how to approach online selling! 🙏 It has proven to be helpful as first three people who approached me were scammers, and another one offered a third of the asking price, and then got offended by my rejection!

Also, I am 100% with you on the importance of morning and evening routines. When I started applying the FlyLady’s method, I made sure to declutter and organise my kitchen and bathroom before anything else, as the main parts of my morning and evening routines take place in these two zones.

@Elleherd thanks a lot for the book recommendation! 🙏 I must confess I’ve searched around the Internet for a cheaper version, and I believe I’ve found the full version of this book available at no charge on the Mental Health Association of San Francisco website. Not sure if it is OK to publish the link here, but I am happy to share it via DM.

@Solo what a massive task you’ve taken on! 😮 Wishing you lots of strength and energy! ❤️

🍒 🌸 🍒 🌸 🍒 🌸 🍒 🌸 🍒 🌸 🍒 🌸 🍒 🌸 🍒 🌸 🍒 🌸 🍒 🌸 🍒

Here’s what I’ve managed to accomplish hoard-wise in June:

🍒 I’ve sold a pair of loafers on Vinted, and chucked out two pairs of rather worn-out briefs. This has reduced my wardrobe hoard to 274 items.

🍒 My stationery supplies hoard has finally been sorted out, and is now all in one place, looking neat and tidy 👌 I have no more pens with empty ink holders, no more broken rulers and unbent paperclips, no more dried out glue and highlighter pens.

All of my blank notebooks, sheets of writing paper, empty lever arch files, document wallets and punched pockets have now found their home inside two of my drawers. All of my – still useable – pens and pencils now fit nicely into a rose gold makeup bag which I received as a GWP from Feelunique back in 2018 but never had any use for because of its small size and triangular shape.

I couldn’t bring myself to chuck some of the memorabilia pens though, so they have been relocated to my memorabilia pile (it’s another hoard waiting to be organised one day).

CherryMargo sounds about standard for selling! That's why it's best not to reply to idiots, they have a tendency to see a polite reply as weakness and dish out a load of abuse of they can't get their own way.

My hoard is sort of refreshing itself. I'm decluttering and doing better with that and feeling less guilty, but I'm still buying. My home is looking better because I'm replacing tatty, worn out or incomplete things with new things. Although I have enough things and it would be better if I didn't replace them at all.

I do a few 12 hour shifts and childcare keeps changing so don't think I could do a daily routine. Hopefully get some done in the next few days, fingers crossed.

Talk to the Hand
As I discovered the hard way with ivy and blackberries, they can come up and over from neighbours’ side and quietly take root on yours. Then they cut theirs away completely, poison the roots, and now you’re the one with the plants invading their garden!
Sympathies over lack of routine, it doesn't help.
Four to Five bin bags is good progress. Well done. Hope these next few days go well.

CherryMargo
The perils of internet selling! I’ve got as far as giving things away on the internet, and have been taken aback at how entitled and weird some people are.

Not sure there’s any reason why we couldn’t share a link here? But yes please send it to me and I can comment for others.

If it’s this: mentalhealthsf.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/Overcoming-Hoarding-SF-2015-Satwant.pdf
It’s exerts from the book. (yet again accompanied by ‘Here’s how hoarding should look’ picture!)

I need routines! Because of a host of issues here it’s currently really difficult to have any, and I can see how not having them contributes to chaos. List making actually helped me create a sort of routine out of ever changing situations that weren’t allowing a natural routine. I didn't know it until I stopped doing it!

I forgot to answer something you asked before about specialist insisting list making, writing things down being counterproductive.
As far as I understand it’s based on if you believe you can’t manage without then you become unable to manage without, along with you’re telling yourself there’s something wrong with you, when there isn’t, and everything will sort out when you stop believing otherwise.

BlueSummerBaby Are you at least managing to chuck out the old when replacing it?

Current progress has only been in garden. One small section of stuff tidied up, and one large board and a couple of tiles gone. One small tree rapidly taking route under a wall is gone, along with another few sacks of greenery, and a shocking number of tree seedlings that seem to be sprouting up everywhere. Have managed to cut back some bits of hedge etc that was getting out of control, but it’s all just firefighting at the moment as most of it is growing faster than I can cut it away!

Problematic neighbor may have just gone on holiday, which would lighten the mental load here, and make it easier to go in and out doing things with less issues.

@Elleherd They just trim their side. They had the nerve to ask if I wanted to borrow their trimmer.

I'll get round to it soon. Any tidying was put on hold to prepare for a job interview and course deadlines, so hopefully can continue next week.

Kitchen a bit tidyer though as have been tidying whilst doing a bit of batch cooking for soup. Hate it when the dishes are piled up and having a bit of success with this lately.

Hello! I’ve not been doing well with house stuff lately. I did finally get some of DS’ old clothes out of the house yesterday to a friend but we swapped for some of her youngest’s stuff for my 4yo. I did manage to sort through most of it last night though so not too bad really.

Two weeks left of term/work, really looking forward to the break and hoping desperately that I’ll have more energy for decluttering 😫

Hi everyone, I haven’t posted in a while but do appreciate reading everyone’s updates and I’m sorry to hear some of your struggles ☕️💐

I feel very fortunate my new neighbours seem great but there is an ivy challenge to tackle here at some point too. We’re also having quotes for roof work which is very necessary.

I’ve been exploring a diagnosis which might be at the root of my hoarding but also wanted to see if anyone on this group has found aslobcomesclean?

I can’t understand why I didn’t find Dana before because she has had a blog for years and hundreds of podcasts on decluttering (my favourite topic to ‘research’ when procrastinating about my hoard!). Her system boils down to 2 questions and in the few weeks since I’ve been thinking about it I’ve had much more success decluttering.

So far this week I’ve had a charity collect a large box of children’s books and an ikea bag of toys from my house. Plus got rid of a huge bag of sports kit from a sport DC abandoned last year.

The main bits are on here:

I hope people are able to read that as it came out tiny but the 2 questions (and podcasts about the process of using them) are what has helped me:

If I was looking for this item, where would I look for it first? (Take it there. Right now.)

If I needed this item, would it EVER occur to me that I already had one? (If not, I don't keep it.)

There’s also some great advice about approach - don’t pull everything out (because you end up in more chaos - which is very true for me) and great stuff about mindset.

Elleherd yes, thanks, I am managing to throw out the old when I replace it, although there's sometimes an overlap for a few weeks/months. Which is better than a few years!

This is going to sound awful, but I've realised a lot of my issue stems from waste. I can't stand it, for various reasons. So I don't get rid because there's not always somewhere to get rid to. So I decided I needed to get a bit better at being wasteful.

It's tied in with being kinder to myself. If I want to buy something and not feel guilty about buying it, I need somewhere to put it. I also want to look around my house and not sigh at the sight of clutter. So I'm giving myself the gift of space. I want to do my bit for the environment but not at the expense of my well-being.

For the foreseeable future I'm not selling or giving away because it means things hanging around too long and I get tempted to keep things I'd previously decided could go. Plus dealing with the idiots that sometimes crop up is emotionally draining. By recycling or binning it cuts down my choices, means I can get rid straight away once I've made the decision and saves my emotional energy for the actual decluttering. It's made me more mindful of what I buy too, knowing that it means something else going into waste.

FiniteSagacity yes I've heard of A Slob Comes Clean. I find some of what she says helpful too. Tackling this decluttering/ hoarding/ compulsive buying mindset is about finding lots of different ways to do things, for me. I've gone ruthlessly minimalist before, several times, but I just filled the place back up again. So I need strategies and to change myself, I think. Just changing the home isn't enough.

One thing I've done is to stop buying sales bargains, unless it was something I wanted at full price. As crazy as it sounds I'm spending less by buying at full price than I was buying things in sales that weren't quite right (so I'd end up buying another) or I just didn't need.

Trying to keep on keeping on here although looks like we are getting ill again just after getting better from the last one . DH is suddenly pretty bad tonight and convinced he’s got the virus so keeping a bit of a distance to rest of us . He’s still doing some of the stuff that needs doing although we are trying to pick up the slack as much as we can . He’s tested twice and negatives so far . I’m also starting to feel like I’m getting something although I’ve had a horrendous hay fever for months and other allergies for over a year continuously anyway so who knows . Kids seems fine , DS said he felt a bit off for a few days a while ago but not anymore . The worst timing for this since we’re meant to go see my family abroad next weekend and stay in a villa with them ,and my mum is paranoid about the virus as it is with her health issues . All of us are triple vaccinated though except DD who’s soon having her second ,and I think my parents mentioned an invite to the fourth jab .
Both kids have finished school now ;DD a week ago already DS on thu . I had on purpose not scheduled much stuff for the coming week so I could just get ready for the trip but there’s always stuff and just the everyday things take my time and energy without packing for 4 people , and a dog to go boarding incase we’re able to go after all . I was already worried about the flight being cancelled and even if not about the airport chaos and queues because I always feel so poorly anyway so travelling is hard in normal times . I was also worried about this heatwave and our dog staying with strangers without our lifesaver of an air-conditioner in a few rooms since he’s of a breed that doesn’t do well in heat ( thankfully he has just been groomed so not as furry atm ) and now I’ll have to worry about this sickness . To be honest feel like exploding , we’ve lost our money cancelling this villa already twice before ( luckily our flights are flexible) but I guess I’ll just go through the motions and try to get ready as if we’re going . I’ve got 5 d still which will go in a tired fuzzy cloud as usual but I’ve got the suitcases out at least . Have a few medical app for DS he is able to do by himself luckily ,one on zoom anyway , and had booked a climbing lesson for DD so she’d have something to look forward to this week but I’ll have to see if it’s too hot / I feel unwell and we can go another time . Also the window washer is coming unless he cancels due to the hot weather but he doesn’t need us just does it and very quickly anyway . We are in the beginning of the landscaping still planning but due to start work soon ( a bit unclear when ) needing to still make some decisions and I can’t do it alone so that’s a bit tricky now if DH gets worse / with us travelling so I’m praying they won’t say anything for a bit and can wait .
Since the last update DS passed his driving theory test on the first go after my nagging to practice for the tricky section , and DD also got an excellent school report after her first year at a new school so very proud of her ! We’ve booked the next trip for oct halfterm to Mexico where it should be good for surfing etc for DH and a the kids and we’ll have a little private pool for me . It’ll be a long trek through US so tough on my body but it’ll be our first time out of Europe since Dec 2019 Maldives with MIL so looking forward to it . I was considering going somewhere nearer in August too maybe without the kids but don’t think DH is in any shape to make decisions for a bit .
Atm no big progress in the house other than slowly proceeding with the landscapers . End of term was busy but we’ve stayed on top of the cleaning , laundry etc housework and the garden ( weeds and lawn etc ) . We will get a gardener after the landscaper’s are done . There’ll be quite a lot to look after in the back and the front but hopefully it’ll look nice and make me want to sit in my garden which I now don’t do ever . We’ve been ticking off admin tasks , household maintenance visits , endless shopping for random things 4 people and a dog constantly seem to need ,and general jobs in the house and at MIL too recently but it’s just never ending .I’d literally have to be in a coma in hospital or dead to get to stop apparently. Cross off 5 jobs add 10 kind of thing but I did finally get DD belated birthday party booked and guests invited yesterday ( most of who have already RSVPd too ) so I am happy about that since it was on my mind for months . My health is not good and it keeps me awake at night too so I hope not feeling like I have time to deal with my problems isn’t going to come bite me in the back soon . I literally don’t have time or energy to start the endless specialists and tests again but I do need to eventually . These things aren’t going to improve on their own and it seems I’m developing more issues .

@Nordicmom I completely relate. The effort to prepare for a holiday is huge and there is the inevitable additional work of arrangements for while you’re away and laundry after you get back too. I hope you do get to go though because it is so refreshing to be in a different space and routine - as well as seeing loved ones.
We had to cancel a holiday last year after I’d packed everything (first time I’d ever been organised a week before!). All came down with the virus except the poor Birthday child in the house and it was the saddest thing seeing those suitcases every day, then unpacking, which I didn’t feel well enough to do until a couple of weeks later. Birthday child also felt so left out and broke my heart when they said ‘please stop isolating from me’ which was so horrible for them.
We finally got to go in May this year, it worked out better as we had family out there and another family member who couldn’t come in October was able to join us in May and make it a bigger reunion that had not possible in 3 years due to another traumatic incident pre-pandemic.
It will be a long time until we get to go on any holiday again but I did get a boost that I keep reminding myself about.

We had the have someone come over to sort out internet out for us because it kept dropping out. Half of the house was a tip.

I panic tidied my bedroom and walk in wardrobe in case he needed access.

That was so stressful. I'm always having to panic tidy and clean. I'm never just house guest ready.

I kicked myself and berated myself for being a mess. Argh.

I got my earrings all organized in one place. I sort of hyper focused on my earrings and was overwhelmed with the rest of my messy room. I've worn different earrings every day since, so that's nice.

I try and tell myself I don't need to be perfect, I don't need complete order and perfection. I'm ok with that, but panic tidying is so horrible.

Lots of my houseplants are doing pretty well at the moment and they bring me joy.