Hoarder's Anonymous, Part 6

[Solo]

Well, here we are embarking upon part 6 of our epic journey of sorting out our homes.

We are a varied group of likeminded householders that are leading somewhat challenging lives; be that living with too much 'stuff' that we find difficult to deal with, houses that are falling apart (mine included), health issues within the family unit, wider family, or ourselves that makes sorting out our households challenging, to say the least. So...

Anyone and everyone is welcome to join us for support, adding their own ideas to help others out, storage ideas, even tips on actually getting those items out of the house which sounds so simple when you say it. Encouragement abounds here, and we do not criticise. EVER! We even try not to criticise ourselves as it's not helpful to anyone.
If you are feeling overwhelmed, don't know where to start, can't be bothered but really do want to be bothered...think you are lazy, just need to see it in print here...we'll help. We'll virtually fist bump your achievements - small or large, and virtually hug you when the need arises, and if you want a hug, just ask because we are here for you. Here for one another because we get it - the highs and the lows, the art of washing up is sometimes our great achievement of the day, but it's still an achievement.

Welcome to thread #6 of Hoarders Anonymous - Carrying On Sorting It Out

HERE

@Midlifemusings welcome

I don’t post often but find the group helpful and I really relate to your post. Lovely that people want to help but it is incredibly hard to be grateful when you feel so invaded. I also make progress and then regress, like I need to rebuild my protective walls.
I hate the clutter but I also hate the strange echo of empty and fear failure. I also struggle to picture/visualise what I actually do want my house to be like. I’m sure there’s a diagnosis for what I am somewhere.

@SingToTheSky I love the idea of pretend visitors and getting all of the household involved.

@DownUdderer I found a cupboard organiser last year that I keep all chopping boards and some baking trays in. It makes me happy when I open that drawer

I think I’m practical and not very bothered by how things look so need to keep working on systems.

@FiniteSagacity

It did feel incredibly invasive as you said and I think those feelings were much stronger and draining than any positive feelings from a clean house. I miss my clutter too.

That is a very insightful comment about not knowing what you want in a house. I am the same and I think that is one thing I will try to do in my new space is to initially create a space with decorations / plants that hopefully I feel more attached to so I can feel more attached to the space itself and less of a need for attachment to 'stuff'.

I am not moving all my bins back in to the new place. I am committed to going through them but on my own. Everyone keeps offering to help and doesn't understand why I don't want it but I need to just do it myself or else I feel really angry and hurt at what others throw out or discard just because it has no value or meaning or connection for them.

@Midlifemusings good luck with your new home

I think keeping on top of it is all about systems so if you have a place for everything (even rubbish, recycling and confidential waste) it helps. A lot of my clutter is ‘rubbish’ that I know is recyclable somewhere so I have guilt about sending it to landfill.

Making your home how you want it from the start is really appealing - I think I need a fake house move to help me purge rubbish and to unpack slowly. Good luck with your boxes and reward yourself for any progress - it is hard work.

I've been scrubbing my shower. And cleaning the bathroom. I've dusted and swept. It's only a small room, but it still takes ages to get it nice and sparkling.

I've done some laundry and cleaned the washing machine.

I've got a whole room that needs sorting out. It's the spare room, mum and dad will stay in there. It's a mess at the moment. I've been putting it off!

I've been so stressed this week! We've been waiting to hear about something and I thought we'd hear after three days but we'll hear tomorrow and that's six days so it's stressed me out.

Hello everyone. How are you all? Welcome new people :)

Thank you all for your good wishes. My friend's funeral is looming and I'm feeling very low - been on the verge of tears all day.
Dd is causing me lots of stress by not going to school at the time she ought to, and I'm being threatened with fines, court, and prison. Dd knows this but she's not dealing with it the way she should and I don't know where to turn next.

A week or so ago, I went through tinned foodstuffs and sorted the older stuff to the front of the cupboard. I also Sharpied the BBE dates onto the fronts f the labels to make it easier to use older ones first.
I had kept on top of the washing up, but it's piling up again. The laundry is all good - well, it's clean and piled up as per usual in the dining room aka The Chinese Laundry.
I feel like running away.

Someone up-thread said they can't visualise what they want their space to look like. I actually can I just can't realise it. I'm sick of it all.

I'll try not to desert you all, and I'll try to do better.

Hi solo that sounds like a really stressful time :( we are heading that way with DD1 as well, just waiting to see if another school has a place - god knows what we will do if they don’t! So sorry about your friend, cry as much as you need to.

No major decluttering happening here, just the odd bit of sorting of random crap which is a tiny drop in the enormous ocean!

DSD has moved back in for a bit, which is great, but more stuff and another person who is just as messy and disorganised as the rest of us :o

Keep on keeping on @Solo. I'd be stressed in your shoes, I don't have any advice. My kids are still quite young and we've not faced anything similar. I hope you can find a way through. It can be a triumph just to keep going. Just managing anything with a lot on your plate is still progress.

We had the results back that we'd been waiting on. They're good! What a total relief. I'd been having trouble sleeping for a week, imagining the worst. So a weight has been lifted from my shoulders.

I've been tidying and organizing and doing laundry this week. Non stop. As soon as the washing machine finishes I'm stuffing more in it. I've got sheets draped over doors trying to dry them inside while it rains non stop.

My mum and dad are due to arrive on Monday. It's been two years and four months since I've seen them face to face! I'm counting down the minutes!

I'm clearing out the spare room. Dusting. Hoovering. Wiping. Moving boxes and bags. Cramming things into cupboards! Under beds! In the garage! I just need enough space for them to have a bedroom. Most of it is my sewing bits, fabrics and all sorts.

Tomorrow I will be mopping! We've got a big sunroom that needs scrubbing and mopping!

I've got my spare room cleared out. My hoover is woeful. I think I'm going to have to buy a new one.

I'm realizing I have got cupboards bursting they're so full, but if I could declutter them it'd make life easier!

Have a lovely time with your parents DownUdderer

How old is your Dd Solo? Are school offering any support or just taking a punitive approach? It’s a lot of stress to deal with, especially when you’re grieving too.

I haven’t been posting as I am not making any progress and feel ashamed about it.

Hi 👋🏻 can I join you all please? I keep dreaming I'll win the lottery and get all my stuff moved to a warehouse, rent a little flat for a couple of months and sort everything out properly while all the upkeep and fixing jobs are done to my home, so I can move back to a clean slate. There's just too much stuff everywhere and I'm completely overwhelmed. I'm considering renting storage space for a few months - I don't really have the money but I can't continue on like this. Does anyone have any advice, tips, opinions etc please? I'm so overwhelmed I'm having trouble making decisions!

Hi there FoolShapeHeart, I fantasise about the exact same thing Welcome to the thread. My worry with renting storage is that I’d never deal with the stuff and it would turn into an ongoing financial commitment. You might be more disciplined than me though!

I think lots of people dream of renting storage space, then sorting out something (declutter, renovate), but you'd have to be so laser focused on a completion date. Also would you need a truck to move things? I know I'd never do it because I'm a procrastinator. I dither, and I can't make decisions so I don't make decisions about what to chuck out I cram things in cupboards!

But also I have had success with a slowly but surely approach, this suits me.

I have to coddle myself! I have to reward myself as well!!

Mum and dad have had negative PCR tests! So they're clear to fly, they arrive Monday!! I literally can't believe it!!

I've bought a new hoover this morning. I hope it really sucks well!

@foolshapeheart can you decide to get rid of ten things today and see if that helps? Anything. Any bit of trash or recycling that can literally go out the door?

Definitely have the same lottery fantasy @FoolShapeHeart - it would buy time as well as space but I know it’s very unlikely and I have to change my ways anyway.

It’s the first of the month and I did read about throwing 1 thing away today, 2 tomorrow, then 3 etc as a way to build a habit.

I have a trip to the tip with my parent who is also a hoarder planned so aiming for progress today.

@DownUdderer keep going, having longed for guests for is a lovely target to work towards my Miele cleaner was very expensive at the time but was so much better than any vacuum cleaner I ever owned and is 10 years old and still going strong. I have a small handheld but a bagged cleaner is a gift when you tackle a really nasty neglected corner with dead insects!

@Solo hope you’re doing okay.

@Miaowse yes that's my biggest concern! There's an 8 week introductory price that would make it doable, so that'd be my limit.
@DownUdderer it's the length of time it takes & how little space I've got & how mixed up everything is. I've tried this & it's helped, but I spend so much time just moving things from one place to another because I can't get to where they live!
@FiniteSagacity I'm actually really good at starting on top of things once they're done - if it's tidy I keep it tidy, but I just can't see a way to get there!
I'm still working out if it would work, but I'm so desperate for a clear home, I'm tottering on the edge of not being able to cope with so much going on, and this is at least something I can control. If I can get my shit together and do it

@FoolShapeHeart I need an empty space to sort things out without getting overwhelmed. So if necessary I'll push everything off the coffee table onto the floor (if there's no clear floor anywhere!), then that's my empty space.

It's such slow progress but I find the commitment to do ten things per day doesn't feel overwhelming (and sometimes I'll decide to carry on and do more, once I've started). I take each item I pick up and see it through to the end. So I think: do I need to keep this or can I let it go? If I can let it go I instantly take it to whichever bin it's destined for, recycling or waste, or the donations box by the front door. I don't set things aside and think I'll take them all to the kitchen together because... I won't! So I do each item instantly even though it's more walking and takes longer.

If I need to keep whatever it is, I'll take it instantly to the place it belongs. If that place is full or inaccessible at the moment, I'll leave it as near to the place as possible then consider the task done. It sounds like chaos and doing half-a-job but I do eventually get on top of things this way. The trick is to commit to the sorting out of ten items per day, at least five days per week.

The other thing I do is on bin day I put my bins out the night before so I can't forget. I look in them to see if there's space and if there is, I go round the house looking for things to put in, which doesn't feel like decluttering, weirdly, because the focus is on filling up the bins and not "wasting" bin day by putting them out half empty.

I totally understand the feeling of "stuff" being somehow protective. I'm trying to tackle this three ways.

1. acknowledge how I feel and why (because I grew up with nothing I'm scared of "running out" of "stuff" or money to buy "stuff" with). I try to reason with myself. The world is full of unwanted "stuff", it's highly unlikely I'm going to run out.

If I do make a mistake and get rid of something I later need, I can probably find a suitable replacement cheap, if not free, even if it's not my ideal item. The desire for the ideal is the perfectionist in me. I tell myself life doesn't have to be perfect, adequate is good enough.

2. I find pleasurable ways of distracting myself from all these difficult feelings. Ways to make myself feel better that don't include the acquisition of more "stuff". I consciously choose to stop engaging with those thoughts and eg go for a walk or read a magazine. It's difficult but it does work and after a while I'm calmer and have stopped the difficult thoughts and feelings.

3. I'm conscious about what I acquire now. It was a minimalist idea that was my lightbulb moment: if something is inaccessible then you can't use it and so it may as well not exist. This hasn't enabled me to throw things out but it has stopped me buying multiplies. It's made me realize that if something is inaccessible, I have more than enough of it already.

Sorry this is so long. I don't often post on this thread (and can't remember the last name I posted under!) but I follow your journeys here

Evening all! Just catching up on the thread, not finished yet. I did want to say though that I’ve thought about hiring storage before too. Luckily the matter is moot as neither of us drive so it would be such a hassle it wouldn’t be worth it!

House is a bit chaotic at the moment - DSD has been unwell since just before moving in (not covid thankfully!) so hasn’t managed sorting all her stuff yet, and this weekend we also have a load of donations as DH has been organising collections for Ukraine. Hopefully after this weekend though, both can be sorted.

I did get a bag of clothes out of the house today - just moved littlest into next size clothes, lots of her current stuff was only fit for rags but I gathered enough for a bag for nursery, and I’ve also got a bag for my friend’s little one which she can sift through next week (no idea if she will want all of it, any she doesn’t want can go to nursery too).

One more week to get through of term time, but hopefully I can still get a bit more decluttering done this week and not fall into the trap of leaving it all for the holidays!

Finally caught up in full!
Midlife I understand why you feel so unsettled. It’s known that often when a hoarded house is cleared it can go back to the way it was (or worse) very quickly, because the sudden clear out is so traumatic and can trigger the sense of loss that caused the difficulties in the first place. So even though your stuff isn’t all gone it’s understandable that you feel unsettled. I absolutely agree it’s better to go through the stuff yourself. Decluttering brings up so many emotions, it can make you feel vulnerable and I’d feel violated having others involved. You did brilliantly accepting the help with the emptying and cleaning!

I’m sure I had other stuff to comment on but it’s fallen clean out of my head as I got distracted feeding the bunny.

Really just want the next week to be a bit easier. At least a lot of the crazy meeting-filled days are mostly over for a bit. We will try and have a big clean up on Sunday morning again.

Not finished reading yet, but I just had to say to FoolShapeHeart DO NOT DO IT. I did it for the 6-week cheap offer and 8 years later....... ! I regret it so much. Thousands of wasted pounds.

@BlueSummerBaby thanks for taking the time to make your long post. You’ve shared some really insightful and helpful tips there that have given me food for thought

I try the whole bin/recycle undecided and keep piles where I am and I often rediscover a pile I’ve only moved from one place to another - I’m going to do 10 things your way today because I have made some progress with ‘a place for everything’ so this could be a way forward for me.

And it’s bin day on Wednesday - I do sometimes try to fill up the bin and the recycling but I think getting everyone in the house involved to do a few minutes finding things to fill the bin would be great.

Yes, I often find Tuesday night is a good time to try and grab some more rubbish and recycling!

I also walk strawberry the the bin with a piece of trash and then I know it's a job done. Then pick up the next object and try and get it home. I walk back a forth a lot, but so much better than making piles that never make it to the proper destination because I ran out of umph.

Sometimes walking back and forth gives my brain chance to think of another quick job I can get done. Otherwise I can get stuck thinking "I don't know what to do".

Sometimes if I've got a wet and soap you sponge from washing something, I'll quickly wipe something else with it, something that needed doing. Then it feels like a two for one job.

My new hoover is pretty good! I'm pleased with it.

Mum and dad arrive tomorrow morning, I'm nervous and excited.

Then next Saturday I'm having a birthday party for DD. So of course I'll be cleaning and staying clean and tidy for that.

Gosh so many typos.

*Walk straight to the bin.
*Wet and soapy

I was wondering how strawberries fit in to tidying :o

So happy that you finally get to see your parents! Hope you have a wonderful time with them.

You guys are definitely onto something with the walking back and forth rather than piling things up. I always make little piles of stuff (usually on the bed but sometimes the living room floor) if I’m sorting some random crap, and that’s awful when the fatigue suddenly hits. I should try and put stuff away immediately - to be frank I need the extra exercise anyway!

I am also aiming to clean the fridge door today so I’ll copy the two for one idea and scrub the kitchen door while I’m at it because it’s gross.

We’ve had our second “Sunday morning family clean” today - far from perfect but good to maintain a bit of order and just get everyone used to pitching in.