The Hoarders Anonymous #5

[CherryMargo]

Thread #1 | Thread #2 | Thread #3 | Thread #4

Is your house/flat in a complete mess? Do you often feel overwhelmed and helpless when it comes to sorting it out? Do you procrastinate a lot? Do you struggle to declutter due to emotional attachment or decision-making fatigue? Are you embarrassed to invite people in?

Then you and us have a lot in common!

Join in for advice, encouragement and support. Here we share our struggles no matter how big, and celebrate our progress no matter how small. Welcome to thread number five! 🤗

P. S. Here are the links to various methods mentioned in previous threads:

The FlyLady Cleaning Method by Marla Cilley
The Organised Mum Method by Gemma Bray
The KonMari Method by Marie Kondo
The Getting Things Done Method by David Allen

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/housekeeping/3494663-Unexpected-side-effects-of-decluttering

This is a rather inspiring thread I have just come across

Short and sweet though!

• put on a load of laundry - DONE
• call friend - DONE
• finish hob - DONE
• rehome as much as possible from the big mess - STARTED
• sweep kitchen floor - DONE
• place my online order - DONE
• make lunch - DONE

Extras

• put the clothes airer back up
• hung out my wash
• put out two carrier bags of general recycling plus 4 cardboard boxes
• opened some old post and recycled junk mail/envelopes etc

Great thread, thanks for sharing Nettleskeins

I’m slowly catching up with the thread. You’ve all been very busy! Well done! 👍

Belated welcome to @ToDoListAddict and @AmberItsACertainty! Nice to meet you, @Bellaisoneluckywoman!

@Babieseverywhere catching up with laundry in a six-person household IS a miracle 🙌 Congratulations on finishing your bathroom!

@Miaowse I must admit that stepping into my kitchen feels almost surreal as it contrasts so much with the rest of the flat. Fingers crossed I can stay on top of it, and won’t let stuff from other zones crawl into it.

@Solo I love the idea of assessing our current situation! I think it would also be interesting to do this again in six months or so to reflect on our progress.

My current scores:

Clutter – 8 (used to be 10)

Untidy – 4 (I consider myself a highly organised hoarder (if such a term even exists). My hoard is divided by categories and each category has its own place. Most of it hides inside my wardrobe, my cupboards, under the bed, under the stairs and in the loft. For years it was tucked away so well that it was actually counterproductive – not having my hoard stare at me 24/7 made it feel like I don’t have a problem… BUT I DO. Pulling it all out of its hideout and facing it was the first step I made).

Dirty – 7 (I cannot effectively clean most of the areas. I need to declutter and organise first)

DIY SOS – 7 (the roof has been leaking for years, no point in re-decorating the interior until it’s fixed)

Holding onto things of emotional value – 10 (I’m a slave to my past)

Holding onto things that could be of use – 9 (I experience a tremendous sense of guilt if I throw things away unless they’re completely used up or broken beyond repair)

Buying unnecessary items which I have nowhere to put – 8 (my fantasy self is the root of the problem. A couple of years ago this would score 10 but fortunately I’m getting better at this)

Procrastination – 9 (tasks which take a couple of hours to complete are sometimes delayed for years)

Good evening. Unexpected rest day today. Ex got the kids earlier than last week and took them out for the day. I have not done much at all as I slept for several hours this afternoon. Hence designating today for rest.

What I have done:
one load of washing. Hung
One woolly wash. Hung
Excavated the top layer of understairs cupboard to get to fuse box and flicked fuse to get the upstairs lights back on after a bulb blew and tripped the switch. Put stuff back in.

Pulled out all meds from understairs cupboard, wiped. (Need to date and pack away in meds cupboard)

Pulled out three boxes of cereal. Wiped . Not yet put away. Need glasses to read dates and to sort the cereal cupboard.

Found one of ex's presents hiding under the stairs. Sent him home with it.

Found yarn for project which will save me going to the shop on Monday and buying more than I need. Will use this up first.

Stacked dirty pots ( yet to wash up)

Rung mum and established that I will be second person to visit the care home. It is over 100 mile round trip. Was dreading this phone call but it turned out better than expected.

I fed kids one breakfast and two lunches before they went.

Not too bad really. And feeling a lot better for having had silence today.

Welcome to everyone new (I can't recall if I welcomed Amber and ToDo and I'm sorry if I didn't . And welcome Bella :)

Me: I am a single parent of 2 children, one is grown up and flown the nest, the other is a stroppy year 9 teen. I have had ME for almost 22 years, but mostly manage it by working only part-time now, and fairly local. But, I have let my house go. I am an extremely emotional hoarder and find it almost impossible to let go of anything that holds a memory for me.

Books are my big thing. I love them, can't give them away, and certainly can't throw them out. Most are currently in the storage place which incidentally, is about to go up in price again. This - and I've said it before, but it really does have to be emptied and relinquished, because I can do so much more with that money, and it was supposed to be for 6 weeks, not 6 flaming years +! I'm really angry with myself.

I also don't want my children having to deal with my house full of crap when I meet my end. Or if I end up like my mum in hospital at any point, I don't want them having to sort it out the way I've been having to do in recent weeks for my mum - which, by the way, has caused me to have 2 days at home and unable to do anything here. I'm thoroughly exhausted and should be in bed by now.

Dd still hasn't taken the recycling out to the wheelie bin.

I've tidied off and cleaned one bedside cabinet. And I've tidied and hoovered another corner!

I've taken three bags of recycling out, I'm almost completely on top of the household recycling. There's a terrible corner where the recycling sort of goes and it's a mess! I will get that cleaned and sorted either today or tomorrow.

I've dusted a really dusty wicker chair. I had been piling clothes on it for a couple of years. Now I'll be much happier not to have that chair in my bedroom at all.

I've cleared and cleaned and scrubbed the corner where the recycling was! It had become completely unorganized and a dumping ground and it had become sticky and a mess! No more! It clear, clean and I'm aiming on keeping it that way.

I've cleared another section of bedroom floor. Things had gathered under that wicker chair. It's sorted now. And hoovered.

I'm relieved these jobs are done. I feel so great with every bag that leaves the house (trash, recycling or for the charity bin). I feel lighter and I can see jobs will get easier when there's less things to step over or move.

I'm starting to realize my laundry pile is so huge and I can never get on top of it because there's too many clothes. I will think about getting rid of some.

Cherry Margo. I decluttered our loft with a professional organiser...I had paid at a school auction for three hours "promise". Funnily enough it was not something I could face with the rest of the house...it is a very personal process and you have to go slow. The loft declutteringwas a bit SAS for my liking, however it was much improved....I got rid of several empty catdboard boxes and she helped me rationalise what I did keep and which.corner was which. You wouldnt imagine the tatty curtains from student house, smelly old duvets, circulars, maths workbooks that I managed to get rid of...it was a lot of stuff that I really didnt have any love for, caught up in the muddle. But it doesnt sound as if yours is like that...more of a treasure trove?

Now the loft is full again but at least most of the stuff is there for a reason...xmas decs, camping stuff, wedding dress, gcse work(dcs) no babyclothes or size 12 jackets that are developing moth

I’ve been thinking about doing my tidying and decluttering for my future self. It’s funny but it helps me. Things are starting to feel easier. Things are starting to have proper homes and that helps when I’m tidying. Knowing that decluttering helps my future self makes it easier to get rid of things. It’s giving me a cleaner brain as well. I’m starting to see solutions to problems instead of feeling blocked and unable to even know where to begin.

Picking up five things and sorting them really has helped me on days when I’ve felt myself procrastinating.

I started small and unsure with my bedroom. And it’s taken a long time. I tried to have a deadline. Small things along the way have helped me get so close to a completely tidy room. Acknowledging that if I buy more then it’s like taking a step backwards.

I think when I buy things it’s like picturing that will bring happiness, but maybe at the moment getting rid of things is bringing me happiness.

I’m hoping I can keep my bedroom tidy and impress my future self instead of disappointing myself.

CherryMargo
Organized hoarding is definitely a thing, many organized hoarders paying for storage units to keep their homes usable but keep more than comfortably fits in their homes, alongside the well off.
I’m also an organized hoarder. Not quite as much in terms of categories and their own place, as that’s the base but there’s over spill. If I pulled it all out at once, you wouldn’t be able to move.
It gets denser becoming more and more storage solutions and less and less floor space with the problem still hidden. It doesn’t look like people’s idea of hoarding, but at its serious end, causes just as many problems.
(One sharp eyed friend did remark that the amount of furniture made my home seem cluttered. )
If acquiring continues you end up with cluttered surfaces and floor creep growing, until it ends up as what everyone associates hoarding to look like.
not having my hoard stare at me 24/7 made it feel like I don’t have a problem…
And this is how many end up with very dense hidden or un-hidden hoards, and paying for storage.

Nettleskeins That thread is indeed short and sweet, but even though getting rid of 50% of what we have wouldn’t be enough, I found a couple of things in there affirming what I’m hoping to achieve. Thank you.

Solo I’m so with you on not wanting to leave this situation to my kids when I go or the situation you have with your mum, and that I’ve had with relatives. But please be careful and look after yourself. While I was looking after everyone else and thinking I could deal with everything else alongside/ over time, I ran myself to the bone. Health issues unexpectedly caught up with me (and the pandemic hit changing everything) and suddenly all my plans and finances are gone and I’m not the able person I was, but everything and more still needs doing.

BlackeyedSusan Well done on all the work .Glad you’ve found some quiet to operate in.

DownUdderer You sound like you are making so much mental progress as well as physical. Well done!
Will catch up with rest of thread later.

Yesterday was a zero for anything extra permanently out but did get more stuff to storage.
The really big change is (adult) Ds announced we need to build the shed (in storage!) to get gardening and some repair clutter out of the house! The timing isn’t good as currently next doors tree is lying across both gardens, but he’s been entirely resistant towards it before, and I really need help, so him deciding it’s needed, is a step forward. Has just been fed and watered and about to come help generally hopefully.

Solo I would love to hear about your books....could you tell us about them...the ones in storage? Talking about favourite books has always been important to me and sharing what they mean to me often helps me feel less anxious about them.
Please dont be angry with yourself about the storage btw, and dont be angry with dd about the recycling...it is so hard when they dont help but it is a very familiar stage hmm. My dd has just woken up btw

I want to enter the woolly hugs yarn give away. But Down's posts about not getting new stuff are helping me keep strong. I do not need new yarn. I need to finish using the yarn I have got. Which is a lot. I have a yarn addiction.

Well done on getting lots of progress done down.

It is supposed to be a day to get things done. But... Got a girl who is feeling a bit overwhelmed by decisions and has needed some TLC. And had church this morning. Boy gone to dad's. Will send DD later when she is feeling better.

I have put ds's things in the washing basket to take upstairs and started washing up. I may set DD up with packing away Christmas baubles...

Thanks for the welcome Cherry Margo and Solo.

This thread is helping me so much. The more I read this thread the more I realize that actually, yes, I do have a minor hoarding problem. Especially clothes, which I aquired faster than I can use up.

Yes! to the organized hoarding Cherry Margo and feeling unbearably guilty for throwing out anything that isn't totally used up and wrecked.

BlackeyedSusan hope your DD feels better soon.

Down Udderer that set of drawers and corner of the room look blissfully empty. I too feel the mental impact of looking at piles of stuff all the time. I think it's the one thing that's really helped keep my hoarding under control. Since childhood I've had regular clear outs when looking at it all gets a bit too much. I like the idea if your future self. I'm a minimalist at heart and I need to get back in touch with that.

Nettleskeins thanks for the link to the other thread. I'll read that next.

So today I've been really ruthless with the coffee table. I've a pile of books with nowhere to live. They're the sort of thing you flick through whilst having a cuppa so ages ago I decided they can live on the coffee table. Today I moved to the charity bag the ones I haven't look at in a year.

I also had a tray and a box full of stationery and my journal etc. I've been gradually downsizing these over the past 6 months (because who needs the Yellow Pages from 3yrs ago) and today realized they're both half empty, so now I only have the tray. No difference to space as they were stacked but more visually appealing.

My other big achievement is the pile of magazines I'd started collecting at the beginning of the pandemic because it seemed like a good idea to have a record of social history for future generations. Today I stopped and thought about the fact I have no children, barely any relationship with nieces and nephews, and in 100 years time when schools decide to do a project on the pandemic I'll be long dead and the magazines would have been thrown out. So I put the whole lot in the recycling.

Yesterday I decided to show the car some love, using some old dog shampoo to wash it. I found a can of bumper blacking spray so I used some of that too, then threw away my trainers which I realised had split at the point where they join the sole and had let the water in. Slowly slowly using things up.

Solo I sympathise with the books. My parents stored mine for 10 years, and after all that I ended up selling most of them. I never thought 10 years ago that I would do that. My book collection represented a huge investment in time, money, emotion. My personal history was tied up in those books. Ultimately though I accepted that I'll never live in that lovely big house with a room that has floor to ceiling shelves. All they'd ever be was a sentimental nuisance. I found when culling the collection I had to change my criteria from 'Is this a good book?' Or 'would I enjoy reading this again?' To 'would I be gutted if I didn't read this again?'
I'm still not exactly at peace with what I've done, but the space was badly needed, and although a fraction of what I paid the money also came in very handy over a tough year.

I forgot to mention earlier in the week I sold two things, one of which was big and bulky. Very pleased about that.

I think when you have a critical mass that is beginning to meltdown it is really important to accept there isnt time to mend or rehome Everything, some things perhaps, so well done for accepting the trainers (and the magazines) had done good service, but it was alright to let them "go".
Its strange how when I have plans on who to pass items on to, rather than just saying bye, I remain quite needy and involved with them...perhaps it is a control thing, fear of waste, feeling accountable.
Im getting better at just accepting and saying bye

Sadly no one will go on an errand to buy the missing ingredient condensed milk so the Banoffee pie is still unmade. Im refusing to run around after the teens anymore.
Elle that is so heartening about your ds and the shed. It is wonderful when they work things out for themselves.

Helllppppp.

Just put a load of kids old pictures in the recycling and having a wobble regarding what if one of them dies? (I have loads more, and photos galore,not even sure which age these were done. )

Keep me strong....

Talk some sense into me.

One of those kids hates the mess so persuade me I'm making it better for them.

DD has packed away the Christmas decorations and they are in the cupboard.

It was whilst the cupboard was open that I got rid of lots of old kids pictures. DD commented about why had I kept them and was it a parent thing?

I have found two c Bernie's magazines that were supposed to be Christmas presents a decade ago. They will go into the charity shop bag. Some old school tights which have been chucked in the bin, and old school cardi. Will remove buttons then bin. Also an old jumper which is also going in the bin. Hoovered under the top half of my sofa cushions bed and the two chairs that make a bit of a barrier between me and the computer. Just resting and regathering my equilibrium before putting things back neatly.it is still horderish in here but everything that goes out is a win I think. Too much stuff not enough space. Grr.

Cbeebies magazines.
Bloody autocorrect