The Hoarders Anonymous #5

[CherryMargo]

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Is your house/flat in a complete mess? Do you often feel overwhelmed and helpless when it comes to sorting it out? Do you procrastinate a lot? Do you struggle to declutter due to emotional attachment or decision-making fatigue? Are you embarrassed to invite people in?

Then you and us have a lot in common!

Join in for advice, encouragement and support. Here we share our struggles no matter how big, and celebrate our progress no matter how small. Welcome to thread number five! 🤗

P. S. Here are the links to various methods mentioned in previous threads:

The FlyLady Cleaning Method by Marla Cilley
The Organised Mum Method by Gemma Bray
The KonMari Method by Marie Kondo
The Getting Things Done Method by David Allen

Zoom church. Too tired to do real church as there was a bit of a meltdown last night after someone was caught WhatsApping.

Rest day. Wanted to go out. DD is too poorly. I still need to wash up though and feed DD.

Whatsapper has been sent to be taken for exercise.

Susan and Elle your wry observations always make me
DS has just been sent out to buy an important ingredient for a recipe and forgot halfway what he was buying it for, and has made an unfortunate substitution. Passion fruit gravy it is then...

Another walk has been taken. In my absence I find DD is now on a roll..she has taken a hideous chair from a skip and is scrubbing it down in the garden and is Adding it to her room. unbelievable. There is no space!

@Nettleskeins I hope you were able to make some 'proper' gravy, although passion fruit flavour would certainly be interesting

Thank you to everyone for the ASD replies and support. (And to @notapizzaeater who is going through a much harder time than me). DTS1 had a meltdown yesterday which was quite upsetting for both of us - I'd planned a nice day out, he seemed to be enjoying it, then mid afternoon he just 'turned' - started hitting, shouting, being horrible etc. I left him with DP and walked away for a bit (as it was me he was saying rude things to) thinking he might calm down a bit; my goodness, the shrieks when I went back he was shaking, sobbing, he'd just completely lost it. With hindsight I think he was tired, both physically and from the excitement of going out somewhere different, but there were no warning signs. As @BlackeyedSusan said, it's tough waiting for the meltdown, preparing for the meltdown and generally walking on eggshells trying to avoid the meltdown but knowing it will come at some point anyway... sigh.

He loves school but DTS2 doesn't - they are in different classes and their three best friends are all in DTS1's class. DTS2 hasn't really made any particular friends, the two he did make both left, which made him very sad. I don't know whether to ask for them to go into the same class after all, even though I think long term they're better off apart; but DTS2 just doesn't enjoy school at all and it's awful to watch his little face crumple up as we get near the school gates.

DP took the DC round to PIL today to collect Easter eggs so I was able to do washing and hang it out on the line - better make the most of it as the weather's due to turn much colder! - and have a good tidy up, which was helpful. The 'proper' cleaning will have to wait till I have the house to myself though.

DP is still telling me that he wants to lose weight but pretty much has to be dragged out of the house to do any exercise I just don't have enough energy to motivate someone else as well as myself! He still has a gym membership so it'll be interesting to see if he goes back once they re-open probably not

Happy Easter all; nothing particularly Easter-y done here but being able to go in the garden and not freeze made up for it!

I learnt a lot from the SEN children threads Clara ...one of the questions I used to ask was how do you deal with meltdowns and the answer came back...avoid circumstances that will contribute to them...talk through in advance what is going to happen, make plans short and sweet or if it is something like Legoland (in the future) think through every aspect in advance...queues, food, spare clothes, plan b for a speedy exit halfway..(I learnt this the hard way..although actually it was non ASD child that had a meltdown)

My dtwins were in different classes throughout...I think it gave them space from each other..school policy. Ds2 had a difficult time friendwise as he got older (7/8) but I don't think it would have helped to have been in the same class as DD, tbh.

I've cleaned kitchen, and keeping up my purge on Jam jars instead of keeping them
Emptied food compost
Swept path again..
Rubbish out
Worktops
Table cleared
Put away some curtain stuff
Washed dishcloths
Recycling assembled
Random mugs from all over house put in sink

Wowee! You've all been busy busy busy!

Today I went over to mum's place, took food to cook there and meet my brother there for dinner. He's moaning how tired he is - he thinks it's long covid. I said yes, well welcome to my world of 22 years! People (I said) forget that this is how my life is all the time because I don't really moan about it or mention it.

Anyway, I had bought the food, peeled spuds, and carrots, cooked dinner. pulled some rhubarb from mum's garden, cut and washed it, stewed it. Made crumble for us for pudding, and a small one for mum's freezer. Chicken roasting. Sprayed mum's shower cubicle with cleaner. Spuds into the oven. Sorted mum's clothes out from airer, put them away, plus a basket load that she had washed before she fell. Searched everywhere for her leggings for her to do physio in but I still can't find them - very odd! Got some clean clothes together and made Db take them to the hospital - he sent Dd in with them and returned with dirty clothes to be washed. I finished cooking dinner, served up, ate, washed up, and then pudding. Scrubbed shower cubicle (filthy!), feeling sick from bending over, crouching down after eating. Came downstairs to find that Dd and Db had abandoned their dishes to the sink so, I washed those up too, getting Dd to dry up. froze leftover chicken for mum a meal when home. Cleaned the hob down. Why oh why does it always fall on my shoulders? I'm a bit sick of it. And I wish I xcould find the energy to do my own house!

Solo I hear you with the being unwell thing. I've lost patience with the situation. Anyone who cancells on me because they're "tired" is no longer a friend. I'm tired an awful lot and have to carefully plan my week to fit in arrangements with others, so I don't end up letting them down last minute. Makes me so cross if they can't be bothered to do the same.

Hi everyone. It's nice to read everyone's updates. I've done nothing for a few days. My dd has been unwell and housework and decluttering can take a back seat. She's much better today so that's great.

I've booked another kerbside pickup. I had a big box that needs to go so I thought lets get it gone asap. I'll find other things that need going tomorrow (more useless boxes and any broken things or completely useless things).

I bought a new bottle brush last week and it's great. It's hard to find good ones for drinks bottles with narrow necks! I am happy with it! Such a relief it's not just a useless piece of junk!

Nettleskeins Passion fruit gravy…
Do you find the plants you’re labelling thugs, are generally robust? I’m looking for bee and butterfly friendly robust plants for a garden for people who are a bit ‘heavy handed’ at times.
Amber well done with the selling!
Clara It is really hard going and exhausting on all, but you have to keep finding ways to try these things. Change, even when wanted, is often a catalyst, but change will happen throughout their lives, so ways to deal with it have to be found.
Solo I’m afraid as long as they can make your shoulders available, others will pile things on them.

DownUdderer glad DD’s on the mend. Well done on booking another collection. Hope you find lots to go.

We averted meltdown here yesterday, but in turn that averted the work that needed doing, so a prayer for getting enough done today, as it’s the last day of any possible help for a bit.
Everyone's just been fed and watered, the vague attempt at snow has passed, so…

Any boxes that I can get out of the house and garage is going to feel great!

I might declutter books today. I've got washing to hang out and some to out away from yesterday. A project I'm working on, I could do some more towards that.

I'm feeling unmotivated, but thinking even if I just read a magazine I'll be able to put it in the recycling after. I have a huge pile of them cluttering up the place in various stages of half-read. I get overwhelmed with the bigger picture but your updates are reminding me that even a small task completed is a step towards a less cluttered future.

Elle what a great post about "change" and how important it is to accommodate it in our children's lives, albeit in a helpful way. Ds2 loves new adventures and thrives on stimulating activities but he also gets anxious if you ask him to do too many things at once...at 5 he would have adored easter egg hunts, softplay, a visit to someone house, a long walk to a "goal", but ask him to wait in a queue, cope with sitting in an unfamiliar kitchen, play with two children a game that wss unfamiliar, or change the activity to one he wasnt expecting (walk instead ofof football, sandwich instead of plain pasta, the wrong cheese) disaster
People will keep saying this so often it will hurt your ears but things WILL improve

FFS just lost a post...

CBA to re-type on phone will put the computer onto type

children finally gone to their dad's for the day... at 10 past four!

ok. basically I was saying, before my phone ate the post...

even a little thing here or there will help towards getting it clean and tidy. or, if not it will slow the rate of decline. and there will be less to do on a day when you have energy again.

Elle, I hope your help is helping and not whining...

I am trying to keep on top of areas I have "done"

These are:
children's beds (always been done)
bath, (once a week) basin (every two days)and loo (seat several times a day) rest less often and bathroom tiles (once a week bottom, once a month top having to stand in bath to reach) (always been done)
computer desk top (not doing so well on the shelf) (living room)
part of the living room carpet near the door and computer.
cooker top (several times a day)
doors of kitchen cupboards and appliances. (once every 1-2weeks or as necessary if spills)
1 foot of worksurface adjacent to the cooker
8 inches of worksurface next to the draining board.
the newly aquired 18 inches of worksurface next to the sink where the dirty pots go. (will be everyday now)
hall floor and stairs tidying and hoovering, (once a week)
washing the stairs. (no carpet, it fell apart the paintwork at teh sides where there used to be the old fashioned carpet up the middle and the steps themselves get filthy if not washed)
hall and stairs paintwork.
one of ds's bedside tables.
kitchen sink

as you can see there is still a lot to go.

today i have reclaimed the worksurface next to the sink by washing up and putting pots away!
wiped cooker top
wiped shopping (autism routine)
polished the chrome worksurface leg and the outside of the bin
fed a boy lunch and breakfast
finished loading the machine and put it on and hung it to dry.
took down and taken dry washing to dd to put away.
washed two woolies
washed some new pillow cases. We had cream bedding but those pillow cases always look dirty next to a white sheet. so they will be demoted to under pillow cases.

I had nine hours sleep last night and laid about in bed for an hour. I did not get up until 12.45

I have yet to decide what to eat today. I have had one spring onion leaf off the pot in the kitchen that was grown form the off cuts of a supermarket onions.

going to eat the stuff that is near date I think. Now the children are gone I can settle down and relax to eat without interuptions. As I am trying to lose weight I want to enjoy each meal rather than have it interupted by a meltdown or requests for stuff or their dad turning up at some random point.

I have read all the posts. Glad to see everyone is doing well

I haven't been doing much beyond the basics, though I have kept on top of the kitchen which is great for me!

I have invested in a dozen new cotton teacloths and two new oven mittens. All the current ones and going to be thrown, as they are far too old to use anywhere else.

I am trying to decide on the best strategy for my home. Going forward do I…

1. Keep doing the rooms that are 90% there aka the Bathroom, Hall, Landing and Kitchen.

1. Or spend more time on the middle rooms that need some input over a few weeks aka living room and dining room.

1. Or spend more time on the middle rooms that need some input over a few weeks aka the kids rooms.

1. Or spend more time on the complete nightmare which literally keeps me up at night aka our room. With a pile of craft and precious memory stuff, which I can’t bear to throw away but we don’t have the room to store it .

I am leaning to doing 1, then 2 first as we are going to be allowed inside visitors soon and I am feeling the pressure to being presentable.

As 3 aka the kids bedrooms requires input from the kids themselves and can only really be done at weekends and holiday so this will be last.

So after 2, I will grit my teeth and start on 4 aka on our room and the pile. This time I must not churn it around the house and then bring it back to our room when I tidy up the rest of the house and repeat aka churning.

This time, I will work box at a time and concentrate on getting as much out of the house as possible. In any format to any other location outside the house. Things must leave.

Hrmm. Undecided.

well done on keeping the kitchen done.

keeping on top of that would be good, and once done should not take up too much thought/energy/time

once I have done my keeping on top of tasks, I am wondering what to do next.

I think I am going to try to do a bit of:
reduce the overall badness level. (this is mainly ninja cleaning, the stuff you do in passing and takes less than a minute, or less than five so, picking up any rubbish as pass it and bin it, taking things back to where they belong as you go around the house, doing the odd thing while waiting for the kettle to boil.)
and gain a few more square feet of doneness.
working on diy in ds's room as once this is done lots of things can go back into there or to the charity shop.

I might utilise someones pick five things up off the floor idea they posted above.

as one person put it, do the things that would be of concern to social services... ie the kids rooms, kitchen and bathroom... first then the worst thing there are.

anyway I decided on salad for breakfast so going to settle down and eat it now...

rather than faffing on mumsnet...

Ive been for another very long walk
And did a bit of moving stray bits of recycling.
Other than that Ive been reading and trying to think about Groundcover Plants for Elle!

It is actually a vast topic.

I would suggest perennial Hardy Geraniums.
Periwinkles (Vinca)...the large kind
Some hardy ferns (not the really arty kind) and not the acid loving swamp dwellers
Camellias, skimmias, spireas, hydrangeas and dogwoods are foolproof groundcover of the large shrub kind needing no maintenance as long as you leave.space between them.
Deadnettle, asperula (woodruff) bluebells ivy and alchemilla mollis are as tough as old boots and spread.
Daylilies, Dicentra spectabilis, and Crocosmia in deep sunny soil are pretty indestructible once estabilished but make big clumps 60cm high?

Sorry if ive mixed up Latin and common names.

Herb Robert is a kind of weed not sure its origin wild carrot perhaps? I do love it though in amongst shrubs.

I tend to put flowers in pots not beds

Ive always thought roses though painful can be very good value...the hybrid teas not the ramblers though. Iceberg is indestructible in my garden...white flushed with pink.

www.davidaustinroses.co.uk/collections/ideal-for-bee-friendly-roses

Actually I didnt answer your bee friendly question...camellias have to have stamens and these are the. Best roses apparently. Ive grown rugosa types and they are prickly but wonderful

And Much Cheaper in B & q if you can get similar varieties

So...rambling on...floribunda not hybrid teas!