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Housekeeping

Find cleaning advice from other Mumsnetters on our Housekeeping forum.

#4 - Hoarding, Sorting, Organising, Friendship, Understanding. All On One Thread.

997 replies

Solo · 30/03/2019 23:56

Are you a hoarder? Are you in a mess, untidy, disorganised? A bit lazy with housework? Are you are ill and not coping with the housework? Are you totally overwhelmed? Are you are emotionally attached to items for whatever reason and can't let them go? Are you unable to just ask someone in for a cuppa at a moments notice or do dread the meter reader asking for access?
Do you find yourself nodding whilst reading any of this? If you have a combination of any or all of these things or something completely different, please come and join us. There is no judging. We have something in common here and we have a common goal. We share our ideas and we share our disappointments no matter how big and our celebrations no matter how small. We cheer one another along and drag the drowners from the depths of despair.

Join us; we don't bite! Welcome to thread number 4.

OP posts:
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6
Nettleskeins · 05/03/2021 23:12

Managed to repot big bay tree.Smile
Still a lot of clearing of old pots etc in front garden to do but im pleased.

LunaHeather · 05/03/2021 23:29

@Nettleskeins

Managed to repot big bay tree.Smile Still a lot of clearing of old pots etc in front garden to do but im pleased.
Good work!

I had a very quick look at Fledglings and ran away

Seems FlyLady says, If you don't feel like doing anything, just pick three things?

If you don't feel like doing anything, have nice cuppa if nothing is urgent.

DownUdderer · 06/03/2021 09:17

I've not tackled housework or decluttering or anything much today!

I did manage to do some studying that I had wanted to do, so that was good. I could've procrastinated, but I didn't!

The bay tree will love it's new pot I'm sure! I've got one houseplant that's doing well at the moment, I've killed off so many that it's such a relief I've got one doing well.

Nettleskeins · 06/03/2021 12:59

I struggled away in front garden this morning. Finished window boxes, piled rubbish up, swept path and corners, dh pruned the vine in the porch. It all looks a lot better! That only took six months!!!

GlumyGloomer · 06/03/2021 13:19

Nettle well done on the garden sort out. There is so much left on ours but I seldom prioritize it.
Today we tidied dd1's room, hovered, and moved her bookcase to the other side of her bed. The cuddly toys that were there in a broken canvas box have been moved to a fresh box across the room, and the broken box is finally getting chucked out. I'm a bit nostalgic because it was dd1's first toy box, back when we were in the 1 bed house and couldn't buy real furniture. She totally destroyed it by climbing in and out, lol.

FiniteSagacity · 06/03/2021 13:47

Hi everyone, I’ve lurked for a while and wanted to say firstly, a massive thank you as you’ve been more help than you could possibly know. Secondly, I think I owe you my back story, which is basically losing a parent young, being raised by a grieving hoarder and ending up a hoarder myself in turn. So I’m exhausted from constantly fighting that, along with obsessive compulsive behaviours.

I’m grateful we still have jobs but no furlough and home learning 2DC while working long hours has meant the pandemic has been hideous and has only delayed progress here. DH helpfully says I’m too controlling so he can’t do anything about it but he is a very hands on parent with our DC and his being home a lot more is more help than not.

I’m finally posting because I’m feeling desperate today because we have progress... but it has meant workmen in. This is super stressful as they have been turning water and electric off and been in almost every room of the house Blush . We need it - they’re fixing things that have been broken for well over a year, including outside pipe that has been held together with tape.

But I’m hiding upstairs thinking about how much guilt and shame I have about my family living this way, plus dreading the super clean I’m going to have to do when they leave so I can know it’s clean enough from a virus point of view as well as making it liveable again. As one of them knows DH, which helped to get them booked in, I also feel ‘exposed’ in the sense that someone we know outside our home now knows how we live inside our home.

And breathe.

GlumyGloomer · 06/03/2021 15:57

Hi Finite
I hope the works are going well. We had a ton of stuff done last year (and more needed this year) and it is horrible. I think though you'd be surprised at how many other homes are like yours, ours even. They've probably seen it all before.
Do you have any plans or strategies for what to tackle first? I probably should, but really I just muddle through with whatever seems achievable at the time. At least schools are back soon which should take some of the pressure off.

LunaHeather · 06/03/2021 18:27

Embarrassed to say, in spite of plans, I've only done

Maintenance
Paperwork for mum

But...there are times when I wouldn't even have done that.

I've also put together mementos of late father and decided they need to go in an attractive box; that's money I don't begrudge, a memory box for dad.

Now I've typed that out, perhaps I've done more than I thought.

Nettleskeins · 06/03/2021 19:45

Finite, you are doing brilliantly to get through, it will get better, that first step letting someone into the house is so difficult. It goes on being difficult but I just keep trying to have compassion for myself and stick up for myself. There are so many doubters out there, and critics; but you havent failed anyone or anything.

FiniteSagacity · 06/03/2021 22:05

Thank you @GlumyGloomer and @Nettleskeins I got through the day. Kitchen floor got a (rare) wash and I’m trying to enjoy all the fixed things as I find new paths around the piles.

I came across these threads because I was looking for help, so I’ve already read fly lady and TOMM and took some things away. I do try to keep on top of bathroom and the DCs rooms but struggling to tackle any more as such a mountain to climb in each room. I think the key for me is to have a place for things. Then to put stuff where it goes. A big part of that is having a place for recycling/donating stuff. Before the pandemic I was trying to go to the Household Recycling Centre every week - and encouraging my hoarder parent to join me. It gave me one of those deadlines a pp mentioned and occasionally helped us both.

Elleherd · 06/03/2021 23:09

Can I come in please?
I've been reading for some time wanting to ask but scared to say that I have, and am working away at, a really large hoarding problem.
It's partly because I'm not sure if it and my problems might be considered too big for this thread but Finite Sagacity's Flowers post has given me courage.

I was also raised by a hoarder, in a very squalid situation. I'm now also a hoarder and hate it. I've struggled with the amount of stuff I couldn't let go off for a long time but had always managed to keep on top of keeping things clean, if a bit abnormal.
The pandemic instantly wiped out my income and I had to suddenly move out of business premises as well as not able to afford heat anymore, and couldn't access the dump.
Over the last twelve months there's been sewage flooding, burst pipes, water leak, serious illness and hospitalisation, and too much huddling under the duvet praying for warmth and for it all to go away, and although I've managed to clear up the worst of each disaster, bit by bit all the ingredients have lined up ready for one more thing to strike that could turn an already difficult situation into a disgusting one.

I've suffered shame and low self esteem around hoarding since I was a young child and the first 'discovery' from 'outside' and things that happened as a result.
Shame is one of the things that keeps us locked in the cycle. No one sets out to develop hoarding disorder. It may be there are things to be ashamed of, but it needs to at the very least be put aside, to progress and to change things, and yes most workman will have seen it all before and far worse.

Finite Sagacity, thank you for posting and well done you for sucking it up, letting people in and getting things fixed! That's a huge step towards you and your families better future. What workmen may or may not think is of no consequence in reality, your progress and moving forward is what counts.

My yesterday and today was spent cleaning mould spots from walls and ceiling and the beginnings of mildew in my wardrobe as the combined result of a burst pipe and cold. (the previous week was spent clearing enough space to do it!) Five items of wanted clothing suffering mildew spots washed and reasonably dried, and now airing. I'd love to do the lot in one hit, but washer/dryer died as well, so back to basics, and no way of ensuring lots dry enough, so it has to be in batches.
Two jumpers, two t-shirts and a skirt earmarked for going. A third of a carpet hard hoovered and combed to find every last trace left behind by previous moths having a field day.

DownUdderer · 07/03/2021 05:23

Welcome @Elleherd and @FiniteSagacity.

I certainly get help from reading posts, and I post when I can and it often makes me feel good!

I've managed hardly anything this weekend. I'm muddling through and not beating myself up.

I need to get workmen in to fit air conditioning, we're in Australia. But I've got a mental block. I need to tidy my bedroom and I've done one small patch, but my mind is fighting me.

I'll think about making progress this week.

DownUdderer · 07/03/2021 05:23

Oh, we've also got larder moths that I've been trying to tackle. Tricky buggers.

SingToTheSky · 07/03/2021 09:31

I’ve not been commenting as not getting any more decluttering done, just wanted to say finite glad you have delurked and I get what you mean with the shame and exposed feeling. Thanks

Hi elle and I’m not sure I welcomed luna either, I am behind on the thread!

Still struggling with meds and such here, so not getting much done, although I’m almost ready to declutter my second lot of course materials, studying is going fairly well again after getting very behind when school/nursery shut this term.

Elleherd · 07/03/2021 12:12

Hello DownUdderer, If larder moths are the same as pantry moths they are indeed tricky. I bought some in with unpackaged nuts from a wholefood shop before I knew any better. I’m trying to refuse to beat myself up any more. It’s never made anything better and there are others only too keen to do it for me.

and Hello SingToTheSky. Well done for catching up your studies. Not easy. (Am also supposed to be studying but its part of a big list of ‘supposed to be doing’ s right now.)

Elleherd · 07/03/2021 12:15

Busy day today. Managed so far to bicarb/vinegar and wash five more items of clothing from damaged wardrobe, alongside weekly wash.
Also finally got round to making tissue/ bubble wrap tubes for a load of thin glass Christmas candle decorations that haven’t been put away because previously taking up more space than they should with tons of bubble wrap round them, and I hadn’t made them some sort of protection so I could pack them safely into a smaller box. No idea why I’ve procrastinated about it so long, but there’s other ornaments still to be sorted out.Blush

Got to get food sorted for a helper, then somehow fit into the rest of today: pick up a sander, return overdue items, bodge (for now) broken door frame, (from attempted break in) then make a major start clearing out two sections of what used to be a commercial bins cupboard.
Stopped being bin cupboards years back when we all got plastic bins from the council and street pick-ups, and many including me, quietly put a lock on their section and stored stuff in there or used it as a bike shed. One of my neighbours ‘gave’ me theirs as well. We’ve all been caught Blush and received stern letters and notice to clear everything immediately as everything’s considered a fire hazard nowadays, and they’ll be round to inspect shortly.

I'm hurting from overdoing things but needs must and I have some help for the heavy stuff which I'm grateful for, but so much negotiating (and food) to make it happen.

Am trying to remind myself I’m not the only one who's done it, the neighbours won’t know that what’s in there is only the tip of the iceberg, (though some will guess) and fight down those feelings of panic.

LunaHeather · 07/03/2021 12:40

I'm in awe of how much everyone is doing

I'll be blunt, I'm about to say something that just makes me an idiot and I'm seeking sympathy rather than a telling off.

I spent a bit of time and effort on something paperwork related this week.

I just sat down to do the last bits of it and have realised it probably doesn't need to be done because I got confused where I was with it.

I know I need to be more mindful but I find doing stuff on the computer just means it doesn't stick in my head.

I now need to go through a hassly process of many log ins on the computer to double check. I'm not patient or good with computers.

Computers are one of my worst bug bears. I never used to struggle with paperwork but I really wish I had told every organisation that I don't use a computer. Is it just me who struggles with online things?

I used to think my workplace stress was about people but now I realise it might be just as much down to computers.

Not helped by the fact mine is ancient but they seem to get more complicated by the minute. Is it just me?

Nettleskeins · 07/03/2021 13:07

I struggle a lot with computers.
Ive only just worked out how to do attachments and add photos.
I can touchtype though...if my laptop wasnt broken Hmm
I have three broken laptops which I darent throw away, cos of stuff stored like photos or docs but im overwhelmed at thought of looking through it,, mending them.

So, no, you are not the only one!

Today is sunny, bad, cos I can see dust and grime and cobwebs GrinSad

However, I am sitting listening to a podcast, we have been for a good walk, eaten a toastie lunch and I am going to sweep the back alley in hnour of sunshine. Very revolting out there. Something is rotting.

LunaHeather · 07/03/2021 14:14

Thank you Nettle

It's not that I don't know how to do stuff but I hate doing it and it really adds to the life admin burden.

It is partly my fault for not keeping on top of paperwork. I acted on something that doesn't need doing, have wasted time on it and now feel idiotic as well as pissed off. Sad

ASatisfyingThump · 07/03/2021 15:07

Elle don't feel bad about the Christmas decorations, we've still got our tree up! I need DH to get the box down so I can pack everything away, but he keeps forgetting, and I can't get into the loft. He's on a late shift this week, so I might get him to pull it down tomorrow morning.

Nettle I know what you mean about the sun showing up the dirt. I do seem to be more productive on sunny days though - the last few days have been grey and miserable, and I've done almost nothing beside washing up and cooking, but today the sun's out and I've sorted through all my clothes, caught up on the laundry, cleaned the kitchen and I'm about to tackle DS2s bedroom. I just seem to have more energy on sunny days, so I hope it lasts!

LunaHeather · 07/03/2021 15:23

Okay, sorted the computer chaos
Not sure if I am really lazy or what. How do you cure lazy?

I am better on sunny days but after a while I get cross and want to go out in it.

Nettleskeins · 07/03/2021 16:02

It is Sunday. You cannot be "lazy" on Sunday Grin it is a well earned rest from rest of week's craziness. Sometimes the "rest" involves tackling something but it is always bonus points if I do.

I've swept bits of alley, and removed the smelly things. And made a large neat assemblage of bamboo poles. And then gave up. There is a lot more to do still but I've started.Smile
Now trying to pluck up courage to declutter the broken cat litter tray. I have two others, it needs to go but I keep thinking it might be "useful". I need to chuck it. First I used it for plants, but now it is an emblem of ditheriness. Arrgh.

Nettleskeins · 07/03/2021 16:37

Ive thrown away the broken tray, another drawer from somewhere and a lot of dd gcse work she doesnt want. Reclaimed a storage container and put out two big plastic pots for passers by to take if they want instead of thinking im am going to use them for some mytthical project. Feeling much better to have made a decision. By the dustbin looking better now.

LunaHeather · 07/03/2021 16:39

Thank you Nettle

I'd swap your outdoors jobs!

I have vacuumed and mopped.

I was so confident I could get the place in good shape by the end of March.

Does anyone here do jobs like wipe skirting boards? I dust them but I don't wipe them.

LunaHeather · 07/03/2021 16:45

Oh if we're counting laundry I have done that. And washed dishes.

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