Need help with cleaning and decluttering...

[withaspongeandarustyspanner]

DH is unhappy in our relationship and wants to leaveand has cited my housekeeping/lack of ability to get rid of stuff as a factor. I'm overwhelmed. Don't know where to start.

Any tips?

More progress - sounds like you have done well getting meds and managing all that work in the bedroom. I have not had a great day here although i have at least managed to keep on top of the day's washing - where does it all come from. And a new problem - do I wash before i donate if it is items that have sat in my house for a while?

We have WAY too many clothes. Too much of everything, in fact. And when we get rid of a bag or two, people ten to turn up with some more. Grrrrr!

Hi Sponge, did you sleep last night? Any plans for the day?
I hate it when people give me things unasked for, I have an Aunt who always wants to unload stuff on me then gets offended when I say no thanks. It's really not fair for people just to spring things on us isn't it, very different if they ask first and it is something you want.

Yes. I did sleep last night. Meds are great. Not been around much today and back at work this week (I hope) so will carefully plan my clearing and decluttering.

Fingers crossed you had another good night and are ready for work today. Lots going on here over the weekend so little progress but I think I am going to aim to keep on top of the laundry and aim to do at least one other task daily to keep me going this week. Today I am going to tidy up at the front of the house if I am home in time - it is small but rather neglected.

Not such a good night last night. Tormented by the thought of the woman who could be the OW. She's very tidy, apparently. A bit OCD even.

Oh Sponge. 'Could be' the OW? someone you know? Is this something you suspect and he hasn't said?
If she is that tidy, I doubt she has the amount of children you have. You work, have a large family, it's hard to keep on top of everything.
Whatever your DH decides, and I hope it is the outcome you wish, getting on top of the house will help your state if mind, you will feel like you have more control. I am sorry, you are having a very difficult time, and it is not fair on you for him to keep you dangling like this.

I am really sorry to hear that. It must be hard to get into work and keep going with young children. Focus on your self, your children and your home - make sure you are all keeping afloat. Only you can make sure you are eating etc but is your husband helping with the children and house?

The weather here is good - I am going to finish sorting the area at the front of the house, tidy up the bins and treat myself to a new plant for the empty pot by the front door.

I agree with Nancy! Don't keep extras of anything - no extra china sets, no extra linens and pillowcases, all knick-knacks (which collect so much dust!) to be gone! You'll find that cleaning a clutter-free home is waaay more easier! And you'll be doing it more quickly! Well, you have another option too - if DH is still unhappy with your effort, why don't you ask him to hire cleaners (these one are great, they cleaned my oven once)? This way both sides will be happy!
Congrats on your progress so far though!

Well, tonight I have fed DCs with a chilli I cooked last night. I've dealt with dry laundry (folded, put away), done another load which is in the drier. I have cleaned the bathroom and the downstairs loo. I have cleaned the kitchen and swept the floor. Also, I've got DCs clothes ready for tomorrow. And I'm about to iron DH's shirts (I don't do ironing).

No decluttering though.

You sound like superwoman to me Sponge, good going.
You don't have to declutter in a week or two, maybe just as you go round the house you can get rid of stuff in a more relaxed way.
I caught my OH putting a broken tin opener back in the drawer the other day, why? I just it there and then. You have a big family, so you will naturally have a great deal of stuff.

Just it - binned it!
Also I got the necklace hanger, small thing but it is great, all necklaces together, no jumble of chains!

Not much by way of decluttering here either but the washing folded and put away same as you. House does look better without piles of washing so I am trying to keep on top of it. Everyday life with children seems to create mountains of work every day - and mountains of stuff. Sounds like you do plenty of cleaning every day keeping the family on track - keep going even if there is no time to declutter too.

Hey Sponge - sounds like you are doing well. Sorry that you have worries about and OW though. That is really shitty.

I started tackling my bedroom yesterday. Have a walk in wardrobe and I could hardly see the floor. Read a tip on here a while ago which was to start at floor level rather than at the top so that's what I did. Looks better already.

Went to HomeSense in Saturday and found some baskets that I thouch put might fit some awkward drawers I have. They fit three along so I home I can keep them more organised. Nipped back and bought three more yesterday for the other drawer.

Today's plan is to carry on with the bedroom sorting.

Def agree with putting washing away every day. It makes such a difference.

I think this is part of the problem. I don't do housework every day. My house is horrible. It has been. I cleaned the bathroom really well the other day and my 7 year old son said 'Ooh, Mummy, this looks nice and clean'.

I felt shit.

Now look here Missus, you have 4 kids and you work. That is a lot of stuff to look after, school runs, meals, housework, washing etc.
With less 'stuff' the decluttering there will be less to clean and tidy. All your kids are old enough to take on at least basic chores. You have done great so far, really you have. How about a timetable? Do you work full time?

I need a timetable definitely. I don't really know where to start. I need to plan meals and, if DH does leave, I need to be able to do it by myself.

I've only worked full time since September and DH does the school run and so, so much more than his fair share.

Before that I was a SAHM for 10 years but I can honestly say I didn't pull my weight around the home and DH would do stuff when he got home and bath the kids and put them to bed. I have really taken the piss. I feel really bad about it. I wasn't always that way, but certainly I have been in the last couple of years. I'm not sure why. I know I did get VERY low a couple of years back and I never really got back to my old self. No wonder DH has had enough.

I saw a therapist yesterday. She pulled at a few threads and gave me a few things to think about.

I think our marriage has slowly been eroding over the last few years and now I don't know if we can repair it. I know I want to, but I'm not sure that DH wants to. Having spoken to her, she has reassured me about OW - I just think I was trying to find something that was making him behave like that.

That's understandable Sponge, and I really hope things work out for you. It sounds like you have depression and not caring about your environment and being tired are classic side effects of this.
Working full time and running a home is a big, big, job.
So: Meal planning, how about a family meeting where you decide favourite meals for a start, make a list of these and shop accordingly (home delivery for convenience?)
I make sure all uniform goes in the machine the minute we get in on Friday - job done.
I also ensure I order enough bread and milk, with 4 kids you will never know who wont be fit for school at the last minute, you don't want to run out of these staples.
The odd convenience meal never hurt anyone - Friday night is Pizza night here!
I concentrate on hygiene, as long as we have a clean loo and kitchen I feel things are ok if not perfect.
Declutter as you go, so if you spot a broken beyond repair toy - bin it. Same with holey socks.
I hope the therapist is of help to you, keep on Keeping on,

Don't feel bad about the past. You can't change it and it really sounds as if it was depression.

But you can change the future. And being in control and living in a tidy and clean home will help your mental health too. I had a period of depression last year and realized that I had had similar but not quite as bad periods before. I wasn't lazy! I was depressed.

I still have days where I don't want to do much and let things slide a bit but it never gets too bad. It helps that I now have a cleaner once a week. THat makes me tidy around before she comes. I love knowing the house is clean and tidy at least once a week!

There are loads of cleaning plans on Pinterest. Ones for weekly routine cleaning, deep cleaning and day to day stuff. And meal planning.

Keep on keeping on! You will get there.

Gosh Sponge, it sound like you are dealing with an awful lot right now. But have been so impressed by what you have done reading this thread. Keep posting on here re the decluttering/tidying etc. Hopefully the Relationships thread is helping you with the other issues.

Any chance you get a cleaner once a week or every fortnight? Might take the pressure off. You know, I am a SAHM and I find the cleaning/tidying/cooking/ironing etc relentless. I have honestly found decuttering and trying to be more minimalist helps in that it becomes easier to tidy/keep tidy, the less stuff you have. You've done really well to start the decluttering process already.

Hope the therapist is helping you too. Good luck in everything! And keep posting - there are some lovely posters on here helping you.

Cleared out 4 drawers in the sideboard.

I filled a bin bag. Seriously!

The drawers still seem to have a lots of stuff in them, but I am able to open them and close them now.

A bin bag!!

I seem to constantly get rid of crap and there is still more! I think it breeds. Like rabbits.

I bet you could go through those drawers again and get rid of more. I seem to get rid of just enough that I can put everything that is left neatly. But I bet I don't need to keep half of what is there no matter how neat it is!

I now have empty kitchen drawers, ruthless is the only way!

It is amazing the stuff we allow into our homes. Now I have totally done the kitchen, all I have had to do in the last few days is wipe over the counter tops and load/unload the dishwasher. No more moving this pile of rubbish from here to there. Keep going, it is liberating (although hard work at first)

Well I'm impressed with you all - a week in and still going! I totally agree that it is liberating with each bag of "stuff" gone.

The sun was shining again here so I went to the back of the house and got rid of a whole bin full. Mainly plant pots and broken items - now that is shocking. Looking out the window I have never really noticed how bad it was. I am already feeling more cheerful as i come in through my newly cared for outside spaces - and only one plant bought to replace the 2 bins of junk gone.

Washing mountain fairly contained due to the ease of drying this week too...